Arwen4CJ

Purity is more than just about physically waiting until marriage

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I contend that maintaining purity is about more than being a person who is technically waiting to have sex until after the wedding.  I know some may disagree with me on this, and that is okay....but allow me to rant a bit.

 

Someone messaged me on chat (on this site) just now and asked me if I had any nude pictures.  I said that I did not, and then the person asked me if I could send them some.  I told them that I could, but that I would not do so, and they wanted to know why....so this is my answer.

 

And I asked them why they wanted nude pictures, already knowing that the only reason someone would want them would be to stimulate themselves sexually.   They confirmed this was what they wanted to do...

 

So then I asked them if they were waiting to have sex until marriage, and they said yes.   

 

This made me think that this guy did not think about sexual purity in the same way that I do, and this man is not alone in this way of thinking.   While I think it is commendable for a person to physically remain sexually pure until marriage, there is still a lot more to purity.  

 

Now, people have different reasons for waiting, so I am really talking to people who have similar views about marriage and sex and waiting as me, particularly religious reasons....

 

If a person is waiting until marriage to have sex because they want to honor God, and they also want to honor their future spouse, and they want to save every bit of themselves, then we must work to be as pure as we can in our thought life.  

 

Everyone is going to have thoughts pop in their head that are not pure, and those thoughts themselves are not sin.  However, they are temptations.  The moment we choose not to dismiss the impure thought, and instead choose to dwell on it, to take that thought further and further, than we are not really being loving to our future spouse, or honoring to God.

 

If we give nude pictures of ourselves away, posting them for any person to see, then we are taking something that should be reserved for our future spouse, and letting another person see us, and lust over us.  The only man who I want to see me naked is the person that I will marry.  My body is for his eyes alone.  It is not for some random guy on the Internet who I don't even know to look at and imagine having sex with me, etc.  Pornography is NOT honoring to a future spouse.  Jesus said that lusting after someone amounts to the same sin as actually committing adultery.  

 

Also, if a person gets in the habit of looking at porn now, even if they are waiting until after the wedding to have sex, then who is to say that the person will stop looking at porn once they are married?  Who is to say that the person will look to their spouse as sexually satisfying?  Some of the bodies in porn have been digitally altered, so it is very possible that the person into porn might be looking at a fake body that no real woman's body could compete with.  Seriously, porn can be very damaging.

 

Also, if a person gets into looking at pictures to stimulate themselves, then they are not guarding their heart for their future spouse.  Letting your mind go, traveling in the direction of what to do with a person sexually will make your commitment to wait to have sex all that much more harder.   You've already given your mind to it -- just not your body -- so you are going to struggle.  You are making it so much more difficult for yourself. 

 

Plus, you're still not valuing a woman as a woman (or a man for a man).   For men, they are still viewing women as sex objects -- beings that are to be consumed with the eyes and lusted after, which continues to contribute to our sex addicted society.  This in turn makes it harder for those who want to wait until marriage to have sex.

 

Men tend to be tempted more visually, I think.   For women, our temptations run more on the emotional side.  (This isn't black and white, but just in general).  We can get ourselves into trouble by dwelling on thoughts where we compare men -- when we are married, we might compare our husband to another man, and then we might fantasize about what the man might say to us, or what it would be like to be in a relationship with him, etc.  

 

We all need to work to guard our hearts physically and emotionally and with our thought life....

 

Come on, we can do better than this.  We don't have to use the world's standards. 

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I just want to apologize on behalf of the guy that requested pictures from you. I hope you don't think he is representative of the guys on this site, and I think I can speak at least for all the guys I know personally on here and say that we would never do that. It was disrespectful, distasteful, and inappropriate.

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I just want to apologize on behalf of the guy that requested pictures from you. I hope you don't think he is representative of the guys on this site, and I think I can speak at least for all the guys I know personally on here and say that we would never do that. It was disrespectful, distasteful, and inappropriate.

Thank you.  I looked at this particular person's profile, and the person has no picture, nor have they made any posts on this site.  This guy may just be a lurker, or is hoping to find a girl willing to post nude pictures here.   At any rate, the person does not actively participate on the forum.

