Sneetche

Is it naive to want the fairy tale?

40 posts in this topic

@Mstr Josh:

Firstly, the fact that you would sacrifice the people in your life over something materialistic is appalling. While it's true your hobbies can be an important part of you, they do not define you as a human being. You can live without them. If you can choose your cars over your wife and children, you shouldn't be starting a family in the first place. Would you abandon your family in the middle of a financial crisis because you had no extra money to contribute to your hobby? Would you leave them in the cold because you've decided you can afford your hobby if you didn't have to support them anymore? Giving up a hobby to save the life of a loved one is not killing your identity or dreams. If your child was on her deathbed are you really going to sit here and tell me you wouldn't give something up to ensure her the medicine and help she needs to survive? You would sit there and watch her die? What if your wife became diagnosed with cancer, would you refuse her treatment to try to stop the disease because you won't have any money to give to your cars? How can you say that is not selfish? That is the definition of selfishness. Choosing yourself and your own interests over someone else.

Secondly, while some women don't have the support of a family, this is a risk you choose when you decide to follow this path. I know for a fact my family would support me in this type of situation. We've had many discussions similar to this.

Thirdly, daycares are not all their cracked up to be. I've experienced them first hand. I don't prefer them. Children can be socialized outside of daycare. There are many other activities out there for children to experience different lifestyles and opinions other than their own. Frankly, I don't want my children influenced by another adult in the teacher role who can negate everything I am trying to teach them. When they are that young, I want them around the people who love them and can devote one-on-one, personalized time with them. At that age, I want them influenced by people I know who are good and kind and encourage similar teachings. At a daycare, you don't really know the person you leave your child with. They could have beliefs and methods completely different from your own that you'd rather not have your child subjected to. And a thought always in the back of my head: what if they are one of those few who slip through the cracks and now your child is added to the ever-growing list of child sexual abuse? Granted, this doesn't happen in most cases, but still something that scares me. Unknowingly putting my child in the hands of a monster.

Financially speaking, spending $10,000 per year on one child is insane. Doubling it every time you have another and it starts becoming astronomical. Why pay so much money when you're wife can do it at home cheaper and practically for free? Where you know your child will be taught with the character and beliefs you want to instill in them as they grow?

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I'm saying I wouldn't sell my cars, they're like children to me, they have personlities in my eyes. They cost nothing to own and if things became bad I could always store them away, but I would never sell them, and considering in a financial crisis is only temporary it would be stupid to sell them considering the amount of money I would getfor them couldn't save my home, the cars aren't just POS little hyundai's, they're unique and special, things no one else has.

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Okay, hang on, I don't think I understand...

 

Say that you had a child who was sick, and you needed money to pay for their medicine/treatment, or they'd die. You'd sell your cars in that case, right?

 

xxx

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I, like the rest of you, vehemently disagree with Mstr Josh's opinion and viewpoints regarding his cars, etc. But at the same time, he has the right to voice his personal opinion of the subject, and I don't think we should criticize him and change the focus of this post from the fairy tale aspect to a debate with him.

 

Back to the original question, I don't know whether it's naive or not, but I do know it's not wrong to want the fairy tale and that's good enough for me.

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Josh, please try not to think so negatively-you are too young to be so jaded :)!

 

If you need childcare a better option would be an in-home daycare. This is what my parents did with us when we were babies. I picked up the daughter of a family friend once at a daycare and it was sheer madness, I would not want my children in one of those run of the mill places either!

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The last time i'll respond on this topic as they are MY opinions and how I feel and nothing will change that. I will NOT sell the cars unless every single resource has been exhausted to help my child, and no one else. I would sell the house and go somewhere else before I part company with my cars, and even then I still might not. They aren't things I could just buy again, one is a 1968 Volvo 1800 which was also my dads first car, we have spent countless hours making memories and driving and traveling in it, a thing that makes it more special and memorable is the looks and people we meet that want to know about it, and other fact I love is the color, the rarest for that car, and I wouldn't give it up to save a life. I wouldn't expect my own dad to sell the car to save my life and would understand why. The other is a 1996 3000gt, which is the first car I ever drove, I learned to drive in it and have memories with it. They aren't just cars, they're people to me with personalities.

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I think it's harder to come by these days, but I also wouldn't call you naive. If it's something you truly want, there's a way to make it happen. You would probably have to make sacrifices since there would only be one income, but if you want to be a stay-at-home mother there's nothing wrong with that. As NicoleNova said, feminism is about giving women a choice.

 

I don't necessarily agree with you, but I also respect your dreams and aspirations. I personally can't see myself being happy as a stay-at-home mother, but if you know that's what you want then go for it! I also am nowhere having children, so maybe my opinion will change. I am in a field that's flexible and I like that I would have the option to be at home with children if that's what I wanted. You mentioned working part-time, so it seems like you have put a lot of thought into how to make it work. If you hadn't put thought into making ends meet if there was a money issue, then I would say you're being naive. Ultimately, your happiness will influence your children more than the amount of money you make.

