annabell

Dont want a wedding?

16 posts in this topic

Hello. (:

I'm sorry I've been gone for a while, I really have no good excuse for it other than I went through a phase of wanting to ignore the thought of waiting till marriage (not this website).

But I hope you all are doing very well and I have been checking posts off and on<3

 

     Onto the topic! My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married when I'm eighteen (which is in less than a year). I know it sounds crazy and many people are normally like "YOUR LIFE ENDS WHEN YOU GET MARRIED!" -_-

     I've been dating him for over four years and I KNOW without a doubt that I want to be with him. But the longer we wait to get married, the less I desire a real wedding. Its not because "I'm not as in love with him as I was" NOT the case whatsoever, but it is getting severely hard and pretty dangerous to wait extra years. I don't want to sound like I'm ONLY marrying him for sex, if that was the case I wouldn't still be a virgin. But I realized that if we wait to have a real wedding, we may not be able to get married till I'm 19-20 (or older).  I am not at all worried about how things will turn out, I'm just curious to know if I'm weird for not desiring a wedding that much. I have nothing against a wedding or anyone who wants one or a big wedding, but the situation I'm in now has proved to me that I don't need a wedding to make our marriage last. But for our relationship to stay pure and for our marriage to be blessed, I know that a wedding might be way out of the picture. Its also extra money for our home, etc :D lol.

My conclusion is, is that we are thinking about just getting a marriage license and have our own celebration.. lol as long as I'm with him I don't care if we don't have a huge wedding. But am I weird for not wanting one? Since every girl normally wants one.

 

 

Also, if my family knew our plans to marry when I'm 18...uhm this might be the last time you guys hear from me. Okay so not that bad, but REALLY BAD!

 

 

 

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Your not weird for not wanting a big wedding with people and such. It's fine wanting to just sign the papers and get the marriage license, what ever makes you and your boyfriend happy.

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I agree with Mstr Josh. There is a big difference between getting married and having a wedding. All a wedding is is a celebration. Some people want it and some dont. There is nothing wrong with that.

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No, there is nothing weird or wrong with not wanting a wedding. If I ever get married, I'd just elope if I had it my way (though chances are, I won't have it my way.) Nothing wrong with weddings, but I don't like how ridiculous people get over spending unnecessary amounts of money to create "the perfect wedding." It makes no sense financially to start your marriage off in debt and the more complicated a wedding gets, the more likely something will go wrong. Big expensive weddings doesn't necessarily equal better. There is beauty in small and simple weddings. The less money you blow on a wedding, the more you can save for a house and a better honeymoon.

 

Also, you bring up issue of purity. I think there is validity in wanting to speed up marriage to avoid any further sexual temptation provided you are sure he is the one and it is practically possible to get married. Another reason I'm not a fan of weddings is because of an extra 6 months or longer to prepare a wedding, which puts you both in unnecessary temptation longer. Like I said, nothing wrong with weddings but I think if you were to have one, keeping the engagement period as short as possible is the way to go.

 

Besides you can always have a post-marriage celebration with your family and friends later down the road :)

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I seriously could have written this post!! Well, at least parts of it :) I am a few years older than you (22 and a junior in college and my boyfriend is a senior graduating this May.. we will hopefully get married in a little after a year when I can move to where he is going to be. If we lived in the same state/town we probably would have gotten married sooner but that wont be happening until I graduate) and I totally understand about it being very difficult to keep waiting especially after 4 years.. its so hard when the end just sees so far away even after 4+ years (my bf and I have been dating for just over 4 years). I have questioned myself on if I really wanted to keep waiting on more than one occasion because it is SO hard.

 

I also understand your not wanting a big wedding. Personally I would much rather do something small, and then go out to dinner with immediate families and a few close friends to celebrate, and then spend more money on a honeymoon and/or towards savings for the future..  Sometimes I feel bad that I would be perfectly happy with something really small because I also feel like that means I want to get married for sex when that, like you, really is not the case. You are not alone in those feelings :) Especially at 18/19 I think it would be silly to spend a ridiculous amount of money for a wedding because most people that age wouldn't have a lot of money..

 

Also, I think in some respects is good that you don't want a big wedding! I'm sure its happened on more than one occasion that a woman get married because the guy proposes and they jump on the chance to really plan the big fancy wedding that so many little girls dream about since childhood.. they focus so much on the actual wedding day itself and liking all the attention that comes with being engaged and not as much on making sure who they are marrying is actually the right person for them. 