 

I figured that guys who are actively posting here probably would not go on the chat and ask such questions....but it is eye opening that it does happen even here.   This is a warning to other people here -- especially other women -- that it has the potential of happening.  It's unfortunate that there is no real safe place to escape from men who are just after women for their bodies, and it is something that women have to deal with constantly :(

 

I'm glad that this happened to me and not someone younger.   It angers me when men do this kind of thing to teens :(

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I've heard people say that if a guy is watching porn now then he is most certainly going to continue to do so when he gets into a relationship. I've always found this bogus. While it may be true for some guys, it isn't for all. Indeed, the temptation to watch porn when you have a partner and /or are married is going to be less in my opinion particularly for guys who strive for goodness... because you'll have a very tangible reason and motivation not to. While I have watched porn before, I don't make it a habit; I haven't done it in a long while; and I don't intend to return to it.

 

Also, I would much rather marry a girl who is physically pure but watched porn on a regular basis prior to meeting me. I just don't agree with the sentiment that your purity is solely determined by your mind and not past physical experiences. Well, I actually don't like the word 'pure' because it suggests that those who are not virgins are impure which isn't true in the least. But that doesn't mean there aren't consequences from past physical experiences.

 

However, I do believe that having had sex before will mean you'll never forget the person you were with your first time. That it seems to me that on some level there will be comparison to past partners. And that the conduciveness for a special bond that I believe can be found between two virgins won't be present. That's just my opinion and I'm not stating it as fact. I also believe two non-virgins or a virgin and a non-virgin can have an equally, if not an even better marriage than two non-virgins coming together. There are many things that factor into a quality marriage.

 

But the real point I wanted to emphasize is that what you do physically has no comparison to what happens mentally, especially when you consider even the most "pure" among us has dirty thoughts.

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I'm relieved that you're mature and smart enough to know what this guy was doing was wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if he repeats this. He will probably try to justify his request to someone younger on the site who might fall for the lie.

If I were you I would contact an administrator and let them know who the person is. I've noticed this site has lots of members but only a small portion are active participants. Maybe the administrator can delete his profile.

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Oh, and it goes without saying that asking for a girl's naked picture is inappropriate!

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Hello, darn its bed time here in the UK and you lot are posting stuff to keep me u lol.

Ok what happened to Arwen here is horrid and yes I'm sure if she could remember his user name he could be blocked.

The subject of porn in and before a relationship is well discussed here, personally I'm ok with it as long as its not nasty and again thats down to personal opinion!

IAG don't agree with one of your opinions ! But hey this sort of discussion is always good !

Quote .....However, I do believe that having had sex before will mean you'll never forget the person you were with your first time. That it seems to me that on some level there will be comparison to past partners.

Ok your slowly dragging me from my shell lol. Personally I did not have the brains to realise the joy and benefits of waiting, I regret this so much and spent a lot of time miserable wondering how to snap myself out of being bloomin miserable. However I'm a chap so do it very well ha ha.

Not a day passed without me asking for forgiveness for my wrong doings and whenever I had thoughts of my past experiences I straight away put then out of my mind,and I did this again again and again and now I can honestly say that I remember nothing of those

Past mistakes. I would not have thought it possible but its true and all I can say is hallelujah. I remember friendships and of course thats as they should have stayed but anything deeper then nope. For me I hope that this may be a message that I have been forgiven and a way of forgiving myself easier.

Hope your all having a great Sunday. Col.

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I totally agree with you Arwen. It is totally unacceptable of this guy to ask you nude pictures. Especially on a WTM site. That's the whole point of the forum, abstainence. I am sorry that happened. Looking at it also from a Christian's point of view, we should not let our hearts be lusting. Whether one knows the person or not.

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I am very sorry that happened to you Arwen, whoever asked you do to that is a complete P.O.S.

 

After looking through the Member List I noticed that there are a lot of “users†that have no picture, 0 posts, and names that are most liked created from a generator or are complete B.S. Another weird thing is that most of these “users†made their accounts on the 10th- 15th of the month.

 

Whoever asked you to do that is most likely a lurking freak that should have his legs broken. Crap like that is  !#@*&^% despicable, especially on a site about WTM. I absolutely hate people who pull stuff like that.

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(hand claps forehead...shaking my head...looking down) Anger and disgust is the only way I can describe my feelings about this situation and while it may not be the Christian way but I just want to call this person out.

