17 posts in this topic

Howdy to everyone, my names Ronnie and after like 9 months of membership this my first topic.

I'm posting this in "ask the girls", as the opinions I'm seeking are foremost from the "ladyfolk".

In case by my post on here its not clear, I'm an eccentric African-American male.

I'm well educated, tall, athletic and I'm reasonably inexperienced.

I'm a proud waiter, not that I go around bragging or anything, but the last girl I dated (1 of 2 girls)

we only dated a couple of months, met online, anyhow after I told her we split, though amicably.

My question since this is "ask" the girls...

There seems to exists an unspoken rule or stereotype about black guys.

I won't go all the way into all of them, however I'm gonna say that yes they exist, and we know they do but we never speak of them.

Why? Why is it that I'm expected to like hiphop instead of say Red or Dizmas? (look them up)

Why is it that Asian, Caucasian, Hispanic, and some African-American girls, when they describe the "perfect" guy he's more often than not a caucasian dude.

Not that I have any grudge or hard feelings against girls for having a "preference".

Everyone does right?

However, it seems so common, just curious about the reasons and why?

Of course cultural, and familial acceptance is high on the list, but simply speaking from a human standpoint we're all Americans right? So our culture should have vast similarities.

Opinions, thoughts, input please

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Well, I have never dated an African-American man before, as I have not dated very much in general; also, I live in a small rural community that is about 99.9% Caucasian. During college, however, there were several African-American men that I was quite attracted to. Had any of them been interested in me, I gladly would have accepted an invitation for a date. Thus, I can't really speak to the reasoning of girls who wouldn't want to date someone with a different skin color, because I am not one of them. I know these stereotypes exist though, and it saddens me.

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Hello I'm an African-American female and also proud of my WTM. I find this same type of stereotyping but on the opposite playing field (like coming from African-American men). And I have also felt that many men do not see African-American women as desirable or marriage material. So basically, I feel you lol. Also I know who Dizmas and Red are (I personally LOVE christian rock music and mostly only listen to it). I also know Skillet (really love their song Forgiven), Super Chick, Switchfoot, Flyleaf, Thousand foot crutch, The fallen, The Almost, Reliant K, Falling up, Run-Kid-Run, Creed (good not druggie) and the list can go on forever. I dislike rap music greatly because now a days I can't find one that doesn't call me a b**ch, whore, slut, trick or some other derogatory name.

I really blame a lot on the negative media and how African-American youth are really further extending the stereotype. In the media there is always something negative going on with African-Americans (AA)- high pregnancy, drop-out, poverty and for some reason the news reporter always chooses the AA who has a speech problem. The negativity pervades the minds of people whom are not able to differentiate between the chosen few that the media portrays and the rest of the AA population that is actually doing well. So they see AA men in the same light. Another problem that I have explained before is rap music. The lyrics seem to be nothing but about gangs, whores, killing etc and that gives a gangster/dangerous vibe for AA men and for AA women we are basically seen as being on the same level as prostitutes.

Lastly it is that many of today's AA generations are proving stereotypes correct. Sagging pants, voluntary gang fashions, or basically the actual personification of the world that rap songs envision but there is ignorance about the consequences. Youth see the money the rappers talk about and not the death/drugs/jail.

I can't say a lot about American culture. I don't believe America is a melting pot and is instead multicultural, IMHO. I will probably say I am an African-American before I say I am an American due to the cultural differences. Though I am proud of my country I am proud of my African heritage more. Even between states there is a different culture. The culture in Texas is totally different from the culture in Oklahoma, Louisiana or Arkansas. Similar to race my African-American culture is different from Asian-American or Latino American (I don't think that is a bad thing either). I sometimes believe the only thing I have in common with other people is the fact that we are humans and thus each one will be different; with personal uniqueness and cultures.

I guess the only thing I can tell you is if the person you meet is still in a fog created by ignorance then they weren't worth your time anyway.

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Im not an american, but i have cultured myself enough to be able to answer this in some way. Before I answer, please let me say i am in no way racist or have any prejudice whatsoever and anything i say, that could be deemed offensive, i promise you is not intended to be, but in order to answer truthfully, i have to be relatively blunt on what the "worlds stereotypes are" and why certain groups view, certain minorities the way they do.

First Question- Why are you expected to like hip hop?

