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Arwen4CJ

I am new here.....

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Hello there.   Someone from a dating site suggested that I join this forum, so that is what I am doing.  :)

 

I quickly get discouraged on dating sites because I find out that most people do not want to wait until marriage for sex, even if they say they share the same faith as me, even if they say that they are very serious about their faith.   This is the number one reason that I quickly tire of dating sites, so I am hoping to find some like minded people here.

 

I'm not very good at introductions, so if anyone would like to know anything specific about me, feel free to ask in this thread, or contact me privately.  I do plan to participate in discussions here, as I hope to have some things in common with those in this community.

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Thank you :)   I'm glad to hear that there are a lot of people here who are all fun and genuine.   That sounds very promising :)

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Hey welcome to the site, glad you decided to join.. :) 

 

Questions.. is your real name arwen? if sooo awesome!! if not still awesome and (if not applicable ignore question two) :P

Second Question.. Do you like Lord of the Rings? haha :) 

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Hello! I can imagine how dating sites could be disappointing. Even my aunt, a very passionate Christian woman, didn't follow WTM. But no worries, I'm sure there are plenty of people you can find, on here or elsewhere, that share your beliefs. :) Welcome to the site!

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Hey, thanks all :)  

No, my real name is not Arwen.  I use it as an Internet name. 

 

And, yes, I do like Lord of the Rings, which is why I chose this name as my Interent name :)

I'm happy to be here :)

Yes, dating sites are very disappointing....I've been off and on them over the years, and I think the people on them have gotten worse -- although maybe I'm just more aware of the population on them than I used to be.   That's not to say that there aren't nice people on dating sites.  I have found some nice people on them, but the problem is that many of them are far away.

 

Even sadder still, most of the people on the sites ignore profiles completely, and just look at pictures.   I tried to make it very clear that I was only looking for another Christian, but I still had people contact me, thinking that this requirement could just be ignored, if they were able to bed me.....which seems to be the reason that many people are on dating sites -- they aren't really looking for a relationship; they just want sex.

 

The gap between those who are waiting and those who are not is ever widening......I didn't realize how wide it had become until I was talking to people in a forum on a dating site and realized just how things were in the general dating scene.  Christians, I think are generally more conservative than the overall population, but many Christians no longer hold to waiting to have sex.....

 

Thus finding someone to hopefully marry someday becomes really hard. 

 

Yes, there are still Christians who are waiting, of which I'm very grateful for.  I know that there are men out there who are, but they are just so hard to find sometimes.  

I'm thinking that this will be a very good place to talk with others, although I'm probably older than most of the people who frequent this site.  Still, age has no limits on friendship, and if we can encourage each other, have discussions, and be online friends, then I am very much looking forward to it :)
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Welcome to the site!

 

If I may ask, is the person who suggested this site to you currently on this site?

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Welcome to the site!

 

If I may ask, is the person who suggested this site to you currently on this site?

 

Thank you.  And I do believe he is still on the site.  I do not know how often he frequents it.

 

I think he told me what his username is on here, but I won't share it unless he wants me to, just to protect his privacy.

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Hi my name is [named removed]. I am a non-virgin, and I have decided to wait until marriage. I understand that being a virgin has benefits and down sides. And pre-marital sex has benefits and down sides. And that being a non-virgin waiting until marriage gives the downsides of both and the benefits of neither. I understand that a lot of guys will be filtred out and will not want to be with me. But I don´t care. I´m true to myself and I want to be with the man that TRULY, TRULY loves me. I want the next person I have sex with to be the LAST person I have sex with. I´ve only had sex twice, and I want my third time to be super special. 

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Hi Crystal.  

 

Yes, there are consequences for both people who wait to have sex and those who do not.   These consequences can be both positive and negative.

 

For example, socially right now, it seems that there are a lot of negative consequences for waiting.   People tend to look down on virgins or non-virgins who have made a decision to wait until they have sex again until after the wedding.  There is a lot of pressure in our culture to have sex anytime that someone feels like they want it.

