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Stay-at-Home Dad

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How do you feel about the concept of the Stay-at-Home Dad? (even if it entailed cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after others, taking care of pets, etc)

If your family was in the position of needing a Stay-at-Home Dad (whether by choice or job lay-off, etc) would you feel less of a man?  or would you embrace it fully if it worked well for you and your family?

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How do you feel about the concept of the Stay-at-Home Dad? (even if it entailed cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after others, taking care of pets, etc)

If your family was in the position of needing a Stay-at-Home Dad (whether by choice or job lay-off, etc) would you feel less of a man?  or would you embrace it fully if it worked well for you and your family?

 

I do all of that stuff for my family anyway so I it wouldn't bother me to be a stay-at-home dad. I do get why some guys would feel like “less of a man,†but it wouldn't make me feel that way. Stay-at-home dads still contribute to and play a vital role in a family.   

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Yes I would feel less of a man. Not because I think staying at home is "lower" than a paid career because I think it is just as important if not more so. I would feel that way only because as a man, I feel a natural inclination to be the bread winner. Maybe it's ingrained in me by society or natural male instinct, but that's just how I feel. But if I had to stay at home with the kids for whatever reason, I would suck it up and do it for the good of my children. I would much rather one parent stay at home and raise them than putting them through day care.

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Let me be brutally honest and say I have no plans on being a stay at home dad. This is not out of a lack of love for my family, but I'm not good at cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after others, and taking care of pets. I feel like if I'm out in the world making money and supporting my family then that would make me happier than staying at home all day. I wouldn't mind if my Wife made more money than me, but I would prefer for her to be more active in the house than I.

 

I plan to help out around the house, but I don't think I could do it all day and every day. If however I was laid off or fired God forbid I wouldn't have an issue with it simply because it would be the only way I could take care of my family. So if I can earn money then I don't want to stay at home, but if I'm out of a job then I will be a dad at home. 

 

Even if I was laid off and had to be a stay at home dad I wouldn't feel less of a man. I'm helping out my family. I'm making it easier on my Wife. I think that makes me more of a man!

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If I have a choice in the matter, I'd probably go with having a career and either her working too or staying home until the kids are older than 5 or 6. I think I'll be equally fine with marrying a career woman or a stay-at-home mom.

 

Pros

 

-I could spend time getting better at one of my main passions, playing the piano. Maybe even get somewhere close to where I dream to be skill-wise.

-I could teach my kids music (at least as much as I know) and the art of playing video games

-I could probably homeschool my kids pretty successfully, if we chose to go that route (not really sure about it)

-My wife would probably maintain her youthfulness much longer  :lol:

 

Cons

 

-I can't cook, at least at this point in my life

-I'm not very neat or clean when it comes to a home, though I think I could be if I had to

-It might get really old after a while; I might start wishing I were out there "winning the bread" with/instead of my wife.

-I'd feel somewhat like I'd wasted four year of getting an engineering degree, and with pretty good grades.

 

I think if I have the kind of wife that enjoys making me feel like a man then not feeling like one won't be a problem for me. But ultimately I'm not really sure how I'd feel about being a stay-at-home dad.

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Let me be brutally honest and say I have no plans on being a stay at home dad. This is not out of a lack of love for my family, but I'm not good at cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after others, and taking care of pets. I feel like if I'm out in the world making money and supporting my family then that would make me happier than staying at home all day. I wouldn't mind if my Wife made more money than me, but I would prefer for her to be more active in the house than I.

Many women feel the same way.   Women aren't necessarily innately better at cooking and cleaning either, they just do it because it needs to be done.

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My brother was a stay-at-home dad for their first son's first year - and I was often just a tad envious!   A very special bond and sense of being a dad comes with that time.   You can get that many different ways, but I did think it was pretty special and I know he still thinks of it as an amazing time.

 

My wife has always worked - but she has also almost always managed to arrange job roles and positions where she either worked 3/4 time and left at school-time or worked a few days from home or other similar sorts of flexible arrangements.  It has made an invaluable contribution to our family - not just our kids.   