 

I offer my deepest apologies for this ever happening. Please, I beg you not to let this one individual jade your view of the rest of us.

 

I pray you can forgive him because right now I really can't.

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So after doing some…stuff I found out that the P.O.S. that asked you to do that is a forum spammer/lurker from Stockholm, Sweden but they seem to mostly use a Polish email address for their spamming/lurking. The amount of websites that they have registered on in 2013 is mind boggling and they have 0 posts on all of the websites they registered for.

 

They are also on Stop Forum Spam with over 100 database entries: http://www.stopforumspam.com/ipcheck/46.246.88.145

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Wow gee Arwen, I also apologize for that spammer guy.

Kudos EWZ for tracking down the Piece of (CRAP).

Most of us gentlemen waiting first would never, ever do such a thing in a million years.

We value your and rest of the ladies who are walking the same walk as we are.

Secondly, yes I agree purity isn't entirely physical, but spiritual, emotional, psychological, and even way deep down in that special place in your heart. As you're Christian, as am I, I feel as though I can whole-heartedly share this. I'm reminded of the verse in Luke chap. 11 when Jesus explains to the Pharisee about having cleanness of heart as well as hands the outside.

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I've heard people say that if a guy is watching porn now then he is most certainly going to continue to do so when he gets into a relationship. I've always found this bogus. While it may be true for some guys, it isn't for all. Indeed, the temptation to watch porn when you have a partner and /or are married is going to be less in my opinion particularly for guys who strive for goodness... because you'll have a very tangible reason and motivation not to. While I have watched porn before, I don't make it a habit; I haven't done it in a long while; and I don't intend to return to it.

 

Also, I would much rather marry a girl who is physically pure but watched porn on a regular basis prior to meeting me. I just don't agree with the sentiment that your purity is solely determined by your mind and not past physical experiences. Well, I actually don't like the word 'pure' because it suggests that those who are not virgins are impure which isn't true in the least. But that doesn't mean there aren't consequences from past physical experiences.

 

However, I do believe that having had sex before will mean you'll never forget the person you were with your first time. That it seems to me that on some level there will be comparison to past partners. And that the conduciveness for a special bond that I believe can be found between two virgins won't be present. That's just my opinion and I'm not stating it as fact. I also believe two non-virgins or a virgin and a non-virgin can have an equally, if not an even better marriage than two non-virgins coming together. There are many things that factor into a quality marriage.

 

But the real point I wanted to emphasize is that what you do physically has no comparison to what happens mentally, especially when you consider even the most "pure" among us has dirty thoughts.

I wanted to clarify what I meant by purity here -- that it's more of a process or active thing.... It's something people have to constantly work at, because there are so many temptations, both internally and externally.  There are things that we can do, think about, not do, and not think about, that all contribute to our purity state.

 

I also didn't mean to condemn people who had engaged in these activities in the past (whether premarital sex or viewing porn or whatever), in saying that they are not pure.  If it is in a person's past, then I believe that they can strive to remain pure now.  Their struggles are going to be more than people who have never engaged in these activities, but they can still fight for purity for the future.  For those who lost their virginity, they can never get it back, but they can work at remaining pure from now on.

 

I'm sure that those who have had sex in the past do struggle with the bond and such that you talked about, and that is one of the consequences to having sex with people you're not married to...but I think a person can work at this to get past it....just as a person who has viewed pornography in the past can work at it, too, so that the past doesn't influence their future.  It's a tough road, but for those who have changed how they used to live, think, and do things, I think they can find freedom.

 

 

 

I'm relieved that you're mature and smart enough to know what this guy was doing was wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if he repeats this. He will probably try to justify his request to someone younger on the site who might fall for the lie.

If I were you I would contact an administrator and let them know who the person is. I've noticed this site has lots of members but only a small portion are active participants. Maybe the administrator can delete his profile.

 

I was able to learn the guy's screen name by using the back button on my browser.   I'd viewed his profile during my chat with him, and so I was able to find it again.  Several admin asked me for his screen name, which I gave them.

