armycop89

Were are you SINGLES :O

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I agree! It actually kind of makes me mad that people will ONLY date virgins.

 

Why does it make you mad that some people will only date virgins? I am saving myself for marriage; I want my future wife to do the same. 

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I'm not saying you have to date who ever comes across, I just think "Hey regardless of their being a virgin or not, they could be the one!" I give everyone a chance, so it's really just my opinion.

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The biggest obstacle would always be distance. There's no real world virgin communities lol. We're spread out, but if you want a non-virgin single person who's never been married you don't have to look far.

No real world virgin communities... We shall start a virgin colony! A colony like in I am legend, the last hope for humanity! (humanities values)

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I completely understand that a virgin would prefer a virgin!  As with me (and this does not apply to every nonvirgin), a good man that marries me as I am (and with a kid!) I will view similarly as the parable found in Luke 7:41-43. --> http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%207:41-43&version=NIV
I will appreciate him so much. 
Additionally, because I have had the experience of being with someone not worthy of my life (an abusive jerk), I have that much more perspective to appreciate a good man.  Sometimes we don't know what we have until we don't have it and I have seen that in marriages with unsatisfied spouses; they don't know what they have.  I have seen others that were married young and fast forward their lives 20 years later and they are nagging each other to death.  They don't appreciate what they have, because they don't have anything to compare to.  (I know this does not apply to everyone!) The real key to life is to be thankful for what you have without having to experience not having it, but it is not uncommon to not know what to be thankful for.

Again, not saying anyone should date nonvirgins, that is a personal choice.  Just a new perspective.

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I completely understand that a virgin would prefer a virgin!  As with me (and this does not apply to every nonvirgin), a good man that marries me as I am (and with a kid!) I will view similarly as the parable found in Luke 7:41-43. --> http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%207:41-43&version=NIV

I will appreciate him so much. 

Additionally, because I have had the experience of being with someone not worthy of my life (an abusive jerk), I have that much more perspective to appreciate a good man.  Sometimes we don't know what we have until we don't have it and I have seen that in marriages with unsatisfied spouses; they don't know what they have.  I have seen others that were married young and fast forward their lives 20 years later and they are nagging each other to death.  They don't appreciate what they have, because they don't have anything to compare to.  (I know this does not apply to everyone!) The real key to life is to be thankful for what you have without having to experience not having it, but it is not uncommon to not know what to be thankful for.

Again, not saying anyone should date nonvirgins, that is a personal choice.  Just a new perspective.

 

Very true and he will need your forgiveness as well because he will have done things he's not proud of either :)

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Well I believe one should get married before they have sex so to me losing one's virginity outside of marriage is something I disagree with. I would like to note one thing that bothers me. Some people will only date fellow virgins! 

 

Why does someone else's dealbreaker make you mad? It has no bearing on your life, so why should it matter to you?

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Why does someone else's dealbreaker make you mad? It has no bearing on your life, so why should it matter to you?

I'm not convinced that it makes him mad, Wny.  There are two view points and he expressing one and you are expressing another. Neither are wrong. 

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I agree! It actually kind of makes me mad that people will ONLY date virgins.

 

 

I would like to note one thing that bothers me. Some people will only date fellow virgins! 

 

If there are people in this community who get irritated when people have a preference for a virgin, can you imagine how people outside of this community often feel? I think it's worth acknowledging that this phenomenon exists. 

 

The real issue here is that we all have preferences. When someone says to another that there's a problem with their preference they are essentially communicating, "My preferences are totally fine but yours are sad." 

 

To anyone who gets bothered or mad when someone will only date a virgin, do you not also have your own preferences? And do you get equally upset when someone will only date someone they are physically attracted to? Do you get equally upset when a girl will not date a guy that is 5 inches shorter? How about if someone will not date someone else because they are of a different religion, does this also rub you the wrong way?

 

Ultimately, I think that if someone is getting upset at another for what is important to them, they are partaking in hypocrisy. Because you can't in one breath have preferences and believe they are legit and in another tell someone else that theirs aren't.

 

Moreover, I'm not so certain that we really even choose our preferences: Whether they be physical preferences, personality, or otherwise and I think lots of people lose sight of that fact. In other words, what is really important to us may just be the result of us being true to ourselves.

 

The truth of the matter is that love isn't blind. If it was, absolutely none of us would have any preferences at all, but we all do. Why get angry over someone else's preferences? Just because this issue isn't a deal breaker for you doesn't mean it's not utterly legitimate that it is for someone else. Don't project your unique sensibilities onto someone else's: We are all different.

