Guest redyellowblue

Have you ever been in love?

40 posts in this topic

If yes, what was it like? Are you still in love -- do you think you ever fall out of love?

 

if no, what do you think it is like? What's the closest thing you've been in to it?

 

Overall, what are your expectations for real love?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope not. I want to be in love but I hope that what I felt wasn't love. I don't even think I know what love is (in the romantic sense).

Is it an emotion or is it, a state of being, an action?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, that's a lot of questions to answer.  Um....Okay.  Put simply, yes, I was in love once.  I don't think that you only find real love once in your life; I just think that if you find the person God has set aside for you to marry, than you're real love for that person is going to be so much greater than your love for anyone else you might have had strong feelings for in the past.  So, yes, I was in love once, and it felt like heaven while it lasted.  When it ended......yeah, I'm not going there.  But, anyway, I believe I will fall in love again, and when I meet and fall in love with my future wife, my expectations are that our feelings for one another will be so much greater and stronger than my expectations ever expected.  Does that make sense?  If not, tell me, and I'll try to elaborate.  

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I've never been in love. I haven't even had a crush since I was 14, and that crush wasn't exactly a romantic crush. I thought he was a really fascinating guy, but at 14 I had very little hormones, so it was like a child crush. I don't see myself falling in love for quite some time. He'd have to be a really amazing guy.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm, I don't think I was ever "in love." But I have an idea of what it is like from reflecting on my own feelings that are sparked by literature and observing the world around me.

 

I have loved many people, but in a more "general love toward all humanity" way that increases or decreases in intensity with friendship, respect, or seeing someone on a regular basis. So different levels of that.

 

I've definitely had "crushes." I'm not referring to mere attraction here, but that feeling of pure romantic love. And there are different levels to these. People can pine away over someone for years, that's how some of the best poetry was ever written. I definitely consider that a form of love, even if unrequited.

 

But I think being "in love" is a combination of that unconditional love felt toward friends and family, with the addition of a pure romantic love, and the knowledge that this person I love in these two ways loves me back in the same ways.

 

Then if it's meant to be, and both people have the desire to make it work, it will turn into true love and a happy marriage. :)

 

So I do think it's possible to be "in love" and then if that love isn't nurtured it can decrease and drift away. Which is why I believe marriage is so important, because each individual needs to make that promise to themselves and each other.

 

I also believe that some people feel love more deeply and profoundly than others. And I think one person's strong and enduring love can inspire that type of love in another, IF they are open to it.

 

You definitely ask the hard questions Cou. :P

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If yes, what was it like? Are you still in love -- do you think you ever fall out of love?

 

if no, what do you think it is like? What's the closest thing you've been in to it?

 

Overall, what are your expectations for real love?

Yes, I am. Have been for 4 years. I hope it will endure forever, but you never know.

 

I think of love as far apart from infatuation and lust. It is something that builds up gradually, not at first sight, after you become closer and closer emotionally to a person. Your communication builds up, you share all your secrets and always say the absolute truth to each other no matter what. You both trust each other enough to put your whole life in their hands. You smile just at the thought of the other and your time together flies by so quickly that you feel bad when it's time to be away for a while. You're always supporting each other emotionally and want to see each other smiling forever. That's just the tip of the iceberg of what real love is about to me :) At this point, I will say that I'm almost there. Perhaps it becomes entirely real when you get married?

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ive been in love a few times, but it was love built on Desperation for needing someone to love me back (since i wasnt feeling any love from my family) , It was never returned though, always 1 sided which didnt end well

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Being's I use the word "love" and "being in love" not often at all, I haven't been there yet.

For me personally, I don't think I could truely love someone unless they love God first. May sound cheesy, but that's how I feel about the matter. I think that both our desires for God, and a passion for his heart, will give us a mutual feeling unlike any other. Which in turn I believe will give me the utmost desire for my spouse :)

 

Some of my expectations for real love.... hmm. I'd say being willing to love him/her above yourself. Put their needs first out of desire for their heart. Much give and take, both parties continuing to show each other their love for the other, in the small things just as much as the big things. In their actions which back up their words. Having a trust in that person like no other. /being supportive of each other. Sure there will be arguments, and disagreements, it happens because we're human. But I also believe that any special or close relationship has some of that sometime. You just gotta know if the journey with that person is worth it, and if they're met to stay in your life, then just know that it happens but it can make your relationship even stronger after :)

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am :wub:  Haha I haven't used that smiley in awhile.

