Invincible

"Traditional" vs "modern" relationships

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Not surprising but I would love a mix of both. I know that gender stereotypes are out there for a reason, and exist because "traditional" and "modern" relationships do exist, but I'd like to think my future will consist of people who do what they want because their heart points them in that direction.

 

If I go on a date with someone, and I want to pay- I will! If someone was willing to stay at home with the kids, or to let me do the same because we were able to work it out between us, I would love that! Etc etc etc etc... :)

 

All about what you and your loved agree upon and feel in your heart. 

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As I have no experience with dating, I feel like I can't make an informed opinion on whether or not I like traditional dating or modern. As for marriage, I do want to be a full-time mom. I wouldn't be a housewife until we had kids, but once we have kids, I would want to either be a full-time mom or work only part time (but I wouldn't start part-time work until my kids were at least 10.) But that doesn't mean I think traditional marriage is better, it just means that is one aspect of traditional marriage that I would like.

 

I know when it comes to dating I won't have a problem splitting the bills 50/50 unless my boyfriend is very financially secure (which I may never be, seeing as I want to be an ESL teacher and they don't make a whole lot.) I know I will be a strict mom. Not in the sense that my child has to get great grades or look a certain way or do music lessons or whatever, but I am a no-nonsense type of person and I hate over-emotional, irrational behaviour and I would never allow insubordinate behaviour like my mom did (in her defense, I was one hell of a stubborn girl and still am.) I wouldn't be surprised if my husband was more nurturing than me, not that I would ever be even a quarter as bad as the tiger mom! lol. But seriously, when my kids graduate school, they either have to go to university (outside of our Province if we can afford it,) get a job if they don't go to school, and they MUST be out of the house by their 20th birthday. Hm...yeah, I'll be strict.

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I believe that as times change people in general would have a mixture of both types. If they are religious, maybe lean more to traditional, etc. With the cost of living today is it difficult for one parent to be home unless the other makes a considerable amount of money. That said it can be done. Moreover, I think that people realize it is okay to put effort in on both sides whether it's courting the other gender or whatever.

As for myself, I would say I hold traditional values, but execute a relationship in the modern sense.

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Modern relationship all the way, except that the goal of dating would strictly be marriage

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Traditional Relationship

  • Guy pursues the girl, at least most of the time (asking out, paying for dates, proposing)
  • Goal of dating is strictly for marriage (courtship)
  • Girl stays home with kids while guy makes money after marriage
  • Father is the leader, protector and stricter role with kids while mother is nurturing, tender and supporter.
  • etc. etc......

 

Modern Relationship

  • Both people pursue each other equally. Girl might ask guy out, pay for first date (or split bill) or propose
  • Goal of dating may not have marriage as goal
  • Both people may work or father may stay home with kids
  • Little or no traditional gender roles involved
  • etc......

Which do you lean more towards or are you somewhere in between?

 

Definitely leaning towards Traditional. Mainly because I don't date just for the sake of dating, I only date when Im serious and this could be a prospective husband. However, when I do really like a guy, I cant keep it hidden to save my life, im just too friendy and flirty :P I would also like to set up some dates and do some exciting stuff, just do those type of things when we're together. I do however have a passion and want my own career, but i also believe in the gender roles, though its not really a HUGE deal... hmm maybe Im just a mix of the two :) good question!

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I'm a mix. I think dating should be a roads towards marriage, but I also don't like planning too much ahead. Although I'd like to think that every date is a potential future husband, that isn't always the case, and it's important to be watchful for possible shortcomings or incompatibilities. Marriage is a big commitment, and you want to make sure you've chosen the right person.

 

I would feel uncomfortable if the guy insisted to pay all the time; I'd feel like I wasn't pulling my own weight. I typically go Dutch (we each pay for our own meals), and that's always seemed fair to me. I'm definitely more of an egalitarian than a complementarian. Although there are things that women are more suited for than men, and vice versa, I'm a firm believer that men and women can take on whatever vocation they feel called to. If a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom, good for her, and if a man wants to be a stay-at-home dad, more power to him.

 

I'm probably a bit biased (actually, extremely biased). I feel called to the ministry, which essentially means I have to have more egalitarian views on marriage and liberal theology in general; after all, more traditional and complementarian views would argue that women shouldn't be pastors, which wouldn't exactly fit with my calling.

 

Basically, I think it's different for everyone, and it depends on each person's own personal feelings and convictions on the topic. Hopefully that made sense...  :)

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My boyfriend and I are a good mix of both.

 

Traditional ways about us

 

We both feel that the purpose of dating is to find a life partner; we both don't casually date.

 

I want to stay at home the first few years after our children are born, but work until I have them and go back to work afterwards.

 

Modern ways about us

 

He initiated talking to me, but then we corresponded back and forth as time went by.  Sometimes he'd IM me, sometimes I'd IM him first.  I have never been a girl for "the chase."  I'm straight forward; I liked him and he liked me, I wanted to be together.