 

All that said I do want to clarify that in no way, shape or form do I think virgin girls are more valuable than non-virgin girls. Nor do I think that two non-virgins marrying or one virgin and one non-virgin marrying will by definition have an inferior marriage. Indeed, they may have a far more beautiful marriage than two virgins marrying. 

 

Ultimately, preferences are not objective and are entirely subjective.

 

At the end of the day, I believe what is most important, is that we be true to ourselves.

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It's not bothersome that they prefer a virgin, it's bothersome that some make it seem as if they could never love a non virgin and make it seem as if they see them as less of a person.

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It's not bothersome that they prefer a virgin, it's bothersome that some make it seem as if they could never love a non virgin and make it seem as if they see them as less of a person.

 

Maybe they couldn't get into a marriage where the other partner is not a virgin because that is something that is really important to them. Maybe this would be something that they feel would jeopardize the relationship. So what if they feel that way? I think this preference gets singled out as somehow not acceptable while other ones nobody bats an eye lash over. But of course it's ridiculous because all preferences are completely subjective.

 

I'm sure there are many in this thread alone who wouldn't be able to marry someone they happen to not find attractive, and yet, that doesn't mean they think lesser of the person.

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If there are people in this community who get irritated when people have a preference for a virgin, can you imagine how people outside of this community often feel? I think it's worth acknowledging that this phenomenon exists. 

 

The real issue here is that we all have preferences. When someone says to another that there's a problem with their preference they are essentially communicating, "My preferences are totally fine but yours are sad." 

 

To anyone who gets bothered or mad when someone will only date a virgin, do you not also have your own preferences? And do you get equally upset when someone will only date someone they are physically attracted to? Do you get equally upset when a girl will not date a guy that is 5 inches shorter? How about if someone will not date someone else because they are of a different religion, does this also rub you the wrong way?

 

Ultimately, I think that if someone is getting upset at another for what is important to them, they are partaking in hypocrisy. Because you can't in one breath have preferences and believe they are legit and in another tell someone else that theirs aren't.

 

Moreover, I'm not so certain that we really even choose our preferences: Whether they be physical preferences, personality, or otherwise and I think lots of people lose sight of that fact. In other words, what is really important to us may just be the result of us being true to ourselves.

 

The truth of the matter is that love isn't blind. If it was, absolutely none of us would have any preferences at all, but we all do. Why get angry over someone else's preferences? Just because this issue isn't a deal breaker for you doesn't mean it's not utterly legitimate that it is for someone else. Don't project your unique sensibilities onto someone else's: We are all different.

 

All that said I do want to clarify that in no way, shape or form do I think virgin girls are more valuable than non-virgin girls. Nor do I think that two non-virgins marrying or one virgin and one non-virgin marrying will by definition have an inferior marriage. Indeed, they may have a far more beautiful marriage than two virgins marrying. 

 

Ultimately, preferences are not objective and are entirely subjective.

 

At the end of the day, I believe what is most important, is that we be true to ourselves.

Okay, thank you for the clarification.  No one is wrong.  It is just a view point. 

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I'm siding here with Stacie.

 

Love is one hell of a drug, and you'll love that person whether virgin or not.

 

Also, it's nice being appreciated instead of flattered. :)

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"Again, not saying anyone should date nonvirgins, that is a personal choice."

 

I also side with Stacie, because it seems to me, her position doesn't conflict with mine at all. The above was Stacie's quote, couldn't get it to quote properly. And I think her feelings are fair and legit.

 

You can appreciate someone that has what you're looking for; this has nothing at all to do with flattery even remotely.

 

We all have preferences and we all have deal breakers; just doesn't seem objective or fair to me to maintain that there's everything right with your own deal breakers but with other people's deal breakers that aren't consistent with your own, there's something wrong.

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Ofcourse we exist!!!! No rush I understand it gets frustrating but enjoy where you are now because when your time for yourself is consumed in a relationship you'll miss it! lol

 

Oh and the only reason I say this is because there is trouble in paradise on my end! hahaha I need a break from my relationship starting to have major second thoughts about our relationship and compatibility. Prayers for the best regardless of the outcome are welcomed! :))

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This is to the no dating virgin comments-well after dating a virgin and being a virgin the waiting part is very easy! However, just because you get a virgin does not mean your inclinations to have sex will be easier but what it boils down to is if you have a respectful partner virgin/non-virgin who helps you wait.

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Hey IAG

 

 

I never said I was mad at those who would only be with virgins.

