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Would you date a guy who's still living at home?

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Obviously I'm not talking about a guy who does nothing to better his situation. But times are tough right now. Jobs are hard to find and more and more people are moving back home with the parents. But even so, there still seems to be a lot of societal pressure for guys to be financially stable and have his own place by a certain age. Sometimes I feel like I have to have all my ducks in a row before I feel even worthy to be dating at all.

My question to the ladies is would you date a guy who had to move back home but was working towards making something of himself? Or would you want him to be financially independent and have his own place first?

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Sometimes I feel like I have to have all my ducks in a row before I feel even worthy to be dating at all.

 

I can relate to this feeling. Part of why I didn't seek to date at all the past few years was because I haven't been able to find a full time/lasting job and I just don't know how off putting that is/can be for guys. As a woman who still lives at home, I would date a guy who also is, as long as he has a plan like you said. I myself wanted, if I wasn't married by now, to have my own little house-but it just hasn't happened that way. I don't think everyone realizes how tough the times we are living through are because we are in them right now, but it's pretty bad. But one of those guys who "lives in his mom's basement" and she still does everything for him and he has no desire to better his situation, no way! His desire to make something of himself is the key. :)

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Obviously I'm not talking about a guy who does nothing to better his situation.

My question to the ladies is would you date a guy who had to move back home but was working towards making something of himself?

Yes. Cuz I hope he would date me...

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I hope women like this exist since I'm afraid I could be living at home for quite a while. It's better than the alternative of loads of debt, though.

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I hope women like this exist since I'm afraid I could be living at home for quite a while.

Count me as one of those "women". ^_^

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Sally started dating me when I still lived at home ;) I have my own place now but didn't at the time. But it was just a temporary thing; I was working toward getting my own place I wasn't just living at home as a permanent lifestyle. I think that's the difference. The job market is frustrating, in fact Im looking for a new one myself. Still have a job, just looking for something better. But I think as long as you show some initiative, most women will understand. And a lot of them are probably in a similar boat that's something else to think about.

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Like DD said, I started dating him when he was still living at home. I was more comfortable spending the night there earlier than I normally would because it was his parents place and not just his. I didn't see anything wrong with that because he was out of school and working. He was also looking for a good deal on a place and moved in a few months ago :)

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I can relate to this feeling. Part of why I didn't seek to date at all the past few years was because I haven't been able to find a full time/lasting job and I just don't know how off putting that is/can be for guys. As a woman who still lives at home, I would date a guy who also is, as long as he has a plan like you said. I myself wanted, if I wasn't married by now, to have my own little house-but it just hasn't happened that way. I don't think everyone realizes how tough the times we are living through are because we are in them right now, but it's pretty bad. But one of those guys who "lives in his mom's basement" and she still does everything for him and he has no desire to better his situation, no way! His desire to make something of himself is the key. :)

That is part of the reason I don't look to date right now. I don't see myself being able to move out any time remotely soon and I would not want a long term relationship that could not lead to marriage any time remotely soon (It would be many, many years away). Also, as to the part I bolded, I really do wonder how long this econonomic crisis will continue. I think I sometimes underestimate how bad it is because it has been going on since I was in high school, so in a way it is "normal" for me. Also, since I'm fascinated by history, so I always think of the Great Depression when I think of an economic crisis and this is not nearly as bad as that, which might cause me to underestimate how bad it is. Still, sometimes I do wonder if it will take the same amount of time to recover from this as it did to recover from that. Could it really be 2020 until things are good again?

 

Count me as one of those "women". ^_^

I'm glad. I hope that the right woman will understand. It just sounds like it will be a hard selling point. I don't know if you've read any of my posts on this matter, but I think there is a very good chance I will have to marry a younger woman. I figure part of the appeal of an older guy would be the thought that he is financially established, but sadly that won't be me, even when I'm in my late 20s. I have a well worked out plan, though, so I just will have to find the right woman who understands that it will be a work in progress.

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It all depends on the situation. I am definitely drawn to academic guys, so it's okay if he lives with his parents but depending on his age, he has to be employed, and regardless of age, he has to be trying to get his own place. I would never date someone unless I though I had a serious future with him, so whatever guy I date needs to have a lot of things in his life in order because I am hoping to be married with at least one child before I am 30, I am NOT living with any parents, and I hope to either be a stay-at-home mom or work only part time. If I was into casual dating, or short-term relationships, I wouldn't care. But I really would like him to have a good job and independence, or strongly striving for independence. But I do doubt I will ever end up dating a guy who lives at home because I would want to get married a maximum 3 years after dating and own a house or apartment when we move in together. I don't see how someone can go from living with their parents to being able to afford their own place within 3 years (of course we would both buy the place.)

A case where I would be fine with him living with his parents is if his job (has to be a good one,) is super close to their house, and he has a great relationship with their parents, so decided it would be economically beneficial just to live with them because his work is so close. I'd do the same thing if I found a job in my neighbourhood, or in my city close to where I live. But he would 100% have to move out when we get married.