I think that is a generalized stereotype of African Americans, that they all love hip hop. Possibly has a lot to do with that statistically a majority of African Americans, are in the lower socio-economic part of american society. The african americans that they see earning money and stepping out of those socio-economic barriers, are either Hip Hops artists, Rappers, or Sportsmen. I think it can be said that typically, African Americans might have that stereotype of liking hiphop because a majority of the best hiphop artist are of African American race, which means they are able to relate to the artist more, because they already have such a commonality and generally the content of the music is more easily relatable. Also i think it has a lot to do with your family influences and where you grow up, no matter who you are people just want to fit in and everything around you shapes you. I think for most people it is not until you step out of your younger years and out into the world that you open up to a lot more influences, in all areas.

Another reason is, I still think there is this massive unspoken racial prejudice, that just because your "black" you should like artists or musicians that are also "black", which is incredibly ignorant, but is still very common.

Why is it that Asian, Caucasian, Hispanic, and some African-American girls often describe the perfect guy as being caucasian?

I can't say entirely on this because I am not american, and to be honest, where i live, we really have No African American males. But we do have other minorities. Honestly i think it has a lot to do with family influence, and i hate to say it but i know a lot of "white" families who would just not approve. They still hold a lot of racial prejudice, so they instill in their kids to not even consider someone who is darker than them as a possible choice. Im going to be really honest from what i have heard about talking's with some "white" people, is that, although everyone claims this politically correct form of racial equality, people still have there prejudices, and even though they may not be outwardly racist or attack a certain minority, that still does not mean they would want to "marry" or their children to marry someone of that minority, because it is just not accepted. Its not what they consider right. Its incredibly ignorant, But parents have the belief that they want whats best for their children, and they have the prejudice that someone of "darker skin" would not be the best option for their child as someone who is of lighter skin.

You said speaking from a human standpoint, that we are all the same, how it shouldn't be so prevalent. I think its a hopeful statement, but the majority of humans, care what everyone else thinks, and are shaped by those ideals. Not a lot of people, want to step outside of the normality. Society doesn't really make it easy too either. As much as everyone wants to pretend that there is this massive equality, there is to some degree, but a lot of humans, still even if they would never admit it, hold a racial prejudice, enough of one that girls are being conditioned to believe that someone of Caucasian race would be a better suitor than someone who is not.

I think "white" "caucasian" males are portrayed in a much better light than "black" African American males. Even from a young age, movies that girls are watching, all the princes, and the romantic interests, they aren't black, however the villain's often are. Even without outwardly telling someone, society conditions you to find a certain type more likable and pleasing, than others. It is the exact same conditioning and ideal, that skinniest is best and anyone with curves is not as attractive.

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I read through all of your replies and comments, first let me say thank you for your feedback.

@WW- I can understand your perspective, I've not dated much either, however those guys were "missing out" on getting to know you.

Which is really what's worth not missing.

@LH90- wow I must say I'm surprised to find that you really know all those bands, I'm in love....

Lol,J/K!

Seriously, I empathize with you, its not that I totally dislike all hiphop, I'll throw on some 2Pac every now and then, its just, and this is weird, but my first record, was "Ixnay on the Hombre" by The Offspring. Okay, okay I'll admit I grew up a skater kid, and in the 'burbs.

I mean I embrace my African-American heritage and being the likely son of former slaves, I was born in the South. I enjoy learning about my history. And of course I enjoy fried chicken, and going to barber shop and I do play basketball.

So maybe I do fulfill some of the stereotypes.

Oh yeah and i agree with you about the fact that American culture is significantly different in different areas.

And that were not necessarily a melting pot, but then what about when we (american people) enjoy taco, or watch a soccer match?

Lastly,I agree with your last statement, wholeheartedly.

@WFU- I appreciate your viewpoint, its strange to learn though that there aren't any African-American men in your community.

Lastly I can't say wether or not my "package"would be larger than say a caucasian guys.

However my wife, who will be the only person to compare myself to, would likely care less.

Like I always say and when I meet that certain someone, she'll echo this statement, its her heart and its condition that matter to me.

(Not that sex isn't important to me, certainly)

Thank you to each of you ladies!

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Ronnie - I know this was in Ask The Girls - but I did want to tell you that I thought what you asked and how you asked that question speaks volumes AGAINST the idea of having any truly preconceived ideas (stereotypes or not) about what a stand-up guy sounds like - or looks like. I'll bet everyone who reads your thread thinks so as well.

But the heart of your question is one we all face every day - how do you break past the assumptions (quickly) and forge a connection with someone? That question is not just a romantic one - it's personal, professional, collegial. I bet the ways you instinctively overrun those assumptions or swerve around them are helpful for everyone to consider... because I bet it's also the way you find like-minded souls.

I wish those "tidy little packages" of assumptions that people often carry around didn't exist... but they tend to exist for people to quickly try to categorize don't they? Our goal as thinking/feeling/considered people is to park the assumptions... and figure out what we have in common one to one isn't it?

