Englishguy1988

Good thing or outdated?

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Are good manners outdated or are they still appereciated?

I don't mean saying please, thankyou, your welcome etc as these should be a given; more "old fashioned" manners like holding the car door open for a woman then closing it when she is seated, picking something she has dropped up for her, standing up when you greet someone and shaking hands, giving a woman your coat if she is cold, walking her home (to her front door), holding doors open for women, helping her with her coat when you leave, pulling her chair out for her, taking off your coat or jumper (sweater for those of you in USA) for her to sit on if the bench is wet/dirty or if you are going to sit on the grass not just for your date but for all women you encounter in day to day situations.

When you are dating never touching her between the knee and waist or the her ribs to below the neckline of her top (unless it is low cut in which case it shouod be way before the neckline) or her bottom ( always let her lead when making out if she hasn't told you what her boundarys are).

Yes I know I'm "old fashioned" and no its not because I'm English as these things are not considered "normal" over here either. I do not, however, want to be seen as sexist as I am not and I will always stand up against any sexist remarks but I don't see these things as saying men are better than women more I care about you as a person and want to make sure you are ok.

-Aaron

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I think most of them are very sweet. The door opening, chair pulling, lending your jacket are very gentlemanly, and romantic. I do not think however you should bend over backwards for every girl you know. I dated a got like that and it never felt like he did anything more or differently as his gf. We kissed. It's just like don't put your sweater down for everyone. Realky, a little too much, in my personal opinion.

I think the dating rule about where OS okay to touch is phenominal. I hate always having to be on my guard and move hands or say no. It's more comfortable, enjoyable and relaxing when I'm not put in an awkward or uncomfortable position. If that's a guys general standard is be much more comfortable around him because it wouldn't feel like he's gonna "try sonething" for one of the areas you mentioned.

Thanks for sharing!

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Sweater is only for gf and so is pulling her chair out and if I give a gf my coat because she is cold I will also put my arm around her (and if I'm dating only gf is allowed my coat) I realize the way I wrote it, it didn't seem this way lol somethings are for gf and gf only as she is the special person in my life. I also don't give any of my female friends hugs when I'm dating as I feel hugging someone else is inappropriate when you have a gf.

I think women should always be comfortable around me as I am their boyfriend so I should make them feel safe not like I'm all over them and only intrested in one thing, she is a person and should be treated as a person not a thing. Her body her choice every single time and if she wants me to touch her somewhere she will let me know either by putting my hand there or by asking me.

Another question what about these boundaries when I am married? Keep the boundaries or not? Or ask her first?

-Aaron

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Aaron,

That sounds really sweet. You should ck out the website that Connor posted. There are cute stories of good times and struggles in marriage.

I think when you're married if you don't touch your wife often enough she won't feel attractive or desired. It's obviously a gradual thing too as you already know, other thing build off of kisses, and making out.

Hope that helps !!

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I'm not going to be able to keep my hands off my wife... But respectfully though... Most of the tim'e, not to get too graphic but I'm sure there will be times when we are going to need each other right there and then. We will be like those really old couples that you see holding hands (so cute) and I will always have a cuddle and a kiss for my wife everytime I see her and I will often tell her I love her.

I was wondering more if I should ask her when we are making out, let her lead or wait for her to say no as I don't want her to feel like I'm only intrested in her for one reason but I very much doubt that I will ask, I will lead her, gradually lead her from making out to making love (as long as she wants to) via lots and lots of making out kissing, cuddling, caressing and lots of other things but I am not going to get graphic... Only my wife will find out!

-Aaron

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That will be nice. From what I've heard from women and what I want I would say just lead and if she says no, respect it for that day. If she goes along then obvi you're good ;) the stories from that site Connor posted are good because it shows how different couple have different chemistry and love lives so its a little different for everyone. I think those would give you a better idea than my explanation.

That was plenty graphic for me haha sometime I need to work on controlling my imagination :P

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I have been reading the site Connor posted a little.

