wny

Why do you Think more Men want Only Virgins?

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This has been touched on in chat and some other threads, so I decided to create a thread that asks the question explicitly. It seems like we have quite a few males on here (myself included) who would only marry a woman who is a virgin. Conversely, we seem to have very few females with this requirement. So, does anyone have any theories as to why this is so?

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Hmmm...maybe because some guys like the idea of being a girl's first and because they know they will have no one to compete with/be compared to. 

 

There are more virgin women than men nowadays. So, many women think it's too hard to find a guy who is still a virgin. Society has propagated the idea that men can't control themselves and it's normal for them to have had multiple partners. Girls grow up hearing that kind of mentality and accept it as a reality... so they're not too strict in that sense. Other women prefer experience because they want the guy to know what he's doing.

 

I'm one of the few females who would prefer a virgin because, for me, it says a lot about a guy's character and because we would be able to learn together. It's not a deal breaker, but it's very, very close to becoming one.

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Disclaimer: The following theories are not necessarily my views on the matter, nor are they meant to be critical of anyone's preferences. I'm simply offering possible theories to explain the posed question.

 

1. Women are generally more empathetic than men, therefore making it easier to accept a man's past. Also, women seem to be more concerned with having their emotional needs met and less concerned with sexual needs. While men are more physically wired and may more concerned with a "sexual ideal" than women are.

 

2. Sense of entitlement. One could argue that it is generally harder for most guys to WTM because society expects men to sleep around and the physical urges may be stronger than most women. By resisting societal pressures and bodily urges, he may feel such an achievement can only be appropriately rewarded by another virgin.

 

3. Sex is more likely to affect a woman physically and emotionally than men. As such, a guy may view a girl as less likely to "put out" because of emotional baggage or regret of premarital sex. Also, there is the perception that women with a a sexual past are physically "used up" and therefore sex is less pleasurable because of the belief that her vagina has been stretched loose.

 

4. Because female virginity is more valued than male virginity, the appeal of being the one to be given that gift is too great for it not to be a deal breaker for men.

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Because women are more understanding and accepting in general. It had nothing to do with how the media changes minds.

And I have no preference, I can think of only pro's for a virgin, or non virgin.

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I can’t speak for other guys, but for me I don’t want to be number 2(50%), 3(33%), 4(25%), etc. of my wife’s sexual history, I want to be number 1 (100%). Christians talk about being “equally yoked,†I think about it like that. Someone on these forums talked about a special connection between two virgins, that’s what I've wanted. I know you can have a loving and committed marriage between a virgin and a non-virgin, but for me, I want my wife and I to be on equal grounds. 

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This has been touched on in chat and some other threads, so I decided to create a thread that asks the question explicitly. It seems like we have quite a few males on here (myself included) who would only marry a woman who is a virgin. Conversely, we seem to have very few females with this requirement. So, does anyone have any theories as to why this is so?

 

Well, this isn't absolute. There are women out there who only want (or strongly prefer) a virgin for a spouse, too. But it's true that men prefer a virgin more strongly. I think it's just that the issue matters more to men than to women, in general. I'm not sure why that's the case, though.

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There are more virgin women than men nowadays. So, many women think it's too hard to find a guy who is still a virgin. Society has propagated the idea that men can't control themselves and it's normal for them to have had multiple partners. Girls grow up hearing that kind of mentality and accept it as a reality... so they're not too strict in that sense. Other women prefer experience because they want the guy to know what he's doing.

 

Actually there are more virgin men than women. I guess that's another example of society propagating false ideas.

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Actually there are more virgin men than women. I guess that's another example of society propagating false ideas.

 

Where did you get that info?

 

Here are some studies that back up what I said. I'll only include the ones from your country as I imagine you're more interested in those.

 

1. This one is from this very site: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa/

 

In the general population, the ratio of women-to-men who wait until marriage to have sex seems to be about 60/40 girls-to-guys. [...] Fun fact: Our guy/girl ratio here at WaitingTillMarriage.org is about 65/35 girls-to-guys, so we’re pretty close to being representative of the general population’s 60/40 ratio (which is pretty freakin’ cool, if you ask me).

 

2. http://www.lifeslittlemysteries.com/1169-sex-statistics-virgins-virginity.html

 

No less than 27 percent of 15- to 24-year-old men have never had any form of sexual contact (oral, vaginal, or anal) with another person [...] Meanwhile, 29 percent of females in that age bracket have never had sex.

 

3. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/dating/story/2011/03/More-hookups-on-campuses-but-more-virgins-too/45556388/1

 

72% of both sexes reported having at least one hookup, with the average of 9.7 for men and 7.1 for women. [...] Some studies find virgins in even higher numbers. Responses collected from 1,500 Duke University freshmen and seniors at the Durham, N.C., campus in 2007 found that about 53% of women and 40% of the men said they were virgins.

