TheJayspyder

"I'm happily married, BUT..."

17 posts in this topic

So after surfing google (I actually call it "research" in my head for some arcane reason) for about 2.3 minutes a pattern becomes glaringly apparent. On yahoo board questions and tons of other sites, people are saying, "I'm happily married, but [insert inane and/or superficial obsession and masturbatory self-victimizing here]."

 

All of these supposed happily married people are either discreetly obsessing over another person, or screwing another person behind their spouse's back. I don't know, its just...disheartening to see how unwilling people are to defend their marriages. All for some shallow attention or sex. And of course, like, 75% percent of the time the problems in the marriage are largely the cheater's fault.

 

Some cases aren't sooo bad, like this one where a wife confessed to kissing another man, and it ate her up inside. And some...are just downright horrific. This newlywed got drunk and had public, rubbish sex with a male stripper at her friend's bachelorette party. Of course, her friends cheered her on the entire time, and she didn't tell her husband. She said that he noticed she wasn't as tight and I was like, "Yeah, a random freaking stripper stretched her out for you!" She faked orgasms with her husband, and promptly called the stripper up whenever he wasn't around.

 

Like I've said before, marriage hasn't failed America, America has failed marriage.

 

(....I really have to stop looking this crap up, all it does is upset me.)

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Yeah, crap like that is very disheartening, and admittedly, scary. I hate society, everything can be thrown away; people, pregnancies, commitments, values, morals, etc. To me it seems like stuff like this is becoming more common because society just accepts stuff, no matter how stupid or wrong it is. Those horror stories are the reason I don’t go to Yahoo! (and other websites,) it’s a gathering place for all kinds of stupid and degeneracy. Stuff that takes commitment like WTM and marriage are not popular today because they require commitment and values, people have no self-control. I could rant on forever about how I hate today’s society but I’m just going to leave it at that. 

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Know this, brother, you certainly aren't alone.

 

Commitment, morals and values in society today are seen as "oppressive." I mean God forbid someone actually display some integrity instead of just going along with what's easy. I never got that; how people pride themselves on being a prisoner of their impulses. As any thinking person can see, there's zero strength in doing what's easy....that's what makes it easy. And the sad thing is, I truly believe this is what the elite want; a breakdown of a part of what made America so great.

 

Marriage, commitment, morals, values, family...its all under attack.

I wouldn't be sad if we had another extinction event, it would probably do the planet some good in the long run. People also pride themselves in being "intellectuals," but they never display  or do anything that is intelligent, they do things in "the heat of the moment." Society doesn't want to be "tied down," and other crap like that, so things that can "tie people down" are seen as objects that can be thrown away because people in general are stupid, seriously. Everywhere, even though we have a wealth of knowledge, and people can look things up in an instant, common sense, intelligence, and basic stuff like where countries exist on a map, elude most people. I'm gonna stop now.

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There are three main reasons for this.

  • Ignorance about Happiness vs Fulfillment
  • Cognitive Dissonance
  • Artificial Morality.

I wish I thought people were stupid. I believe people know better for the most part, which is worse and it makes me sad.
 

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I don't think Yahoo Answers is indicative of all people (or at least I hope). The person with a normal, happy marriage probably isn't going to post about it online. Someone with a crazy story, on the other hand, will.

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There are three main reasons for this.

  • Ignorance about Happiness vs Fulfillment
  • Cognitive Dissonance
  • Artificial Morality.

I wish I thought people were stupid. I believe people know better for the most part, which is worse and it makes me sad.

 

 

Hate to agree with this, but I do! In my study abroad in college a few years ago almost everyone who was dating someone cheated on them. A lot of them did feel guilty afterwards, but continued to fool around with other people. Some of them had weird ways of rationalizing it too. As sad as things like that make me, it only gives me more encouragement to show people that not all 20 somethings have screwed up relationships.

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*stares at Sunny's signature and giggles*

 

Now back to the topic at hand.  My sweet hubby has put on a lot of weight since we've been together, but (hehe had to throw that in) never once have I found him less attractive for it.  Do I pick on him?  Sure.  Does it really bother me?  No.  What I am prone to doing is telling him that I just need to fatten him up a little bit more to make sure he can never take his wedding ring off ever again (not to say he has ever taken it off for anything other than to wash the dishes or something).