I definately think the husband should be the one leading... Most of the time! I would love my wife to initiate sometimes though. And you know its good when your wife is begging you for sex when you are making out, touching her... teasing her...

Imagination is a great thing when it comes to making love with your husband or wife and I too have a rather vivid and uncontrollable imagination when it comes to my future wife so I can't wait to marry her... And not just for the sex but the love and strong emotional bond we will share.

-Aaron

P.S. You might want to try a cold shower lol

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P.S. You might want to try a cold shower lol

WHAT ?!? What's that supposed to mean?? haha (that's a little joking, I know you cant tell cuz its online)

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No, haha I'm fine, I'll get a little lost in dream land though since I'm going to see Twilight at midnight tonight =P

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The new one I'm guessing? How long until it starts (its 2:15 am now, over here in England).

Why are you going to get lost in dream land?

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Like it's a fantasy love story...that's why it's sooo popular. The way Edward always loves and adores Bella. They have good chemistry, he is traditional, romantic and chivalrous, they WTM but they get a lil crazy once there ;) and just how they work things out together

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Isn't chivalry what I started this post about lol. I would definately want someone who is romantic as most women think that romance is a one way street so anyone who is romantic towards me would definately have me slightly more intrested (only slightly I'm not that easy! Lol)

Wouldn't you always love, adore, care about and protect a gf/fiancé/wife. Thats just normal.

I would want someone who can talk about things and with things out like an adult. Childish squabbles aren't worth my time. Seriously we are adults so either grow up and start acting like an adult or your not worth my time. I want an equal adult relationship with an adult I don't NOT want to be a parent figure to my gf/fiancé/wife so if she acted childish that to me is definately NOT marriage material and I wouldn't be wasting my time with her I would find someone else who is worth marrying. That might sound harsh but it is a deal breaker to me.

At the sametime I want someone who is fun and spontanious, someone to enjoy life with.

-Aaron

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Aaron,

Totally understandable, but many girls love Twilight because they do not get that same treatment from guy(s) in their life. Many guys (unlike you) pressure for 'activities'/sex too early. Edward is extremely respectful and Bella decides she will wait because she loves him, and that's what he wants. Other guys also don't pay the kind of attention to a gf like Edward. You sound like a very respectable, great guy, but that's not the norm.

That's why I call it a fantasy and why it's so popular.

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Thats totally understandable.

I guess the reason for me to call it normal is because I don't see relationships from a womans point if view as I'm a guy so I guess I just kind of assumed that it was normal to treat women the way I do as its the only way I have ever thought was how to treat women, and I guess I kind of assumed as I'm a guy this is how all guys treat women, if that makes sense?

I do, however understand why you say its fantasy an popular though.

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Yeah that makes sense, but how do your friends treat women? I dated a guy who was like you, but some guys he hung out with from school weren't the same as him. They would make out with random girls, or date girls purely b/c they would "do stuff" where as this guy was VERY respectful toward me and really cared about me.

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Most of my friends are women as I tend to argue quite a bit with guys what with me being anti-porn, stripclubs, I tell them sexist jokes aren't funny etc and most of my female friends stand up for themselves so I'm not really used to guys treating women badly, if that makes sense.

-Aaron

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Are good manners outdated or are they still appereciated?

I don't mean saying please, thankyou, your welcome etc as these should be a given; more "old fashioned" manners like holding the car door open for a woman then closing it when she is seated, picking something she has dropped up for her, standing up when you greet someone and shaking hands, giving a woman your coat if she is cold, walking her home (to her front door), holding doors open for women, helping her with her coat when you leave, pulling her chair out for her, taking off your coat or jumper (sweater for those of you in USA) for her to sit on if the bench is wet/dirty or if you are going to sit on the grass not just for your date but for all women you encounter in day to day situations.

