Tatyana

Marriage now Children?

15 posts in this topic

*Sigh*

I have been thinking about the things that I do and dont want in life and I honestly don't see myself having children.  I feel if I did have them it would be for selfish reasons which isnt right, this world is filled with horrible things and there are already children out there that need genuine love and care.

Since I was a kid I've always wanted to adopt because of those reasons.  Ive had a rough life and if there is a chance that I can change a childs life for the better I will take it...but Im still on the fence with that since I cant stand misbehaving children and children in general can be annoying, I like my quiet days lol.  I do know in my heart that if I dont have kids I wont feel like I've missed out, but the feeling of adoption may still occur in my heart.

This makes me nervous about WTM  being more difficult because most if not all men who are WTM will want children and Im on a different path.

But I do have hope because a friend of mine WTM and her and her husband dont want kids for good reasons.

 

My question for males

What do you think about adoption? Do you feel you have to have your own children to pass along the genes? if not then why do you want children?

 

Would a woman that does not want children AT ALL be a deal breaker? even if everything else is perfect is it that important? for those of you that dont want adoption what if you found out your wife was barren? then what?

If you agree to adoption how soon do you want the children?  

 

I say this because Im no where near ready give me another 10 years and then I'll think about it.  Or maybe I'm over thinking things its just that lately the guys that I meet all want the typical housewife with children and that's just not me.  But then when I see guys saying they dont want kids I get nervous and think they maybe selfish(complicated I know)

I want to travel and experience new cultures, I want to be a philanthropist, which means I have so many plans and alot of work to do that doesnt really involve a typical life.

 

Girls can answer too...do you girls know any men that dont want children what do you think of them?

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't really need kids to carry on my gene. I just would like a child to care for and if was married and she didn't want kids, well then so be it. For all the children that are in the world I wouldn't feel like its my duty to have a child. The world is an amazing and beautiful place, full of life, places to see, and death, and I would love to bring someone that is from me into this world. But I would always settle for adoption if I couldn't have my own.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm waiting til sex to have children. ;)

But seriously, I know this is a question for guys but you said girls can answer too. I think it's up to the couple if they want kids. I do want kids myself but if someone does not then that is there call. Since, I want kids, I also want a guy who wants kids. The amount is up for debate though.

The world needs people to have kids so we don't die out but at the same time the world also needs some people to not have kids because of overpopulation.

And also, just because some people should not have kids. ;) lol jk

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm undecided on whether or not I want children. I sometimes like the idea of having a family, but the thought of actually raising kids does not appeal to me. That may change with time, though. Either way, I don't want kids until I'm much older. If I'm ever a father, I'll be an old dad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm waiting til sex to have children. ;)

And also, just because some people should not have kids. ;) lol jk

 

Haha...I completely agree with the second one though, kidding aside.

 

Personally, I want to have at least two or three kids one day. I have tons of reasons. I was an extremely easy kid to raise, so there's somewhat of a chance that my kids won't be too terribly annoying. Unless my wife and I have a very active career/social life with a good circle of friends, things are bound to get kind of lonely and dull at some point, even if it's many years after marriage. I truly believe I and my siblings have brought much more joy and laughter into my parents' lives than negative things. This is extreme and I'm probably the only one that thinks like this, but sometimes when I think about being married and not having kids, it almost feels like murder by prevention of life. You could use that to say you should have as many kids as possible, though, so it's a weak argument. lol. And then there's the simple curiosity component. I want to see what my children will be like, look like, think like, etc. And like Nicole said, there are lots of people just having kids like crazy and not taking care of them; kids that just end up in gangs, orphanages, or that just live in horrible conditions at home and have miserable lives. I feel like if I have the ability to have and raise healthy, intelligent, decent people I should do it on principle. That's also a good argument for adoption, which I will definitely at least consider. I have two adopted brothers, and changing a life that already exists for the better is just as incredible as creating a life, in my opinion.

 

So yeah, not wanting kids AT ALL is probably a deal-breaker for me. A lot of women and men alike probably change their minds later on in life, but that's a big risk to take when considering marrying someone that is adamant about not wanting kids.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm with matt on this. A woman not wanting kids at all is a deal breaker for me. It's always been my dream to be a loving father and husband. I also think that to not have kids when you are able to is wasting a gift. Even if you are unable to have biological kids, there are still many children that need loving parents. To not even want that I think is wasting an opportunity to give an orphan a better future.