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Josh...the tighter we cling to the possessions of this world, the tighter they cling to us. "He who cannot cast away a thing in need is in fetters." Unselfishness and servanthood are two of the qualities this world drastically needs in men.

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I am unselfish, but when it comes to the cars I regard as family members, that's a different story.

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I know this is an ask guys but I can't help but give my own opinion.

 

I personally have studied too darn hard to not have a career later in my life. If I would be a stay at home mom,  I think it would be such a waste of all of those long nights of remembering Latin words and studying Quantum Mechanics, reading Sartre for finals and preparing for my lecture on Language Acquisation on kids.

 

At the same time, I can perfectly imagine why you would want to be with your kids all the time. They need your attention and God knows how many kids suffer from a lack thereof, because both parents work full-time. But you have to be careful that your child isnt lacking the attention of her dad, because he works full time, because you want to stay home. Getting attention from both is very important imo.

 

But when kids grow up and start going to school, it seems kinda.. boring.. ya know? But either one is a perfectly valid choice, what am I saying? You don't need me or anyone to tell you that! Why? Cause it is your own choice! No one has anything to do with that! If you wanna be a stay at home mom/wife, be my guest :) You shouldn't worry about what anyone else says. Same thing with wtm. I too dream of my husband coming home and me cooking dinner. For some uncomprehendable reason, my fantasies never involve me coming home from work. Even though I do value a career. 

 

I think I would want us both to work part-time, so we both get to work and be with our kids. Living off one salary is indeed hard, and if he dies or you divorce, it is indeed, in this day and age, very smart to be able to work. And if you haven't worked for a very long time, its pretty hard to get back in the field.

 

But there are plenty of women doing it today, right? Of course there are risks, but so does wtm, driving a car, swimming, and a whole bunch of other fun things.

 

About the guys and chivalry being dead. I don't believe it. I think every guy on this forum is the living proof of that. Keep the faith child, but don't expect him to be Jesus, cause your FH is human too, after all.

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Btw, letting your kid go to daycare actually improves their social skills and broadens their mental lexicon, it stimulates their brains in a way that staying at one place wouldn't. So in the end, it makes them smarter, because they hear more words. I know this since I am now sleepdeprived from writing my lecture on it XD

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Btw, letting your kid go to daycare actually improves their social skills and broadens their mental lexicon, it stimulates their brains in a way that staying at one place wouldn't. So in the end, it makes them smarter, because they hear more words. I know this since I am now sleepdeprived from writing my lecture on it XD

 

Possible, yes.

 

But I must argue that not every case, or in our context, child, will end up with such a more than stellar development. As someone who was rasied at home, and as an observer of many other individuals who were raised the same, I find qualitative support for my perspective.

 

I'll have to agree though that generalization isn't the way to go. :)

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Cars are pieces of metal. They're going to burn along with everything else in the world. Just saying.

 

Re: Daycare: Ask any parent that's put a child in daycare, it becomes a cesspool of germs. The children, and soon the parents, will get exposed to every germ going around. Plus, children (not to mention parents!) are traumatized by the act of parting every day like that. Children ingrain into the pecking order and learn to follow that system. I'm all about socialization, but not by conforming to the social pecking order. I like to think outside the box.

 

So yes, I do intend to do well enough in my job that my wife will eventually not have to work.

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Studies actually show that young kids who come in contact more often with 'germs' (yes, some daycares can be extremely filthy. I remember my little sisters being exceptionally clean!) develop less allergies.(Kids who grow up at a farm are healthier than kids who live in the city, for example) I really always have been a pretty independent child, and never cried when mom left, though I must be an exception to this. I think as a child its definitely good to be around kids who are raised differently, it opens up his/her mind, broadens the horizon, learns them to solve conflicts and teaches them the skill of making friends. At least I think this is so, I don't have a clue since I haven't really been in the situation of having to take a kid to daycare (like most of us btw!)

 

I think it is definitely hard to find a good daycare center, leaving your child alone with other people always brings along some risks. I do know that it has its pros and cons, but I'm not sure what I would do when I marry. I'm just 17 for Gods sake! XD Shouldn't be thinking about this!

 

Anyway, I think this kind of has to do with culture differences. I was raised in Amsterdam and we are generally more liberal. I actually know very few moms over here who choose to stay at home. Maybe 1or 2. It's not that common here. Though it is common that the wife works part-time and the husband fulltime, usually the mother takes up more of the upbringing of the child, but isn't a stay-at-home mother.

 

I actually think that if you're looking for a wtm-husband, you won't have to worry. As you can see by the comments, most wtm men seem to be a little more conservative. (Nothing wrong with that!) I actually think I'm the one who should worry! lol.

 

And I won't waste my words on Mstr Josh and his cars, cause he seems to be either trolling or in need of a reality check ;)

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I want the fairy Tale as well. I want to find a good Christian girl that has saved herself for me and wants a family. Its so hard to find a girl that I find physically attractive, that is a Christian, that is a Virgin, and tries to live a life pleasing to God.. 

I some times… or I ALWAYS feel like I will never meet her..

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