annabell

Beginning to lose respect for our purity?

9 posts in this topic

Im probably going to sound like a bad person, but just hear me out.

Lately, my boyfriend and I havent been taking our commitment to stay pure until marriage very seriously. Its sad to say but Ive been feeling less and less guilty after we passionately kiss or touch, and so has he. We keep talking about it and trying to figure out what to do, we know what we need to do but we always get caught up in what "feels good" (if that makes sense).

Its so hard when I see couples that have been dating two months and shes pregnant, and we've been together over four years and the desires are worse than ever before.

We dont want to lose our virginity or keep compromising one anothers purity.

I also hate knowing that what we do is displeasing to God, I hate taking advantage of His forgiveness.

Im not really sure if Im posting this for advice or just someone to talk to but Ive been in a dark ditch of struggling and being ashamed of myself for so long. ):

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You say you're feeling less guilty every time you're not really you're just used to it I got the same way we write it off as something little cause we have done it before like I used to write off looking at girls lustfully cause I did it before. But what I noticed is when you try to grow closer to the lord instead of anything else then that's when it starts to help you realize what you are doing. You have to open your heart to god for him to work on it. One last thing four years you must be strong how old are you?

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More later, but this is why principle, not feelings, must rule. Our feelings deceive us. They trick us into thinking what we're doing is right -- sex especially. Don't pay attention to what those feelings tell you.

But perhaps it is time to marry rather than burn.

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@Dasboy1 You are very correct in what you've said! Its like when somebody apologizes so many times that the meaning of it is completley lost. Thank you, Im almost seventeen so @LonelyKnight unfortunately we cant get married without consent from my parents and my parents wouldnt agree to do so. He is older than I though and we talk about marriage and how badly we want to(NOT just for sex) but ir really is getting dangerous. So asap! Lol. Idc if anyone thinks im crazy!

Thank you both for your words though , it is encouraging and helpful.

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You don't sound like a bad person, you sound like a normal human being :)

I have a question. Have both of you discussed what boundaries you feel that you need to have to not compromise your purity? I ask because when you do not establish clear, specific guidelines you're not going to know exactly when you should stop or what is okay. I would suggest that you talk to him about setting those boundaries and, if you don't think you'll be strong enough to follow through, then consider establishing a little more extreme measures. For example, don't stay alone together for a long time or in a place where you know you'll be tempted to cross those lines. You can also ask someone you trust to help keep you accountable in the limits that you have set. There are several other things you can do too.

It can be frustrating at first, but setting those boundaries and taking the steps to maintain them will help both of you achieve your goal. I hope that helped you in some way :)

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Okay so you're only a bit younger than me I was mainly wondering why an adult especially a waiting Christian one would date for 4 years, but since you're 17 I understand. I'm glad my post helped you out in some way.

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Annabell, the beauty of this all is that you have a boyfriend who shares the same values as you. I believe the best thing for you two to do right now is pray to God for forgivness together. If you've dones this already, then do it again. One of my dreams is to have a spouse that I can pray with. I believe a prayer between the two of you and God will be very powerful. I see it as putting your relationship before God and inviting Him to guide the two of you. Pray together makes the bond between you two and God that much more powerful. Going with what feels good most likely, if not always, brings you to a destructive way of life.

Now I would say you dont sound like a bad person because of what you posted. You sound like a person looking for advice when you know that what you two are doing is wrong. I commend you for that.

My advice is, after you two pray, set strong boundaries. Do not spend a long time alone in a room together. Make sure there are some people around. If someone says ''get a room'', make sure there is people in that room too. I'm guessing you have some shame so you will only go so far physically because poeple are around Lol. Whenever you two need to be alone to talk or whatever the case may be, I say go on a date to a park or something. By all means avoid being alone together.

If your relationship is like how I imagine it, I would say you two can marry when you hit your 20's ;). Seems not to far away for you. I'll be praying, I hope the best for you two =).

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Thank you @Sarita and @Alex992 :)) my boyfriend and I have set boundaries many times before but Ive realized how serious it is to go through with them, all your responses encouraged me to really talk to him about it again and I did. We have boundaries set and we are both really serious about fulfilling them this time. Thank you for your encouragement and kind words, it really has helped me and I appreciate it very much. :)

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