But if his parents lived with HIM, I'd be fine with that as long as they are great people.

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I think it all depends on why he is living with his parents, how old he is, and what he intends to do in the future.

 

I live with my parents. I also have a job. But I don't see a reason to move out and waste money on an apartment, when there is plenty of room in my parent's house. It's just economically efficient to stay at home.

 

Even if I get higher paying jobs, had more than enough income coming in to pay rent and still had a ton saved every month for investments, vacations, etc., I still don't know if I would move out. I guess I'm really old fashioned in this way, but I always assumed I would just live with my parents until I got married.

 

Also is there a difference with this in cities versus more rural areas? In cities, houses and apartments can be really small, so moving out when you get older makes more sense. But if you live in a large house out in the country, and you don't have that many close by neighbors, I would think another reason to stay at home is so you're not in the middle of nowhere by yourself.

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That is part of the reason I don't look to date right now. I don't see myself being able to move out any time remotely soon and I would not want a long term relationship that could not lead to marriage any time remotely soon (It would be many, many years away). Also, as to the part I bolded, I really do wonder how long this econonomic crisis will continue. I think I sometimes underestimate how bad it is because it has been going on since I was in high school, so in a way it is "normal" for me. Also, since I'm fascinated by history, so I always think of the Great Depression when I think of an economic crisis and this is not nearly as bad as that, which might cause me to underestimate how bad it is. Still, sometimes I do wonder if it will take the same amount of time to recover from this as it did to recover from that. Could it really be 2020 until things are good again?

 

They say it's the worst since the Great Depression, so who knows how long it could take?

 

 

I think it all depends on why he is living with his parents, how old he is, and what he intends to do in the future.

 

I live with my parents. I also have a job. But I don't see a reason to move out and waste money on an apartment, when there is plenty of room in my parent's house. It's just economically efficient to stay at home.

 

Even if I get higher paying jobs, had more than enough income coming in to pay rent and still had a ton saved every month for investments, vacations, etc., I still don't know if I would move out. I guess I'm really old fashioned in this way, but I always assumed I would just live with my parents until I got married.

 

I guess I don't feel too much pressure to move out and wouldn't really mind staying at home until marriage, I think it's definitely something that guys feel more pressure to do-and that's understandable. However, it isn't like this in all countries/cultures and I tend to think in America we take family for granted too much-we move really far away from each other and barely ever see those we love.

 

Also, sometimes I get really scared when I think about living on my own and someone breaking in. It has happened to me when I was home alone, they opened my door, saw me, and ran :(. I never saw them, though and they got away. So, I do like the feeling of safety I get living at home too.

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As long as he is helping his parents out in some way and not just freeloading and he is planning on having his on place by the time we get married.

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Yes, I would. That's not a deal breaker :-) but of course at my age most guys are already dependent on their mommas.

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I think it all depends on why he is living with his parents, how old he is, and what he intends to do in the future.

This is part of the reason I asked this question. I'm almost 28 and a lot of women my age want to start settling down and start having a family. I feel like at my age, they don't want to be with a guy who still lives at home with no job. So far it's been a struggle finding stable work and I've only been able to get temp jobs. I honestly don't know how long my situation is going to last. I plan to go back to school which would take another few years living at home until at least my early 30's. I'm not saying I won't be with a girl who happens to be willing to put up with me, but I just feel like I shouldn't be actively looking until I'm in a better position.

I guess I don't feel too much pressure to move out and wouldn't really mind staying at home until marriage, I think it's definitely something that guys feel more pressure to do-and that's understandable. However, it isn't like this in all countries/cultures and I tend to think in America we take family for granted too much-we move really far away from each other and barely ever see those we love.

Yeah, I agree. The idea of moving out and being on your own at a young age is a relatively new cultural norm in America and a few other Western countries. In most parts of the world, even most European countries, it's normal to live at home until you get married. But even so, I feel like our culture puts alot of pressure on guys to "make it" so they can be a provider. I do want to be a provider, don't get me wrong, it's just going to take a while. I'm sure girls feel the pressure too, but I don't think it's nearly as strong as it is for guys. I certainly would not hold it against a girl if she was living at home no matter how old she is, provided she has some sort of life goal whether if it's a career or a stay at home mom.

 

Also, sometimes I get really scared when I think about living on my own and someone breaking in. It has happened to me when I was home alone, they opened my door, saw me, and ran :(. I never saw them, though and they got away. So, I do like the feeling of safety I get living at home too.

8Y0fU.jpg

problem solved :)

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This is part of the reason I asked this question. I'm almost 28 and a lot of women my age want to start settling down and start having a family. I feel like at my age, they don't want to be with a guy who still lives at home with no job. So far it's been a struggle finding stable work and I've only been able to get temp jobs. I honestly don't know how long my situation is going to last. I plan to go back to school which would take another few years living at home until at least my early 30's. I'm not saying I won't be with a girl who happens to be willing to put up with me, but I just feel like I shouldn't be actively looking until I'm in a better position.

