Tatyana

The Friend Zone!!

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Whats wrong with being in the friend zone? The next guy I take interest in will have to be my friend first so I can see who he really is and if we are compatible, we can get to know eachother better...whats wrong with that? Why are guys afraid of the friend zone?

 

If things dont work out so what you just gained a new friend...why are men so egotistical when it comes to dating? Im tired of dating egos its so annoying, and to be honest Im tired of dating in general its supposed to be a fun experience but its not. What happend to just enjoying eachothers company and having fun meeting new people there is no harm in that right? 

 

Just because a girl doesnt want to date you now doesnt mean she's completely not interested in you, maybe she isnt ready for a new relationship and needs a break. Who knows but the friend zone isnt a bad place to be. Obviously dont let her take advantage of youre kindness but  I think thats the reason dating is so difficult today people are in a rush to be loved. Instead of taking the time to get to know one another

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Friend zoned is a 100 percent chance of dating off the table, not just "no dating for now" or a possibility of considering it, it's never, ever. Guys are afraid of it because in their eyes they are rejected or are wasting their time. I've been told I'm only "friend zone" material and not relationship material, everyone I've almost dated has said that, and I truly felt like I wasted my time.

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Whats wrong with being in the friend zone? The next guy I take interest in will have to be my friend first so I can see who he really is and if we are compatible, we can get to know eachother better...whats wrong with that? Why are guys afraid of the friend zone?

 

If things dont work out so what you just gained a new friend...why are men so egotistical when it comes to dating? Im tired of dating egos its so annoying, and to be honest Im tired of dating in general its supposed to be a fun experience but its not. What happend to just enjoying eachothers company and having fun meeting new people there is no harm in that right? 

 

Just because a girl doesnt want to date you now doesnt mean she's completely not interested in you, maybe she isnt ready for a new relationship and needs a break. Who knows but the friend zone isnt a bad place to be. Obviously dont let her take advantage of youre kindness but  I think thats the reason dating is so difficult today people are in a rush to be loved. Instead of taking the time to get to know one another

 

That's a nice sentiment, but empirical evidence states otherwise. Its like when I hear girls say that they like nice guys and stuff like, "All my guy friends are really nice!" And I'm like, "If they're so great, why aren't you with any of them?"

 

I agree that people should take it slow if they want something lasting. But seldom does a man escape the friend zone with a woman he desires.

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I'm just sick of the "there's no nice guys left" it's over used and annoying to hear, but it's very true that most women say that when the guys are right in front of them.

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you know josh i used to beleive that too, till my ex cheated on me with a guy (who was in the friendzone) so ya hahah it aint true

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I have a saying "friends first, lovers later" because I truly believe in that.  However, I have only completely friendzoned guys I know there'd never be a chance with that I would be romantically involved.

 

 For guys that I like, I let them know that we have to be friends now, and if something develops, then we'll learn to like (and maybe even eventually love) each other, then.  I don't think that's the same thing as friend-zoning... Or is it? Haha.

 

 I mean they are my friends, but I make it clear that I'm interested in them, I just want to grow a solid friendship at this point in time, but it could develop into a relationship.  That's what I actually say... So I guess if they automatically assume that means "Nope, no chance, never ever, sorry pal" then that's on them.  That's not what I said, so don't take it any other way than exactly the way I said it.

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Whats wrong with being in the friend zone? The next guy I take interest in will have to be my friend first so I can see who he really is and if we are compatible, we can get to know eachother better...whats wrong with that? Why are guys afraid of the friend zone?

 

If things dont work out so what you just gained a new friend...why are men so egotistical when it comes to dating? Im tired of dating egos its so annoying, and to be honest Im tired of dating in general its supposed to be a fun experience but its not. What happend to just enjoying eachothers company and having fun meeting new people there is no harm in that right? 

