truelovewaits

some derogatory things said about 'older virgins'

38 posts in this topic

I was on the website city-data.com and reading a thread called "Is being a virgin a bad thing?" and here are some condescending responses by a few non-virgins who chose to reply: It really got on my nerves so I had to share.

"HA! You think the only way to acquire baggage is to have an intimate relationship go sour? HAHA! If anything a person who has not managed to form a close emotional and physical relationship with another person over the course of 40 years is going to be a person with more baggage than an international flight.

Have you read any of the posts written by older virgins? They aren't laid back, wise, sophisticated, bright people, they're people who fail to function in society. They're so scared of their own failure that they build up walls so they don't even have to try."

"If you require a government-sanctioned partnership before engaging in a physical act that, for adults, is normal, healthy, fun and pleasurable, that is your right. Expecting to be congratulated for it is a bit much."

"Yeah it's not like it will make you the Novel Peace prize winner or get you recognized by everyone.

"This is what I don't get: the glorifying it part as if it was something to really honor. It's just a preference."

"I couldn't wait until marriage, especially since I knew I wasn't going to marry until I was at least 30.

But yeah it gets pretty bizzare when you get to 30 and older and you are still a virgin. People will think you have problems."

yes it is a bad thing, unless you are very religious, waiting for marriage is a joke to men. Why are they going to wait around for you when they can get women who will put out immediately? This was told to me on more then one occasion. Yes the guys will think you are lame and weird (except the magnificent ones on CD). Keep going a few more years and their reactions will get even worse.

"Now cue all the people who say: "don't worry about what society says!" and "Just be yourself!" which would work wonders if you didn't actually have to live in society amongst people who mostly don't share your viewpoint on these matters."

Others were supportive of virgins:

Those who want to drag virgins down into the dirt...are people who envy them..They know about sex- but will never have love...and these sex driven and loveless people want to make sure others never find love...so they encourage virgins to defile themselves and enter into prolonged multi-partner fornication (love that old word) ..It's like people who will never be rich giving bad advice to people with the potential of being rich...in an attempt to block them from being rich- If you are a virgin- don't listen to those who live lower than dogs...

Not going to mention any names- but those weighed down by bitterness who chose sensuality and hedonism over love- don't give very good advice--If giving up your body for the pleasure of others and yourself has not brought you happiness...it may mean that it was a bad idea.. Pleasure seeking never ends - it's like being a junkie...there is never enough and the company you keep will always be unsavory..If you are a virgin girl you have the opportunity to choose wisely - and fall in love before you have sex...other have blown that opportunity...You are in a position of power- don't give it up to please those who have given up - On LOVE.

"It is if you let society and this world run your life.

Otherwise, it is not."

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"But yeah it gets pretty bizzare when you get to 30 and older and you are still a virgin. People will think you have problems."

If you're having sex just to impress others, you're doing it wrong.

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We're going to make a lot of people uncomfortable. It's jealousy.

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The truth is I've never ever felt like I fit in. Anywhere. Why should waiting until marriage be any different?

I didn't choose to remain a virgin until marriage because society says I should; I chose to remain a virgin until marriage because it is the right thing to do.

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Individuals choices should be respected and not ridiculed and mocked.

Something isn't automatically right just because most people do it, everyone should make up their own mind about what they want in life and go with it.

If it's WTM, great. But if they decide they don't want that, we should respect their decisions as we expect them to respect ours.

While it may be true that some people try to drag virgins down out of envy, most feel more pity than envy. They feel that they have found the right path in life and want to help others (as any good human would). Obviously the people in the original post aren't trying to help but are just cruelly mocking WTMs for fun, but it's extremely unlikely to be motivated by envy.

They should not be deriding us for our life choices, but we also should not be deriding them for theirs. Life plans are not one-size-fits-all. Some people on these forums seem to claim that the only path to true happiness is by WTM. For example in the original post truelovewaits seems to imply that all non-virgins are "weighed down by bitterness who chose sensuality and hedonism over love" and become sex "junkies". This is quite simply not true. Many non-virgins are very happy in their marriages and have found love. Sex just isn't as big a part of the relationship as for a WTMer.

