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Guest OneHappyGirl

Is it True? ;(...

21 posts in this topic

now I'm gonna try and be a strong girl and not get sad and cry over this so here goes...

So I was replying to one of the forums on here- it was about cohabitation and what not. Well as I was reading the responses of one of the fellow browsers (there name I will not repeat but it's on there but that's not the point) who said we are living in a fantasy. I refuse to accept that, however I could be wrong.

Now the reason I find this so disheartening is because this persons remark is exactly what I've been told about waiting. :( Do you guys really think that finding a good partner who believes in waiting or atleast respects that decision is impossible to find and wait for?

I mean, yes, for me personally I want a man who's waited but there can be rules to the exception but nonetheless are we really asking for perfection? I mean because we choose to have values and respect ourselves it's considered a fantasy?

I mean if this means I have to sleep with someone just to get them to marry me or love me then forget it. No. I minus well be alone because I am who I am and I really don't know who else to be.

I could be wrong, yes, but from my point of view is having character and integrity mean livng in a fairytale??? What happened to doing the honorable thing?? No, sex isn't a bad thing. From this site that's not what I've seen the issue but why is choosing to share your body with one person considered idealistic?? What the heck I'm so confused???

Is this what the world really has come to? Please tell me I'm wrong.... :/

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Yes OHG, you are wrong :) ! We are not living in a fantasy nor is our goal unattainable. It may seem to be the norm that people aren't waiting, but mainly it's because that's the "American way". There are other countries in the world, cultures in the world, religions in the world all comprising of people whose norm is actually to wait, and not have sex before marriage. So, never lose hope nor allow anyone else to bring you down.

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Yes OHG, you are wrong :) ! We are not living in a fantasy nor is our goal unattainable. It may seem to be the norm that people aren't waiting, but mainly it's because that's the "American way". There are other countries in the world, cultures in the world, religions in the world all comprising of people whose norm is actually to wait, and not have sex before marriage. So, never lose hope nor allow anyone else to bring you down.

Very true Mark! I must keep that in mind! Thank you kind sir!!

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Yes OHG, you are wrong :) ! We are not living in a fantasy nor is our goal unattainable. It may seem to be the norm that people aren't waiting, but mainly it's because that's the "American way". There are other countries in the world, cultures in the world, religions in the world all comprising of people whose norm is actually to wait, and not have sex before marriage. So, never lose hope nor allow anyone else to bring you down.

I toally agree. I read that same post and it made me feel bad for a milisecond; then I remembered not to "beat myself up" (I sometimes get into thinking negatively which is bad) I can do what I know and trust is best for me =) I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. We're not living in fantasy at all; we're being actually VERY realisitc and making sure that we are in a loving, committeed relationship (marriage=most committed) before we have sex.

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I agree with all that's been said here! Being a little bit older, that wasn't the first time I've heard some similar comments. At the same time, I've wondered if I've held back with possible relationships or perhaps been a little quick to not give someone a chance because they didn't fit what I was looking for to a T. I can't say I've ever regretted any of my decisions, even if it's meant being single for quite some time now.

I toally agree. I read that same post and it made me feel bad for a milisecond; then I remembered not to "beat myself up" (I sometimes get into thinking negatively which is bad) I can do what I know and trust is best for me =) I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. We're not living in fantasy at all; we're being actually VERY realisitc and making sure that we are in a loving, committeed relationship (marriage=most committed) before we have sex.

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Very true Mark! I must keep that in mind! Thank you kind sir!!

You're welcome OHG! :) Glad I can help. We are all here for you and for each other, so don't forget that :) .

Oh, and one more thing, don't call me sir, you're older than me actually ;) , markb4 will do. :)

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I too agree with what's been said here :) I've also met a lot of people who respect the decision to wait, even if they haven't waited themselves. I don't think there's much to worry about there.

For how I feel on 'regretting choices' and 'missing out' on life...

The only times in my life I've come close to regretting are times where people persuaded me to make the 'normal' choice when I feared it wouldn't suit me. I don't make a choice intending to get what 'I deserve' in making it, as I don't particularly believe that life owes us anything. The world's not a fair place, and it's not really supposed to be. When I make a choice, I do it because that particular choice suits me best for who I am and how I discern the world around me. I don't 'expect'; whatever happens, happens. But I do hope, and I do strive :) I hope for a lot of things unrelated to this forum as well, and even if I never accomplish them before I die, I would rather be able to say that I lived and tried for my hopes than merely existed by settling for what I was given. That would make me happy.

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Here's my take on this, in case it helps. I also wholeheartedly agree with the other things that have been posted here, and in the comment thread for the article in question.

I think the whole "Am I being realistic/is it really possible" anxiety breaks down into a few basic sub-questions:

1. Does the type of person who can accept (or even better, share) your ideals regarding sex and love exist?

Yes. You're talking to 7 such people in this thread alone.

2. Would it work? Is it possible for a waiter marriage to be as happy as you think it could be?

Of course it would work. I personally know several successfully-married waiter pairs in my immediate and extended friend group. In some of the marriages both people waited, in others only one person waited. In all of them they are very deeply in love.

I have actually heard the most enthusiastic feedback on waiting from the non-waiter guys who married waiter girls. It's hard for them at first, but for all the years after the wedding they are positively beaming about how they came around to the waiting thing and ended up loving it.

Note that I would never have known that these couples had waited if I wasn't waiting myself (and thereby able to pick up on the cues and ask about it). There are many more of us out there than most non-waiters realize. But most people are very quiet about it.

3. Will I ever find such a person for myself?

This is the real question. The idea of a great marriage with somebody who shares your core values is by no means impossible to find (it's not a fantasy), but it is often kind of hard to find.