 

So, he should be taken care of now, and I believe he is banned.  :)

 

Unless he registers for another account, he shouldn't be able to repeat the behavior, but in talking with a few others on the site, this kind of situation seems to be on the rise.  Whether or not it is the same person, I don't know. 

 

In the future, if I someone messages me like this again, I will report them to an administrator right away.  I wasn't sure the proper way to do this before. 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, darn its bed time here in the UK and you lot are posting stuff to keep me u lol.

Ok what happened to Arwen here is horrid and yes I'm sure if she could remember his user name he could be blocked.

The subject of porn in and before a relationship is well discussed here, personally I'm ok with it as long as its not nasty and again thats down to personal opinion!

 

.....

Not a day passed without me asking for forgiveness for my wrong doings and whenever I had thoughts of my past experiences I straight away put then out of my mind,and I did this again again and again and now I can honestly say that I remember nothing of those

Past mistakes. I would not have thought it possible but its true and all I can say is hallelujah. I remember friendships and of course thats as they should have stayed but anything deeper then nope. For me I hope that this may be a message that I have been forgiven and a way of forgiving myself easier.

Hope your all having a great Sunday. Col.

 

 

Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions about porn and the affects or non-affects it may have on future relationships.  I'm glad that we are all mature enough to discuss these things :)

 

I don't know whether or not you have a religious faith, but I believe that if you have asked for forgiveness, then you are truly forgiven for the stuff you did in your past.  Wow...I bet that took a lot of hard work on your part to put those things out of your mind.  To those non-virigins out there who have decided to wait, what you said should provide a lot of encouragement.   It probably took a lot of hard work, and constant fighting in your mind, but it's done :)

 

 

 

 

 

I am very sorry that happened to you Arwen, whoever asked you do to that is a complete P.O.S.

 

After looking through the Member List I noticed that there are a lot of “users†that have no picture, 0 posts, and names that are most liked created from a generator or are complete B.S. Another weird thing is that most of these “users†made their accounts on the 10th- 15th of the month.

 

Whoever asked you to do that is most likely a lurking freak that should have his legs broken. Crap like that is  !#@*&^% despicable, especially on a site about WTM. I absolutely hate people who pull stuff like that.

 

Yes, I noticed that about the user list as well.   It seems that a lot of people have not validated their accounts either. 

 

I was 14 when I started using the Internet.  In my early years online, I used to go on geocities and ICQ.   I was so innocent when I started talking to people -- I would look for opportunities to meet people from all around the world, and I would just have conversations with people about how they lived and their cultures and things.   However, it didn't take me long to meet people with other intentions :(

 

One of the things that people would ask in these chatrooms and on ICQ was a/s/l, which meant "age, sex, location."  And there would be older men that would lurk on these sites, and they didn't care what someone's age was.  Knowing the person's age, they would start dirty conversations with anyone. 

 

I had the same beliefs then that I still have, about waiting, and what a relationship should be like, and I knew it was wrong for these guys to approach me like this.   When this happened more and more, online chatting lost it's appeal to me.  I still got on and chatted, but I had specific purposes, such as Star Wars ropleplaying, and so I didn't run into as many of these individuals, but they never were beyond my reach.

 

This kind of thing is so prevalent on dating sites -- it's really turned me off of them as well.  I still will get on dating sites and talk to people, but all the guys asking for sex or nude pictures or things like that really grate on me.  I've learned to accept the fact that, at least for women, there will always be these types of guys on the Internet.  :(    And it's just something we have to deal with.   I'm not saying it is right behavior -- I don't care how prevalent it is; it's still wrong, and I still will fight against it.   I still say that people can behave better online.

 

And I still get disgusted every time someone asks me for nude pictures, someone wants to cyber, or someone asks me if I will be their "sex buddy" (they often use another term for that).  It's just trashy behavior.  People don't think, I guess.   I try to make it very clear that I'm a Christian who takes her faith seriously on every dating site I'm on, and yet guys just look at pictures or ignore profiles, and just send filthy messages.  In this case, the guy ignored the whole context of the site (that it it is a waiting for marriage site), and just posted whatever he wanted to.

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(hand claps forehead...shaking my head...looking down) Anger and disgust is the only way I can describe my feelings about this situation and while it may not be the Christian way but I just want to call this person out.

 

I offer my deepest apologies for this ever happening. Please, I beg you not to let this one individual jade your view of the rest of us.