Every person on the planet is different from each other. Some find true happiness in WTM. For others, sex just isn't that big a deal, and they find true happiness in other ways. Some people are even in love in an open relationship, while others have completely asexual love. No group, including us, should generalise and condemn another group as there are many different paths to happiness.

The people criticising virgins as "people who fail to function in society" etc are being extremely offensive, however the counter-poster who criticises non-virgins as "sex driven and loveless people ... who live lower than dogs" is being equally offensive. Many of my friends are not WTM, but they aren't loveless spiteful sex maniacs because of it.

I realise that since this is a site for WTM pretty much everyone believes that that is the best way through life, but don't forget that it is not the only way. Don't lower yourselves to the level of those who are criticising you.

I'm not having a go at anyone or anything, but I've notice that in quite a few threads people can get very high and mighty about being a virgin.

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My intention was to post comments from individuals with strong opinions from both sides of the coin. I think non-virgins may feel pity toward virgins because the majority always reacts this way to the minority. The majority always has the haughty sense that they are doing what is right because it's reaffirmed by others doing the same. But pitying someone who makes an unpopular choice is pretty ignorant and self-righteous. I wouldn't pity a gay man for having gay sex even though the anus isn't mean for penetration because to each their own. As you said waiting or not waiting is just another personal choice that someone has made because it makes them happy. And I think people may take it as high and mighty sometimes when we use cold hard facts to support our case to wtm and it must hurt to hear for those who can't turn back time naturally and they get defensive. Let's think about this, the sexual revolution happened and as a result it became rarer to wtm, divorces sky-rocketed, then marriage became taboo and deemed just a piece of paper making it easy to just throw in the towel if things were to get rough because hey you're not married anyway..I think there is a middle ground with everything and surely you can not be wtm and end up happily ever after with someone great but again I don't know why people see it as high and mighty for just being able to think and act rationally.

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Thinking and acting rationally isn't high and mighty, but saying that people who have not reached the same conclusion as you will never have love and live lower than dogs, as the pro-waiting person from city-data.com you quoted did, is.

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It is the majority/minority stuff. Once upon a time, virgins were the vast majority, and WTM was the vast majority, and those who weren't virgins before marriage were shunned, made fun of, told they were going to hell, girls were looked upon as having no value, etc.

The majority always beats down the minority, whether it is religion, race, wealth, etc. It's an unfortunate thing, and something that I hate but I don't bother to fight.

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I know the majority of my friends/acquaintances would freak out if they found out I was a virgin. But I don't care. I'm waiting for my own personal reasons and I believe I have a fantastic meaningful relationship as a result. I'm not judging non-waiters for their decisions and therefore would like to remain un-judged for mine. It's a personal decision.

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I think alot of non wtm folks don't necessarily justify premarital sex by saying they need to try the car before they buy it, they just enjoy what feels good in the present, and being a young sexual person feels good so they live for the moment. I think since we are living in times where being sexual before marriage is accepted, it makes no sense to people how anyone would restrain an urge as natural as going to the toilet past the age of consent. So we become sort of pariahs in modern day society. told we must have some type of psychological problem or hang-up, shames issues, religious brainwashing. These same people overlook rampant HIV and HPV infections plaguing humanity, it's like they have blinders on to that because God forbid you bring those things up, you are seen as being judgmental and evil for possibly implying that someone is promiscuous and that they deserve it.

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I think alot of non wtm folks don't necessarily justify premarital sex by saying they need to try the car before they buy it, they just enjoy what feels good in the present, and being a young sexual person feels good so they live for the moment. I think sonce we are living in times where being sexual before marriage is accepted, it makes no sense to people how anyone would restrain an urge as natural as going to the toilet past the age of consent. So we become sort of pariahs in modern day society. told we must have some type of psychological problem or hang-up, shames issues, religious brainwashing. These same people overlook rampant HIV and HPV infections plaguing humanity, it's like they have blinders on to that because God forbid you bring those things up, you are seen as being judgmental and evil for inferring that someone is promiscuous and that they deserve it.

