Response to "You Need To Test Drive the Car Before You Buy It" Argument

[lovelydream1021 118]

Hi everyone! So, this may have been covered already (sorry >.<), but I wanted to know how you'd respond to the argument that we need to have sex to find out if we're compatible with our boyfriend/girlfriend before geting married. This is a main argument one of my friends uses to try to talk me out of WTM (which obviously won't work lol). Are there any other popular arguments you've heard that you have a good rebuttal for that you'd like to share? We can make a list!

 

My response to the argument is that I would rather choose a man based on his personality and interests rather than how good he is in bed. It's just what is more important to me. If you found the man/woman of your dreams, someone who makes you feel happy and who loves you unconditionally, would you let them go because they couldn't perform as well as you'd like them to? I know I sure wouldn't!

 

So what do you all think?

[Tatyana 622]

The problem with people who make this statement is that they tend to forget people are not objects, a raggedy  dying car cannot learn to be a smooth new car ride ugh!

I just cannot stand this ignorant analogy!  Nobody starts out as a good lover it takes time and practice and I see nothing wrong with practicing with ONE person instead of "testing" them and tossing them aside when they are not good enough. Especially since different people like different things.  The qualities of a person should sum up if you will be compatible in the bedroom if he is a selfish person he will be a selfish lover simple as that any dummy can figure out those signs way before "test driving" them.

Sorry for the rant I just cant stand when people try and talk others out of their own damn decisions sometimes I just wanna say "its my body not yours buzz off!"

Those are my thoughts

[Matthew 2,546]

This may have been covered, but markb4 will take care of it if it has (merge the two threads), so no worries

 

I hate this argument, and may come back and add my thoughts, but for now I just wanted to share an article from the site. You may have seen it, but this argument is discussed a little there.

 

http://waitingtillmarriage.org/top-5-objections-to-waiting-till-marriage-and-how-to-overcome-them/

[lovelydream1021 118]

That was a great response! I feel that way as well. Human beings have the capability to be so much more than our instincts. We are not pieces of clothing you try on at a store to find the right size! Thanks for replying!

[lovelydream1021 118]

Thanks matthew.   I'm still new to this site, so finding new topics is difficult. Just wanted to contribute something for the moment.  Thread merging sounds reasonable- if they can do that, I'm all for it.

[Guest redyellowblue]

My counter argument is sort-of? with a similar point of view: Why buy the cow if the milk is free?

I dont wanna be free, and I sure aint gon' be cheap either.

[wny 929]

People can learn to be better. It will take some time getting used to one another I'm sure, but I don't believe two people can be incompatible.

[countryboy4ever 137]

i think people these days that say those kinda statements dont truly know what love is, we are humans that have feelings, love, emotions, spirits and we are created in Gods image and no other species in this universe are made like us. we are not animals that just eat, sleep, and mate. the point im trying to make here is sex is not the most important thing in a relationship heck its not even in the top ten and people that say stuff like that are just after pleasure, they dont care about the love aspect. love goes so much deeper than the physical aspects that no one truly can define, even for some that experiance love cant explain it in its entirety. love is a gift of God, why else do you think its past our comprehension sometimes, no one can truly understand it but its this massive gift that is up and beyond our expectations when experianced. sex is not everything, its just a way to express ones love in a more intimate way, if the love is there then theres no need to worry how someone performs in the bedroom. maybe im just talking out of my hat but im just saying that sex isnt the most important thing, i mean look at people with medical conditions who are unable to have sex period. i mean what are they just suppose to live the rest of their lives alone just because they cant have sex, of course not thats crazy, theres many other things that are more meaningful and shows passion than just sex.

[Guest markb4]

This may have been covered, but markb4 will take care of it if it has (merge the two threads), so no worries

 

Lol, thanks matthew! I'll see if I can find it.

[Matthew 2,546]

I lay down for a nap, but my brain decided that time would best be spent formulating this response

 

First off, I think you can roll your eyes, say people are not cars and leave it at that.

 

But if you're going to get on their level and participate in the car analogy, the best way I can think of to rip apart this argument directly is to look at the process and purpose of buying a car. Why do you buy a car, especially the first? To get to your new job every day? A tool for dating or seeing family and friends more easily? Road trips? And what qualities are you looking for? Good gas mileage? Environmental friendliness? Regardless, you're main criterion for choosing your car is probably not how exciting it is to drive. You don't buy a car (if it's your first or only car) thinking, this car costs too much, is loud and obnoxious, and requires too much gas, but dang it it feels so gooooood!. I'd much rather have a modest car that's reliable, clean, quiet, and doesn't require too much superfluous maintenance. If the car has all of those factors and doesn't have any rare defects, I think it's safe to say I'd still enjoy once in a while stomping the pedal and seeing what it can do. If you're worrying about whether or not the car works at all, well, you can always rev the engine a little (I would think that's the dumb car analogy equivalent of kissing and communicating about sex). People that sincerely attribute any weight to this argument are probably the types of people that have long, "successful" marriages but have affairs on the side to keep the thrill alive; like people that have a practical, reliable car and also a sports car or motorcycle for an adrenaline rush. I think everyone would agree that affairs are bad but having a sports car or motorcycle on the side is fine.

