Sophie

Do you suffer from shame/embarassement/insecurity for being a virgin?

46 posts in this topic

Nope, I consider myself pretty darn cool and empowered because of it. Its totally dumb how society is - but we dont have to/shouldnt worry about that.

:)

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Nope, I've never felt ashamed, heck I feel proud of who I am! People who wait I feel have a lot more self-control and self-respect than people who don't. It takes courage to stand firm to one's decisions when they go against the "norm" of society or what is considered to be "cool." ( Btw, can someone please kill the word "cool"? It's great when used for positive things of course, but most of the time it is the word that causes so many teenagers to drink/smoke/do drugs/have sex to fit in and it is completely meaningless because no one after high school/college GIVES A DANG if you were "cool.".......sorry O_o)

 

People have TRIED to make me ashamed of my decisions. My friend AND HER MOM tried to convince me to have sex for these reasons:

1. Gotta make sure he can please you in bed before you marry him (Me: We'll gain experience together and sex doesn't take precendence before true love. Which would you choose? A person who is great in bed but has a bad /abusive or a person who is not so good in bed but has a wonderful personality and is your true love. Dur, the latter. )

2. What if you marry a guy who only wants to de-flower you then leave (Me: O_o What sane guy would wait two-three years to get laid?!! Wtf? And do you think I'm stupid to be fooled that easy?? And wouldn't that be the case in a dating relationship as well? -.- It's easier to break-up than to DIVORCE.)

3. What if he turns out to be gay? (Me: Having sex doesn't guarantee you'll find out that information. It's not like we're not going to be attracted to each other just because we're not having sex!)

 

All of these arguments were used to make me feel stupid/naive/childish, but I'm all the more proud because I had a logical answer for each and it really strengthened my resolve. I'm glad that I'm not a cow and follow the heard wherever they go. I'm a leader and I know it.

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It's not something that I've ever told anyone before, but I don't think it's out of embarassment so much as not wanting people to judge me. Also, I find one's sex life to be very private so it's not something that I would go around telling people. (I guess that's what is nice about an anonymous message board).

 

This pretty much sums up my views on it. Only a few of my friends know I'm a virgin, no one else--except for you guys, I guess. Most of my friends have casual sex and one-night stands and I don't think they'd understand my reasons for waiting 'til marriage. 

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I guess I used to when I tell people they are mostly like "wow! REally??!!!" and "thats great!!" then I feel like some freak I dont know why but I guess its just the way they act as if Im some type of alien for outter space with skittles coming out of my nose.  I dont mind that I am  a virgin at 24 and Im not really ashamed Im usually just worried about the judgements and reactions of people. To some Virgin=prude, conceited or boring its never really connected to a positive thing. 

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i never felt outta place being a virgin, but i did feel outta place going to school in general, lets just say i wasnt one of the popular kids in school. i never really talked to that many girls either, i mean i had girls that were friends but honestly i really dont remember how they became my friend, i guess things just sorta fell into place without me realizing. honestly though i didnt really care if i was popular or not, i think what worried me more than anything was just trying to find a girlfriend who liked me for me. being very shy it was impossible for me to ask anyone out, but at that time i really didnt care if the girl was a virgin or not, i just wanted someone by my side. after high school though and seeing my brother and his fiance getting married made me realize how much i want the kinda love they had honest and pure and no regrets. i mean ive always believed in waiting as far back as i remember but i didnt adapt the desire to want a woman that was a virgin like me until later, the more i thought about, the more i knew thats what i wanted. sorry im kinda telling my life story here ha ha. anyway back to the topic, i never really felt bad about being a virgin although there was one instance less than a year ago i was talking to a girl i had been emailing to online. i told her about what i believed and that i was still a virgin and she said "i find that sad, actually" and it kinda took me by suprise but i didnt say anything. we didnt talk very much after that, which im kinda glad it didnt go any farther cuz i didnt care for her lifestyle. but now that i think back to that conversation, i should of said, "well i think its sad that you lost yours", i know it sounds a little mean right well its probably better i didnt say that but what she said did kinda hurt me though. sorry this was long ill stop lol.

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To be honest, yes. When I was apart of an abstinence program when I was 15 in 2005 I felt like it was the way to go. Up until like 20 I was really content and comfortable with being one. Up until recently I have felt really ashamed. I've had anxiety, depression, the whole nine yards. I'm just now since beeb breaking away from it. I've seperarted myself from.certain people, removed some of my social media accounts and removed music off my ipod that made me feel uncomfortable. I felt like I was wrong for not having sex and no one could relate. Things are looking up now though.

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People have TRIED to make me ashamed of my decisions. My friend AND HER MOM tried to convince me to have sex for these reasons:

1. Gotta make sure he can please you in bed before you marry him (Me: We'll gain experience together and sex doesn't take precendence before true love. Which would you choose? A person who is great in bed but has a bad /abusive or a person who is not so good in bed but has a wonderful personality and is your true love. Dur, the latter. )

2. What if you marry a guy who only wants to de-flower you then leave (Me: O_o What sane guy would wait two-three years to get laid?!! Wtf? And do you think I'm stupid to be fooled that easy?? And wouldn't that be the case in a dating relationship as well? -.- It's easier to break-up than to DIVORCE.)