 

4. http://www.chacha.com/question/how-many-men-over-20-are-virgins.

 

The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) reports that by age 19, 80% of men and 75% of women have lost their virginity.

 

5. The only study that I saw that found more virgin men than women only had a difference of 1%.

 

The percentage of those who claim virginity appears to be increasing, according to a National Center for Health Statistics study released this month of 2006-08 data. [...] Among those ages 20-24, 12% of women and 13% of men said they were virgins.

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Hello, Ok you can have my poor old British opinion on this before you commit me to being bonkers !

I think our maker has been a little unkind here in that thee are such differences in the virginity issue between men and women.

All in all I think we are all equal. That's not a women can do the same as a chap and vice versa. It's that as a perfect couple we compliment each other and all in all in a decent relationship all is even. That is one of the ways we decide we have met our soul mate ?

Ok back to the plot the virginity issue. Not so easy "for me "

Now this is purely my own opinion. However for me the differences are..

Firstly women have a physical symbol of their virginity in as much as they have a hymen. Ok I realise the debate on this ! Some do not have one at all, some stretch/weaken/damage this due to horse riding,competitive sport,tampons etc however all in all when they first have penetrative sex they are aware of it and it pinches/smarts a little.

What do chaps have ? Nothing other than their mental belief of waiting saving sex.

I wonder if chaps had a physical symbol of virginity would it make them less willing to give it away ? If their was a physical symbol for chaps would It just sometimes win over our raging testosterone demanding that we have sex ?

Secondly penetrative sex involves the chap entering the women's body. His bodily fluids are left inside the women's body and merrily swim around for up to 48 hours. Does this happen to the chap? Nope it's all external. For me and call me odd if u wish this is a big reason why I hurt when dealing with a non virgin.

Now I do not wish to sound moanie. But why is it not more even in life between the sexes ?

Ok I will await the calls that I'm bonkers. Have a great weekend all. Col.

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I read in a fairly recent article that by the end of college 8 out of 10 guys have lost their virginity and 6-7.5 out of 10 girls lose theirs by the end of college.

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Ah mad English again. I had an auntie who died a virgin at 89. Now she messed up the stats a bit didn't she bless her lol

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I feel it on a gut, emotional level. I could attempt to put it into words why this is so important to me, but I doubt words will do it any justice. And as I have mentioned before: I don't think it's always a choice that someone feels strongly about this. Sometimes it's just who they are and they are being true to themselves.

 

All that said, here is my attempt to put it into words. At least part of the reason it is so important to me, because it really is a big subject and it's not going to be narrowed down to just one reason.

 

I feel that a special bond will be present if I and my future partner are both virgins. There will be a level of intimacy that would be lacking if this wasn't the case. Now, is this objectively true? Of course not. What preference or deal breaker is objectively true? I mean, I can see how wanting your partner not to be violent is objective because if they are beating you, that has a readily tangible consequence: Your life is in danger. But other than that, let's be honest: What we desire in someone else is entirely subjective. This remains true from the kind of physical attributes that makes us happy, to everything else that makes us happy.

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Simple. A virgin has had no one to compare her husband to sexually, and if she waited it shows commendable strength of character.  That's a woman I'd feel truly secure with. Not that non-virgins can't have successful marriages, they do everyday, its just a matter of a man maximizing his chances --at least that's how I see it. Experienced women just have a greater risk of wanting to be with other men again. The virgin wife will always be a sound preference. 

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Well just because she's a virgin doesn't mean she won't want to be with someone else, it might be less likely if she's a virgin, but is still a possibility.

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Where did you get that info?

 

Here are some studies that back up what I said. I'll only include the ones from your country as I imagine you're more interested in those.

 

1. This one is from this very site: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa/

 

 

2. http://www.lifeslittlemysteries.com/1169-sex-statistics-virgins-virginity.html

 

 

3. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/dating/story/2011/03/More-hookups-on-campuses-but-more-virgins-too/45556388/1

 

 

4. http://www.chacha.com/question/how-many-men-over-20-are-virgins.

 

 

5. The only study that I saw that found more virgin men than women only had a difference of 1%.

 

Interesting. I'll revise my earlier statement and say that the percent of virgins must be roughly equal in both sexes.

 

For your statistics, you should note that not all people who wait till marriage are virgins, and not all virgins are waiting till marriage. Regarding college stats, I'd think Duke must be an anomaly (might have something to do with it being in the South). The largest survey I've seen of students across campuses (https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/221153.pdf) shows that 42.8% of males have had 0 sexual partners, while 37.2% of females have had 0 sexual partners.

 

Of course, your NCHS statistics show that the percent of virgins in the general population is basically the same for both sexes.

