Sunny

How persistent are you? (UPDATE)

61 posts in this topic

So it is 5 days later and this guy never made plans to spend time with me. I am not going to wait around for him to make up his mind so I'm leaving town. He is giving me significant mixed signals. Saying/showing that he is interested yet pulling away or not following through. Guys, should I just drop the whole thing and assume he not interested anymore?

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"Hanging out" is a pretty safe and ambiguous term, so his response was safe and ambiguous too. Have you considered being more intentional?

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Saying "we should hang out sometime" is not specific enough. He might have thought you meant, "as friends."

If I was him, I would think you felt bad about refusing my dating requests and wanted to hang out as friends to try and smooth things over. Saying something like "Remember all those times you asked me out and I said no?" is actually more to the point. It's being cute and maybe a bit flirty. It sends a romantic connotation. "Lets hang out," to me at least, is a lot more game playing or a sign of disinterest.

If I was in your situation, I would tell him:

"When I said 'we should hang out' I meant... as a date. I'm sorry I said no when you asked me out. Will you give me another chance?"

Unless you tell him that very clearly I don't see him being convinced.

Think of it this way, if you asked a guy out 3 times and he refused you 3 times, wouldn't you be a little wary about putting your heart out there again, unless he was VERY clear about his feelings for you having changed?

Then again I could be completely wrong and maybe he did comprehend the "lets hang out" as you wanted to go on a date. But I personally wouldn't have. Certainly not through a text.

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I updated my original post. If anyone's interested go check it out (pg. 1).

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I saw your update.

 

That's surprising. What I don't get is why he asked you out if he doesn't even see you as a friend. And no, I certainly don't feel burdened by helping out.

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^That's probably because he didn't. He was probably asking to "hang out" instead of "asking me out" on a date. Plus I'm almost sure that he was yet in a relationship when he was doing that, which make it more acceptable to hang out with a girl.

 

Well he didn't say he doesn't see me as a friend, he said that he has a social connection with me, but not a strong one. I interpreted that as he sees me as more of an acquaintance, and he treats me like one now anyway so the label doesn't really matter.

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I'm sorry, Sweety. I'm here if you want to talk and no burden here. :) How did you find this out? Did you ask him?

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Thanks Nicole

 

A combination of his own words and his behavior and some things his brother said.

I found out about the girl he's in love with from his brother and he said it himself that I'm a mere acquaintance.

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He asks you out 3 times and now says you're merely an acquaintance? Hmm strange guy. You'll find someone better Sweety!

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Persistent?

 

I'm not.

 

I ask out a lot of girls and if she says no I just move on. I may something like, give me a call if you ever change your mind but I usually just ask one time. I think it is a fallacy from movies that guys are just supposed to pursue and pursue and wear a girl down until she suddenly realizes she likes you. If a girl has interest she'll be receptive (normally). If she says no (without offering a rain check if she's busy) than she probably isn't attracted to you. Move on and ask out someone else you have interest in.

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