In the meantime, I'm struck that in your ~200-word post above... you managed to quickly expose the assumptions as incorrect, and to reposition yourself in everyone's minds as the smart, articulate, values-grounded kind of guy they might want as a friend (or more LOL). I think you already know how to get rid of the assumptions with people quite well!

ian

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This is such a hard question to answer. I guess, the first answer that comes to mind is the media. I honestly am not sure though. I guess everyone decides differently. I don't like ignorant racist folks either. I do believe we are all different. You might wonder how. We are different by the way we were brought up, the things we like, our interests, hobbies, etc. But one thing that shouldn't be listed there is the color of our skin. Because we are all human. The only things that should set us apart should be our life choices and interests( Which is actually a good thing, because it shows how unique and beautiful everyone is in their own way). Basically, what I'm trying to say is, standing out is a wonderful thing, but it should be for all the right reasons. For example: fashion choices, helping a cause, being kind, etc. I also think we should embrace our background too though. Anyway, my point is we are all unique (personality and stuff) and it's a beautiful thing. So, we're all the same, but unique at the same time. I don't know if that makes sense lol.

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And that were not necessarily a melting pot, but then what about when we (american people) enjoy taco, or watch a soccer match?

IMHO, I see that as an embracing/acceptance of another culture. Sure I do love tacos and I love some of the aspects of the Latino culture but that is an embrace of one aspect of their culture.I don't know much about their full culture and tacos (like Taco Bell) is not real Latin culture (shrugs). A melting pot to me is when all of the cultures pretty much assimilate til everything is homogenous (like milk) and I don't think the U.S all like that. Sure I like tacos but I don't know Spanish nor do I have a significant understanding of what it is to be a Latina. I kind of see soccer/sports as transcultural since pretty much every country in the world (including Africa) enjoy soccer so I guess sports can be seem as homogenous but other aspects like food, clothing, music- some share but many do not understand the history or actual culture behind the people who began such a trait.

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Sorry that this is off-topic, but I've become interested in the question of whether the U.S. is a melting pot or not. I think it takes time, generations even, for the process to occur. Today we pretty much believe there is a "white culture." Well, back in the 19th century there was a huge difference between being British and being Irish. Today, though, they have melted together. Simarly, in the early 20th century Eastern and Southern Europeans were not part of the same culture as British, German, and

Irish Americans, but now they've melted into what we call "white culture." This isn't to say that taking note of one's heritage has entirely disappeared, though. There are obviously still things like Irish pride parades. So, while perhaps "melting pot" is not an entirely accurate term I would say that the U.S. is more than just a collection of cultures.

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Hey Ian thanks, for your reply, of course this is ask the girls.

But every opinion, comment is valued and much appreciated.

April, thank you for your observations and comments.

I agree with you that the media is partly to blame, however and this is squarely my own philosophy though.

I'm one of those we're responsible for our own thoughts, actions etc types.

Of course, external predetermined factors play a role, like being upbringing, socio-economic and regional factors, play a part in our thoughts, beliefs and actions.

However I agree again with you in that we're uniquely different and just to example that statement look at the actions of those individuals directly involved in and with the horrid catastrophe the happened in Newtown, CT recently.

LH90, appreciate your reply to my question, and your introspective view.

Yeah and Taco Bell surely isn't "authentic" Latin food.

However it is as you said a homogenous blend of Latin and American cultures.

Like Pizza Hut isn't authentic Italian.

Now back to flying!

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I am a white woman who has been attracted to all kinds of men. I grew up going to school with people of all colors. In high school I met two boys from Sierra Leone who had come to America to get their education. They were some of the nicest guys I have ever met to this day and so smart and friendly. They were the first guys who were nice to me in high school and they were also Muslim, so even though they weren't American yet, I think they broke any stereotypes I had in my mind back then (about Muslims too), which really weren't many-that is kind of really interesting now that I think about it*:) . I have seen news programs about topics similar to your post where young black Americans say their peers tease them for "acting white" if they do well in school, which was just so shocking to me. I wonder how common this is across the country because it just seems so ridiculous and sad. I wouldn't say I think all black guys automatically like rap/hip hop, which may be because every now and then I like some of that genre of music myself along with many other genres, so I think anyone can like all types of music. I think the stereotypes stem from the media and popular culture. I wonder if my own views have anything to do with watching Family Matters when ABC had the TGIF Friday night sitcoms going?

