Englishguy1988

How would you feel if...

22 posts in this topic

How would you feel if your husband WANTED to do all the night feeds, nappy changes, getting up when the baby cries?

Would you feel like he was trying to take over or would you enjoy the rest?

-Aaron

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Oh man, I would totally appreciate it and I would feel bad to be honest. Id be like "honey are you sure you don't want a break and want me to check on her/him?" If he really means he's fine then I'd sleep. Maybe if he persisted is prob still get up once in awhile and snuggled up with him and the baby haha I think that would be cute.

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Awww that sound so cute! Why would you feel bad?

The way I see it is if I wasn't working at home like I plan to when I have children it would be great to spend extra time with my daughter or son and get to give them a cuddle whilst I feed them. Also my wife (if she WANTS to be a stay at home mum) would get to have our baby all day whilst I'm stuck at work thinking of them so I would spend every chance I got with my wife and our baby (but at the same time I wouldn't want her to feel like I was trying to take over) or doing dinner/housework/laundry because obviously a baby is alot of hard work and I don't want my wife to feel like she is doing everthing.

Also you would be the one giving birth so you would need your rest to recover and heal from that. Imagine if a guy gave birth he'd probably be in bed complaining of the pain for the next 6 months lol, not doing everything like I think most wives do when they have a newborn.

Would you be annoyed if your husband already knew how to change a nappy, dress a baby and pick up, hold, feed and burp a baby or would you like the fact that he isn't going to freak out and he sort of knows what he is doing?

-Aaron

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I would feel bad because I don't think one 'thing' like that should be one person alll the time. Well, I guess generally I would do dinner and laundry working or not, but I htink he should some of the time as well. And as far as yardwork, house repairs, if my husband was away for a work trip, I would be more than willing to mow the lawn or whatever.

I think it's great in some countryies in Europe, men have some leave to help with a new baby. Here we don't have that. Some guys DO take off work, but it's not a 'given' or 'built-in'.

Hell no I would not be annoyed if my husband could already do baby things! I would be impressed and happy with him and glad he had learned somewehre along the way. I would make sure to tel lhim I appreciate his help, that is is doing great, and tha that he is a great Dad. I've hard that guys like hearing that, so I'd make sure he knows. ;) I hope the same would come from him about me haha =)

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Cooking and the laundry are my favorite chores, I hate doing the ironing though lol, but if it needs doing it needs doing especially with a baby there will be so much more laundry to do, but I would really like to cook dinner with my wife so I get to spend some time with her and a chance to talk to her about how her day has been, so I would prefer to cook dinner when the baby has a nap or is in bed so we would get some time together. I don't know how people could work away from home, I would hate that and my wife would probably get annoyed with me ringing her every night to talk with her.

I think in England they have just brought in a new law so if the mum reduces her maternity leave the dad can use the time she reduced it by as maternity leave himself but I'm not quite sure how it works as it is still a new thing; and I'm not 100% sure if they passed it as a law but I think they have.

I'm sure your husband would love to hear that you think he is a great dad and I'm sure he will tell you what a great mummy you are too.

-Aaron

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My dad traveled for work sometimes growing up....so some weeks he would be hone, other weeks he would be give for 2-4 days Dep on reason for trip. My non wasn't ever annoyed and we were excited to talk to daddy when he was in Texas, Arizona, or whereever

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I sort of understand why people travel for work but for me personally it would be so hard for me as all I have ever wanted is to be married since as far back as I can remember and I have known that I definately wanted to be a dad by the time I was 8 so for me traveling for work would be like I was giving up my dream or at least not being where I really want to be. I do understand that people do have to travel for work sometimes though, I would just find it really really hard to leave my wife and baby :-s and I would prefer to change jobs to one where I will be at home because I don't think I would be able to cope with being so far away from the love of my life and our little baby, it would just be too hard if that makes sense.

I would want to talk to my wife (and baby) every night just to hear the sound of their voices and to feel like I was still part of their everyday life even though I wasn't at home.

-Aaron

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That's understandable, that's a personal prference. For my Dad's job, that was a part of it (he used to not so muc when first starting out in career), and that is how he was prviding for the family :)

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Yeah I understand that it was his job and he was supporting his family and I compleatly respect your dad for supporting his family as I think all dads should support their family (and their children if they are no longer with their childs mum, which I feel most guys don't do) and I would want to be able to support my family, I guess I put my emotions and what I feel is emotionally best over thinking about things logically (ie thinking about money) but at the end of the day I would always do my best to support my family even if I hate the job because family will always be the most important thing to me so if I have to do a job I hate to provide for them then I would.

-Aaron

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I would appreciate his help but I would want to do it too :(

Judging by how I am with my kitty, I can imagine being very attached to my baby and would want to wake up in the middle of the night just to hold him/her.

If I'm super tired or if he wants to do it sometimes it would be fine. Actually I would prefer a guy that wants to do nightly feeding, changes, etc over a guy that doesn't want to do it at all. I know fathers that never feed or change their baby and it's very strange to me. The father/child bonding experience is just as important as the mother/child bonding experience.