 

But I have to say I'm a firm believer that your family dynamics are defined and developed by what you do with whatever time you have together - what you make of conversation time, how you talk to your children, how you play, how you sing, how you dance and act silly, how you discipline.  That can come 24hrs a day be one parent being home, or that can come in doses and you have other arrangements for daytime care. 

 

We have known plenty of other stay-at-home dads - couples where the wife's career just happened to either be more lucrative or less flexible or just between the two of them, deciding who was better at what and what they should share, decided that the husband would stay at home.  Those stay-at-home dads that I know... are great dads.  Because they are great parents.  They listen, they care, they set rules and they help kids learn, they read stories and change diapers and they stay up late at night with wide-awake little ones.  I did all those things in turn, but my wife bore the biggest tour of duty on those activities when I was working and she was at home on maternity leave etc.   When she went back to work, we took turns - and we made it work - all together :-)

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I wouldn't want to be a stay-at-home dad. It's not because I would feel like less of a man, though. Initially I might feel that way because of social engineering, but I think it would fade. I wouldn't want to because I love the idea of going to work and having a career. Also, I wouldn't want to because I don't like the thought of the things that have to be done to take care of children. So, I would want to do less of that, as opposed to more of it by being a stay-at-home dad.

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  Listen I can't add much to this other than what has already been said. However for me this is a hard note to handle since I would like to think that I could be the kind of man, husband, and father that would do whatever, sacrifice whatever, and be whatever was needed to make my family work. But I will be brutally honest, I would struggle to accept this role; heck to me right now it would be the greatest challenge in the world. After reflecting on where this came from I realized it was rooted in a lot of my own pride and self-image. Also in a way I would struggle to not associate this with my father who had a problem with his role in the family because my Mom made more money than he did; I don't want to be like him. Even though truly this is a very vital role but my pride right now is such that I would feel like I had failed my family.

 

  But let me first be clear and say that I have an enormous respect and admiration for women in general and the roles they take on and even more respect for wives and mothers, in that order. Being in the Corps I have faced many of my fears, taken on many challenges, endured much pain, and done things most people won't do in a lifetime. But I still would never place any of this above what women, wives, and mothers do. This respect is born from the fact that even though I can do all this I don't think I could do what they do. But before I get called a misogynist or sexist I guess I should clarify that not all women perform these roles and some do the things I do and I respect them too but what I meant, not intending to be stereotypical, is I have great respect for the 'Stay-at-home-role' one I don't think I could do.

 

  I will really have to pray on this and hope that in time I can come to be a better man that would be okay with whatever was good for his family including being in a 'stay-at-home-role.' I pray that I can get over myself and my own pride and in the moment make the better choice for my family and sacrifice. Further I hope I could accept that if I am sacrificing and providing a needed role then I would be a great father/husband (not a failure) because I would still be doing what I was supposed to do for my family.

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I don't know how much more I can add, however I'm for the non-stay-at home dad.

First, no of course it would'nt 'cause me to feel as though I'm somehow less of a man.

Okay as wny stated, darn social engineering, so maybe just a bit.

I enjoy what I do and I expect that my future partner would also have invested into her career and have passion for it.

However my career presents a somewhat unique challenge.

Yes I'm only "at work" about 13-16 days per month. Now before everyone jumps ships to the local flight school to begin a flying career. This may change your mind, each of those days, well most of them, are spent sleeping in Comfort Inns, Holiday Inn Express, Best Western. Sorry, no Hilton, Westin, this is the regional airlines.(Google the term also!) Rarely is there a "day trip" on the schedule. Even if I took a day trip, I'd still likely stay at the "crashpad".

(Google that term, pilot Crashpad)

And for me as I "commute" to work, ORD, for my trip sequences, I bid 3 or 4 day trips.

What I'm saying is as I'm out working one of us should be there with our family.