When you are dating never touching her between the knee and waist or the her ribs to below the neckline of her top (unless it is low cut in which case it shouod be way before the neckline) or her bottom ( always let her lead when making out if she hasn't told you what her boundarys are).

This is what I call chivalry and it's on it's way out, but in no means dead yet.<3

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Are good manners outdated or are they still appereciated?

I don't mean saying please, thankyou, your welcome etc as these should be a given; more "old fashioned" manners like holding the car door open for a woman then closing it when she is seated, picking something she has dropped up for her, standing up when you greet someone and shaking hands, giving a woman your coat if she is cold, walking her home (to her front door), holding doors open for women, helping her with her coat when you leave, pulling her chair out for her, taking off your coat or jumper (sweater for those of you in USA) for her to sit on if the bench is wet/dirty or if you are going to sit on the grass not just for your date but for all women you encounter in day to day situations.

When you are dating never touching her between the knee and waist or the her ribs to below the neckline of her top (unless it is low cut in which case it shouod be way before the neckline) or her bottom ( always let her lead when making out if she hasn't told you what her boundarys are).

Yes I know I'm "old fashioned" and no its not because I'm English as these things are not considered "normal" over here either. I do not, however, want to be seen as sexist as I am not and I will always stand up against any sexist remarks but I don't see these things as saying men are better than women more I care about you as a person and want to make sure you are ok.

-Aaron

-Aaron, this is so darn cute, in every possible way, and i have to say, most of the girls i know would prob fall in love with you, one because your english ( kiwi girls have some weird thing for english guys, a lot of my friends in particular, they really wanna marry english guys, which i don't understand completely, my guess is the accent. But i can say whenever the english rugby teams use to come to our school, all the girls were like "oogling". And also cause you are such a gentlemen. But myself being an old school romantic, i think these manners should so still be around. If i could live in a pride and prejudice novel, i probably would. I think it is so fruit looping awesome, that you are have those manners. 100% agree. :) Also I just noticed you live in Devon, I have family from there :) My uncle and aunty got married at one of the castles there. :)

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I've always believed in chivalry but it seems like women in my area don't appreciate it. There are times where I'd open a door for a girl or offer to help her carry stuff and she would accuse me of trying to get her into bed. I'm thinking I should just stop and accept the fact that times have changed and not very many women are into that sort of thing anymore.

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Are good manners outdated or are they still appereciated?

I don't mean saying please, thankyou, your welcome etc as these should be a given; more "old fashioned" manners like holding the car door open for a woman then closing it when she is seated, picking something she has dropped up for her, standing up when you greet someone and shaking hands, giving a woman your coat if she is cold, walking her home (to her front door), holding doors open for women, helping her with her coat when you leave, pulling her chair out for her, taking off your coat or jumper (sweater for those of you in USA) for her to sit on if the bench is wet/dirty or if you are going to sit on the grass not just for your date but for all women you encounter in day to day situations.

When you are dating never touching her between the knee and waist or the her ribs to below the neckline of her top (unless it is low cut in which case it shouod be way before the neckline) or her bottom ( always let her lead when making out if she hasn't told you what her boundarys are).

Yes I know I'm "old fashioned" and no its not because I'm English as these things are not considered "normal" over here either. I do not, however, want to be seen as sexist as I am not and I will always stand up against any sexist remarks but I don't see these things as saying men are better than women more I care about you as a person and want to make sure you are ok.

-Aaron

Awh that's so sweet....you sound like great boyfriend material!! Some girl will be lucky to have you!!

As for the touching boundaries, I know I totally appreciate it when a guy behaves the way you outlined above. It makes me feel very relaxed and comfortable when I'm with them. And if they start off respecting me like that the boundaries will be pushed back eventually (but obviously not too far lol).

My current boyfriend does all of the holding door open for me, holding heavy shopping bags, gives me his coat when I'm cold etc....I have never felt more like a princess in all my life!! I love being treated like that it makes me feel protected and safe and loved.

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