 

Some various ways test-driving a car has nothing to do with sex:

• The car has never driven itself; a person can probably tell you if he/she works/will work or not, if you know what I mean
• The car doesn't require the driver to please it in return during the drive.
• A car performs as well during the initial test-drive as it will from then on, unless the driver gets better at driving; since that's a human becoming better at something over time, that only helps my point

May add more later, gotta go to class!

[Jegsy Scarr 3,521]

I've used this analogy (not mine) at least twice before on here, but what the hey: I'll say it again!

 

It's not like buying a car before test driving it. It's like buying a car which you know is absolutely perfect for you in every way, and you can't imagine buying any other car, but you haven't checked to see if the radio works yet.

 

xxx

[Keisha 177]

I just do NOT agree with this statement.  If it's my dream car, the make and year that I've always wanted, and does everything a car is supposed to do, I don't need to test drive it.  I'll buy it right off the lot.  After I buy it, I'll take it to the shop and get it inspected so I can know everything that's wrong with it, and I'll take the time and money required to fix those problems.  In the end, even though I couldn't drive it for a while while it was in the shop, when all is said and done, I'll still have my dream car.  

 

Just like someone can have sex with a person out of wedlock, I can wait to do it after I'm married.  Any performance problems that occur when having sex for the first time IN a marriage, could occur when the two people aren't married too.  The only difference is if I'm not married to you, I can choose not to have sex again with you and find someone who performs well. When I am married, I don't have that option.  I have to work those problems out with my husband. That's what you do in a marriage.  You recognize the problem and you work together to resolve it.

[Mstr Josh 2,607]

I would never buy a car without test driving it first, not knowing how it handles or how much go there is when you hit the pedal and not knowing how the clutch feels. LUCKILY people can't really be compared to a car so the test drive a car statement being applied to people is just ridiculous to me.

[Mirage 1,001]

I've used this analogy (not mine) at least twice before on here, but what the hey: I'll say it again!

 

It's not like buying a car before test driving it. It's like buying a car which you know is absolutely perfect for you in every way, and you can't imagine buying any other car, but you haven't checked to see if the radio works yet.

 

xxx

I'd say a good sex life is a bit more important once you're married than a radio in a car. A better example would be that as you're dating, you'll see how compatible the two of you are physically. If you both don't want to even kiss you obviously have next to no sex drive so that's fine.

Anyways, it's like a car. But a car that you've seen on the road, you've seen how it handles and you know it should suit you just fine. It doesn't mean it will be perfect, but it's not like you went to the dealership with a blindfold on and bought the first car you tripped over.

[Kendra 1,122]

THIS puts a whole new view on the, "You need to test drive a car before you buy it" theory.

(FYI; this is meant as a joke and I would NOT be okay with this commercial if they were casual partners, but since they just got married I think it's hilarious!!)

 

[countryboy4ever 137]

THIS puts a whole new view on the, "You need to test drive a car before you buy it" theory.

(FYI; this is meant as a joke and I would NOT be okay with this commercial if they were casual partners, but since they just got married I think it's hilarious!!)

 

ha ha i love it its hilarious and yes that is one other way to test drive a car ha ha.

[Djams 706]

I just saw this wouldn't you know you're compatible if you had chemistry dating?

[Sophie 1,280]

Cars are objects, but people aren't. This analogy really bothers me.

[Alex 98]

I always say, I don't need to park the car in my garage to know it is the one for me. As long as we are compatible, on the every other level then it really shouldn't matter. We have to work through so many other issues through dating anyways, so I pretty sure when we get married we can work through any issues in our sex life. I like the analogy that is like test driving a car, but not turning the radio on. 

[Guest head girl]

you tell them, hat your marrying someone you should love them, and love them you wont test them like a flipping car, thats what you say, and then ou tell them that you feel sorry for there partner, because they dont know what love it 

[Mirage 1,001]

you tell them, hat your marrying someone you should love them, and love them you wont test them like a flipping car, thats what you say, and then ou tell them that you feel sorry for there partner, because they dont know what love it 

 

And proceed to be slapped, hard.

[lovelydream1021 118]

You guys have such great responses! I completely agree. We were given intellect for a reason, and we should put our understanding of our bodies, emotions and life in general to greater use. Thank you so much everyone, I'm happy you took the time to answer! Thanks!

[Allison 421]

Ugh! This analogy is the WORST. I absolutely hate when people use it. I don't think you can be sexually incompatible because like any other part of the relationship, it involves compromise. If you have chemistry without sex, why wouldn't sex be the same way? It might take time, but if both partners have realistic expectations then it shouldn't be a problem.

[Just ME!! 21]

i actually KNOW you dont need a testdrive .i was told when looking for a marriage patner you need to pray that you get that one person God has set aside for you and it should be more than staying together for long because that person set aside you are compatible in all the ways you need

[Guest Princess Victoria]

"Sex is not supposed to be a pass or fail test for potential spouses because it does not help get to know your partner. It clouds your judgment and often caused unmarried couples to think they have more in common than they really do. People who want to know everything about a partner including the intimacy of sex are actually saying that they have little faith in the relationship. Imagine a lover saying to his fiance "you know we really get along but I need to see how you are in bed before I will commit to spending my life with you." What does that say? If he fails to thrill him sexually will he love her less? If so, one can be sure that he never loved her to begin with."

 

This is all from the book "How to find your soul mate without losing your soul" by Jason Evert and his wife Crystalina. 

 

I recommend reading his book!!