AlexeiZ

Family & Waiting

43 posts in this topic

Hey everyone! I'm sure this topic has been raised in the past, but I'm here posting about it because it's becoming more prevalent in my life. Lately, my sister has been stubbornly lecturing me about how my decision to WTM is a horrible idea, and that not having sex or co-habiting before marriage is stupid. She claims that no matter how much you try, if you're not sexually compatible with your partner then it's not going to work out. I'm not, in any way, influenced by her opinions, because I'm confident in my decisions. Regardless, what do you guys have to say about this? What are your family-related WTM experiences?

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Well... I'm hiding my decision to WTM from my family, I even delete the computer and phone history to hide this website from them should they go snooping. I am ashamed of my decision sometimes, I'll never give up the decision to wait but I can't let them know, so needless to say my family does not influence me on WTM.

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Um my older brother is actually agrees with it he isn't doing it but he said to me a couple times that is the way to go cause his experiences have screwed him over. My mom agrees some friends think it's not needed but they don't judge. Personally anyone who would tell me that honestly doesn't hold sex in as high of a regard as me.

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My parents also waited for marriage, and they support me in my decision, as do all the friends with whom I've shared it. I am pretty lucky.

 

I used to delete this site from my web history too, just because I really don't talk to my family about sex much, and it seemed embarrassing, but they know about it now, and it is not big deal.

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It's always been sort of an unspoken expectation that we (my siblings and I) wait until marriage, as my family is devoutly Christian. I'm a little uncertain as to whether my parents waited, but I think they did. We hardly ever talk about sex, though. One of my older brothers didn't wait, but tried to keep it a secret until an unplanned pregnancy (and marriage soon after). It was a pretty big deal when it came to light. I'm actually thinking about talking to my 16 year old brother about sex/waiting, because if my experience means anything my parents won't talk much about it. He seems to be a lot more ignorant/naive/indifferent about sex than I was at 16 though. lol. 

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Personally anyone who would tell me that honestly doesn't hold sex in as high of a regard as me.

Anyone who doesn't hold the same opinion as I do is wrong.

I don't care if anyone knows. Though I suppose that it doesn't matter if anyone does as my own thoughts on the matter differ from most waiters. However I do think my mother knows. Of course seeing as it's not exactly my choice and I don't know whether or not she waited I have no clue what her feelings on the matter are.

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I'm pretty outspoken, and my family upbringing really fostered my belief towards waiting as well. I've never understood anyone that is an apologist for promiscuity except to assume that they are jealous and want anyone who still has their virginity to give it away too so they won't feel as bad.

AZ, if what is right was easy, more people would do it. I know it's hard, but don't ever lose heart just because your family rags on you.

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My family has always encouraged my decision. My brothers have always been more than a tad overprotective, and my dad isn't even okay with me living with a male friend in a roomate situation even though my parents have known him for 7 years. lol. So living with somebody I was going to marry prior to the actual wedding would be a huge no-no. I have a couple friends that think its important to live with somebody before you marry them, but we respect each others opinions and so it isn't a big deal. I've never had a close friend or family member tell me that my descision was foolish so I guess I've had it pretty good.

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I suppose my family is/was split down the middle.  When they were alive my grandparents and my father were of the mind that you don't have sex with anyone you aren't married to.  In addition, I got the impression that my father thought sexuality in gereral was something to be ashamed of.  That being said, he lost his virginity outside of marraige.  He had sex one time in college and then not again until he married my mother and never had sex again after she left him.

When my mom and her mother were alive I got the impression that they maybe thought it might be kind of admirable to wait until marriage but, they didn't think it was a big deal if you didn't.  When my brothers started having sex with their girlfreinds in their teens my mother didn't seem bothered by it.  I don't think any of my uncles and, probably, any of my cousins waited until marriage.

I've had inlaws question whether or not I am gay because I'm a virgin, because I refuse to have sex outside of marriage, and because I've never been in a romantic relationship before.  My little brothers find it admirable -- kind of -- that I am a virgin but, both have told me in the past that I was stupid and would never have a wife if I hold out for a virgin.  They've also both told me that if I ever do find a virgin that she is almost certainly lying about it.

As I've posted on here before, it really means nothing to me what others opinions are concerning my virginity or my status as a waiter.  I've got way too many burdens for that to be any kind of a concern.

