wny

How to Ask if She is a Virgin?

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The question is pretty straightforward. How would you ask a girl is she is a virgin? I think it could come up pretty easily if she is also waiting until marriage. If she tells you that she is waiting until marriage I think most women (and men) would figure a pretty reasonable follow-up question is "Are you a virgin?" But, someone who is not waiting until marriage is not necessarily a dealbreaker for me. She would have to be a virgin and she would have to be willing to wait while she is dating me. But how would I ask if she is a virgin? I think many people would be uncomfortable with my asking them if they are a virgin.

 

Also, my definition of waiting until marriage goes a lot farther than just not having sex, so I feel like this would only make the conversation even more awkward and hard to bring up. After asking if she is a virgin would I just start to fire away with more specific questions?

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First of all, if you're going to ask a girl if she is a virgin or not, I would highly recommend you first mention that you are a waiter. That way, you have revealed something personal about yourself (it'll make her feel less vulnerable,) and it'll make the question "are you a virgin?" a lot less offensive and it'll make much more sense as to why you're asking it in the first place. Instead of bluntly asking her "are you a virgin?" which will most likely immediately make her feel judged, after you tell her you are waiting until marriage ask her something like "what about you?" or "what are your values towards sex?" or "what do you think about waiting until marriage?" By her answer, it'll make it clearer whether or not she is a virgin (she may just come out and say she waited until she was in love, or that she doesn't think sex is that big a deal.) So ask one of those first, before asking such a personal question.

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i agree with what sophie said, in order to not make it so forward start by saying you are and that you are waiting until marriage, what little bit of experiance i have in this area is not all that great but it may still be helpful. some women ive noticed really dont mind you asking them if they are but some may so its better to be safe than sorry. another idea which may or maynot work is not really use the term virgin kinda camoflauge it a little. some of the girls ive asked i start by saying so how many relationships have you had, now depending on the person they may think your nosy asking that but none have really gotten upset with me, they seem pretty open about it. then as the conversation progresses and maybe tell her your relationships, then ask her how many of her relationships got intimate, see what i mean by camofauge use a nicer word to describe sexual activity. if she says shes never gotten intimate with anyone then theres your answer, i maybe wrong about how going about asking a personal question like that but idk, i just know by my own experiance. every woman is different and some maybe alright you asking and others not so much but i think if you give enough about your personal life and how you feel about sex then it shouldnt feel so awkward asking.

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I like a lot about both of your suggestions. But, countryboy4ever, how would I camouflage it when it starts to get a little more specific? I'm pretty strict, like I don't even want her to have had a make-out session with a guy before. Maybe start off camouflaging it and then get more specific?

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I like a lot about both of your suggestions. But, countryboy4ever, how would I camouflage it when it starts to get a little more specific? I'm pretty strict, like I don't even want her to have had a make-out session with a guy before. Maybe start off camouflaging it and then get more specific?

ok i understand your concern, saying intimate pretty much covers everything sexual but as far as making out for some that may not be considered intimate. the concern of making out may need to be asked directly, but kissing is not as a touchy subject as a girls sexual past, i mean a girl once asked me if i ever kissed a girl before and i had to tell her no i havent. ill be honest with you its hard to find virgin girls these days, dont get me wrong im sure they are out there and i think thats a real challenge for a lot of us virgin waiters. but in order to find a girl whos never made out i think that would be a big time challenge, i dont want you to lose hope though. if thats truly what you desire in your heart than im sure God has a specific match for you that will not only meet your expectations but be up and beyond them. i like the idea of some of the people in this forum have and that is seek God not the mate, i know thats hard to do, its hard for me to accept that guidance. i get so lonely sometimes thats why i keep looking for someone and im not a very outspoken person, im very shy so ive taken the online route. its seems easier for me to talk to girls online cuz i never had much luck doing it in public and this is gonna sound kinda stupid but in order for me to even ask a girl out normally i had to take time and really build up the courage and decide what i wanted to say. now to the stupid part lol, the time that passed that i was building that courage i felt like i had adapted feelings for the girl i was going to ask and when she said no it literally broke my heart. the reason i feel stupid is cuz i was having feelings for a girl whom i really didnt know much about, some may just call it puppy love ha ha but i dont know. sorry this is long but my point is trust that God will fulfill the desires of you heart and wait on his timing. i think part of the reason i havent found the one yet is because Gods waiting for me to grow in my faith and be the man he wants me to be. so that when that days comes that i meet the love of my life ill be fully prepared to be supportive, strong, protective, and nurturing for her the way she deserves. that way our life together will be successful and honor him with every step we take.

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Well wny, the vast majority of people over age 16 have kissed and/or made out. The average age for first time having sex is around 17. (I say around because studies put decimals after) But, there's still a LOT of people who have NOT had sex at 17 or after, but have kissed/made out.

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I agree with both Sophie and countryboy4ever...S abt revealing some personal info and then asking qs and cb4ever about saying intimate...people over 18 would take that as more than kissing, generally.

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Wny I think you're a bit to strict cause I mean odds are if you're with a girl long enough you may not have sex but you might make out I don't think it's totally proper but it does happen pretty easily, I mean one little peck oops another little peck op lip lock, bam making out whether its for 10 seconds or 10 minutes (exargereted by the way).