When you're stuck in the turmoil of #3, you often start questioning #2 and #1. Don't do that. Never forget that the type of person you're looking for does exist, and it would be awesome if you met one. It's just a matter of figuring out how to cross paths with those types of people.

This doesn't have to be a totally mystical process. It can be systematic to some degree.

So I wouldn't get too worked up about it. It's not an impossible fantasy if you find somebody else who shares it too, and there are lots of us.

"Waiting is unrealistic" comments like that are going to die out quickly when this site gets big enough to have some location overlap and we start in-dating. <_<

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True love is not a fantasy, it is out there. There is an amazing guy out there who is perfect for you, just waiting for the day that he will finally meet you... His true love, the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, don't be disheartened he is out there and you will find each other. Just try to remember patience is a virtue.

-Aaron

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WE ARE NOT LVING A FANTASY! We actually being responsible. Whoe thsi member is need to me removed from the site. They are aviously not a waiter.

By waiting we are showing we have respect for ourselves and our bodies. For the girls we are showing guys that were aren't easy. I'm proud to wait and anyone who can't accept will then they can kiss off.

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Hey OHG!

Yeah, I saw it too (and replied to it, lol!)

I wouldn't worry too much. Mike's made a good point: there's over 500 members on here, so it's not really unrealistic to think there's others who are waiting!

I will admit, I was a more than a little hurt by it when I first read it. Especially when they said, "Well, the things you read on the internet!...", or whatever it was. That's exactly the attitude a lot of my friends have: " sighJulie, Julie, Julie... shakes head"

But...like I said, pointless to let it upset us. It's not true.

xxx

P.S. What does everyone think of my reply? Was it a fair argument? :lol:

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P.S. What does everyone think of my reply? Was it a fair argument?

I loved your reply! I think you were right-on when you brought up that point about her reading the "What would you like in your ideal marriage?" posts and taking them way out of context.

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Don't give in to what someone else says. Misery loves company, why would someone go out of their way to mock someones decision? I could care less what someone else does I can only worry about what I can control, myself. Be strong and keep looking. Remember diamonds take extreme pressure and thousands of years to form. Sure you don't have thousands of years but don't settle for coal. Your diamond is out there and just maybe you or your diamond hasn't formed yet.....

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You guys are the best♥♥♥ Huges and Kisses to you all!!!! Ya'll are so very awesome! I just really dislike when people say stuff like that and I try not to let it get to me but I agree with you guys. Ya'll are right. We are not living in a fantasy obviously if we are all human, exist, live and breathe, and are waiters♥ Be blessed in all ya'lls journey's♥

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You're welcome OHG! :) Glad I can help. We are all here for you and for each other, so don't forget that :) .

Oh, and one more thing, don't call me sir, you're older than me actually ;) , markb4 will do. :)

yes yes yes Markb4 lol it's a bad habit I have and I need to cut that out!

one other thing- why do you think it's the Amerincan way? Like why is it the American way?

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Such an inspirational post, Mike! Thanks for sharing all of that good stuff :)

Here's my take on this, in case it helps. I also wholeheartedly agree with the other things that have been posted here, and in the comment thread for the article in question.

I think the whole "Am I being realistic/is it really possible" anxiety breaks down into a few basic sub-questions:

1. Does the type of person who can accept (or even better, share) your ideals regarding sex and love exist?

Yes. You're talking to 7 such people in this thread alone.

2. Would it work? Is it possible for a waiter marriage to be as happy as you think it could be?

Of course it would work. I personally know several successfully-married waiter pairs in my immediate and extended friend group. In some of the marriages both people waited, in others only one person waited. In all of them they are very deeply in love.

I have actually heard the most enthusiastic feedback on waiting from the non-waiter guys who married waiter girls. It's hard for them at first, but for all the years after the wedding they are positively beaming about how they came around to the waiting thing and ended up loving it.

Note that I would never have known that these couples had waited if I wasn't waiting myself (and thereby able to pick up on the cues and ask about it). There are many more of us out there than most non-waiters realize. But most people are very quiet about it.

3. Will I ever find such a person for myself?

This is the real question. The idea of a great marriage with somebody who shares your core values is by no means impossible to find (it's not a fantasy), but it is often kind of hard to find.

When you're stuck in the turmoil of #3, you often start questioning #2 and #1. Don't do that. Never forget that the type of person you're looking for does exist, and it would be awesome if you met one. It's just a matter of figuring out how to cross paths with those types of people.

This doesn't have to be a totally mystical process. It can be systematic to some degree.

So I wouldn't get too worked up about it. It's not an impossible fantasy if you find somebody else who shares it too, and there are lots of us.

"Waiting is unrealistic" comments like that are going to die out quickly when this site gets big enough to have some location overlap and we start in-dating. <_<

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yes yes yes Markb4 lol it's a bad habit I have and I need to cut that out!

one other thing- why do you think it's the Amerincan way? Like why is it the American way?

I think the advent of Hollywood, the flappers of the 1920's, and then the sexual revolution in the '60s all helped make it the American way. That's just my opinion.

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I would have to disagree. To us its the "American way" because we live here. But I've heard from friends that have gone abroad that guys there (Europe) are very forward. Like if you thought American guys are forward; they're no bd compared to European guys.

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I would have to disagree. To us its the "American way" because we live here. But I've heard from friends that have gone abroad that guys there (Europe) are very forward. Like if you thought American guys are forward; they're no bd compared to European guys.

No, I agree w/u. I merely stated the American way and the American examples because OHG and I are from here, so it's more relevant to us.

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