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Englishguy1988

Hello from England

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Hello everyone my name is Aaron I'm 22 and I'm from England but I'm not sure if this is the right place for me as I'm not a virgin but I have decided to stop having sex until I'm married. I do realise that i am promiscuious by your standards but at the same time I'm really naive by others standards as although I have slept with 2 people (both of whom pressured me into it) I have only ever kissed 2 people. I am certain I want to wait until I'm married but at the same time i'm a bit apprehensive as I don't know how future girlfriend(s) will react when I tell her/them I don't want sex until I'm married, and I'm worried they will use my past to try and pressure me into having sex, I'm also worried how I'm going to, or if I even should, tell my friends and family I'm now waiting until I'm married, as well as how a future girlfriend would feel if she was a virgin and I'm not.

So although I am not a virgin I hope you don't mind me joining here.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this.

-Aaron

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Welcome to the site Aaron! :) We wish you all the best and success in your endeavor and hope you stick to your goal of waiting until marriage. It doesn't matter what happened in the past, we just care about what your goal is and we're all here to help each other achieve it.

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Hey Aaron!

Welcome Mate! I think you are the first born-again virgin in this forum. Well none of us can change the past, no matter how badly we want it to... but at least it's good to have some remorse cuz, I believe, it rekindles the moral values & strengthens the character. I am happy that you are at least trying to leave your past behind for something meaningful. Good luck to you!

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hi

i think it is great, (a tad confusing) but we have all made mistakes, and we all have regrets, if you are willing to rarely try and change your life around then you need poeople to give you a chance, so welcome to the group. hope yu find the suport and frienship you need to stay (whatever you are) until your married (like i did) ;) ps im from the UK too

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Welcome Aaron!!

You might be our first born again virgin, but you're on the same road we're on =) This site has been really helpful and encouraging for me, I hope it is for youa s well !

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Head girl - It's confusing for me too! I don't know where to begin, I don't know how far is too far for me yet although I'm thinking no more than a peck on the lips at the very most (and only after I have been dating her for a while) until I'm married and I am thinking that I want to be chaste until I'm married (no sexual contact with anyone, including myself, until I'm married, and then only sexual contact with my wife).

I don't know how, or even if, I should tell my family and friends.

Thankyou all for being so welcoming and making me realise that we are all on the same path regardless of our pasts and I'm sure this site will be both inspireing and insiteful and that it will be a tremendous help in ensuring I wait until marriage this time.

Thankyou once again everyone.

-Aaron

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Aaron,

Others of us have talked about it before and there is no reason to tell people unless it comes up. It's not like you are 'coming out' or something.(At least in my opinion) I encourage you to be easy on yourself, but if a line becomes to hard to stay behind, then by all means, stay strict. (I'm a total cuddler and love making out as a way of showing affection) ~hope that helps~

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I definately agree with cuddling as there is nothing better than snuggling up with the one you love, but I'm not sure about making out as I would be worried of going back to the way I was and taking further than I want to because I got caught up in the moment but I would like to be able to have some physical intimacy I'm just not sure how to make sure I don't go further than I intend to, if that makes sense?

-Aaron

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That makes total sense. That's the hardest thing.....I used to think it was easy before I ever kissed anyone and I was like, what's the problem? Lol. Well, for me it has helped if you know the door is open or other people are nearby. I had a bf stay in my bed with me and usually it was fine but one particular time it was more difficult than others---not to be TMI but only my shirt came off and nothing for him, and I think he wanted to go further, but I was like woah! and everything stopped haha. Thankfully I guess. I think because I was so up front and like "I'm not having sex, I just want to sleep together, Do NOT try anything more than I said before, otherwise, you're on the floor" Lol, he thought I was kidding, and I was like nope, it's okay with me, I want my bed. =P

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"and I was like nope, it's okay with me, I want my bed. =P" lol i like this, totally must have freaked the guy out tho lol

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I definately agree with leaving the door open but what if your alone with her which I think would be fine if you are both waiting but what if she is only waiting because of me; its not like she ould say no if she doesn't really want to wait but is for me, which is what I would be worried about more that I can't trust myself.

I probably will share a bed with her before we are married because when I would take her to meet my parents and the rest of my family because they live 260 miles away from me so we would have to stay over night either at my parents (if she is comfortable with this) which would mean shareing a bed as its only a small house, or stating in a hotel which would be a while away as they only live in a small village.