 

Essentially what I'm saying is that people these days rush into things, and when they're not satisfied by the outcomes of their impulsive decisions they choose to come up with excuses rather than solutions.  "But then we lost the passion we used to have!"  Well, rekindle that passion (with each other).  "Then the kids came along!"  Well, you probably both wanted kids to begin with, so enjoy parenthood and each other.

 

So on and so forth, it's easier for them to try and make excuses for their life rather than living it and making it the life they want.  It's kind of sad really.

 

*goes back to staring at Sunny's signature and giggling*

 

*edit*

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I agree forget me not, especially when they blame the children, people forget that you have to make time into your relationship while you have kids, especially since you have kids! That way they can grow up seeing that their parents truly love one another and care for each other rather than just seeing them drift apart over time culminating in a divorce as is often the case nowadays.

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Discerning responses, everyone. All in all, its like you just need a "refresher" sometimes...to be reminded that you're not alone in your convictions.  :)

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Ignorant people do that, and related to yahoo answers...

I spend hours looking up just anything I can think of and looking for yahoo answere, I love those kind of answers. But recently I googled some WTM related questions and he results were very unnerving, I'm hoping only very shallow people answered those questions!

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I read a post a few days ago where it was called "Do truly happily married people still cheat?" There was one responder that stated she or she cheated in a successful, happily marriage. The rationale for this was and I quote: "I cheated on my spouse because of all the problems wrong with me, not with my marriage." I found that very interesting, Now, whether that person was being truthful, or hiding behind some veil of cowardliness, I do not know. But although it should not have happened this person was able to definitively state that they were the problem and they were in a happy marriage. Something to think about.

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I've typically taken Y! Answers, with a grain of salt.

As its a usually a lot of answers from Yahoo's, which is not representative of the general public.

Just Popular culture, perpetuating stereotypical myths and on, and on!

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I've typically taken Y! Answers, with a grain of salt.

As its a usually a lot of answers from Yahoo's, which is not representative of the general public.

 

Ah, but I think it is...to a certain degree. And its mainly the questions themselves not the answers. I get your point though...its just a giant melting pot for mind-mauling political correctness and stereotyping. 

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I read a post a few days ago where it was called "Do truly happily married people still cheat?" There was one responder that stated she or she cheated in a successful, happily marriage. The rationale for this was and I quote: "I cheated on my spouse because of all the problems wrong with me, not with my marriage." I found that very interesting, Now, whether that person was being truthful, or hiding behind some veil of cowardliness, I do not know. But although it should not have happened this person was able to definitively state that they were the problem and they were in a happy marriage. Something to think about.

 

Of course people in solid relationships cheat. It stems from a lack of self control or consideration for your marriage. Tons of people swear up and down, "I'd never cheat!", and there are those who think they're so inconceivably strong and willful they couldn't cheat...and then they do. They willingly put themselves in a situation where something could happen.

 

They could have stopped it if they wanted to. That's what it all boils down to.

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What really just pisses me off more than anything is when adulterers deny responsibility for their actions. Example: A husband cheats and blames his wife for not wanting sex enough. A wife cheats and blames her husband for, ahem, "not meeting her needs." The dangerous thing about female infidelity is that women are usually more sly and discreet about it. As far as I'm concerned, if you rely on another fallible human being for your own happiness  you're going to be unhappy.

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I just feel if you cheat it is your fault, you didn't take it in your own hands to help fix the relationship even if they didn't seem to try, no excuses like "you were never home" would fly with me.

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Of course people in solid relationships cheat. It stems from a lack of self control or consideration for your marriage. Tons of people swear up and down, "I'd never cheat!", and there are those who think they're so inconceivably strong and willful they couldn't cheat...and then they do. They willingly put themselves in a situation where something could happen.

 

They could have stopped it if they wanted to. That's what it all boils down to.

 

Yes, exactly. People always have the capacity to refuse a situation that could lead to cheating. Things such as don't consume much or any alcohol when you're away from your spouse. Don't, under any circumstances, ever go into a private room with just you and another woman.

 

Cheating is entirely avoidable if a few very simple percutions are made. And the best and most sincere defense is ensuring you never allow yourself to be put in a position where it could happen.

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