 

Just because a girl doesnt want to date you now doesnt mean she's completely not interested in you, maybe she isnt ready for a new relationship and needs a break. Who knows but the friend zone isnt a bad place to be. Obviously dont let her take advantage of youre kindness but  I think thats the reason dating is so difficult today people are in a rush to be loved. Instead of taking the time to get to know one another

 

It isn't so much an issue of ego, it's an issue not being able to act upon your feelings for the girl. Very few girls actually change their minds once they decide to friend zone a guy. It's easy to dismiss someone's strong feelings for you if you don't feel the same way, but sometimes it can be torture for him. It gets especially bad when you see the girl you really care about with some other guy. You start to feel like you're not good enough to be that special guy in her life. Like you somehow have fallen short of her standards but some other guy has been able to reach. I've been there multiple times and it hurts. Yes friendship is a good thing, but when romantic feelings come into play it complicates things. It's like being second or third place in a race. You want first place so bad but you don't get it despite working so hard. This happens to girls too. She may long to be with a certain guy friend but feel like she's not good enough if he friend zones her.

 

I understand that some nice guys feel entitled to date a girl simply for their niceness and that's wrong. Sometimes, you just don't feel the connection and want to stay friends and that's fine. But from personal experience, girls don't even want to stay friends with me after I tell her how I feel. They say one thing and do the opposite. They tell me they just want to be friends but they slowly push me out of their lives because they find it too awkward. It's like how a lot of girls say they want nice guys but go for the jerks. Not saying this is all girls, but it's a lot of them. I don't think a girl owes a guy anything for being nice, but she should at least own up to what she says.

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It isn't so much an issue of ego, it's an issue not being able to act upon your feelings for the girl. Very few girls actually change their minds once they decide to friend zone a guy. It's easy to dismiss someone's strong feelings for you if you don't feel the same way, but sometimes it can be torture for him. It gets especially bad when you see the girl you really care about with some other guy. You start to feel like you're not good enough to be that special guy in her life. Like you somehow have fallen short of her standards but some other guy has been able to reach. I've been there multiple times and it hurts. Yes friendship is a good thing, but when romantic feelings come into play it complicates things. It's like being second or third place in a race. You want first place so bad but you don't get it despite working so hard. This happens to girls too. She may long to be with a certain guy friend but feel like she's not good enough if he friend zones her.

I understand that some nice guys feel entitled to date a girl simply for their niceness and that's wrong. Sometimes, you just don't feel the connection and want to stay friends and that's fine. But from personal experience, girls don't even want to stay friends with me after I tell her how I feel. They say one thing and do the opposite. They tell me they just want to be friends but they slowly push me out of their lives because they find it too awkward. It's like how a lot of girls say they want nice guys but go for the jerks. Not saying this is all girls, but it's a lot of them. I don't think a girl owes a guy anything for being nice, but she should at least own up to what she says.

Exactly!

I don't feel nice guys are entitled to a date with a girl, I just wish girls wouldn't act like there's no nice guys left, and it's all of the men's fault they date jerks.

"Stop asking where the nice guys are, they're in the friend zone where you left them"

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That's a nice sentiment, but empirical evidence states otherwise. Its like when I hear girls say that they like nice guys and stuff like, "All my guy friends are really nice!" And I'm like, "If their so great, why aren't you with any of them?"

 

I agree that people should take it slow if they want something lasting. But seldom does a man escape the friend zone with a woman he desires.

 

Yes, yes, yes! Also, what Mstr Josh said.

 

As for the OP: The problem with the friend zone is that it's a waste of time (sorry). There has been a lot of study on the matter--men and women cannot be "just" friends. It simply doesn't work that way. Men who are "just" friends almost never get to "break through".

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Personally I don't like the term "friend zone." If a girl is not romantically attracted to a guy - physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc - she has the right to say no without being accused of "friend zoning." As if it's her fault she isn't experiencing attraction. You can't force it, you know. "Friend zoning" is a term being used for people who are exercising their rights to say "no, I'm not interested." And yet girls who do fwb are called sluts. So yeah, we can't win, can we?

 

And this applies to guys as well. There is nothing wrong with a guy deciding he can only like/love a girl as a platonic friend.

