Sophie

Do you suffer from shame/embarassement/insecurity for being a virgin?

46 posts in this topic

It's no secret that the older you get, the harder it is to be a virgin. And unfortunately kids as young as 13 start to feel the pressure to have sex. This may be a weird thing to say, but I am WAY more comfortable with my virginity now (I am 19,) then I was at age 16. I thought absolutely nothing about being a virgin until I was 14. At 14 I didn't think that there was anything wrong with me being a virgin, but I felt like if I was still a virgin by age 17, that would be bad. I hated being a virgin, but I was also a closeted romantic and the thought of having sex with someone I didn't love made me feel sick. Hell, I didn't even want to date before age 20 (still don't.) When I first came onto this website (I was 18,) being a virgin was like the main reason I didn't want to WTM because I thought being a virgin was horrible at age 18, let alone over 19. Now, thanks to this awesome website, I can honestly say that those awful feelings are gone and I am so super relieved to be a virgin and I will never give my virginity away to the wrong person now. I have very little insecurity about my virginity, and I hope to keep it this way. At 19, I still feel "old" for being a virgin, but I know 500% that sex without true love would be awful for me.

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never felt embarrassed or ashamed for my decision. The way I look at it, if people are going to give me crap for MY decision that in no way affects them, they're the ones with the problem, not me. What I do struggle with is my resolve. Like you said, waiting gets more difficult the older you get. Well, considering that the urges get stronger the older I get, I can safely say that is very true. I do get insecure in feeling possibly never marrying and thus would have experiencing the physical and emotional bond of sex. That possibility scares me more anything. But I will fight to WTM until I have no more fight left in me.

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not even a little, I'm proud of myself for not caving in and having sex!

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my case, I was a bit uneasy about still being a virgin. This was about two years ago and earlier(16-18). Mainly because both of my best friends had girlfriends with whom they both have had sex regularly. I felt some pressure from that. But, this all changed for the better when I decided to WTM. The pressure/shame of being a virgin disappears since you made a commitment to be above and beyond the easily tempted crowd of modern teenagers. I don't mean to brag, but for one of my friends, it could have been the case that the sex became stale and boring and that is why they broke-up. In fact, both of their relationships lasted no longer than 18 months. But for the abstinent me, I'm still going strong after 4 years. Here, we all share the requirement that sex is very serious and requires both love and commitment that marriage offers. That's why I think there is nothing embarassing about protecting your virginity. Instead it shows how respectful you are to yourself and your future spouse.

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No. In fact, of all the reasons people don't wait until marriage, probably the one I least respect is the desire to "lose one's virginity" or feel what it's like. In addition, I almost see it like "well, I want to wait until marriage, but I don't want to be a virgin. I'll lose my virginity now, and once I know what it's like, I'll wait again"--as if nothing had happened.

The only reason I'd feel insecure was if I revealed my status in an awkward setting, or if I feared the listener would react negatively. I'd only be ashamed or embarrassed if I was not one.

Why did you feel it was a bad thing to be a virgin at age 18/20/whatever?

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not one bit! I am honestly proud that my boyfriend and I can say we are virgins.

Same here ^.^

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why did you feel it was a bad thing to be a virgin at age 18/20/whatever?

Because the vast majority of teens characters in novels I read, or TV shows I watched had sex before age 18. Usually 16 or 17. Plus, statistics backed up 16 and 17 as the average ages in America and Canada. So I didn't want to be abnormal. It wasn't so much that I thought it was bad to be a virgin past age 17, I just didn't want to be a part of the minority group of older virgins. Now I don't care.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love the fact that I can say I am a virgin! I'm very proud of it. The fact that it is no longer the norm only makes me appreciate it more. I like being different from most people. I'm different in a lot of other ways as well, why not my virginity too? lol It makes me feel strong and good about myself in that I know I can keep my values despite any urges my physical body give me.

Like envincebal, the thing that gets me is the fear of never finding the one that I will marry. I am a hopeless romantic and that seems like one of the worst things that could happen. Also, I relate to you Sophie. I am too much of a romantic to even think about sleeping with someone I wasn't completely in love with and married to. ;)

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I stand by my decision, but I am conscience to certain people about declaring it. For example, I work in a department of all confident women. If they found out. Game over.

