Tatyana

On being "ugly"

24 posts in this topic

Often times I hear people(mostly women) talk about their insecurities when it comes to their appearance and Im not gonna lie it truly bothers me, because I believe that everyone should love themselves completely for who they are no matter what. I guess this bothers me because for the longest time I thought I was ugly and I was confused about why boys would look at me at times I was disgusted that they would find me attractive, all because I didnt look like the women I saw on tv. I didnt compare so I thought I was ugly. I took my power back by not comparing myself to others and embracing who I am.and learned that looks do not define me.  Most insecurites come from society; magazines or comparisons to celebrities but in reality looks are subjective and honestly not as important as society makes it out to be. I wanted to share a couple of videos that express this better than I can, I think its important as a person especially as a woman to be confident in yourself and not to base your self worth on how you look...

 

 

thoughts?

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I believe every woman is innately beautiful.  (With one exception, if the ugly is on the inside.)

(I partially agree with the message in the videos.  Instead of accepting 'ugly', we should find beauty where we were told there was none. 

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Great videos!

 

I've always believed that every person is beautiful in their own way. I agree with Stacie. To me, beauty comes from the inside and what makes a person ugly is being rude, cold-hearted, and a snob.  

 

Most insecurities come from society; magazines or comparisons to celebrities but in reality looks are subjective and honestly not as important as society makes it out to be. 

 

The thing is that what the media exalts as beautiful and perfect is false. You take off the makeup, surgeries and Photoshop and they are all pretty much normal people. swmpic.jpg

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In the first video she does use the word ugly but in this video she comes to explain that she couldnt find another word and she expresses that the use of the word ugly is not negative just means that her looks are not what society glamourizes. So when she said she was okay with being ugly she was talking about being okay with not look like a VS model.

skip to 3:20

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I don't consider myself to be attractive at all, and I kinda make fun at myself in jest of it; but honestly I love how I look and wouldn't want to look any different!

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I'm profoundly ugly and have been for as long as I can remember, complete with the criss-crossing mental scars to prove it.  But without ugliness to contrast it with, there can be no beauty.  So my bad looks enable beauty to exist. 

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In grade school and high school I was chubby, had braces, and had horrible acne problems. People would always call me ugly; make fun of my weight, my nose and my acne. Now, I’m not chubby and don’t have any acne but I still don’t consider myself attractive. A lot of people that are called ugly aren't â€œugly.†In high school there were some girls that considered themselves ugly, but they were really pretty and had charming personalities, but people kept telling them they were ugly and sadly, they started to believe it. In my encounters, the “attractive†people are complete %$$@*&^! with no personality. 

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I've never considered myself ugly, but I've never considered myself very attractive, I just think I look like a plain person, nothing special about my looks!

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This is something that I have struggled with for a long time. I am just now begining to get over it. It's really tiring comparing how I look with someone elses. Besides "beauty" fades and I rather be known for my personality. In the words of India Arie "I am not my hair", well in this case looks.

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Every woman--every person--has a right to feel beautiful the way they are.

 

I know I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world, but I sure as hell act like I am. And you know what? It works. Showing people your self-assured in every aspect of yourself can go a long way.

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I actually think that I'm perceived as less attractive than I think/thought I was lol because my whole life I was told that I was pretty by women and gay men and told that I look like a doll and that I should get into modeling (even today people ask me why I never pursued modeling). When I got to high school guys would say that I was ugly and I didn't like it. One guy even got offended when another guy accused him of liking me and he went off about my acne and how ugly I was and how my shoes and hair were busted. Girls too would say things like "Omg Sunny you would be so pretty if you wore stylish clothing and straightened your hair", actually I had someone say that recently, that I would be so much prettier if I straightened my hair (which I actually do now and then), so not much has changed I guess. Maybe I am pretty but I don't think I'm attractive to guys and I care about their opinion more so while its nice that women and gay men think I'm pretty it doesn't really do much for me. I have a fairly unconventional appearance so its either loved or hated (mostly hated). I don't really fit into any cultural beauty standard either. I question whether or not there are any guys my age that find me attractive.

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Hey Sunny! You know that's not true, don't forget about how you were asked out several times by one guy! :)

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I actually think that I'm perceived as less attractive than I think/thought I was lol because my whole life I was told that I was pretty by women and gay men and told that I look like a doll and that I should get into modeling (even today people ask me why I never pursued modeling). When I got to high school guys would say that I was ugly and I didn't like it. One guy even got offended when another guy accused him of liking me and he went off about my acne and how ugly I was and how my shoes and hair were busted. Girls too would say things like "Omg Sunny you would be so pretty if you wore stylish clothing and straightened your hair", actually I had someone say that recently, that I would be so much prettier if I straightened my hair (which I actually do now and then), so not much has changed I guess.

I've gotten that too. Girls would also say I am pretty but no guy would give me the time of day unless it was to insult me. I was always the girl that the guys would tease each other about. They would point me out and say "You like her!" or "You're going to date her!" and the guy would be horribly offended. It hurt pretty badly, not going to lie. I didn't think I was pretty but I didn't think I was so awful that they would be disgusted. Guys can just be really immature. 