My ideal partners career, teacher. As its stable, time off during the summers.

But for me to give up my career, I don't know. I want to, desire to be the best dad I can humanly be. Like Ian mention the gentlemen who was able to be with his son during his first year. Imagine how close, the strength of that bond as the child grows older.

Finally as a reasonably long time bachelor, I cannot cook at all, my idea of a home-cooked meal involves the microwave. My fridge has plenty of Hot Pockets ands Healthy Choice frozen dinners. I purchased my second actually, robo-vac, as vacuuming is such a chore. Hopefully my wife of someday enjoys or as Stacie mentioned doesn't mind doing the household chores. I'd help out, or we could do the Brady Bunch thing and hire a housekeeper.

Just my ideas on the matter.

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Let me be brutally honest and say I have no plans on being a stay at home dad. This is not out of a lack of love for my family, but I'm not good at cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after others, and taking care of pets.

 

Neither am I. >.< I would be a stay-at-home-mom for my children until they entered grade one, but yikes, they will have to put up with bad food and messy house cleaning! lol. I think I would be a better part-time-working-mom, but I definitely feel that it is important for one of the parents to dedicate themselves to their children until they attend school full-time. I am not one to enforce gender roles, but I do feel like the mother should do this. Kids need their mothers in their early years, I feel like the father's most vital role is in the pre-teen and teen years. That's when they need to protect their daughters and be the kind of man that they know they should look for in a boyfriend/husband, and fathers need to be a role-model for their sons and teach them about guy stuff and how to treat women properly. But a mother is very important in the early years.

 

Is it just me who feels this way?

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Nope Sophie, I agree with you.

I'm not one to favor "traditional gender roles",okay a 'lil bit.

Just something appealing, attractive about feminine nurturing.

However, I want a partner, and even if my wife took a stay-at-home role, I believe it'd be the most important job in our family.

Reminds me of that song by Sanctus Real, Lead me.

Great song!

(I joke with girls in my church Small Group, about my wife driving the minivan, and of course I'm following behind in my Porsche 911, haha, just for kicks though of course!)

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Ladies I apologize, but if I'm honest I admit that a side of me assumed Women were innately better at cleaning and cooking. It's just what I've seen in my life. My youth and inexperience has a lot to do with this. If the majority of Women do most of the housework then I'd assume they're better at it. Thanks for reminding me that this is not true. I still hope my future Wife is a good cook like my mom, but if she's not then I would split the house duties in half and purchase a cook book.

 

It would be really cool if my Wife was secretly super powerful and she just pretended to be weaker than me so I could feel like the protector even though she could knock me out with ease. Like in the movie "Hancock"!

 

-Just a random thought

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We have known plenty of other stay-at-home dads - couples where the wife's career just happened to either be more lucrative or less flexible or just between the two of them, deciding who was better at what and what they should share, decided that the husband would stay at home.  Those stay-at-home dads that I know... are great dads.  Because they are great parents.  They listen, they care, they set rules and they help kids learn, they read stories and change diapers and they stay up late at night with wide-awake little ones.  I did all those things in turn, but my wife bore the biggest tour of duty on those activities when I was working and she was at home on maternity leave etc.   When she went back to work, we took turns - and we made it work - all together :-)

I have great respect for dads like that, men who are an equal parenting partner.  Even if they aren't my spouse, I can talk to them about the quirks of parenting and they truly understand.  Their wives are generally happier too! 

I view family as if we're all on the same team.  It's a team effort.  I'll gladly do housework and be a stay at home mom (it is my personal preference), but it is a lot of work and a real drag when it is simply "women's work".

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I still hope my future Wife is a good cook like my mom, but if she's not then I would split the house duties in half and purchase a cook book.

 

Mom is so good at cooking because all the years of practice she's had. 

To all the men, never compare mom to wife.  (You can thank me later for all the arguments I have just prevented for you. ;) lol)

But really, wanting your wife to be a good cook, good everything, is not a bad thing, but women are also sensitive so you have been warned.