 

For me anyway, it's definitely something that happens over a period of time. No "set" amount of time obviously but one day you just realize it. I think of Sally as my best friend AND my girlfriend. I can talk to her about anything in the world literally without a shred of self conciousness or awkwardness. I find myself just randomly thinking of ways to surprise her (shhhhh haha) and things I want to do together.I always miss her the second we part ways. I've never felt a connection so strong with anyone before and I love planning stuff together and knowing for sure when the next time we see each other is going to be. If one of us has an issue with something, we talk about it. No matter what it is. Getting it out there and talking about is ALWAYS going to be better than holding it inside or being passive agressive, etc. And probably the most important part, after 9 1/2 months of being bf/gf and now over a year since we met up for the first time...I want to be with her, around her, and see her MORE than ever! What used to be a normal occurence, seeing each other every 2 weeks, now feels like an eternity between visits lol. So we try to do once a week whenever possible and every other when we can't do that. But I know that this is different than any relationship I've ever been in, by FARRRRR lol :)  :) and trust me that's a good thing!

11 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am currently with someone I am convinced is The One.

We love each other through and through, and there is no greater solace, but at the same time, nothing more terrifying.

We are both waiters, but not only for sex. Before we were together, we both had the principle of deciding not to engage in relationships with anyone before we were absolutely certain of our feelings for that person, and now here we are, together and absolutely certain about each other.

 

He is the most respectful, charming, endearing character I could ever imagine, and certainly all I could ever ask for. I love him to pieces, but now we face the issue of, now that we've waited for that perfect person, and now that we've found each other, how long can we possibly wait before we get to fully and freely express our love for each other. We're both 18, and we realize marriage is several years away. I told him from the start that he'd be making a really big decision to be with me because I wanted to save myself for marriage, not only in terms of going all the way, but even a lot of things that are sexual in nature. And he agreed to take it on. 

 

But as time is passing, I'm noticing its getting really difficult for the both of us, but especially for him. He is ready to go farther than where I feel comfortable going. We constantly communicate with each other about how we feel after we do anything, and he is trying his best not to pressure me. He wants to wait as well, but since we are so many years from marriage, to deny him of anything sexual whatsoever is feeling cruel, What do you think I should do?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Definitely! DogdeDude put it very nicely that you always miss them as soon as you part ways. You also find things in your everyday life that remind you of each other. You never get tired of talking to that person or being with them. It sounds corny bu they truly are your best friend. You tell them all your secrets, you get mad at them for the stupidest things, have a million inside jokes and so much more! They're the first person you want to call when something good or bad happens. You know the good, bad, and the ugly but you accept each other flaws and all. My freshmen year psychology professor once told us that the person you love is "that imperfect person you see perfectly", which I didn't really get at the time. Now that I've been with my boyfriend I completely get it!

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, never been in love. I think I've only ever had one serious crush in my life, even. And even with that crush, I didn't really know her that well, so maybe it was more of having a crush on the person I thought/wanted her to be.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If yes, what was it like? Are you still in love -- do you think you ever fall out of love?

 

if no, what do you think it is like? What's the closest thing you've been in to it?

 

Overall, what are your expectations for real love?

 

Yes I am in love now and no I have never been in love before now. I don't think I'll ever "FALL out of love" and here's why: there's a quote I found about how people fall in love by CHANCE but they fall out of love by CHOICE. You don't choose when you fall in love, but you can choose to fall out of love by being lazy and not working on your relationship. 