But to the right people who know me, they all respect me for my decision. But I am doing this for me. And that is what counts.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to be very self conscious about it. It was a result of dogma, however. I was surrounded by people who made me feel like the underdog for believing in WTM.

However, as I have removed myself from said situation and just in general matured, I can honestly say I am very proud of my decision to WTM and if anyone ever makes me feel like the underdog in the future, I will tell them to shove it :)

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's no secret that the older you get, the harder it is to be a virgin. And unfortunately kids as young as 13 start to feel the pressure to have sex. This may be a weird thing to say, but I am WAY more comfortable with my virginity now (I am 19,) then I was at age 16. I thought absolutely nothing about being a virgin until I was 14. At 14 I didn't think that there was anything wrong with me being a virgin, but I felt like if I was still a virgin by age 17, that would be bad. I hated being a virgin, but I was also a closeted romantic and the thought of having sex with someone I didn't love made me feel sick. Hell, I didn't even want to date before age 20 (still don't.) When I first came onto this website (I was 18,) being a virgin was like the main reason I didn't want to WTM because I thought being a virgin was horrible at age 18, let alone over 19. Now, thanks to this awesome website, I can honestly say that those awful feelings are gone and I am so super relieved to be a virgin and I will never give my virginity away to the wrong person now. I have very little insecurity about my virginity, and I hope to keep it this way. At 19, I still feel "old" for being a virgin, but I know 500% that sex without true love would be awful for me.

I agree, coming to this site really makes me feel more secure about WTM just from hearing others' stories and reasons for WTM :) I am so glad it was created so we could all come together...

I feel like sexuality is deeply ingrained in modern culture. For us to defy this and preserve our virginity until marriage is very non-conforming so sometimes it is difficult to stay happy in such a culture. Having a support system or at least a group of others like us is important. It has also helped me come up with arguments for non-WTMers who are like wtf are you waiting till marriage? no one does that anymore. Well, I direct them to this website and they shut up lol.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope. Sure don't. To be frank, it's none of anyone's business who has or hasn't been in my pants.

It is not my aim to please others, or society as a whole. I've never fit in. Why should that change now? I am happy with my decision to wait. That's all that matters.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope. I'm proud of it. But it's difficult, lonely and isolating, and like everyone else here, I suspect in the dark hours of the night, I wonder if it will just be me and my pride for the rest of my life. :)

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope. I don't feel ANY of those things. :) I feel pride that I've gone this long and haven't given in to the pressures that are around me every day everywhere I turn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I definitely don't have shame or embarassment about being a virgin. Insecurity? I'm not sure on that one. I realize that the majority of people I meet would look at me sideways if they knew but that is their problem, not mine. It does make me feel very isolated. I wish more people in the world felt the way I do, but this is my life, I was born in this place at this time, and there's nothing I can do but make the best of it.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't say I'm embarrassed, but it's definitely made me feel awkward sometimes since most 23 year old girls in a long term, stable relationship don't wait til marriage. Sometimes I don't really know if I should speak up and say I'm a virgin and other times I am proud to say we're waiting. I wish I could always be proud to say I'm waiting, but it's already helped me feel more confident knowing I'm not as alone as I once thought.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not something that I've ever told anyone before, but I don't think it's out of embarassment so much as not wanting people to judge me. Also, I find one's sex life to be very private so it's not something that I would go around telling people. (I guess that's what is nice about an anonymous message board).

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People don't really mess with me. I'm a pretty big dude and have a serious no nonsense attitude. Those who do think it's weird that I'm a 36 year old virgin keep it to themselves.

That being said, I do get the vibe that most people think it's strange for someone to be this old and still be a virgin. It will likely get stranger. I don't see myself being in a position to get married in the next four years so I'll likely surpass forty never haing had sex.

I don't really care what people think about it. I can look anyone in the eye, particularly when it comes to this matter. I have way too many other things to worry about. What people think about my virginity doesn't even make the list when it comes to stuff that keeps me awake at night.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now