 

I've also gotten the "You'd be so pretty if only you'd...." from girls. One girl, in the last year said I'd be pretty if only I plucked my eyebrows. She may have had good intentions but it hurt my feelings and made me feel more ugly than if she hadn't said a thing. But I've gotten complimented on my eyebrows since then without doing anything different to them. So I guess, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

 

I don't know what you look like, Sunny. And it doesn't matter because I think you are a beauty. I am very thankful to have such a great girl as my friend. :)

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As I've said in other threads, I'm not exactly sure how good looking I am. If I had to guess, though, I think I would be very good looking if not for two (maybe three) things. I have what I consider somewhat bad acne scars, which really hurts the appearance of my face. Secondly, I need to become more dedicated to working out. I don't want to get jacked or anything, but I think adding some weight would help me. Thirdly, and one that's maybe not a huge problem, I need to find a hairstyle that works for me. Or, maybe not so much that I need to discover a new hairstyle I've never had before, but at least one that I'm able to look good everyday instead of one where some days I just can't get it styled or whatever.

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@erasercrumbs different looks contrast with one another creating different types of beauty...we cant all look the same that would be borrrriing

 

@EWZ bless your heart middle school and high school can be tough some people have this dumb mindset that if your not walking around with makeup and nice clothes then your ugly SMH. People are just that simple minded and superficial their small brains cannot connect beauty without the image of a celebrity and unfortunately it can really affect someones life.

My cousins were the worst for me theyd make fun of my skin color and called me charcoal it was so hurtful and I always felt so ugly, the kids in elementary would call me buck tooth beaver and make fun of my lips and my name then in middle school the boys would make fun of how skinny I was I hated that too. Kids are just cruel jerks now most of those kids are either on drugs or in jail or wasting their life away somehow.

 

@Mstr Josh Well if you feel plain and you want to look special then change it but if not then thats fine too as long as you are happy and comfortable with yourself  :)

@DD exactly I continue to work on my inner self so that I can be a beautiful person on the inside (which is more important)

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When I was in my early 20's I was offered jobs doing runway in Milan.  I passed up the offers because at that point in my life it wasn't the direction I wanted to head in.  Of course as the years passed the offers went away, but my confidence remained.  Not confidence because of what I had been offered, but confidence to know that I loved myself and based myself on more than just looks.  Beauty is something that can only be seen in the beautiful, and by that I mean that only those who realize our self-worth is more than just a "pretty face" can truly see it.

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My honest thoughts I think  beauty can found in almost anyone the exceptions being the people that have mean-spirited hearts and attitudes.

 

That said I think there are people that are more physically striking than others with or without makeup.

 

Personally,  I consider myself  average or ok as far as being physically striking.  Both my sisters are physically striking it was not always easy to be the "ugly duckling" growing up, as I've gotten older I've learned to accept my own unique look it may not but be striking, but it's me and there is only one of me.

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You are as pretty as you believe you are. You're not going to be able to convince other people that you're pretty if *you* don't even think you're pretty. Low self esteem can be detected from a mile away. Arrogance is unflattering but so is parading around with low self esteem.

 

You shouldn't be relying on other people to tell you that you're pretty. That's such a weak, passive way to build your self confidence. It shouldn't be like that.

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My above post was not directed at anybody here in particular. I'm not trying to put anyone here down for having low self esteem. I was just speaking in general...

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In this visually driven society...with media & Hollywoods "idea" of beauty being plastered all over the screen & magezines... Its know wonder so many feel the way you do! I myself never compaired myself to this "idea" of beauty. I always thought I was cute, but was I confident in it? No, I wasn't. Because I often wondered what was wrong, if I was even attractive to men. I was VERY over weight about 4 years ago. So I decided to get healthy for me!! So in doing that & recommiting to God. As I started growing in God, he started to show me how really beautiful I was to Him. So my confidence grew in me! I started noticing how others saw me, men as well. I had to really learn to love me & be confident in myself. All that "beauty" stems from learning to love yourself. But mainly, that God created all things beautiful & that means me & you!!!!

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Wow! What an eye opener!

 

 

 

On a side note, Alejandro of Boyce Avenue posted this on Twitter, that's how I saw it :). Those three guys are such great people!

 

Edit: Just saw that someone else posted this before me.

Edited by Kailey

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True beauty can be find in the inside. No matter how you look as long as you have that thing, any guy will fall inlove with you..

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I, overall, don't think that I'm terribly hard to look at. I look in the mirror and (aesthetically) I feel I am 'pretty' most of the time. At least in the facial area. However, there are days when I'm just not feeling it. I'm not a glamour girl, I am not what society considers to be lovely. Sometimes I am happy with my body, while other times I simply can't stand how I look. However, like most have stated, I believe that when you are beautiful on the inside it will shine through. (As a side note, this is why when I don't find a guy completely attractive, his attitude, and being, can change him to me, making him totally handsome... but enough on that I've stated that thought in other threads). This doesn't mean that, even though I think I'm a pretty good person and this shines through, I don't have days of utter despair on how I look. However, when those days do happen, I try to do a little something extra for myself. Like finding a different shirt, or something, that makes me feel a little more 'me' that day.

 

This is only how I feel. :) Everyone is different.

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