 

We both look at ourselves as equals to one another in our roles.  We try to be fair about things but it isn't like we keep tabs or split anything down the middle 50-50.  Ex: When I fly out to him, he pays for most things and when he flies out to me, I pay for most things.  

 

I like to buy him things and sometimes for no reason at all.

 

We both want to have careers.

 

We like to do chores together.  

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Based on your description I'd say I'm traditional for the most part but when it comes to the financial aspect I wouldn't mind if she held down a higher paying job then me or one that required her to work more. I'd prefer to pay for stuff like dates but wouldn't have any issues if she brought home more money.

I am traditional and think the guy should approach but me being shy I wish women would make it blatantly obvious that they are or aren't interested.

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I would definitely prefer a traditional marriage. My husband and children will be my main priorities. Depending on our financial situation, I would love to be a stay at home mum until the children are old enough to go to school. 

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I would definitely prefer a traditional marriage. My husband and children will be my main priorities. Depending on our financial situation, I would love to be a stay at home mum until the children are old enough to go to school. 

 

 

 

thats what my mom did

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On 3/8/2013 at 2:36 PM, TheJayspyder said:

"Modern" or "progressive" relationships are a joke. People just want instant gratification--no bonding, no genuine loyalty. I look at modern America's idea of romance, which is more like a business transaction, and see nothing. Complete emptiness. Contemporary "relationships", which I feel is too strong a term, helped bring about the death of courtship and even romance in a lot of cases.

 

So its obvious which one I'm leaning towards.

Here's the issue with your rant, it's biased and is also missing vital acknowledgment. The old school was the same way. This is one of my pet peeves with people criticising modern ways of doing things as if things years ago weren't the same way. Look at the many marriages that were not because two people loved each other, but were because the woman got knocked up. So, they got married and lived together for years tolerating each other because they were taught it was their duty. An example, would be my aunt and my uncle (he supports the household mostly), both are over 60 years old. They have been married for years, but they sleep in separate bedrooms and she has extramarital affairs with both sexes. What makes their marriage better than recent the marriages that didn't last very long. I acknowledge that some may have fallen in love or but then others didn't. Look at the many long lasting marriages with horrible secrets, spouses who didn't respect each other, unhealthy marriages, but people assume that because their marriages lasted for over 20 years they are doing things right. People have been practising marriage as business transactions of centuries, what do you think dowries are? I doubt every marriage that has had one involved love. In fact, this is still going on. Arranged marriages between royals, all about politics. Marriage has been practiced outside of love for generations, centuries even. The "traditional" being better is overrated. In honesty, I don't think traditional or modern necessarily exists. The "moderns" are just copying what's been going on for sometime now. I don't believe that the old school people loved each other more and were all about romance. I belidon't believe a lot of young people are still falling in love. Yes, a lot of us are hooking up before marriage, but guess what? The traditional generations did as well. If not, why did many of them get married purely because a child was conceived? They wanted sex and expected it in their relationships as well. Instant gratification is a human condition that has affected every generation when it comes to romance, work, etc... The modern world is not all that different. To criticise the people today for not being like the traditionals of tester generations is simply to criticise them for not making the same mistakes as traditionals. However, in truth, people are making the same mistakes. People just practicing the mistakes more now than before. But these sins are not new. 

 

The issue we have is fear. Many young people grew up around the horrible marriages of the old school, who did things the "traditional" way and watched them fail. We watched many of them hurt each other in ways that was a direct violation of marriage and there is a fear of turning out just like them. My own mother stayed in marriage for almost 20 years, with my father who is a drug addict, drunk, and sexually and physically abusive. Yet, when I hear her criticise the fact that marriages don't last long, I think about her staying with my father for so long and the fact that she is on her 3rd marriage. Now as a young adult, I fear spending years in a marriage with someone who is horrible, who doesn't want to change, and have children in the midst of it. Marriage is a huge risk; so, many feel it's better avoid it and just enjoy themselves without it. I would love to have a marriage where all we do is simply have sex, have kids, and have our own space. When we want romance, we can create it, but I don't want him in my space for too long, and we must respect that. Unfortunately, this is not what God intended. So, I've decided not to get married at all.

 

Most of the fellow young people I've talked to who just want the benefits of marriages without the commitment are doing it for protection. This way, when warning signs start to appear, you won't have to go through divorce, alimony, or legal cases. Just move on. This is where many of them are coming from. I think their concerns are justified and understandable. Has this lead to issues? Yes. But the traditionalists negatively influenced the fear we see today by being poor role models of healthy marriage; so, many young people don't have faith in marriage. Until we can help fellow young people see what marriage should have been in their homes or in the world, they will continue to lack faith in it. However, I don't agree with the holier than thou criticisims that the traditional or old school was better. From what I've seen and have heard about old school practices, they were just as unholy and corrupt in many ways as this generation.

 

In my case, even though I know how marriage should be, I don't want it. I like being independent and not having to worry about putting up with staying in an unhealthy marriage as my mother did. And if I had ever been in situation as unhealthy as my mother, I would be more comfortable divorcing than she was. 

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