 

8Y0fU.jpg

problem solved :)

I believe that women in this time don't really have a problem with a man who is trying to get back on his feet. You are actively looking for a job, you are trying to go back to school and it is understandable that the market is insane right now so I don't think women would see that as a horrible problem. Also if you do go back to school you will most likely find some girl in the exact same position you're in. What women are afraid is the guy who mooches off their parents and just hopes to mooch off of their girlfriend. They say they are going to go somewhere but in actuality they are not planning anything and just wants to laze around at home all day hoping for some gov assistance that they are not entitled too.

Actually I would add an active watchdog to the pic along with the gun. My dog barks at pretty much anything and while she can't do too much (she's just a wiener dog) it would give me more than enough time to get the 44 and load up lol. I'd like to believe that a barking dog (or a couple of barking dogs) could deter most people from entering and the gun is just an added bonus for the brave hearts.

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Well, here everyone lives with their parents until they're going to marry. It's not seen as weird or being too dependent. So, it's really not an issue at all. 

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I believe that women in this time don't really have a problem with a man who is trying to get back on his feet. You are actively looking for a job, you are trying to go back to school and it is understandable that the market is insane right now so I don't think women would see that as a horrible problem. Also if you do go back to school you will most likely find some girl in the exact same position you're in. What women are afraid is the guy who mooches off their parents and just hopes to mooch off of their girlfriend. They say they are going to go somewhere but in actuality they are not planning anything and just wants to laze around at home all day hoping for some gov assistance that they are not entitled too.

Well, if I'm honest with myself, I am partly to blame for my situation. How I got to this point wasn't my fault, but being back home is tough because my parents are enablers of "mooching." They totally spoiled and coddled me growing up and did everything for me. Even now, they insist on cooking my meals and doing my laundry. I think they just love having me around all the time. I DO NOT want to live that kind of life so I've been actively resisting it and doing things on my own. But sometimes, it's hard not to take advantage of the comforts they allow and I'm not always as active in job searching as I should be. That is why I want to get out on my own ASAP so I don't have to be around that influence anymore. But I do want to make something of myself and I do not want to be a loser with no ambitions.

Actually I would add an active watchdog to the pic along with the gun. My dog barks at pretty much anything and while she can't do too much (she's just a wiener dog) it would give me more than enough time to get the 44 and load up lol. I'd like to believe that a barking dog (or a couple of barking dogs) could deter most people from entering and the gun is just an added bonus for the brave hearts.

Wow, even I can't handle a .44. lol. Yes having a dog in the house definitely is a good idea :)

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Yeah, I agree. The idea of moving out and being on your own at a young age is a relatively new cultural norm in America and a few other Western countries. In most parts of the world, even most European countries, it's normal to live at home until you get married. But even so, I feel like our culture puts alot of pressure on guys to "make it" so they can be a provider. I do want to be a provider, don't get me wrong, it's just going to take a while. I'm sure girls feel the pressure too, but I don't think it's nearly as strong as it is for guys. I certainly would not hold it against a girl if she was living at home no matter how old she is, provided she has some sort of life goal whether if it's a career or a stay at home mom.
 
8Y0fU.jpg

problem solved :)

Yes, if I ever live alone I will definitely own a gun :)!

 

I wish society didn't put so much pressure on guys in this area. Since you have goals, I think it is all good. Even my brother in law went back to school recently and my sister just had a baby. It can be done if someone comes along before you graduate, if you feel it will be too long a wait that is :)!

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Even though women are now encouraged to work and have a career just like men are, it does still seem like it is more shameful for a man to not have a career and to still live at home. I, personally, would not care at all if I dated a woman who still lived at home. Hopefully a woman won't mind if I still am.

Funny enough, I think one of the only ways I could move out is if I met and married a woman who was gainfully employed and wanted to support me while I'm in graduate school. I don't think I would be comfortable in a situation like that, though.

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I would be willing to date a guy who is living at home, especially in consideration of our current economic crisis.

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I think people need to realize that the cost of living on one's own is a lot. If you have a decent job sure you can do it, but finding a high paying job early in your life is not common.

For me, I am twenty-five, and I still live at home. I pay all of my own bills, I have a full time job and I am in University. My annual salary does not allow me to live on my own as much of my income goes towards school. Do I plan to live at home forever? Of course not, but it's not that bad of a situation. I could live on my own probably but I would be living penny to penny. That is not very conducive. My short term plan currently to to live here until I finish my degree which is in 2015. Hopefully getting a better job between then or when I finish will facilitate moving out.

I recall reading an article that said the average age of men moving out in Canada was twenty-nine. That doesn't mean one has to be a statistic, but honestly, WHO THE HELL CARES. Living at home with a future you are planning/ preparing for VS Living on your own and being destitute? The former is the answer.

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One other things I would like to add is that being successful and taking care of yourself is important, but is being shallow the answer? Maybe he lives at home but is very self-sufficient. This is a different parallel but if someone wouldn't date someone because they were taller or whatever.

People need to get a grip.

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