 

My expectations for real love have been not only met, but surpassed by my relationship with DD. Not only are we both attracted to each other, but we make each other laugh, have similar morals & values, and have great communication. Like he said above, if anything comes up, we ALWAYS talk about it and that ALWAYS helps. Even if it's hard to talk about, that means that you reaaalllly need to talk about it then! I can be myself around him and I literally enjoy doing anything with him-no I'm not being dirty-hiking, camping, boating, movies, dancing, dinners, concerts, ANYTHING is better with him there ;) I know that is SUPER cheesy but it's 100% true! We have romantic nights and we have chill nights, days with friends and days with family---I love how flexible he is regarding plans and how we mix things up and don't let things get boring by doing the same thing over and over and over again--just trying a new restaurant or movie is fun! :)

7 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really like Jenny's differentiation between true love and romantic love, and I like what others said, so I won't try to add much to that.

 

if no, what's the closest thing you've been to it?

 

I'd say no, I haven't really been in love. I definitely felt romantic love and the potential for more, though. Like DD and Sally describe, being with that person was the highlight of my day/week. I feel that this was due to infatuation and not unconditional love, though, and I say that mostly because of how easy it was to let go when the relationship was over. It definitely hurt, but after the initial feeling of desperation--that maybe I'd never feel that way about anyone else--wore off, I made peace fairly quickly. 

 

Overall, what are your expectations for real love?

 

I know it will be unlikely that I will be my wife's first love (nor maybe she mine, depending on what life has to offer between now and then) so I like to think that the love shared in a successful and happy marriage transcends anything either party felt for anyone else in the past, and when compared to it those past loves pale and hardly even warrant the title "love." So I guess, in my opinion, I won't be able to say I know what true love is until I've had it, it's been tested--by life's hardships, by our own imperfections and downfalls--and we emerge from the other side and can still look at each other and with complete sincerity say, "I love you." Like the quote in my status says, â€œMore marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” Survive is definitely not a word I like to associate with marriage, but at some point--hopefully temporarily--I think it's likely that I will have to just choose, by sheer willpower, determination and loyalty, to love my wife (and/or vice versa). I think that this occurs during the "worst" and if we get past that, the feelings will return and our love will once again be by compulsion as well as by choice. I think when real love is present, divorce is not an option (except in cases of heinous offenses by one of the parties). I also like to think that real love never lets the romance die for out, at least not for good.

 

All that being said, the thought of marriage (and the journey getting there) scares the heck out of me as much as it excites me. The risk of heartbreak is just so high. But, I suppose, if the stakes were not so high neither would be the reward, and the journey would not be worth taking.

 

You definitely ask the hard questions Cou. :P

 

Indeed :P I hope my ramblings made sense and weren't too idealistic sounding. 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am in love right now!

 

Its amazing, she's my best friend as well as my girlfriend.  Seeing her smile brightens my life.  Our visits are like bliss, unfortunately there's way to much time in between, but that will change!  The highlight of my days are when I get to skype her in the evenings.  I can tell her anything and everything.  We smile, laugh, and enjoy even the simplest of things.  Whatever we do together is always completely awesome, just being together, whether it be a fancy night out, bowling, going to the movies, or just something simple like renting a movie or going for a walk, or coffee etc.  Everything i dream/plan for the future include her.  When i feel down she cheers my up, when I'm stressed just talking with her makes me feel better.  I like to do little things to surprise her and make her smile etc!

8 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

that could be the nicest thing i've read all day :-)   (congratulations you two :-)

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really like Jenny's differentiation between true love and romantic love, and I like what others said, so I won't try to add much to that.

 

if no, what's the closest thing you've been to it?

 

I'd say no, I haven't really been in love. I definitely felt romantic love and the potential for more, though. Like DD and Sally describe, being with that person was the highlight of my day/week. I feel that this was due to infatuation and not unconditional love, though, and I say that mostly because of how easy it was to let go when the relationship was over. It definitely hurt, but after the initial feeling of desperation--that maybe I'd never feel that way about anyone else--wore off, I made peace fairly quickly. 

 

Overall, what are your expectations for real love?