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For your statistics, you should note that not all people who wait till marriage are virgins, and not all virgins are waiting till marriage. 

 

For the first part, I know, I just wanted to include the statistics we already had on the site  :D and for the second part, I looked for those statistics thinking we were discussing virgins in general, not necessarily including if they're WTM or not. 

 

I do agree that the percentages for both are very close to each other and, probably in the near future, they will be exactly the same. 

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Virgins are great, male or female.  Virgin men and promiscuous men BOTH prefer virgins. 

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Well just because she's a virgin doesn't mean she won't want to be with someone else, it might be less likely if she's a virgin, but is still a possibility.

 

Duh. Of course there aren't any absolutes. Like I said--its about maximizing your chances.  

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Virgins are great, male or female.  Virgin men and promiscuous men BOTH prefer virgins. 

 

Damn straight. Its easy to see how knowing your are your partner's first can enhance and illuminate a relationship. Obviously, I'm not limiting myself to only virgins when considering a wife, but it will always be the absolute ideal.

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Damn straight. Its easy to see how knowing your are your partner's first can enhance and illuminate a relationship. Obviously, I'm not limiting myself to only virgins when considering a wife, but it will always be the absolute ideal.

 

While I'm sure you're speaking for yourself, I just want to point out that I have heard from more than one guy who prefers a girl with experience. I have also heard from more than one girl that prefers a guy with experience too. As they say, "To each his own."

 

I support all people, and hope that they may find what they are looking for. I take a very non-judgmental perspective here. If a non-virgin yearns for a virgin, then hey, I hope they get what they desire! As long as the virgin they get is happy, too.

 

I root for everyone in this regards! May you all find what you seek.

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Which one is a bigger deal? To go over to your family's house, or to have your family come to yours?

 

Anatomically, men go over to someone else's house for a while and then leave.

 

Women open up their home.

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I agree with Happy When Sailing!


I think there might be a slight sense of competition and entitlement -- but more so for other types of men than the lovely men that WTM.

 

Then of course, just wanting to be each other's only Love :) and being compared is definitely a valid concern as well.

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Can't comment on behalf of the promiscuous ones lol. But as a virgin I feel its primarily cuz of the same morality, values & mindset! :) 

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I really can't speak for anyone else.  I can only give my own personal take on things.

Most of my life I have been adamant about only marying a virgin.  As well, for most of my life the thought never even occured to me to consider marrying someone who wasn't close to my age.  I've pretty much let both of those ideas go the past few years for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, when you get to my age, the pool of potential mates is rather thin to begin with.  Filter out any woman who is not a virgin and suddenly slim pickin's diminishes to almost zero.  Whatever their age group, the number of virgin women who might be a compatible and willing mate for a 36 year old is just almost non-existent. Within the area in which I live -- a town of over fifty thousand and perhaps another thirty thousand in the surrounding area and outlying communities -- I'll bet I'd be hard pressed to find a dozen virgins who might be compatible with me as a mate.

Second, if I place all kinds of restrictions like age, race, body type, virginity, etc. on potential romantic interests, I might very well be precluding "the one," if there is such a thing.  The woman of my dreams, the woman with whom I might share a marriage that goes beyond my wildest imaginings, could very well be a non-virgin; be black, hispanic, or asian; be over a decade older or younger than me; be overweight or be thin as rail; etc.  I have no clue who God might have waiting in the wings for me.  He might very well have the perfect mate all picked out and be waiting for the appropriate time.  If I insist on having only a virgin, I might very well lose my opportunity to spend the rest of my life with the best possible match for me -- the woman who completes me and truly makes me whole, the woman who makes my time spent in this world worth having been here.  If I am ever presented with that opportunity, I simply can't afford to pass it up for any reason.

That being said, I would be lying if I denied that my heart leaps when I think of my future wife being a virgin like me.  Deep down inside, in some way, that is what feels most right to me.  On some level I would feel safer and my emotional, spriritual, and physical vulnerability to her would be fuller and more complete somehow, at least initially.  There is also something else that I can't quite put my finger on -- a release of burden on me, perhaps.  If my future wife is a virgin, I will rejoice in that.  If she isn't, she is still going to get my all.  I will hold nothing back from her because of that.  I will not love, cherish, or delight in her any less than if she were a virgin.  My very real suspicion is that the longer we are married -- the deeper we grow together, connect, and become one -- the less meaning and importance her sexual past will have.

I think about how painful it would be if she loved me less because of things from my past or held them against me and, I just cannot do that to her.  I cannot go into a marriage like that.  When we start our marriage, the slate gets wiped clean.  The day we are married, she becomes my virgin.  God has given me that very same gift and I cannot deny it to somone that I fall in love with.

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