Well, I guess that's not entirely true.  I care how it might influence other's decisions to wait.  If they look up to me and hold me as an example, as my nephew does, I would be afraid that if I lost my virginity outside of marriage he/they would then think it's okay to do the same.  "If Mathew did it, then it must be okay."

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My parents didn't really discuss sex with me. Bringing up a sexual topic, like waiting until marriage, would be incredibly awkward.

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I didn't say that mirage maybe on this subject it may be true but on other subjects it's different.

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I haven't talked to anyone in my family about it except my mom and a little bit with my older brother. My mom told me her and my dad did not WTM but were engaged. My brother also did not WTM but waited until he was in a serious relationship. They did end up getting married, but he told me he wished they had actually waited until marriage.

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Thankfully, I come from a family where waiting until marriage is the norm and anything else is sinful, so I'm quite safe!

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My mom knows and most of my family does too. I get razzed about it every once and a while but it doesn't bother me. I know what I want to do and have a the courage to see it through. My friends gave me a hard time in high school but I am the only one who has still remained a virgin. Don't get me wrong, it can be tough sometimes, but as per my profile paragraph "it's something worth fighting for," so I just stick to the path and live my life.

At the end of the day no one in my family has the right to tell me what to do, but for the most part they are supportive or indifferent. But I have never been openly attacked for it, so that is something to put in the win column.

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For me, my folks did WTM, my mom was married before when she met our dad though.

He was her high school sweetheart also and they did WTM also, so that's really awesome, ya know!

My dad, well he sorta already had a "secret" family when my mom met him, likely the number one reason for their divorce.

My bro, he's been living with this girl like since he was 19.

On my mom's dime also, but that's a whole 'nother topic.

They're planning to marry now though in June, again on our mom's dime. But I digress.

As for me, I just wanna "break" the chain of "crappiness" (for lack of a better word) in my family.

My family knows now, I shared with them my decision. But it likely went in one ear, and out the other. Anyhow, I do still love my folks, and I'm at 26 very strong in "waiting".

Many of my friends know, and like I always say, I'm a "normal" guy. Just I date with my pants on, and usually my heart on my sleeve.

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I have not told my family, and I don't plan to. When I start seriously dating somebody I'm guessing the topic might come up as they are nosy, I'll deal with that when/if the time comes. I do think my mom probably assumes I'm waiting since I was an "oops" baby and know all to well the struggles of a single parent family and do not want that.

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 I'm a "normal" guy. Just I date with my pants on, and usually my heart on my sleeve.

 

This is probably one of the best things I have seen written on here so far. Waiters are normal people. We just date with our pants on! Awesome!!! I'm totally going to use this if given a hard time about waiting.

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Lately, my sister has been stubbornly lecturing me about how my decision to WTM is a horrible idea, and that not having sex or co-habiting before marriage is stupid. She claims that no matter how much you try, if you're not sexually compatible with your partner then it's not going to work out. I'm not, in any way, influenced by her opinions, because I'm confident in my decisions.

 

I am glad that your decision to wait will not be wavered, but it does sound like her choice HAS been influenced by someone.  I've heard that SAME line from a man before. (Just a guess)

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Hey everyone! I'm sure this topic has been raised in the past, but I'm here posting about it because it's becoming more prevalent in my life. Lately, my sister has been stubbornly lecturing me about how my decision to WTM is a horrible idea, and that not having sex or co-habiting before marriage is stupid. She claims that no matter how much you try, if you're not sexually compatible with your partner then it's not going to work out. I'm not, in any way, influenced by her opinions, because I'm confident in my decisions. Regardless, what do you guys have to say about this? What are your family-related WTM experiences?

 

I've gotten similar reasons from close friends in college who are practically like family, so just wanted to let you know you're not alone :)

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Hi Alex,

Getting back to your original question. There is no reason why you cannot come to a decision about sexual compatibility without actually having sex. So your sister is wrong. Its pretty common for people to argue their case when they have made mistakes themselves. Hell I did it for years dopey twit. My Father advised me well but hey I knew better.

If I had my time again id wait, date like mad to see who I liked,what l liked about the opposite sex and I see no reason why a the end of the day you cannot make a judgement as to who you would be compatible with sexually. And at the end of it you give all to your partner and have nothing to be ashamed of.