 

I know it will be unlikely that I will be my wife's first love (nor maybe she mine, depending on what life has to offer between now and then) so I like to think that the love shared in a successful and happy marriage transcends anything either party felt for anyone else in the past, and when compared to it those past loves pale and hardly even warrant the title "love." So I guess, in my opinion, I won't be able to say I know what true love is until I've had it, it's been tested--by life's hardships, by our own imperfections and downfalls--and we emerge from the other side and can still look at each other and with complete sincerity say, "I love you." Like the quote in my status says, â€œMore marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.†Survive is definitely not a word I like to associate with marriage, but at some point--hopefully temporarily--I think it's likely that I will have to just choose, by sheer willpower, determination and loyalty, to love my wife (and/or vice versa). I think that this occurs during the "worst" and if we get past that, the feelings will return and our love will once again be by compulsion as well as by choice. I think when real love is present, divorce is not an option (except in cases of heinous offenses by one of the parties). I also like to think that real love never lets the romance die for out, at least not for good.

 

All that being said, the thought of marriage (and the journey getting there) scares the heck out of me as much as it excites me. The risk of heartbreak is just so high. But, I suppose, if the stakes were not so high neither would be the reward, and the journey would not be worth taking.

 

 

Indeed :P I hope my ramblings made sense and weren't too idealistic sounding. 

 

I haven't actually posted in this question - I obviously have been (and am) in love with my wife, for those of you who know me here.  But i thought this last few posts - and some of the disctinctions between romantic love and true love and infatuation and everything in between were maybe worth me sharing a bit of me here - for the sake of a post.  :-)

 

I would answer the question that I said "I love you" four times (the 4th being my wife).  and each time i felt "love" and being "in love" differently..  kinda like getting better at it maybe.  

 

My first love was the fall hard type of love.  We were very good friends and then we were boyfriend/girlfriend, and we said I love you and we meant it.  But after a while I realized that in our "fighting" or disagreements, I was fighting to save the idea of the relationship more than the actual relationship.  I've never really liked the idea of giving up or admitting failure - and in my adulthood, I can see that that was NOT what happened with My First Love... but at the time it felt like it.  We both grew up a lot in that relationship and it was love - but it wasn't the love you have when you can't imagine breathing without that person every day. It was good when it was good;  and it was hurtful when it wasn't;  and I finally understood that to say goodbye was the right thing to do - becuase while we loved each other, and we felt "in love" it wasn't true deep other-half-of-your-heart love.

 

My second love was more like Matthew described.  A good friend, and a "light" case of love if i am honest.  I broke up with her on this one, and it bothered me for a short time - but I was over it truthfully almost as soon as I said it to myself that it was time.  That's how you really know it's not full-on love for sure.

 

My third love was one of those that looking back was silly.  I should never have fallen in love with her - she was involved with soeone else, but they lived crazy lives, and I spent way more time with her in school and out of school, than he did.  And I did the stupid thing people do - I imagined a path that had her choosing me over him.  True love is never really about an either/or situation... so i was a little TV-movie-of-the-week immaturity of falling in love with someone that i really could never be with...  and it was in the end of course just a really deep horrific level of infatuation on my part... but man o man did it hurt when she let me down easily with the obvious and integrity answer... that she was indeed with him.  (footnote:  they eventually married :-) ).

 

My fourth love...?   well she's still by my side every day.  And that love has seen tons of variations over the years.  IN love, IN lust, IN romance, IN like, IN bonding and committing to my other half.  I took a while to say I love you to her.  And when I said it... I realllly felt it.  Not giddy love.  Not infatuation love.  Not lust and hormones.  Love that makes you grab her hand and stand side by side and know that ever step after that is love.  :-)

 

For all of you who wonder how scary it is to contemplate that type of togetherness that eventually takes you to being married ... and all the lovely life stats of how marriages succeed and don't...  I invite you into a secret...  each of you who is reading this is a pretty mature grounded person... who thinks that maybe just maybe phsycial connection is not the marker of true love per se...   each of you is grown up enough to want some form of a fairy tale... and each of you is wondrous enough to know that each of us has a hand in creating our own fairy tales... 