 

All of these arguments were used to make me feel stupid/naive/childish, but I'm all the more proud because I had a logical answer for each and it really strengthened my resolve. I'm glad that I'm not a cow and follow the herd wherever they go. I'm a leader and I know it.

For two you're right, no sane man would wait. Let alone for that long. For number one however, I don't think you're going to be sleeping with a douchebag. If you do it's before you know he is one, and that could occur after marriage too.

I also find it a little insulting the way you refer to them as cows, sheep is normally used as an insulting term for people who follow the norm. Cow is just a plain insulting term already, those who choose not to wait are no better or worse than we are, statistically speaking there are many more good non-waiters in the world than there are waiters. Just due to the higher number of non-waiters.

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To be honest, yes. When I was apart of an abstinence program when I was 15 in 2005 I felt like it was the way to go. Up until like 20 I was really content and comfortable with being one. Up until recently I have felt really ashamed. I've had anxiety, depression, the whole nine yards. I'm just now since beeb breaking away from it. I've seperarted myself from.certain people, removed some of my social media accounts and removed music off my ipod that made me feel uncomfortable. I felt like I was wrong for not having sex and no one could relate. Things are looking up now though.

Im glad :), Im proud of you and Im truly glad you have come to join us on this site. It is tough I've had to disconnect from some "friends" as well I was sad too and felt alone about my decision too which is how I came to this site.

But we will be here for support and you should never feel wrong in your decisions and values.

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At times I feel incredibly insecure. I know it's the right decision and best route for me to take as far as relationships are concerned. But that doesn't take away the fact that I've never kissed a girl at 22 and had sex yet. It makes me uneasy when sex comes up in conversations, knowing I'm the only waiter there. I live in a workplace culture where doing girls is like an accomplishment. The more the better. So I'm out of place there.

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You know, just last year I was indifferent about being a virgin at 24 (I'm 25 now) until I spoke with my friend about it. Although I did get jealous of guys who were good with women.  He said its not normal for my age and its best to get experience while you're young because you DON'T want to be a virgin past your 20s. That made me sad/depressed and this was before I was a waiter. I felt like he was a real man because girls liked him and he's had multiple sex partners. I guess I let the media pump that into my head. I never wanted casual sex because I refused to use a random girl's body for pleasure, no matter how hot she was. Now that I've found this website a few months ago; in addition to some videos on YouTube, I feel alot more secure about my decision to wait until marriage. I don't care what society says anymore. I'm getting too old for that.

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I don't care what society says anymore. I'm getting too old for that.

 

You can exchange your razor and deodorant for sweatpants at the door ;)

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I am not embarrassed, shameful, or insecure. This was a choice I was proud to make and am proud of making. Sure its not something most choose but I have never really followed the norm anyway. I would rather die a virgin than compromise who I am just to meet some one who obviously didn't love me if he required me to change for him. I am 19 too by the way.

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I don't feel ashamed of my choice, because I know that it's the right one.

 

When my co-workers and friends are all talking about sex, they'll sometimes gossip about a person that they know of that's 'waiting', and it's not a very positive conversation. They'll call this person a 'prude', and other not so nice names, and I just think that's terrible. I try to stay out of those conversations, and nobody really notices. I don't think we should have to give in and have sex just so that we can be part of the majority. Sometimes I wonder if they talk about me like that, and then I realize that I don't care. If they are saying similar things about me, then maybe there's somebody like me, listening to them, not saying anything, and secretly feeling relieved that they are not alone in their decision.

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I am deeply ashamed, it's been the worst decision of my life.  This is because I'm now 30 and looking back I should have got this over and done with when I had the opportunity.  I never thought I'd have to wait this long.  I'm sure I've said this before on here but it's one thing waiting when you're 19 or even in your 20s but at 30...it's a different story, it takes on a whole different meaning.  You don't want to end up like me waiting at this age, it's a nightmare, there's nothing worse. 

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I always say this to myself:

I do not care if people insult me or tell me I am wrong for waiting. I won't let their negativity get to the best of me. 

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I find myself becoming more and more steeled to it. Because I know that two people going into marriage both virgins is about as golden as the situation can get. I'd really, really like me a sweet, submissive, virgin wife.

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Not for being a virgin no. But I do get embarrassed and insecure by the fact that I've never had a relationship before and have never been asked out. I guess I'd more say insecure than embarrassed. After awhile you start to wonder what the heck is wrong with you! I struggle with this on an almost daily basis.

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Not for being a virgin no. But I do get embarrassed and insecure by the fact that I've never had a relationship before and have never been asked out. I guess I'd more say insecure than embarrassed. After awhile you start to wonder what the heck is wrong with you! I struggle with this on an almost daily basis.

I know what you mean. :/

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Not for being a virgin no. But I do get embarrassed and insecure by the fact that I've never had a relationship before and have never been asked out. I guess I'd more say insecure than embarrassed. After awhile you start to wonder what the heck is wrong with you! I struggle with this on an almost daily basis.

Man do I know what you mean. It gets hard sometimes especially when family members have begun to look at me weird because I have no one to introduce them to and have never been in a relationship. There are days when it doesn't bother me and their are days when I wonder if I will be single forever.

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I feel a bit of pride because I know that there will be only one woman who will get the great gift of sex from me. I don't want to waste myself by having sex with women who would not care for me and be as cool as my future wife.

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