Waiting-4-the-1

asking a guy out

36 posts in this topic

Sigh....at all the Christian women's talks that I have been to, the speakers have always said that the women are not to ask the guy out, but are wait for the guy to take the lead, to define the relationship, always letting the guy make the first move, etc.

 

And I guess I would rather have it that way because then I would know that the guy was actually interested in me, and that I wouldn't just be going up to a guy who wanted nothing to do with me.  I guess I figure that if a guy is interested in me, he would approach me -- this applies more to strangers than people that I know.

 

If I've come to know someone, then I would talk to them of course.  Still, after the experiences I have had of telling guys that I have had feelings for them, and then them not returning those feelings...I just think it would be better for the guy to tell me.  That way I don't get my hopes up, only to find out that he never saw me as anything other than a friend.

 

It seems like modern society has made a mess of dating -- some, like me, have been told that it is the guy's responsibility to do all that...and then others expect the woman to.....so no one really knows what the correct roles are for dating.

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Modern society hasn't made a mess of dating, it hasn't made roles unclear, modern society allows either party to iniatiate the relationship and not just the guy, no one is expecting anything, and that seems pretty clear.

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Right -- but then what am I expected to do as a woman?   Chase after guys?   Wait for the guy to chase after me?   What is the proper thing to do?   This is my own issue, so I guess I'll just leave it at that.

 

Maybe I just feel like modern society has made a mess of dating, as I'm trying to figure out how to live in this world of dating.   I accept that not everyone is confused by this, and they might see it as an open and welcome thing, providing more freedom in a relationship. 

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You aren't expected to do anything, if you want a guy, go after him and the worst he can say is no. If you want to wait for a guy to make a move, let him. You shouldn't let what other people say what you should and shouldn't do when it comes to dating get in the way.

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Thanks.  I guess I was just afraid of doing something/not doing something that is expected of me in the dating scene.   Your advice helps.  :)

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I'm mostly afraid if him not feeling the same way, and then there is an awkward silence and every time after that you see them its weird. But, seeing as even if I'm totally reading the signs wrong we probably won't cross paths again, so what is there to lose? We did end up hanging out/studying together quite a bit and after the exam I mentioned that we should go to dinner to celebrate. He said that was a good idea and that he'd text me to set it up. I like this because, while I let him know I wanted to keep doing things with him, the ball is in his court to actually do something about it. Now let's just hope he does :)

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Sigh....at all the Christian women's talks that I have been to, the speakers have always said that the women are not to ask the guy out, but are wait for the guy to take the lead, to define the relationship, always letting the guy make the first move, etc.

no, no, no, no.........  women are in charge. (.... yes, I said it! :superwaiter: )

First, get a guy to ask you out (by being the type of woman to be pursued).

Second, men.. for some reason.. like to take the lead (or feel like they are).  Shower them with respect. 

Third, this is where I *halt*.  It is not up to the man to define the relationship.  It is up to the woman.  Yes, go at his pace (preferably slower than faster), but it is up to us to lay the boundaries out. 

ya, maybe this is a bunch of B.S.... or maybe not.

Honestly, if I feel like asking the guy out, I think I just ought to!  But the truth is, rejection stinks.  Finding a date can be bittersweet. 

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Stacie,

 

I really appreciate your input -- but I think that this conversation is now going off the topic of this thread...so I'll look over the forum and see if there is a more appropriate thread to post a response to you on.....let me see if there is a dating thread somewhere....

 

I'll edit this post when I find a better place to post my reply.

 

http://forums.waitingtillmarriage.org/topic/2453-dating-pursuing-and-being-pursued-very-little-experience-dating/

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no, no, no, no.........  women are in charge. (.... yes, I said it! :superwaiter: )

First, get a guy to ask you out (by being the type of woman to be pursued).

Second, men.. for some reason.. like to take the lead (or feel like they are).  Shower them with respect. 

Third, this is where I *halt*.  It is not up to the man to define the relationship.  It is up to the woman.  Yes, go at his pace (preferably slower than faster), but it is up to us to lay the boundaries out. 

ya, maybe this is a bunch of B.S.... or maybe not.

Honestly, if I feel like asking the guy out, I think I just ought to!  But the truth is, rejection stinks.  Finding a date can be bittersweet. 

Fantastic. Xx

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I have the same question as you do....and high fives on the "shameless FB stalking"! LOL  Best luck to you!

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Hannah, Just tell the guy that you think he is nice and you would like to like to get to know him better as a person. This is straightforward and honest. If he thinks the truth is too corny then hes not the right guy for u anyways, if he is ok with that then you have got yourself a date.

 

Believe me I used to be the shyest person on this planet but not any more , thenks to a couple of crazy things I did socially lol.

 

The most he can say is no, but at least you will be satisfied that you gave it your best shot, and you will never do the what if thing.

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