The bed thing wouldn't work for me though as I would never make a woman sleep on the floor, that's just wrong. So I would have to kick myself out of bed and sleep on the floor if she ttys anything.

-Aaron

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Well, that is what you woud have to do then. I think as a woman, it's okay fo rme to kick a guy out of bed for trying something I already said I was not okay with. I told him I'd give him blankets and the extra pillow. I know, a bit sassy, but whatever.

I definitly want to 'sleep' with a guy before I'm married (I only ever have a couple night with that one guy), but I want boundaries made really clear---this time no clothes coming off.....I think by being up front and serious it would be okay. Espeically if it is not too often---like only once or twice a week, so that I am able to get whatever done normally and it could be a treat to cuddle, kiss goodnight and sleep together maybe on a friday or something.

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I don't think that was "sassy" you told him you boundaries and he didn't respect that or you so you had every right to kick him out of bed.

I know I'm definately waiting until I'm married so I would rather sleep on the floor than stay in bed with someone who doesn't respect my beliefs in wanting to wait.

-Aaron

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I've probably miscontrued the story by now, but I said all that before he stayed the night. I just didn't want to worry that night, I wanted to enjoy cuddling together, which I did :)

Are you saying you are WTM to sleep in the same bed as someone?

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Hey Aaron!

So, you're the first born-again virgin on this site? That's cool. I think I'm the first Phantom of the Opera obsessee on this site...

You're definitely in the right place: we're all here for the same reason, no matter what happened in the past, and we're here to support each other until we find our soulmate! So, welcome to the family!

xxx

(is "obsessee" even a word? Oh well...)

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Thankyou jegsey :-)

I'm not sure yet Sally, if she wasn't waiting and she was trying to pursuade me to have sex wth her then I wouldn't even sleep in the same house as her! But if she was waiting as well then maybe but only if I had been dating her for a long time and we trusted each other not to cross any boundaries this is still one of the things I'm working out if I want to wait for and at the moment I'm leaning towards yes I want to wait because I don't want any temptations but I would love to cuddle with her which is why I'm, as yet, unsure of this.

I hope that made sense,

-Aaron

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Haha, maybe your solution would be you can cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, so it's a more 'public' space, just not spent the night?

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Yes I would definately do this, as I don't think there would be anything bettern that snuggling up with the love of my life and watching whatever she wanted to watch. Idefinately think a "public" space would be better as there would be msignificantly less temptation.

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Welcome to the site! It's great to finally see an English guy join! I'm sure you've already found out but this site is really good for gaining confidence in your decision and it's a really supporting family :)

You might have already said but what made you decide to wait?

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I decided for lots of different reasons really. I want to find true love, I value marriage more than sex (I have never had a one night stand and have only ever slept with people if I was in an LTR with them and same for kissing so I have only ever kissed/slept with 2 people both of whom pressured me into it), I want my (future) children to have both their parents around and to grow up in a stable, loving, family enviroment (marriage), I am compleately against divorce, I want me and my (future) wife to have a really strong emotional, loving connection rather than having a relationship based on sex, etc. I decided I wanted to stop having sex for a while and concentrate on the emotional side of a realtionship a year ago then I decided on no sexual contact several months ago and decided I am going to be compleately chaste (no sexual contact with anyone including myself) on the 1st of October, so about 4 1/2 weeks ago except with my (future) wife as I feel this will make my marriage really strong if the only sexual contact I ever have again will be with my wife; I realise this may seem like I'm being quite strict with myself but to me true love, marriage, commitment, fidelity and my future wifeand children are much more important to me than sex.

-Aaron

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That's pretty great! You should be really proud of yourself. I agree with a lot of what you said. It is definitely going to be a difficult road but well worth it!

It's nice to hear a guy want more of an emotional connection and not to be all about the sex! It's such a relief to know there are males out there not after just sex! Well Done and keep it up :)

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It may be a difficult road but my future wife is definately worth waiting for.

To me the emotional side of a relationship is so important because I would never be able to marry someone I didn't love because I strongly believe that once you are married you are married to them for life (as wedding vows say... till death do us part) so even if my wife forces me to get a divorce I will never even date another person, because as far as I'm concerned I would still be married to her.

What is a relationship worth if you don't love each other or have any emotions for one another... Is it even worth anything? My wifes' wellbeing will always be more important to me than sex, even on our wedding night, if she is too tired then we can cuddle up and fall asleep in each others arms, knowing that she feels happy, comfortable and safe with me is more important than sex.

-Aaron

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