Beau

Really jealous about my boyfriends past

31 posts in this topic

It's off-topic sorry but I've always wondered what "see you on the flipside" means. What does it mean? (We don't use that phrase in England).

It's pretty much another way of saying Cya later, it used to be used with the meaning of see you another day, but now it just means cya later.

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im sorry darlin that this happened, but let me tell you about a story my girl told me, she was in the same situation as you, she was a virgin and the guy said the same things to you that he did to her, 2told her he loved her, and then told her about hsi past which was about 20+ girls, now she said its ok, but still felt like you did, they were together for awhile and then she thought she loved him and gave him her virginity,  he left her that week. Now i am a virgin, and i love my girl, more then anythin, and i know what this did to her, now i am not sayin her will do it too, but just think, its about the same situation from what im readin, if i met the guy that took her virginity id beat his ass(escuse my french but angry) she means more to me then anything, and just wait to find a guy like that, thats all you need to do, she is the most amazing thing in my life, and i know you will find a guy who feels the same way.

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Wow I happened to stumble across this post Beau, oh dear my heart breaks for you!!!! You are def. in my thoughts and prayers girl cus man, I understand totally once you are emotionally involved with someone it's hard to break free. I hope you are in a better situation than when you first wrote this and if you aren't and you marry him omg I doubt you'll be happy. My husband and I had a very, very, very rocky relationship while dating. He never slept with anyone and neither did I but once we were married-"wow!" It changed our whole relationship and for the better! I never knew a relationship could be sooo different or you could love someone so much. It deepened our relationship and we are very close now! In all of our dating it had never been soo beautiful but now it made our bond extremely close. So my point, is this is how you will feel for him and for as for him, it's highly unlikely cus like you said you waited you are special you have worth but he doesn't know that cus of his past.

 

I knew I would not settle for a man who wasn't a waiter because I had a Coach in HS who we were very close and he was very promiscuous like your bf before settling down and his wife was a virgin. He really admired me so he told me one day,"when my wife and I are alone in the bedroom we are never alone." I was crushed and knew she would be too if she knew and from that point on I knew were my boundaries. Best wishes dear!

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Yup, thats pretty much the same pickle I am/was in.
So I met this girl who was pretty much everything I could want in a woman, except for one thing...
She was pretty, tall, funny, quirky, like similar things, and we even had a similar thought process.
It's really amazing how close you can feel to someone. I asked her up front if she was a virgin or not.
Knowing I wouldn't be able to handle her past, I didn't ask for details. But up front she told me that
a guy pressured her into it and then they did it a lot. I was already sorta liking her at that time and had gotten my hopes up.
So I thought about it for a week or two but after our first date, it was forgotten. I had made sure I told her it might bother me though, her past.

After a while, I called her on the phone, I ended up talking about my ex but I didn't say anything positive about her
or really. I just said some things about how heartless she was, etc, etc. Out of the clear blue-sky she starts talking about
how the guy could only last 2 minutes in bed. I told her again, that I didn't want to hear about that part of her past.

So our next date, I'm holding her, we were too shy to kiss. She made sure she told me that the
guy that took her virginity wasn't shy. And from then on, it got to the point where the thoughts would consume me.
Which very much sounds like what your going through. I eventually told her, it made me sad to hear about her past
because I saved myself for her and I was sad that I couldn't be her first. At first she told me that she wishes she had waited,
she told me that she was sorry, etc, etc. The next day, it started to become nothing but backlash. She'd bring up her past
on additional occasions, making sure to say that she didn't regret it at the end of the discussion. I didn't ask her about her past
nor did I ask her if she regretted it. But now I'm getting too far into my story, you get the idea though.

We split eventually and told me that I'm not going to find a virgin at my age, especially one that likes me and that I like back.
She told me that I needed therapy. And the scary thing is she had me convinced for a while that I wasn't. The scary thing is I ALMOST did have sex with her. There was a split time where I was just like her and didn't care about the consequences of per-marital sex. Imagine how devastating it would have been if I had given it to her and she decided to split with me anyway.

What I'm trying to say is, be prepared to handle all of this if you think you should go on.
I understand how you can be in love and not want to leave the person.
But much like my ex, it sounds like this person, would not feel too bad if you were to leave them a week from now.
Waiting for sex is a very commendable thing in my opinion, don't waste your efforts on someone who isn't worth it. But thats just my opinion.

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So @Beau I have so many questions for you but let me ask you this...if this guy is so amazing in the sack and can get any girl he wants, (or so he makes it seem), then why is he dating you? If he's willing to hook up with someone if you guys are on what, a week or two long break? Then he clearly sees sex like it's just another hobby, so then why date a virgin? Was there a pattern in the girls he was cheating on? Just because he's honest about some things doesn't mean he's not good at hiding cheating from you. If he's had sex with 6 virgins before does he think he's gonna break your willpower too? But then why stop you from having sex with him? I can't believe Im saying this but the details about girls on the tv don't sound significant to me. It sounds like he just compares features like you would compare a guys but he probably shouldn't be telling you that...try comparing guys in front of him and see his reaction? Or maybe you wouldn't because you only have eyes for him. On a positive note if he stops you guys from having sex then maybe he sees something in you that no other girl has, and for me it wouldn't be the history that's the issue, just the way he's flaunting himself sexually in the past, and making it seem like he hasn't decided to make a sexual life change but rather the willingness to go back to that lifestyle at the drop of a hat. If he were focusing on what to change in a relationship then you would know he's thinking about you and you alone. Like if he were sensitive to your needs it seems like he could make you not notice his past history.

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That's one of the things that steered me towards waiting...
There have been girls I really liked with but they would tell me about all the positions they did with their boyfriends or guys they had met and it creeped me out... To me, love-making or baby-making seems special and you only do it with that one person for life... I don't care if people are straight, gay, bi, or anything else; just try and stick to one person because otherwise people get hurt and jealous, understandably.

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