I never said I was getting upset because of what was important to someone else.

I never said other peoples' preferences weren't legit.

STOP putting words in my mouth!

I do have preferences. I prefer to marry a virgin. I however am trying to put God above myself and her. I don't know if you're religious IAG but I believe that as a Christian (person who should try to be like Jesus everyday) I need to love others and be forgiving. God forgives everyday out of LOVE. 

Out of LOVE I choose to be with her even if she isn't a virgin. I'd even be happy although a little scared if she had a kid considering I'm only 22 but if I truly loved her and she loved me back I wouldn't have a problem with the child. Just not very experienced with children.

The REASON I said I was bothered was because in addition to comments on this topic and on another topic in the forum area of the site I got the sense that certain individuals only wanted virgins because non-virgins were somehow undeserving or the virgins were in some way above all others. I have the strong inclination that when a person chooses to eliminate a certain group of people such as non-virgins from potential husband or wife prospects then this person has an issue with forgiveness. 

 

It takes forgiveness to accept someone with past mistakes. If one can't forgive another and as a result decide to only date a certain type because of this then the person has real issues. This unforgiveness bothers me. 

 

Deep down I don't know why someone would choose to not be with a non-virgin, so I resort to assuming and based on the tone of certain individual's statements it just seems to me that they can't be with a non-virgin because they CAN'T ACCEPT that person's past mistake.

 

It's all about LOVE and SELFLESSNESS! If I love a Woman and she happens to not be a virgin, It would be selfish of me to let her go because of a past mistake. It would be unforgiving. 

 

Wow that was a long post! 

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At the end of the day people can do whatever the heck they want. Date whoever they want to, whatever makes them happy. However I do have the right to voice my opinion on anything that was said publicly. It just pisses me off when someone puts words in my mouth, Takes my comments and turns them into something else. I was "bothered" by one's choice, not "angered", or "mad". I never said that. I don't agree with them, but their choice doesn't anger me at all. Live your life!

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I completely understand that a virgin would prefer a virgin!  As with me (and this does not apply to every nonvirgin), a good man that marries me as I am (and with a kid!) I will view similarly as the parable found in Luke 7:41-43. --> http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%207:41-43&version=NIV

I will appreciate him so much. 

Additionally, because I have had the experience of being with someone not worthy of my life (an abusive jerk), I have that much more perspective to appreciate a good man.  

I totally agree with you. If you find a Man who is willing to pursue you even though you have a kid than you've found a keeper. See having a kid means he will immediately have extra responsibilities that don't normally accompany a new relationship. Also he would need to get over the fact that he would have to take care of someone else's child. That takes a lot of love. He would need to truly love you. That's why the guy with the bigger debt would love the moneylender more. It was a bigger debt. You and God would certainly love the man who cares for you and your child as his own more because it would take more responsibilities and it would be a bigger blessing not burden!

 

I've changed my outlook on love. Now I believe that I ought to love someone because I want to be like God (pure selfless forgiving love) and my main goal is to make sure She is happy and in a safe, loving, Godly relationship. So with that mindset it would make sense going into a relationship with someone who has a kid. To go into that relationship with the idea of love being "well how can SHE make me happier", wouldn't seem to work as well as "well how can I make HER happy". Selflessness is something I think your future spouse MUST have in order to take on such responsibilities. 

 

Your child is a blessing not a burden. If a guy see's him or her as a burden then thank God for making it so obvious he's the wrong guy!

 

I hope you find your man soon! So your child can grow up with him. He may be on this site, at your workplace, a church, or even a very ungodly place who knows. God has a wonderful way of surprisingly blessing us. I truly hope you find him, God Bless!

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I never put words in your mouth. When I quoted you it was just to point out that there are people who have a problem with other people's preferences. You said it bothered you when some people who are virgins will only date virgins.

 

The rest of what I had to say was strictly my opinion on the general subject. In fact, I never even referenced you a single time in anything that I had to say: So saying I put words in your mouth is completely bogus. I can express my feelings on this forum too, can't I?

 

And I don't think this preference has anything to do with forgiveness because you don't forgive someone else who happens to be a non-virgin; because after all, they didn't do anything wrong to you to even ask for forgiveness . Forgiveness doesn't enter the picture: This is about preferences and deal breakers. Two completely separate issues.

 

 

Well, let me set the record straight: As a virgin, I don't think that non-virgins are undeserving of virgins. Again, this comes down strictly to preferences, not entitlement.