 

I also have to add that sometimes it is best to also take into consideration your family/parents wishes even if that means waiting another year. I know our parents would have NEVER let us get married at 18.. or if we did it anyway, they would not be very supportive of it.. make sure they know that you understand where they are coming from, but also (in a respectful way) let them know why you want to get married so young (been with him for  years, know he is the one for you etc) so they can also see where you are coming from. Its the worst feeling in the world (I know from experience..) when your parents are not supportive/ are against your relationship.. luckily with a bit more time our family's are now at the point that they are supportive of us and not so cautious/judgmental like they were for the first few years and they know that we are more than likely going to get married after college.

 

Hope this helps! Sorry it was so long.. 

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I personally don't need a wedding. My family seems to be getting more and more messed up, so I may actually want to AVOID one.

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The more I think about it, the more I realize I really just want a small wedding in the church I grew up in when the time comes. As long as I have my close family and friends and he has his, that's all that matters. The reception is usually what costs so much, but I am sure there are ways to keep the cost down.

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You're not weird at all. As others said, do what you and your boyfriend feel like doing. After all, it's your life and your decision to make, so do what makes you both feel happy.

 

I'm a minimalist, so I don't think I'd ever spend a lot of money on the wedding. I'd just organize a gathering with our loved ones with all the basic stuff. Nice and simple. I've never understood why people spend so much for only one night and even go into debt over it. I would prefer to invest the majority of the money in our home and for the future.

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Well, I am never getting married and I will never have a wedding.

 

For those who want one, simple and small is the best way to go!

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I think you're confusing two things. Having a wedding doesn't (or, at least, shouldn't) mean spending $25,000 on it. I understand being frugal and not wanting to spend that much (which I even think can be good), but that doesn't mean you need to elope.

 

Personally, I want to have a wedding. I don't care if it's small (I actually prefer a small wedding), but I'm not going to just sign the papers.

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Well, I am never getting married and I will never have a wedding.

 

???? a joke or am I missing something?

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Annabell!! Darling girl good question! I can totally relate to you and totally understand where you are coming from especially as my Wedding date with my future-hubby to be is only a few months away. So here goes.

 

I totally understand not wanting to have a Wedding. The way I always envisioned my Wedding was the spitting image of the scene off of Braveheart just me, my fiancé, and a Pastor. That's it. No fuss, very little cost, very intimate, and very romantic a moment between him and I.

 

However, when I told my family what I wanted they said: "You've waited, you're gonna wish you had a Wedding." As I put more thought into it, saw friends who I grew up getting married recently I changed my mind. 

 

While I am not doing a huge Wedding it will still be something with an intimate and private feeling and extremely small. My immediate family, his , and a few close friends that's it. We do want to share our Wedding day with people close to us to celebrate our union as a couple, our love  for one another, our belief, and trust in one another to grow together as a couple, and get through the good and bad times as a team and as a couple.

 

 

With all this being said only you can determine what is most important to you and what suits you and the person your with. Regardless of what you decide remember: "A Wedding is not a marriage."  Some people want it for the show, the beautiful dress they get to wear, the attention, and sometimes because it's real and they are ready. Just be very careful with what you decide. Remember it is your day and only you can determine how you feel about what you want, what's important, and why. Ultimately, I believe if you waited you def. get to walk down the isle in a White Wedding dress, it is a very special and rare thing that not alot of people can be proud to say they saved themselves for that one special person, it makes your Wedding day that much more special. Good Luck and Best Wishes! Blessings♥ 

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I never planned on having an elaborate wedding to begin with, and now, after helping one of my best friends prepare for her wedding, I am increasingly determined to have a fairly simple wedding myself. As far as I am concerned, besides the groom and his guests, of course, the only people I really feel an overwhelming desire to have at my wedding are my parents and my best friends. I wouldn't mind the presence of my extended family, coworkers, and acquaintances, but I will be so distracted by the joy of getting married that I don't think I'd even notice if they weren't there.

 

I really dislike all of the expense that goes into so many modern weddings. I want my wedding to be special and beautiful, but I want to be wise about the cost of it, so I plan to be frugal and use my creativity to make my budget stretch in lovely ways. The Dollar Store will definitely be utilized, as will family and friends who have skills in baking, decorating, music, and photography. I am strongly considering having the reception be a potluck. One of my aunts could make her delicious mashed potatoes, another could make her excellent baked beans... Yum!

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Well my wedding will be small but cost trillions, my family will be in debt for eons. I'm going to have scientists re create unicorns which will be at the wedding impaling the unwanted guests and the most hated in laws, best wedding ever.

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Thank you all for your wonderful responses! I am sincerely thinking on all the options you've given me and I know that it will all work out for my good, as well as for all of your relationships, weddings, and finding the perfect man/woman will work out good for you <3 again thank you all very much and I really appreciate it! :)

Hey I already created unicorns.

That is all.

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