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Sorry I didn't even answer your question idk I say it all depends on how you know her and what she knows about you like if she knows you're waiting then it would be easier to bring up.

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Well wny, the vast majority of people over age 16 have kissed and/or made out. The average age for first time having sex is around 17. (I say around because studies put decimals after) But, there's still a LOT of people who have NOT had sex at 17 or after, but have kissed/made out.

 

 

Wny I think you're a bit to strict cause I mean odds are if you're with a girl long enough you may not have sex but you might make out I don't think it's totally proper but it does happen pretty easily, I mean one little peck oops another little peck op lip lock, bam making out whether its for 10 seconds or 10 minutes (exargereted by the way).

 

I don't care if she has kissed another guy. I don't even care is she had a passionate kiss with another guy. Just not an intense make-out session with another guy. 10 seconds would not bother me. 10 minutes, though....

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I don't care if she has kissed another guy. I don't even care is she had a passionate kiss with another guy. Just not an intense make-out session with another guy. 10 seconds would not bother me. 10 minutes, though....

 

If you are interested in any girl over the age of 14, there is an extremely high chance shes been in that kind of a make out session. Just saying. Your best bet is to find that rare person whose never been in a relationship at all before. I mean there's me, who hasn't been in a relationship/been kissed until I was 19, but in all honesty someone like that will be very hard to find and you may be writing off a whole slew of girls who could be great for you.

 

No offense, but I think your standards will be a little more loose if/when you develop feelings for another woman who has indeed gotten to such levels of seriousness in a past relationship (I am speaking from experience hahaha.) 

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Don't. At best, you will make things awkward and give her the wrong impression; at worst, you'll be giving her an incentive to lie to you. Her virginity, or lack thereof, is something that you will find out in its own time.

 

If you have to ask, at the very least take Sophie's advice. Don't just ask "are you a virgin?".

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If you are interested in any girl over the age of 14, there is an extremely high chance shes been in that kind of a make out session. Just saying. Your best bet is to find that rare person whose never been in a relationship at all before. I mean there's me, who hasn't been in a relationship/been kissed until I was 19, but in all honesty someone like that will be very hard to find and you may be writing off a whole slew of girls who could be great for you.

 

No offense, but I think your standards will be a little more loose if/when you develop feelings for another woman who has indeed gotten to such levels of seriousness in a past relationship (I am speaking from experience hahaha.) 

I'm 20 and have never been in a relationship, so I don't see why there wouldn't be any women out there who also have not been in a relationship. As to the part about writing some women off, you're right. I will wirte off a lot of women. I'm fine with that, even if they would otherwise be great for me.  I really don't see my standards becoming looser. I'm willing to be with a variety of different types of women, but having sexual experiences with another guy is a dealbreaker.

 

Don't. At best, you will make things awkward and give her the wrong impression; at worst, you'll be giving her an incentive to lie to you. Her virginity, or lack thereof, is something that you will find out in its own time.

 

If you have to ask, at the very least take Sophie's advice. Don't just ask "are you a virgin?".

I would need to find out eventually, though, since not being a virgin is a dealbreaker for me. I think it would be better to find out sooner rather than later since I would immediately end things if she is not one. Why waste months going out with her if she is not a virgin?

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I would need to find out eventually, though, since not being a virgin is a dealbreaker for me. I think it would be better to find out sooner rather than later since I would immediately end things if she is not one. Why waste months going out with her if she is not a virgin?

 

I know how you feel, because I'm in the same boat as you. What I'm saying here is that it may raise more questions than answer. If you have to ask, do it diplomatically--instead of just asking "are you a virgin?", consider asking, for example, "what is your opinion on waiting until marriage?".

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@LookingForTheOne-I wouldn't just randomly blurt out, "Are you a virgin?" I just think that that specific question, as well as other specific questions like, "Have you ever had an intense make-out session?" would in many instances eventually have to be asked. I would ask it during a discussion of our values regarding sex and other sexual activities and I wouldn't ask it as the first question.

I'm hoping this is something that can be brought up by the third date at the latest since I wouldn't want to waste time in a relationship doomed to failure.

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I know we have a huge amount of precedent, facts, statistics and research on the topic of virginity, I also have to believe that there are more people out there that are waiting than letting on. There are three types of people, Those who openly wait, those you have not waited, and those who are not casting a vote.

 

I have also read a lot (on other online articles) that most women would be accepting of a man declaring he is a virgin (and equally if a women declared that.) Fear not, we are not alone!

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Like I said if things are flowing in the conversation like if you're getting to know each other sharing secrets would be a great time I believe.

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@wny (ohmygosh, where can I find guys like you? XD) I'm having the same issue with how to ask a guy if he's a virgin, so thanks for bringing this up! Never know if he's lying so he can try to take advantage of you or something...O_O But I think everyone's posts have been pretty helpful. I agree that you should state your status as a waiter first, and then go slowly into the topic and more personal stuff as the conversation goes on. That way it doesn't come off as harsh and you can still find out what you want to know. I personally befriend a guy first, then get to know his personal life as a friend (more likely chance he won't lie to you about being a virgin/making out) and then if there's a spark/connection, I'd see if we could form a relationship. :) Takes a while, but it should be worth it (though I can't offer advice for that since I haven't gotten to that point yet...^^;). I just had a discussion about it with my friend the other day and she learned some of those things through conversation games and stuff (like Have You Ever... or asking random questions).