 

I pray you can forgive him because right now I really can't.

I know that this guy is not representative of the members here who are active users.   Unfortunately, sexual predators try to worm their way into any kind of site.   I wonder if some of these guys have some kind of program that searches for sites that have the word "sex" or sex topics in them, and then the person creates profiles on those sites, and lurks, and then starts asking women for what they want.

 

The man obviously has a problem if he has to search the Internet for women who might send nude pictures to him on waiting for marriage sites.   I feel sorry for him, and I hope that he gets the help that he obviously needs before he does this to someone else on some other site.

 

I think about forgiving other people as releasing my right to hold something against someone, and putting it into God's hands.  I trust God's ability to deal with this guy.   I truly hope that someone will cross his path that will share God's forgiveness with him, so that he will see what he is doing is evil, and that he will be given the ability to turn from that lifestyle, and find real freedom.   But if he doesn't come to God for repentance, then I know that God is able to deal with him.  That is enough for me.  

 

I'm not going to let this experience get me down.  If I did, I'd never be able to go anywhere on the Internet, and I'd just be a very bitter person.    So, by God's grace, I can forgive this man for asking for nude pictures.   Sigh.

 

 

 

 

So after doing some…stuff I found out that the P.O.S. that asked you to do that is a forum spammer/lurker from Stockholm, Sweden but they seem to mostly use a Polish email address for their spamming/lurking. The amount of websites that they have registered on in 2013 is mind boggling and they have 0 posts on all of the websites they registered for.

 

They are also on Stop Forum Spam with over 100 database entries: http://www.stopforum...k/46.246.88.145

 

 

Wow, however were you able to find this?  :)  That's wonderful that you were able to track him down. 

 

It sounds like this guy has a serious problem.  Thank you for your hard work!

 

 

 

Wow gee Arwen, I also apologize for that spammer guy.

Kudos EWZ for tracking down the Piece of (CRAP).

Most of us gentlemen waiting first would never, ever do such a thing in a million years.

We value your and rest of the ladies who are walking the same walk as we are.

Secondly, yes I agree purity isn't entirely physical, but spiritual, emotional, psychological, and even way deep down in that special place in your heart. As you're Christian, as am I, I feel as though I can whole-heartedly share this. I'm reminded of the verse in Luke chap. 11 when Jesus explains to the Pharisee about having cleanness of heart as well as hands the outside.

Thank you for sharing that :)

 

It is clear to me that people like the man who asked me for the pictures are not gentlemen.  I think garbage collectors would be more fitting.  At least that is how they act.

 

It truly is right to say that a person cannot be truly clean unless they are clean on the inside.

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I wanted to clarify what I meant by purity here -- that it's more of a process or active thing.... It's something people have to constantly work at, because there are so many temptations, both internally and externally.  There are things that we can do, think about, not do, and not think about, that all contribute to our purity state.

 

I also didn't mean to condemn people who had engaged in these activities in the past (whether premarital sex or viewing porn or whatever), in saying that they are not pure.  If it is in a person's past, then I believe that they can strive to remain pure now.  Their struggles are going to be more than people who have never engaged in these activities, but they can still fight for purity for the future.  For those who lost their virginity, they can never get it back, but they can work at remaining pure from now on.

 

I'm sure that those who have had sex in the past do struggle with the bond and such that you talked about, and that is one of the consequences to having sex with people you're not married to...but I think a person can work at this to get past it....just as a person who has viewed pornography in the past can work at it, too, so that the past doesn't influence their future.  It's a tough road, but for those who have changed how they used to live, think, and do things, I think they can find freedom.

 

I was able to learn the guy's screen name by using the back button on my browser.   I'd viewed his profile during my chat with him, and so I was able to find it again.  Several admin asked me for his screen name, which I gave them.

 

So, he should be taken care of now, and I believe he is banned.  :)

 

Unless he registers for another account, he shouldn't be able to repeat the behavior, but in talking with a few others on the site, this kind of situation seems to be on the rise.  Whether or not it is the same person, I don't know. 

 

In the future, if I someone messages me like this again, I will report them to an administrator right away.  I wasn't sure the proper way to do this before. 