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It isn't so much an issue of ego, it's an issue not being able to act upon your feelings for the girl. Very few girls actually change their minds once they decide to friend zone a guy. It's easy to dismiss someone's strong feelings for you if you don't feel the same way, but sometimes it can be torture for him. It gets especially bad when you see the girl you really care about with some other guy. You start to feel like you're not good enough to be that special guy in her life. Like you somehow have fallen short of her standards but some other guy has been able to reach. I've been there multiple times and it hurts. Yes friendship is a good thing, but when romantic feelings come into play it complicates things. It's like being second or third place in a race. You want first place so bad but you don't get it despite working so hard. This happens to girls too. She may long to be with a certain guy friend but feel like she's not good enough if he friend zones her.

 

I understand that some nice guys feel entitled to date a girl simply for their niceness and that's wrong. Sometimes, you just don't feel the connection and want to stay friends and that's fine. But from personal experience, girls don't even want to stay friends with me after I tell her how I feel. They say one thing and do the opposite. They tell me they just want to be friends but they slowly push me out of their lives because they find it too awkward. It's like how a lot of girls say they want nice guys but go for the jerks. Not saying this is all girls, but it's a lot of them. I don't think a girl owes a guy anything for being nice, but she should at least own up to what she says.

 

Little tip: Ninety percent of the time, take what women say they want in a man with a grain of salt. Cause ninety percent of the time they say, "Oh, someone who's loving, and compassionate, and sensitive!", and all that jazz. Why do they "go for the jerks?" Because women are not attracted to feminine â€‹qualities. Shocker!, I know. Problem is, too many men have been brought up to believe that they are (myself included). Sure, some respect and compassion can go a long way, but if you want a lasting and loving relationship, you must step on your partner's toes so to speak. Command respect, not demand.

 

Girls saying, "I want a nice guy!", is code for, "I want someone who fits my skewed standards to a tee, even if it is just a facade!" 

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I think the friendzone is a foolish concept, overall. I, too, consider that it's vital for any romantic relationship to be rooted in friendship. I think it's important to be best friends with your partner.

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Personally I don't like the term "friend zone." If a girl is not romantically attracted to a guy - physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc - she has the right to say no without being accused of "friend zoning." As if it's her fault she isn't experiencing attraction. You can't force it, you know. "Friend zoning" is a term being used for people who are exercising their rights to say "no, I'm not interested." And yet girls who do fwb are called sluts. So yeah, we can't win, can we?

 

And this applies to guys as well. There is nothing wrong with a guy deciding he can only like/love a girl as a platonic friend.

 

I think you're missing the point. A woman has every right to say no--that's not what we're talking about. However, many women respond to potential mates not by declining outright, but by saying "let's just be friends" when she actually means to say no. In most cases, men who accept this are being duped into thinking that the woman might be interested in pursuing him if he first becomes her friend, or something like that, because they don't know what she actually means. Also, where did you get that we're talking about "friends with benefits"?

 

Please reread the first two responses to the OP and you will understand the problem with the "friend zone".

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I think you're missing the point. A woman has every right to say no--that's not what we're talking about. However, many women respond to potential mates not by declining outright, but by saying "let's just be friends" when she actually means to say no. In most cases, men who accept this are being duped into thinking that the woman might be interested in pursuing him if he first becomes her friend, or something like that, because they don't know what she actually means. Also, where did you get that we're talking about "friends with benefits"?

 

Please reread the first two responses to the OP and you will understand the problem with the "friend zone".

 

You've hit the nail on the head.

 

I'm a realist; no hope is better than false hope.

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So its a waste of time being friends first? because the girl doesnt jump your bones right off the bat you write her off? I think that thought process is foolish...also where is all these "nice guys" statements coming from. We get it youre all lovely :D 

But Im talking about when a girl wants to be friends first or isnt looking for anything at the moment, guys sometimes will write her off completely assuming thats where he'll stay I guess...which is just childish. You might as well have not even approached her if you cant handle being friends IMO. whats the rush?