 

Don't give up hope! I can assure you there are girls who are waiting and have not made out before (and who do it for personal beliefs). Hell, I'm one of them, and I'm a sophomore of college, so we do exist in the age range you're looking for! I have the exact same wish for a guy like that as well, but I can't find anyone. >.< But still, there are ton of women who want virgin guys. Actually, I find it that women feel there are less virgin guys out there and feel hopeless because of it, but there is hope! =)

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@wny (ohmygosh, where can I find guys like you? XD) I'm having the same issue with how to ask a guy if he's a virgin, so thanks for bringing this up! Never know if he's lying so he can try to take advantage of you or something...O_O But I think everyone's posts have been pretty helpful. I agree that you should state your status as a waiter first, and then go slowly into the topic and more personal stuff as the conversation goes on. That way it doesn't come off as harsh and you can still find out what you want to know. I personally befriend a guy first, then get to know his personal life as a friend (more likely chance he won't lie to you about being a virgin/making out) and then if there's a spark/connection, I'd see if we could form a relationship. :) Takes a while, but it should be worth it (though I can't offer advice for that since I haven't gotten to that point yet...^^ ;). I just had a discussion about it with my friend the other day and she learned some of those things through conversation games and stuff (like Have You Ever... or asking random questions).

 

Don't give up hope! I can assure you there are girls who are waiting and have not made out before (and who do it for personal beliefs). Hell, I'm one of them, and I'm a sophomore of college, so we do exist in the age range you're looking for! I have the exact same wish for a guy like that as well, but I can't find anyone. >.< But still, there are ton of women who want virgin guys. Actually, I find it that women feel there are less virgin guys out there and feel hopeless because of it, but there is hope! =)

I think guys would be even more hesitant to reveal that they are a virgin since a guy who is a virgin past, like, 18 often thinks that other people (men and women) will view him as a loser. Female virgins don't really have that stigma. I don't know about playing a question game to get that information. My status as a virgin and someone who is waiting until marriage is something I would probably only reveal to a girlfriend. I've never told anyone outside of this website these details about myself and I'm only comfortable doing it on here because it is an anonymous message board. As to your last point about it being harder to find male virgins I think you are probably correct. I think statistically there are fewer male virgins.

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yes I agree with the above Dont ask its very awkward I had a situation like that and I just felt so uncomfortable, the whole conversation became about me being a virgin. I felt like I was put on the spot Im sure you wouldnt do all that but its best to just state that you are waiting and let the rest fall into place.

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@Tatyana-How soon do you think the rest would fall into place? I wouldn't want to spend months dating someone who I would break up with if it turns out she isn't a virgin.

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@Tatyana-How soon do you think the rest would fall into place? I wouldn't want to spend months dating someone who I would break up with if it turns out she isn't a virgin.

 

I understand and no certainly not months when I said fall into place I meant in the very beginning once you discuss the WTM...the conversation should lead to what her thoughts are about the topic. Once you know that she agrees and wants to be WTM with you maybe then discuss the difficulties of being WTM because of media and pressure or whatever you feel comfortable with bringing up at the moment. You can also discuss virginity without talking about yourself or getting too personal in the same sense, you can make light jokes about it as well that way she wont feel uncomfortable.

by this time the girl shouldve said something about her being a virgin...unless she isnt or is completely shy.

 

Now because this is important to you this should probly be the one of the first things you discuss but its tricky because it is a sexual topic(whether active or not) it is pretty personal for most people. Just be lighthearted and fun about it even if she is shy Im sure that'll help.

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Sounds like I should just bring up the topic of waiting until marriage in general and then just kind of judge how the conversation is going to see how to proceed from there.

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@wny: In my experience, it hasn't taken any time to find out if a girl you like (and who is interested in you) in a virgin or not or is wtm or not. If there's the spark of mutual attraction, things will start to get heated and seeing as you are wtm, you would most likely hold back, which would set off alarms in said girl's head. She'd (assuming she's not wtm) prolly ask you if something was wrong or if you were gay or so (yeah, I know, annoying that most girls assume that (normal) straight guys must be nawing at the bit/their collar/leash to get some from a girl). At that time, you could probably state your wtm status and she'll probably admit to her own non-wtm status/lifestyle and you can more comfortably go your separate ways (not saying that it'll be easy, just easier, since it's not like you're cornering her and/or trying make her feel guilty or judged). She might try and pull a fast one on ya, though...so I'd put up my guard quick. If she's wtm, the hesitancy will be on her side as well and she might even mention that she's wtm, much to your mutual relief. That's typically the way it's been for me (for better or for worse). And seeing as there's the hookup culture around these days, it probably wouldn't take more than a date or two (perhaps even three, if she's not as loose as some). Just my two cents...

See ya on the flipside,

Altan

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