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Ladies I apologize, but if I'm honest I admit that a side of me assumed Women were innately better at cleaning and cooking. It's just what I've seen in my life.

 

That's okay! Women constantly assume that men are innately better at fixing cars and fixing things in general. Like women with cooking, men are not innately better but they most likely are innately drawn to learning how to fix things. Most guys I know, like most women I know, are really handy around the house. But they did have to learn how to do it. I have no innate desire to cook, so I remain so-so at it. lol.

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 I purchased my second actually, robo-vac, as vacuuming is such a chore.

 

 

I want one of those for Christmas!

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He he Ian a man of my own heart, Today I hoovered the house, made the beds, fixed the car, played with my dinghy engine and tonight cooked our meals.

Every Friday I (with a glass of wine). Strip the kichen complelely, glasses down crockery polished etc etc at he end of it its lovely and im worn out.

So if I was a stay at home dad then its cool no problem it doesnt really matter who earns the cash. All down to mutual respect really.

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I wouldn't mind it personally. However, I've seen a lot of couples in which the wife has lost respect for her husband because he stays at home. For that reason, I'd be wary of it.

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Ideally we could both stay home. Hopefully, when the time comes  it will be a situation  that one of us can stay home with the kids while they are little.

 

Somewhat selfishly  I hope to be the one to stay at home with the babes.  Out of everything I've ever wanted to be stay at home mommy has always topped this list. It's always been strange to admit that especially being from a generation where it is expected that a woman will have a career outside the home.

 

To answer the original question, I see nothing wrong with a man being the stay at home parent to his children.

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It seems like men want to work because they feel a desire and fulfillment to take care of their wife and children and provide for them. And women want to work to have personal independence, and independence from their family. One of the most powerful lines I have heard about mothers working was in a comedy show called My Wife And Kids. The wife, Jay, has recently gotten a job and she is incredibly busy, making her husband feel neglected and concerned that she is not spending enough time with the kids. He is getting very frustrated, but Jay refuses to acknowledge his feelings. "We had a system that worked but it broke down somewhere," Michael tells her. Still, she brushes him off. That's not the powerful line. Anyways, she tells him that she got a full-time job offer. Jay reminds him that he quit his job at UPS because it was too demanding and he wanted independence from it because it was too much work, and that she wants independence too. He says, "I wanted independence from a job, you want independence from me." So that's the line. It does seem like whenever wives and/or mothers want a job, it is all about independence from their family, but when husbands/fathers want a job, it is all about providing for the family.

 

Just something I have come to realize, and it's a pity that women want independence from their family, and that sometimes their desire to work doesn't stem from their desire to provide. So I can see why there are men out there who would not be comfortable being stay-at-home dads. I think they feel a very strong calling towards taking care of their family through financial care (and of course other ways.) Men sacrifice a lot of freedom in order to work for their family, while women sacrifice a lot of freedom (the stay-at-home moms) in order to take care of their children and the household 24/7. I guess that's why sometimes men and women want jobs for different reasons.

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I would like for us both to be working before wevhave kids then I don't mind either of us staying at home. I wouldn't mind staying home as I can telecottage or just have fun with the kids

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I wouldn't have any problem being a stay-at-home dad, but in my opinion it is better for the mother to spend more time at home with kids. My mom stayed home for the first few years of my life and it had a really positive effect on my upbringing. I do love my father, but I feel that there is an extra-special connection between a child and his mother (no offence Dad :) ).

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I changed my mind about this since I previously answered it, and no I could not be a stay at home dad. I can't just sit at home and do nothing all day except for take care of house chores and kids. I need to go out in the world during the day, see different people and do different things, but I don't have a problem with my manhood in question if she was the provider. I also won't let her be a stay at home mom, becides maternity leave, she's not staying home.

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I would love to be a stay-at-home dad as long as the money earned is good and can sustain a good living. I would really enjoy helping out around the house and taking care of the kids. IT work is mostly done at home anyway

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