 

This is why Im done with dating its more complicated than it needs to be...girl meets guy, guy and girl are interested in each other...then hang out/spend time together...fall in love :wub: ...marriage, the end. It doesnt need to be anymore complicated than that <_<

 

@Ace I agree I dont know why some men dont listen. :mellow:

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So its a waste of time being friends first? because the girl doesnt jump your bones right off the bat you write her off? I think that thought process is foolish...also where is all these "nice guys" statements coming from.  Im talking about when a girl wants to be friends first or isnt looking for anything at the moment, guys sometimes will write her off completely assuming thats where he'll stay I guess...which is just childish and a reason I dislike the term friendzone because apparently it complicates things. You might as well have not even approached her if you cant handle being friends.

 

This is why Im done with dating its more complicated than it needs to be...girl meets guy, guy and girl are interested in each other...then hang out/spend time together...fall in love...marriage, the end. It doesnt need to be anymore complicated than that

 

"It doesn't need to be anymore complicated than that."

 

Surely you jest! lol Come on now, that's part of what makes us human! 

 

All in all, if a guy has a chance with you, please make it clear to him. If he really is in it for the long haul, he should have no problem with you saying, "I want to get to know you first." But yes, boys looking for amusement will indeed write you off in nano-seconds, and that's their loss, the fools.

 

Listen; don't capitulate on dating. You'd be doing some lucky guy out there a great disservice.

 

 

(Sorry, btw, we did get a bit off topic)

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Like other posters have already said, I think there is a difference between friend-zone and a girl just wanting to get to know a guy better first. Friend-zone means she only sees you as a friend, nothing more. Why would I waste my time with that? Wanting to get to know the guy first means she is interested in the guy, but wants to take it slow.

I'm pretty sure I would outright refuse to be in the friend-zone. I'm not going to give that type of affection and put that type of attention toward a woman who only wants to be friends. That affection is reserved for a girlfriend. If she changes her mind and wants to date me she can come to me. I'm not going to sit around giving her my attention while she is off chasing other guys. I think I would only feel differently if my feelings toward her were completely, 100% gone. But, in that case, I think I would only want to be casual friends. I have trouble seeing being really good, close friends with a woman besides a wife or girlfriend.

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Taty, there's nothing wrong with a girl wanting to befriend a boy before dating him. On the contrary, that's exactly what she should be doing.

 

However.

 

Friend zoning, as the term has been so painfully defined through many male's experiences, is a phenomenon where a girl or boy don't wish to date someone romantically, but still desire the benefits that come from keeping that individual close.

 

I digress; I despise friend zoning, as many others have already expressed. If you desire to be with that person, then make it abundantly clear, but also let him/her know that you want to first get to know each other before moving on to whatever phase is next in that relationship.

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Friend zoning is a really bad term. Because it implies that there is something wrong with developing a friendship first.

 

I don't have a ton of guy friends, and the ones I do are either in relationships or married, so it is abundantly clear that we are "just friends."

 

The guys I get close to are the ones I see that there could be a potential future in. Or in the back of my mind, I think I should learn more about this person and spend time with them, etc. Again because the potential is there. Maybe that's why I have very few male friends (acquaintances sure, but friends no).

 

Maybe there are girls who like to get the benefits of a man who will be devoted to her and take care of her and they use them for that, and that is very sad. And completely wrong on the part of the girl. That is not okay. And for any guy that had this happen and is sure she was never interested (because she told you that outright) even at some point in time, then that's messed up.

 

But anyway, I think a lot of guys now immediately assume friend zone (or that's what it seems like from all the hype of the term). Don't write off a girl because she isn't flirty or sending clear signals. Us girls aren't always good at that either. Maybe she has no idea how to proceed. It happens.

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I think I should add some more thoughts to what I've posted. If I know a girl only pretty casually and just think she might be someone who could be nice to date, I would be okay with only being her friend if she did not want to date me. But, we would stay casual friends. I would not be close friends with her. Like I said before, that type of attention and affection is reserved for a girlfriend or wife. Maybe another time I'll go more into detail defining what I mean by all these terms, but hopefully everyone gets the gist of what I'm saying.

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