You sound a great chap to me carry on as you are, smile at those willing to mock and reap your rewards when the time is right.

Good on you, All the best. Col.

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My parents couldn't care less. I bet if I got knocked up when I was 15, they would have been completely supportive. They don't care about my sex life. Not even if I was promiscuous. I sort of wish they would care a little more, but they've let me do what I want and be what I want, so I'm not surprised that they have such a laid back attitude to my sex life (or complete lack thereof.) They know I'm a virgin and I talked to them about waiting, but they seemed insanely uncomfortable with the discussion. They never even talked to me about sex. I think they both view it as a very private thing that is to never be spoken about. I know for sure that neither of them waited. They only got married after 12 years of being in a relationship cuz they finally decided to have a baby.

 

My dad is an atheist, but my mom is a Christian. Not a religious one or anything, but her parents definitely waited, they encouraged WTM (my grandpa kicked my aunt out of the house when she became sexually active at age 18,) and my mom's older sister waited. I'm not quite sure why my mom chose not to wait.

 

My friends parents are actually very unusual for atheists. They have no religion, no belief in God, yet they FIRMLY believe that sex should be for marriage only (they waited,) and when my friend had sex twice with her boyfriend when she was 19...wow, they were beyond furious. They are proof that atheists can be against pre-marital sex. 

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Hi Alex, Getting back to your original question. There is no reason why you cannot come to a decision about sexual compatibility without actually having sex. So your sister is wrong. Its pretty common for people to argue their case when they have made mistakes themselves. Hell I did it for years dopey twit. My Father advised me well but hey I knew better. If I had my time again id wait, date like mad to see who I liked,what l liked about the opposite sex and I see no reason why a the end of the day you cannot make a judgement as to who you would be compatible with sexually. And at the end of it you give all to your partner and have nothing to be ashamed of. You sound a great chap to me carry on as you are, smile at those willing to mock and reap your rewards when the time is right. Good on you, All the best. Col.

Well said, thank you, Col. :D

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 They are proof that atheists can be against pre-marital sex. 

SUCH AS MYSELF :D

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The only person in my family who I know waited was my great-grandma, but again she was only 14 when she got married so it wasn't much of a wait for her.

 

People in my family either think I'm lesbian or asexual. don't care, or don't think I'm actually a virgin, except my parents who know I'm a virgin even though I never told them or even talked about sex or boyfriends or anything.  My mom has actually bragged about my virginity before which was really embarrassing. I tend to keep anything that deals with sex or relationships to myself. Definitely not comfortable talking to family about that kind of stuff at all, even with cousins who are my age.

 

As for what your sister said, well everything has its pros and cons. Of course having sex and co-habitation before marriage definitely has its benefits. Some very good and tempting ones I might add, that's why so many people do it! But the detriment  greatly outweigh the benefits. You can put compatibility first but I'm just sayin' there are consequences in doing so. It would suck if you went ahead and naively had sex prior to getting married in order to find out what you're getting beforehand only to find out that there are still going to be problems and surprises after marriage. There's just no way around it  Maybe if we could custom make the perfect partner...(boring!).

 

Rant mode initiated

I'm tired of this stupid "compatibility" excuse people keep regurgitating. Do people even know what compatibility means? For two things to exist without conflict. Do people honestly think that's feasible? I think complementarity is more important than compatibility. Why do people seemingly want to be in a relationship with someone exactly like themselves? Gross.

/end rant

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The compatibility argument is simply inaccurate, and even funny when you really think about it.

Why, because even if you "make love", now in your younger years.

This goes out to us fellas specifically, as we age our performance "may" deteriorate, just may.

Of course not me, but other guys.

However if you love this person, and she loves you, the two of you will grow and age together, ya know!

I mean, I'm certain women face "performance" issues, that's why there's female enhancers, right?

And isn't sex something that's learned, as long you've got the equipment, or should I say tools here?

Another thought ...What you like and desire now as a young person, or young person at heart, may not be what's Hot for you

even just 10 years down the road. Right?

However if you're committed and your desire is to love this person, emotionally/spiritually/psychologically/physically/mentally.

Finally, then isn't the most important act giving for both partners?

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