 

Personally, I prefer do adopt. I'm not against having my own kids if my wife really wanted them. But I have a fear of passing on my genetic disorder to my children and the chance is very high. While it's not a disability, I feel like I can't subject them to such a high risk and honestly say I want the best for them at the same time. Plus I can also have the opportunity to make a positive influence on a child who is already brought into this world. This may also sound kind of dark, but assuming my future was was okay with adoption alone and just happens to be barren, all the better. That means we don't have to bother with birth control :D

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah I definitely agree some people just should never have kids I've seen so many situations of abandoned unloved children that are treated as a burden or a dog...one time I was walking with my boyfriend in Disney and I heard a man yelling in spanish when we turned around we saw a big man yelling at the top of his lungs at a toddler in a stroller his face was red and the baby was crying.  Now my  spanish isnt all that perfect but Im sure he wasnt yelling lullabies or I love you's.

He was violently shaking the stroller while the mother just stood there calmly holding the handles of the stroller with a sad look on her face. People were covering their childs ears n shock and running away, I was appalled, disgusted and sad for that child and mother if that happened in public only lord knows how it is behind closed doors.

 

@wny yeah I agree Im leaning more towards adoption but when Im much older.

 

Its good to know that people have healthy reasons for wanting to have their own children and Im not against that at all :)

lol @ evincebal yeah sometimes when I hear women are barren while they are all sad I just think...why not me I know thats bad but since I dont plan on having my own children that might be a plus

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't feel fulfilled with my life unless I had kids but those kids could be genetically or non-genetically mine, I really wouldn't care; kids are kids.

I have always wanted to adopt too. As of last week I've been thinking about possibly adopting a kid with special needs. I work with kids with special needs (like autism, cerebral palsy, Down's, various rare genetic disorders etc). I know it would be incredibly demanding though so it's something I'd really have to take time to think about one day in the future.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My question for males

What do you think about adoption? Do you feel you have to have your own children to pass along the genes? if not then why do you want children?

 

Would a woman that does not want children AT ALL be a deal breaker? even if everything else is perfect is it that important? for those of you that dont want adoption what if you found out your wife was barren? then what?

If you agree to adoption how soon do you want the children?

 

I very much want to have children of my own. If a woman doesn't, that would be a dealbreaker. Not having children of my own would break my heart. If she was barren through no fault of her own (deliberate sterilization doesn't count), then maybe we can adopt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@wny yeah I agree Im leaning more towards adoption but when Im much older.

My not wanting kids until I'm older is part of the reason why I think it would be better if I married a woman who was a decent bit younger than me. I feel like a lot of women want their own biological children and if I married someone my age they would either be barren by the time I was ready or simply not be willing to wait until they are that old for kids even if they don't think they would be barren.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aw. With all due respects Tatyana you are very young, clearly a beautiful lady but at the moment in a bit of a state of flux relationship wise? Hey I'm jus a simple English chap so hey I could have this wrong (the state of flux bit) no other x

Personally if I was you I'd keep an open mind, from experience I'd say. Meeting mr right, settling down, and changing your mind over children can change in what seems an instant but clearly from what you say on line here calculated, and you sound a sensible lady.

Back to my comfy chair now. Lol. And look forward to your opinions.

All the best. Col.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aw. With all due respects Tatyana you are very young, clearly a beautiful lady but at the moment in a bit of a state of flux relationship wise? Hey I'm jus a simple English chap so hey I could have this wrong (the state of flux bit) no other x Personally if I was you I'd keep an open mind, from experience I'd say. Meeting mr right, settling down, and changing your mind over children can change in what seems an instant but clearly from what you say on line here calculated, and you sound a sensible lady. Back to my comfy chair now. Lol. And look forward to your opinions. All the best. Col.

Well the last guy I dated wanted/loves children but he's negligent and Im just not there yet I cant say when I will be there...but I do think about me meeting Mr right and wanting to have his child but again that is just a selfish reason to bring life if that makes sense. But yes Im young and should probly stop planning and take life as it comes.thanks ^_^

 

@wny it is probly better for you to date younger since you want a virgin your chances are higher there.

 

@Scarlet Rose bless your heart I am truly admireable/thankful of people out there that help children with special needs as I know its not easy and I couldnt do it, Im too wimpy/sensitive when it comes to stuff like that and would probly be an emotional mess everyday.  It is demanding but if its in your heart and something you want to do definitely look into it, it was put in your heart for a reason.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you also need to realize there's no sure thjng unless you get surgery, so unless you're doing that it's always a possibility.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@wny it is probly better for you to date younger since you want a virgin your chances are higher there.

 

That's another thing to consider once I'm older. Right now I'm only 20 so there are still a decent bit of virgin women my own age, but if I'm still single when I'm older I'll have to start looking to date younger. One of the issues with looking for someone my own age right now is finding a woman who also doesn't want kids for a while.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now