 

But there are also many positive outcomes as well....one of them being that waiting to have sex until after the wedding helps people really know one another.   I had a friend in high school who didn't know much about her boyfriend because all she did with him was have sex, and they'd been dating for six months.  If she and her boyfriend had decided that they wouldn't have sex, then they could have talked and gotten to know one another, and spent their time going places together, etc.   She also would have known that he didn't want her just for her body, etc.

 

These are just a couple examples. 

 

With you being a non-virgin, and having made the decision to wait until you had sex again -- I really think that you can still have benefits.   Any guy that you date from now on will know that you are serious about waiting, and he won't expect to have sex.  If all he is after is your body, then he won't be interested in you.  You will hopefully find someone who values you for who you really are; not what he can get out of you. 

 

I don't know if you adhere to a particular religious faith, but if you do, then hopefully you can see the spiritual benefits as well.  If you don't, then this aspect may not matter to you. 

 

However, there are health benefits to waiting as well....you can't get a sexually transmitted disease if you have stopped engaging in sex.   Hopefully you will also be in a more emotionally healthy relationship. 

 

You are right when you say that you want to be with a man who truly, truly loves you.  A man that is truly worth it will respect your decision to wait (hopefully he also wants to wait), and will not try to press your boundaries.   You will know that the next time that you have sex will be with the man who has pledged to be your husband for the rest of your life.  The next time that you have sex will truly be special :)

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Thank you very much Arwen4CJ. One of my guy friends who has a crush on me, that I´m interested in heard this from me, and at first he was very upset and thought it was all bullshit. I basically told him that, no one if forcing him to pursue me, and if he´d like to, he´s perfectly free to pursue someone who is more sexually available. After awhile, he began to realize that I was serious, and that I´m not to doing it as a manipulation tactic. He made it clear to me, that most guys will wait for virgins, but it´s not fair to wait for non-virgins, but he told me, that despite all that, my personality more than makes up for that. And so I realize, If a guy thinks a girl´s personality is mindblowing, he will wait for that girls virgin or non-virgin (but non-virgin is harder) until marriage. And yes, I am actually religious. I´m a christian, and I wouldn´t normally have sex sober. I believe the two times I had sex, I was extremely drunk at a party, and consented and felt ¨urges¨ I wouldn´t have felt if I was sober. I have decided never to drink again. It doesn´t matter that I´m not a virgin. I still believe that real virgins are special and I´m not downplaying their worth. However I do still think it´s possible for girls like me to meet a great christian guy and live happily ever after, it´s just a little harder. Like I said before, I´m filtering out the guys engage in pre-marital sex AND I´m filtering out the guys who will only ¨wait¨ for virgins. What I would say to young girls now, is if you´re a virgin, keep being a virgin, don´t lose it like I did, and wait until marriage. If you lose you´re virginity and decide to still wait until marriage, you filter out a lot of guys. But there is still an upside, if you made a mistake you can´t take back. You can still say to yourself that you are not a whore and make the commitment to wait again, AND BONUS!: the more guys you filter out, the easier it is to find someone who truly loves your personality. Anyways my point was, that most guys are going to think, my decision is bullshit, and unfair, and manipulative, but I really, really don´t care, because THOSE guys, only care about their selfish needs and ignore my personality. Good luck to every VIRGIN and CELIBATE NON-VIRGINS in the wait for marriage because GOD LOVES ALL YOU GIRLS EQUALLY. :)

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Just a bit late here,

What ever happened to Arwen4CJ?

To answer your question Markb4, it was me.

Its okay of course I don't mind being "indentified", I'm not hiding, Hahaha!

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On 4/27/2013 at 2:05 PM, Prynaeus said:

Hi my name is [named removed]. I am a non-virgin, and I have decided to wait until marriage. I understand that being a virgin has benefits and down sides. And pre-marital sex has benefits and down sides. And that being a non-virgin waiting until marriage gives the downsides of both and the benefits of neither. I understand that a lot of guys will be filtred out and will not want to be with me. But I don´t care. I´m true to myself and I want to be with the man that TRULY, TRULY loves me. I want the next person I have sex with to be the LAST person I have sex with. I´ve only had sex twice, and I want my third time to be super special. 

 

 

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