wny

Can You Tell if You're Attractive?

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Is there any way to know how attractive you are? I honestly have the hardest time figuring out how attractive I am. At times I think I am very good looking (with two flaws that I can eventually fix-need to add some muscle tone and build a little muscle and will hopefully one day get plastic surgery to fix scars I have from when I had fairly bad acne). But, other times I think there is a good chance I'm not that good looking. Women don't hit on me and women don't usually show any interest in me, so that sometimes makes me think I might not be good looking. In fact, only women I don't find attractive have ever shown any interest in me (well, maybe one when I was in middle school, but that was7 years ago and she may have just been goofing around. Plus we were just kids.) But, that might not be indicative of anything. I think many women are attractive but I don't hit on them or ask them out, so not being hit on or asked out maybe doesn't has anything at all to do with whether I'm attractive or not.

So, does anyone think there is any way of figuring out just how attractive you are?

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Well as an attractive man I don't have this problem..... but kidding aside it's in the eye of the beholder I find many woman attractive it seems girls find me attractive, like I'm sure some woman find you attractive and others don't it's just the way it works, I wouldn't stress over it in the end all that matters is that your future wife finds you attractive.

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What makes a man attractive is his personality. And the way he presents himself [how you act etc] Its also in the way he walks, talks.. his whole body language. But then you just get plain superficial people who goes after the "looks". I saw men .. who's not "very attractive" but the girls go wild of him. Why do they go wild of him.. because he knows how to twirl them around his little finger... and for some, it looks like he has tons of confidence.

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I can relate to your problem, but I agree with Eugene. Confidence goes a long way, as can an I-don't-care attitude as to whether or not girls think you're attractive. If you're worried about looking attractive, it probably shows.

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The most important thing, in my opinion, is to feel good about yourself. If you feel that you are attractive, that is enough! There is always someone who will think the same :)

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I think you can attempt to compare yourself to cultural beauty norms but attractiveness is very subjective, and that will drive you crazy, I know.

I've been told I look classically attractive but I think I look weird and not typically beautiful at all. That may be due to my own self doubts or there could be some truth to it, I'll never know.

All we can hope is that if we keep ourselves healthy and fit that we will come across people who find us attractive who we find attractive in return.

Being hit on has very little to do with it. Many beautiful people live very lonely lives.

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When I was in college and grad school (ie my early twenties) I imagined that "attractive guys" just woke up in the morning with a great haircut, chest & biceps and a day filled with decision-making on which girl would hit on them next. :-)

It took me a long time to think I understood that being hit on... was really only describing hormones of the person doing the looking (and hitting on) - more than a rating of the person being hit on!

When I stopped looking in the mirror, and when I made a point of listening/laughing/joking with girls... I gradually unlocked my own confidence - and at the same time, unlocked my own "attractiveness". A great smile and eye contact became an unexpectedly powerful piece of confidence that I had and many of those "attractive guys" didn't. :-) I could listen and laugh and talk to girls pretty easily... because I wasn't thinking about the come-on or whether she was "checking me out"...

One day, I realized (happily)... I more often than not found myself in the center of the room having the best times with great people... and I was able to have a casual conversation with the person sitting next to, or in line at the grocery store or wherever else... and if it's anything that girls seemed to find attractive and disarming... it was a guy who wore the comfort of being an active participant, at ease with who I was (and gradually... how I looked :-) ).

attractive is indeed in the eye of the beholder... but I would also say attractive is in the smile and charm of the soul who genuinely wears them :-)

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I think only if you believe you are attractive, you will then appear as attractive to others, not the other way around. :) Also like Ian said, its not all physical, but how you approach and act in general :)

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I know being attractive is about more than just the physical, but, in regards to the question at hand, I am curious about the physical. Is there any way to know how physically attractive you are? (I realize I wasn't specific about this in the initial post.)

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Is there any way to know how physically attractive you are? (I realize I wasn't specific about this in the initial post.)

What about asking your (girl) friends their opinion?

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@Sarita-There are two problems with your suggestion. First of all, I don't have any female friends. It's not that I'm awkward around girls or anything. I just don't have any female friends. Secondly, I don't think I would get a completely honest answer from a friend. It would be kind of an awkward question for a friend to answer. Also, I don't think a friend would tell a friend that they are not good looking or that a friend would go into detail about what is wrong (or right) with their appearance.

I did have a girl that I was sort of friends with tell me once that I was handsome, but she seemed like the type who would say that to any guy to be nice. Also, I knew two of her boyfriends who she had dated and I didn't think either of them were very good looking guys, so I don't really trust her judgement.

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1) Oh ok I understand. I suggested this because I have been asked this question and I gave honest answers. A friend that wants to help you would suggest what can be done to improve anything that is wrong.