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This is a very good question Aaron. I think it should be split 50/50. I've slept with my nephew when he was just a few months old and had to do everything you've explained and let me tell you, Aaron although it's very exhausting it was like second-nature to me and I had never felt a more rewarding experience. So to answer your question, I wouldn't mind the sleep on occasion but I wouldn't want to miss out on that special bond between my little one and I♥

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I could never not want to do things for my child... Or my wife for that matter... The way I see it is they are my family I should WANT to take care of them.

I did the night feeds when me and my ex looked after her baby nephew because I just wouldn't really think about it I would just do it before I even realised what I was doing... Which didn't bother her as I don't need much sleep where as she did so it worked out quite well. I love kids and I couldn't even think about not taking care of them as too me as a parent its my job to look after them, love them and care about them... I can't wait to be a daddy or a husband

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Dude! Where is this man? Where can I find one? I'll take him! Lol. Look, I have friends with kids. I know how hard it is. If the hubby wants the night shift, he can have it! I don't think I'll be the sort of woman who'll fight him on that. However, I'll need to check-in on him to make sure he's not going to fall asleep at the wheel the next day.

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How would you feel if your husband WANTED to do all the night feeds, nappy changes, getting up when the baby cries?

Would you feel like he was trying to take over or would you enjoy the rest?

-Aaron

If he did ALL then I would feel quite useless and worthless. I think a married couple - or any couple - should do an equal amount of work when it comes to raising the baby and taking care of it. I would like to be a stay-at-home mom so if my husband wants to take care of the baby at night, then that's fine. But I would not feel like he was trying to take over. I would feel glad that he loves our child so much. :)

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I know this is an old post but I wanted to give my opinion and reasoning. I would absolutely appreciate the help and rest,but the way I see it it a way for the baby and my husband to bond. When I was born my dad took three days off before he had to return to work.

In my state there's no paternity leave laws up to state level most fathers take vacation time or sick days when their children are born. Some new dads are taking unpaid family leave from their jobs to spend more time with their newborns.

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My husband and I aren't going to have any children, but it would be great if he wanted to do the night stuff. :) He could even do 100% of raising the baby if he wanted. :D

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I doubt any mother would take issue with fathers doing some night shifts or any of that during the day, though I don’t know why someone would insist on doing them all. If the dad is working, I’d be concerned about him not getting enough sleep – which may risk his life and that of others. There are enough crap drivers on the road and with some workplaces you’d be an idiot to work sleep deprived. 

Then there’s the practical side of the male night shift:

Heating up the milk, making sure that it’s not too cold or too hot while trying to keep your eyes open and cradling a crying baby. Baby wouldn’t like bottle after being used to nipple but he/she should be able to get used to it before the night shifts.
Vs
Take the baby; attach baby to breast. Bam! It’s like it was intended by nature…

If I can handle the sleep deprivation I can see myself getting up with my wife and getting the baby back to sleep after feeding – if that is an issue – and wifey can go to bed quicker. Certainly the dad’s role can become more involved at nights when the baby waking isn’t due to hunger.  

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So I am REALLY late in answering this topic, but I still want to give my input.

Personally, I would love to be able to experience these things with my child. I feel like most guys don't understand the stress it really puts on a woman's body to carry a child through labor. Nine months is a long time if you think about it and she will need time to recover. Although this isn't previously stated in the original question, I've never had a problem with sharing 'house duties'. In my family, my parents would both contribute to the upkeep of our home and as my siblings and I got older, a lot of those duties were passed down to us. That way when we had a family of our own we would be able to do everything that was required to keep it clean and organized. I don't feel there are certain duties that should be specifically placed for the husband or wife. I have no problem doing laundry, or cooking, or cleaning the bathroom. I do all that stuff now so why should it change?

But going back to the original topic, I would actually feel deprived if I wasn't able to change my child's diaper, or cradle them to sleep, or feed them, or bathe them, or dress them. I know my wife will always be the one who spends more time with him/her because they will be more dependent on her than me. There will be days where my future job will keep me from home for 16-24 hours at a time, so any time I get to share with them is GREATLY appreciated, even if it is cleaning their diaper when they wake up crying in the middle of the night. You don't think about it when they're happening but those are the little moments that you'll miss when your child grows up and starts living their own life away from home. I know for my parents it will always be the little moments that they miss the most.

I have insomnia so most nights I stay up pretty late, and my current job starts at 5am almost every morning so I wake up at 3am every day (even on my days off). The things is, I feel rested even after only a few hours of sleep. On the days where I don't have to work I would love to spend time as a family, but on the days where I do work and my wife is left to care for the house and child all by herself, then I would be more than happy to take the night shift.

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@Jorge I agree. I would see those times as not a chore, but as an opportunity to spend time with my kids. One day they will be all grown up and I would regret not taking those opportunities to nurture them if I didn't take those chances. I definitely wouldn't mind getting up late night to tend to the babies so that my wife can sleep. especially since she worked all day long tending to them.

I see a lot of married friends moan and complain about how "it's your turn to change the baby" or with any other chore. I don't think marriage should work that way. It shouldn't be about "keeping score." It should be about each person putting 100% into working together. 

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