 

Hopefully it doesn't sound goofy...  I know the idea of true and lasting love can sound scary... and it was for sure for me...  and I still know how caught with no words i was in asking her to marry me :-)... and how my heart was racing in being in a church and saying I Do...   and I know I was absolutely certain of all of it :-).  (you will be too)

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know it will be unlikely that I will be my wife's first love (nor maybe she mine, depending on what life has to offer between now and then) so I like to think that the love shared in a successful and happy marriage transcends anything either party felt for anyone else in the past, and when compared to it those past loves pale and hardly even warrant the title "love." So I guess, in my opinion, I won't be able to say I know what true love is until I've had it, it's been tested--by life's hardships, by our own imperfections and downfalls--and we emerge from the other side and can still look at each other and with complete sincerity say, "I love you."

I really like the way you worded this. I definitely agree and believe this is what happens with a marriage, or at least this is what we all strive for.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I thought I was at one point, but I was silly. It went away and I don't think real love ever goes away but I don't know. I still consider myself very ignorant of this topic. lol

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I've never been in love. I've been infatuated, but never the real thing. Just haven't met the right person yet. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in love with you too, my sexy lumberjack <3

 

He's my true love and it kills me to think of a life without him.  I'm breaking my butt to get done with school and have my citizenship test practiced for and aced.  I'd leave my country to be with him now if I could and when the first opportunity comes, I will pack my bags, and the next plane you hear flying over you will have me on it.

 

There is nothing I wouldn't do for this man and I want to give him everything under the sun that he wants because he makes me so happy.  He puts up with me when I'm t my worst and cherishes me when I'm at my best.  Like everybody does, I have problems in my life and like every relationship, we have struggles of our own.  We work through them and he hasn't given up on me and he even helps me through my own family induced issues.  I haven't felt alone since he has came into my life.       

 

I love how we have skyped nearly every day and we always make time even when our schedules don't go hand in hand some times.  

 

This is the one person I love more than myself.  I know I will be in love with you forever and always.  You have my word babe <3

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I have been. My last girlfriend and I dated for just over two and a half years. I was attracted to her from the start but as we dated and got to know each other I fell harder and harder for her. There came a point when I realized that I loved her and i knew how strong I felt about her. I adored her and I put so much effort into our relationship. She cared about me but didn't return the same level of feelings I had for her. To this day I still think about her and wonder how she is doing. I was her first boyfriend I worked hard to be modest, respectful, and compassionate. My story proves that you can fall for personality and it is so awesome! :)

While we were obviously not meant to be together, I know I will always care for her and have feelings for her. I know some other boy will love her and I have to live with that. Sometimes that's how life plays out.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I have been. My last girlfriend and I dated for just over two and a half years. I was attracted to her from the start but as we dated and got to know each other I fell harder and harder for her. There came a point when I realized that I loved her and i knew how strong I felt about her. I adored her and I put so much effort into our relationship. She cared about me but didn't return the same level of feelings I had for her. To this day I still think about her and wonder how she is doing. I was her first boyfriend I worked hard to be modest, respectful, and compassionate. My story proves that you can fall for personality and it is so awesome! :)

While we were obviously not meant to be together, I know I will always care for her and have feelings for her. I know some other boy will love her and I have to live with that. Sometimes that's how life plays out.

 

You just brought up something I have thought about a lot in the past. The idea of an emotional connection that a future husband/boyfriend may have that I might feel jealous about or worry about, etc.

 

A lot of posts talk about the retroactive jealousy concept for someone who has had sex with someone before, but never mentions that in regards to the emotional connection. Maybe I find the emotional side of a husband/boyfriend's past so important because I'm a girl (are we wired differently like that)? I actually consider that more or equally important to his physical past. Or maybe I'm the only one who feels that way. I don't know.

 

But between a man who had sex with someone else before but never fell in love until he met me, and was happy to wait with me...., and a man who fell head over heals for some girl, who he considered the love of his life, and still thought about; To be honest, the latter would be much more in my mind. I would feel like I always had to share his heart.

 

At the end of the day, I would never let something like that stop me from choosing someone. And of course it's up to the individual person whether they are ready to "move on" so to speak and leave all those past ties behind. My rational self would keep any insecurities like that at bay for the greater good of our future, but I'm just curious if anyone else has ever thought about this? Or felt anything similar.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now