2) I see that you were able to notice that your friend's boyfriends were not too good looking, so I think you have the ability to judge whether you are physically attractive, at least in a basic level. Also, remember that what someone thinks is not attractive may be attractive to another person and vice versa. So, I don't think you should worry too much about it because everyone has people that find them attractive.

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I feel like I may be fueling a bad habit here, but if you want to know what is supposedly the most appealing, google "Golden Decagon Mask" and "Golden ratio" you'll find tons of materials. However, I advise against doing this for so many reasons.

And I agree with Ian about confidence influencing attractiveness levels. This is so true. If you are a confident, content person, it really does shine through and makes you more attractive. I've seen it happen. I'm not just saying that, it is a fact.

I think a lot of times the more attractive someone is the worse they tear themselves apart. Think of it this way, the difference between being 70% perfect, or 98% perfect. That last 2% is so tempting to want to try and fix or otherwise dwell over. I think if you are questioning your attractiveness, the mere state of questioning probably means you are a physically attractive person.

But bear in mind, obsessing over how you look is not an attractive quality.

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@Sarita-That's cool that you're honest with your answers. I don't know that I would be able to. How could I tell a nice person something like "Well, honestly I would not date you because you're not attractive enough." It would be especially difficult if it wasn't like they were overweight or anything they could fix but just that I don't think they're good looking. Also, I guess I might have some skill at judging looks, but I might have been totally wrong about those guys. I'm not a girl, so maybe they were good looking and I just can't tell.

@Jenny-I'm not obsessed with looks, but they are important to me. There are certain things I definitely want to fix (getting rid of my acne scars, adding some muscle and weight) but I don't think I'll ever be the gym rat who spends half his day in the gym.

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Also, part of the reason I think I'm probably bad at judging how attractive men are is because there are some men that are considered incredibly good looking who I wouldn't think are anything special. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Tom Selleck are three that come to mind.

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It's because they aren't all that classically beautiful. Attractive yes, beautiful no. I think it is hard to judge the attractiveness of a gender you are not personally attracted to. I find it very difficult to judge other womens' level of attractiveness since I am only attracted to men.

I don't get the attractiveness of George Clooney. He has a nice smile but that's about it. Selleck, he is very masculine and his look was popular in the 70s when he became famous. Brad Pitt is probably the most appealing to the masses because he is plainer than the other two, which makes him less interesting but more physically appealing overall to the most people. But if you notice his eyes are too close together.

I have found that popular actors, that stand the test of time, are interesting looking, not beautiful. Models are the opposite.

Just because the media says they are attractive or beautiful or whatever isn't necessarily the truth. Getting on the top 100 list of beautiful people is a publicity tactic. Which is why a bunch of people will always debate why someone is there over someone else.

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@Jenny-You're probably right that it is difficult to tell if people (assuming one is straight) of your same gender are good looking. But that also makes it hard to judge yourself (as it is for me). You're also right that the movie stars who the media insists are attractive aren't necessarily super attractive to everyone. Angelina Jolie is one who I don't think is very good looking at all, but yet she's an icon of being a good looking woman.

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Everyone has their own "things" that they're really attracted to-for instance, mine are eyes, hair and smile. Some things are dealbreakers for some people, but they're not for others. Example: A certian height requirement.

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I mean wny you could post a pic on here and see if girls go crazy or not....

LOL :P:superwaiter:

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@Sally-Your saying you like hair, eyes, and smile only opens up a new set of questions. How can I tell if my eyes are attractive? My hair? My smile? You see where I'm going with this.

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@Sally-Your saying you like hair, eyes, and smile only opens up a new set of questions. How can I tell if my eyes are attractive? My hair? My smile? You see where I'm going with this.

Yeah if you really want, post a pic here and the girls will let you know if you're attractive or not. No awkwardness, nothing weird, just going to be honost with you. So you can have a little ease of mind. Knowing if these Waiter girls think you're attractive or not. How's that sound??

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@Sarita-That's cool that you're honest with your answers. I don't know that I would be able to. How could I tell a nice person something like "Well, honestly I would not date you because you're not attractive enough." It would be especially difficult if it wasn't like they were overweight or anything they could fix but just that I don't think they're good looking. Also, I guess I might have some skill at judging looks, but I might have been totally wrong about those guys. I'm not a girl, so maybe they were good looking and I just can't tell.

Actually, I would never say something like that to anyone. You can be honest without having to be hurtful. I think everyone has some physical characteristics that make them attractive. When a friend asks me my opinion, I first point out the ones they do have and then I tell them which ones I think can improve (if there are any).

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@sallly even though it was a joke, I was kkda serious. Wny if you read this it's just an idea since you said you don't have female friends.

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I know posting a picture would be an easier way to do it, but I'm not comfortable having a picture of myself up on the Internet. It's really not something that keeps me up at night. I just can't help but to occasionally wonder how attractive I am.

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