When you say that girls describe the perfect guy as being white, I guess you mean physically-for me I guess it would be because I am a white woman, but like I said I have been attracted to all types of men. I don't even really spend much time thinking of a type physically, I think my type will be whoever my husband is *;) .

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Well, I think stereotypes exist because culture exists. Culture by definition is simply a way of life and when a large group share common cultural values, these trends make it easy to stereotype people. Almost all stereotypes are based on some truth, not necessarily because of anything inherent in a person's race/gender/orientation, etc. but because of the culture those groups subscribe to. For example, Asians are often stereotyped as being smart and excel in school. They are not genetically smarter than anyone else, it's simply in their culture to highly value education and studies. Of course we are ultimately all individuals and not all of us fall under stereotypes associated with our culture or race, but again stereotypes have some truth to them.

Knowing this, it would explain why you as a black guy are expected to like rap. Now I don't know the history of rap music, but I'm willing to bet it was pioneered by blacks. Because of that, the black community probably tend to gravitate towards that style of music because of the heritage and rap is associated with black history. Same thing with country music. I can't name a single country singer who isn't white. Probably because it originally was pioneered by Southern whites.

You also asked why white guys tend to be viewed as the ideal. I come from an Asian family and I know that many Asian girls are encouraged to marry a white man because of they are stereotyped as being financially successful. Many Asian parents see that as "marrying up" so to speak and they want their daughters to have financial security over anything else.

But in the end, we all know that what's really important is the individual person and race shouldn't really matter as long as there is love and respect between both people and their families.

As Chris Tucker once said, "I have a dream that white people and black people....and even Chinese people can gamble together without getting different amount of chips!" :)

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I can't name a single country singer who isn't white.

ill give you two vince darius rucker, i hope i spelled his name right lol and charley pride :-)

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@EB That last quote was too funny and I love that movie btw. But jokes aside, I think I could relate to this topic because I am part of the young black youth of today that listens to the Chief Keefs of the world and the music of today is no help for the stereotypes of African-Americans in general. Reality shows are not really showing African-American women in a positive light, and all you really here is young black men killing other young black men via the internet or the news. All of these contribute to the stereotypes of African-Americans. Now I must say that people like you ,Ronnie and you,LH90, you are the ones that can change those stereotypes that are out there of African-Americans. And I pray hope that there are more strong black men and women out there like you two. Now about the way women describe the "perfect guy", I can't really help you on that one but I know the lovely ladies of this wonderful site can

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One word...Ignorance, to be expected to listen to or be something based on your skin color is just plain ignorant and the people that say that to you have not been around that many different types of people. I personally dont waste my time with people like that. I know its kinda mean but I dont want to be friends with someone that I feel I have to explain all my "uniqueness" to. I dont  put every person with a certain culture or background in one category because I know that EVERYONE is different. I personally respect and accept everyone for who they are, I only choose to go off what the individual gives me...Maybe because I grew up in a multicultural family I dont know, but I dont waste time with labels.

 

Now about the perfect guy description, everyone has their own taste but  Im going to say the media has alot to do with more women liking Caucasians in America.  They are shown on T.v. as Successful and good the hottest this and hottest that...where are the Asian men? are they not hot too?or do they just do ninja kicks? then the black men are displayed as irresponsible, criminal bad boys, broke and if they have money they must be in sports or a Rap artist but both those type of men cheat alot...Then Latin men are shown as sexual lovers who cant keep it in the pants etc.  

Now I dont agree with this, we all know thats not true and that there are good successful men in every color race/background But thats what is shown on t.v. this is what young girls see.  As someone above said before you can Surpass the stereotypes by just continuing to be a good person and role model for the youth.

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I can say it has a lot to do with home training. I was always taught that you never know who you will fall in love with. I have dated many men outside my own race, side glances and all. I love metal and football. Normally when I go see a band im the only AA in the area. In this day and age I think more people need to step out that culture comfort zone. Its a real adventure

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Hey RookiePilot! I understand where you are coming from but I love all people. Have I ever dated an African American man, no. Have I ever been interested in dating one, yes. :)) As I am huge fan of our current President Barack Obama :wub:  I understand where you are coming from with the racist issue as I attended a very racist University, never knew about racism until I got into college lol (I am Hispanic). So it depends all on who you associate with because of the fact that I a racially diverse person and see people not culture, color, race, etc I am very content because of where I put my energy in to who. I will say most of the guys interested in me have been white and that is who I've mostly dated but I love all people regardless of race, it's all about upbringing and my parents raised me to look at character in a person before anything else. If my race becomes an issue of getting to know me as a person welp their problem not mine. Besides, it's great to live with peace and love in your heart towards others, makes life easier♥

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