 

 

 

It takes forgiveness to accept someone with past mistakes. If one can't forgive another and as a result decide to only date a certain type because of this then the person has real issues. This unforgiveness bothers me. 

 

Another on this forum has said that he believes that there will be a unique bond between two virgins and that this type of bond, that he believes will be present among two virgins, is really important to him. This is how he sees it, and his perspective is absolutely legit. Forgiveness doesn't even enter the picture. I think it's rather presumptuous to conclude that someone who will only date a virgin has real issues.

 

I think it would be a good thing if we didn't make assumptions about why someone will only date a virgin and instead just celebrate that everyone is different and can't be expected to desire the same things in a mate. There are almost 7 billion people on this Planet and we're not going to see things the same way. We're not going to have the same deal breakers and preferences. 

 

I want to point out that I COMPLETELY respect your being completely OK with dating/marrying non-virgins. But the same respect should be given to those who find this criteria so important to them that it is a deal breaker. I feel that you can't lump all people together who will only date/marry a virgin. People with this preference are going to have all kinds of different reasons why they feel the way they do.

 

 

 

However I do have the right to voice my opinion on anything that was said publicly.

 

Nobody suggested otherwise.

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I don't think this discussion is gonna get either of us anywhere productive IAG. Instead of continually pointing things out and disagreeing lets just agree to disagree. It's getting us nowhere. We both have our preferences and hopefully we both one day receive who we need.

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At the end of the day people can do whatever the heck they want. Date whoever they want to, whatever makes them happy. However I do have the right to voice my opinion on anything that was said publicly. It just pisses me off when someone puts words in my mouth, Takes my comments and turns them into something else. I was "bothered" by one's choice, not "angered", or "mad". I never said that. I don't agree with them, but their choice doesn't anger me at all. Live your life!

I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth. That was just how I interpreted what you've said. Still, you did say that it "bothers" you and you ended your sentence "Some people will only date fellow virgins!" with an exclamation mark, which certainly implies that this is a concern of yours even if it might be going too far to say you're mad about it. I see how some reasons for wanting to marry only a virgin could be bothersome, but based on your posts it seems like maybe only some people's reasoning bothers you. So, wouldn't it perhaps be more accurate to say that "Some people's reasons for only wanting a virgin bother me" instead of just the idea of wanting only a virgin being bothersome?

 

One other thing I'll comment on, as well. You seem to have the attitude that being in love with someone should be what makes their status as a non-virgin irrelevant (or at least not a dealbreaker), but isn't it possible that someone being a non-virgin is enough to stop someone from falling in love or being in love with them?

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I agree only some people's reasoning bothers me no all since all wouldn't have the same reasoning.

For some I bet the other being a non-virgin would certainly make love impossible. So it would stop some but on the surface this is where it seems bothersome to me. I can't help but think that at least some individuals are holding that non-virgin's past against them.

But then again with that reasoning I could say me only willing to date a fellow Christian could be interpreted as me holding another's religion against them if they weren't Christian.

I hope we all find the one we need. This world is huge and finding a virgin ain't easy.

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I do have preferences. I prefer to marry a virgin. I however am trying to put God above myself and her. I don't know if you're religious IAG but I believe that as a Christian (person who should try to be like Jesus everyday) I need to love others and be forgiving. God forgives everyday out of LOVE. 

Out of LOVE I choose to be with her even if she isn't a virgin. I'd even be happy although a little scared if she had a kid considering I'm only 22 but if I truly loved her and she loved me back I wouldn't have a problem with the child. Just not very experienced with children.

 

It takes forgiveness to accept someone with past mistakes. If one can't forgive another and as a result decide to only date a certain type because of this then the person has real issues. This unforgiveness bothers me. 

 

It's all about LOVE and SELFLESSNESS! If I love a Woman and she happens to not be a virgin, It would be selfish of me to let her go because of a past mistake. It would be unforgiving. 

oOOooOooh I love this...can you umm make copies of yourself and send them my way so I can pass them along to all my christian friends...and me  :wub:

 

Im glad this isnt a dating site though it would put way too much pressure on everyone.  I dont think all of us would talk as freely with all that pressure.

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I know sexy very faithful and fit christian virgin woman in their late tweenties early thirties.  Where are they..?  Well... as for my group of frineds.....we are hanging out at eachothers apartments playing video games and watching movies and not meeting many new people.  lol  My best friend for example is extreemly gorgeous but she is so independent and carreer focused that it takes a lot to get her attention and its also hard for me to drag her out of her apartment befcause she doesnt like going out much unless there is a goal.  hahaha

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