 

 

 

 

Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions about porn and the affects or non-affects it may have on future relationships.  I'm glad that we are all mature enough to discuss these things :)

 

I don't know whether or not you have a religious faith, but I believe that if you have asked for forgiveness, then you are truly forgiven for the stuff you did in your past.  Wow...I bet that took a lot of hard work on your part to put those things out of your mind.  To those non-virigins out there who have decided to wait, what you said should provide a lot of encouragement.   It probably took a lot of hard work, and constant fighting in your mind, but it's done :)

 

 

 

 

Yes, I noticed that about the user list as well.   It seems that a lot of people have not validated their accounts either. 

 

I was 14 when I started using the Internet.  In my early years online, I used to go on geocities and ICQ.   I was so innocent when I started talking to people -- I would look for opportunities to meet people from all around the world, and I would just have conversations with people about how they lived and their cultures and things.   However, it didn't take me long to meet people with other intentions :(

 

One of the things that people would ask in these chatrooms and on ICQ was a/s/l, which meant "age, sex, location."  And there would be older men that would lurk on these sites, and they didn't care what someone's age was.  Knowing the person's age, they would start dirty conversations with anyone. 

 

I had the same beliefs then that I still have, about waiting, and what a relationship should be like, and I knew it was wrong for these guys to approach me like this.   When this happened more and more, online chatting lost it's appeal to me.  I still got on and chatted, but I had specific purposes, such as Star Wars ropleplaying, and so I didn't run into as many of these individuals, but they never were beyond my reach.

 

This kind of thing is so prevalent on dating sites -- it's really turned me off of them as well.  I still will get on dating sites and talk to people, but all the guys asking for sex or nude pictures or things like that really grate on me.  I've learned to accept the fact that, at least for women, there will always be these types of guys on the Internet.  :(    And it's just something we have to deal with.   I'm not saying it is right behavior -- I don't care how prevalent it is; it's still wrong, and I still will fight against it.   I still say that people can behave better online.

 

And I still get disgusted every time someone asks me for nude pictures, someone wants to cyber, or someone asks me if I will be their "sex buddy" (they often use another term for that).  It's just trashy behavior.  People don't think, I guess.   I try to make it very clear that I'm a Christian who takes her faith seriously on every dating site I'm on, and yet guys just look at pictures or ignore profiles, and just send filthy messages.  In this case, the guy ignored the whole context of the site (that it it is a waiting for marriage site), and just posted whatever he wanted to.

 

The same thing happened to both of my sisters when they got their first computers. One person was even able to use one of their MySpace information (when people still used MySpace) to get into her computer. Another person stalked my other sister on Facebook and Twitter, so I have no tolerance for that kind of stuff. They’ll just do it again to another person if they’re not stopped or called out. 

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@Arwen... I agree completly with all that you have said.....I recently found this site purely by accident!!! I was looking for encourageing quotes, for myself & the youth girls I work with at church..I am 43, female & a virgin... Also WTM, I too believe in saving every sexual aspect of yourself for your future spouse...but if you have experience sex all ready....God is definetly a restorer & you can begin again to be celibate & chase from that point with His help & gudiance..it really was a bad deal about the man that asked for pics...so disheartening. :-( As for pornoagraphy....I believe it to be VERY distructive....pre relationship & post relationship....it can destory both...it an unrealistic view of women...it is degrating in nature....On a lighter note....good so see that their are many that share my very same view on WTM!!!!

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I agree that "purity" in the truest sense is more than just physically abstaining, even though my own personal brand of abstinence doesn't entail any religious or theistic ideology since I'm agnostic.

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A different way to look at waiting until marriage is not that it is a single decision in life. Rather, it is a lifestyle. That one decision sets a path for how you live your life. That being, you make a commitment to yourself and you stay true to it. Because of that commitment, it defines your character, and shows the world you are not afraid of adversity. You walk your path through life. Life takes its turns, it has its stops, and it continues. Amidst all of this is one person, set on fulfilling a promise they made to them self. A promise worth fighting for.

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As for pornoagraphy....I believe it to be VERY distructive....pre relationship & post relationship....it can destory both...it an unrealistic view of women...it is degrating in nature...

 

This gets repeated a lot, but that doesn't make it true.

 

I simply disagree that pornography is "VERY" destructive necessarily. Now, if a man does it while in a relationship I do agree that it will be bad for the relationship. But if he did it prior to a relationship and then stopped before getting into a relationship I disagree. I think the argument that doing it prior to a relationship is VERY destructive to a real future relationship is emotional and fails under scrutiny.

 

People say that pornography will create unrealistic views of women... but here is where pornography can't remotely compare to having had past real partners: Pornography is just a sight. There are no smells involved, there are no true sounds involved such as someone's real voice, there are no feeling flesh or the breath of the person you're having sex with, there are no exchanges of bodily fluids, etc. In short, watching something on a screen can never compare to having had experienced a real sexual situation.

 

The reason I'm emphasizing this is because if someone is perfectly OK with someone having had past sexual partners but in the same breath demonizes a guy having watched pornography: This is totally inconsistent and lacks rational thought.

 

Speaking for myself... I can't imagine having sex for the first time with a real live human being, feeling real live flesh and her bodily fluids, feeling her breath on me, looking into her sparkling eyes, hearing her voice, feeling the texture of her hair and the softness of her skin, etc., and then thinking "Oh my gosh, this doesn't compare to the pixels I witnessed on my computer screen." 

 

In other words, real sex is so many worlds beyond watching pornography, that if anything, the pornography watched should pale in comparison to the real experience. The real experience will make the pixels on the screen appear as child's play no matter what the pixels showcased.

 

I'm not suggesting, at all, that people who have had past partners are going to bring any toxicity into a new relationship. I actually believe people will focus on their new partners and that will be their celebration. But if they can do that with past real partners, how much more so and easily can a guy do that with something that he never even really experienced: Pixels on a screen.

 

None of the above has anything to do with whether or not pornography is ethical or exploitive of women: That's another discussion.

 

I'm just pointing out what to me appears as an unfair assessment and a lack of consistency. I also acknowledge that I can't speak for all men and how pornography effects them, but if I had to bet, more would be in my camp than not.

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Wow, of all the places online, you'd think perverts would know this is the last place they could possibly want to troll for nude pics.

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Am I the only one that wouldve just blatantly cussed him out  :blink: ...probably lol. I think its just soooo disrespectful I cant stand when guys do that yuck! I just put them in their place :lol:

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I don't feel bad for you because it made a new thing for us to talk about lol, also the fact that some guy had the stupidity to come to a WTM site asking for nude pics....made me laugh pretty hard....id be careful of any of those lurker non profile pic people...I know a couple are gold diggers...as for your view on purity...I don't think a single man is pure then....women are tourists in sexual perversion....men are prisoners to it

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I don't feel bad for you because it made a new thing for us to talk about lol, also the fact that some guy had the stupidity to come to a WTM site asking for nude pics....made me laugh pretty hard....id be careful of any of those lurker non profile pic people...I know a couple are gold diggers...as for your view on purity...I don't think a single man is pure then....women are tourists in sexual perversion....men are prisoners to it

I suppose it has always been the case that some men are looking for women for other reasons than because they want to genuinely find a real person.   Many look for what they can get out of a woman, whether sexual or otherwise.  

 

No, there is no person who is completely pure.   However, that doesn't mean that people can't strive for purity.   People can fight their temptations; they don't have to be slaves to them.   Having a tendency towards viewing women sexually is not an excuse for men to just say, "oh, we're prisoners.  We can't help where our minds travel."   Guys may have a tendency towards viewing women in perverse ways, but they can do some things to not dwell on it.  

 

Again, striving towards purity means that effort is required. 

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I have always believed being "pure" meant, saving every sexual aspect of yourself for your future spouse. Ie; VERY intamite contact, such as lips & hands on the most sensitive places, the veiwing of your body for their eyes only & having sex itself (of course)...If your dating, hand holding, hugs, cuddling, kissing has its place. Yes, men by nature are visually driven & think about sex almost as often as they breathe (Lol!), its just how God has them hardwired...but God also gave us ways to deal with it when it arises...he directs us to think of things that are good & of good report..which means to channel that thought energy on something productive, a hobby, your education, career, family, friends & even on God....As you said Arwen, it is something that you have to strive for....but most of all it has to be a part of who you are...

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