I really agree with this. Like you said...I don't think it's a case of people truly, in their hearts believing that they need to have sex before marriage to test compatibility or anything; it's just that pre-marital sex is the new norm. I think it's partially due to our hypersexualized society sure....but people are getting married later and later as well. Those are the statistics. From a Christian persepective I believe that's the answer to why so many Christians don't wait even though our Bible tells us to....it's not that they don't truly think it's right, it's just that they see the writing on the wall. Which is basically that if they wait til marriage odds are they won't have sex til their late 20s..possibly later. I think the average marriage age, at least in the U.S., is around 28 for guys and 27 for girls. I think many people just say it's not worth it OR that it's a lost cause/not possible/not going to happen in this day and age. WHich I obviously disagree with; but at the same time I can understand why some feel this way. When you look at it that way we all really have a lot stacked against us; which is what makes it all the more special!

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Non-waiters are not bad people, they have just made a different decision.

The decision to wait until marriage is not an easy one, because let's face it, some of us are raging orcs with a need to satisfy, and some of us are graceful in our decision. Whether you zen with your decision, or whether you take it one day at a time, the result remains the same. You made a decision, you made a commitment, and it's up to you to stand and deliver.

My friends don't bug me about WTM any more because they know that shouting at the rain won't get them anywhere, i've made a decision, and frankly they are impressed by my dedication.

Point is - It's your life, live it for your reasons, no one else's. If you are religious, celebrate WTM with your God, but don't WTM because you blind. Because your parents said so, because God says so, because you feel you have to. Do it because you WANT to.

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Non-waiters are not bad people, they have just made a different decision.

The decision to wait until marriage is not an easy one, because let's face it, some of us are raging orcs with a need to satisfy, and some of us are graceful in our decision. Whether you zen with your decision, or whether you take it one day at a time, the result remains the same. You made a decision, you made a commitment, and it's up to you to stand and deliver.

My friends don't bug me about WTM any more because they know that shouting at the rain won't get them anywhere, i've made a decision, and frankly they are impressed by my dedication.

Point is - It's your life, live it for your reasons, no one else's. If you are religious, celebrate WTM with your God, but don't WTM because you blind. Because your parents said so, because God says so, because you feel you have to. Do it because you WANT to.

I actually totally agree with you.

I'm WUM (waiting until marriage) because of religious reasons. I love Jesus. But, I can't just be WUM for Jesus, I have to be WUM for myself because it's a principle I really believe in. I know very devout Christians who aren't WUM. Their faith is very sincere; but their not WUM.

But, I know WUM is important me. I wish I'd met "the one" years ago but haven't yet.

But, WUM is a very difficult lifestyle choice. There are days I can feel my body pining for sex. I know I have a high sex drive. I know I'm going to have marry someone w/ an equally high sex drive. Anyway, I've had opportunities and declined. It really makes dating difficult. I don't honestly recommend WUM to everyone on the planet because it's hard. "If it was easy; everyone would do it" (a quote from a song) We WUMers are a badass bunch. We are choosing the path less traveled.

I have faith in Jesus, in myself, in a future filled with happy, frequent marital sex....I'm on the pursuit of my many life goals and WUM is helping me pursue them.

WUM is not for the faint of heart. I don't judge people who aren't WUM. I'm also not pathetic for my virginal status. I'm fucking awesome! Therefore, I am not to be pitied! I'm only to be high fived for my awesomeness...for I am truly awesome! For that matter, aren't we all freaking awesome!

God bless!

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One things that always bothers me about this world is that everyone seems to be either slut-shaming or virgin-shaming. There is no in-between. And even those high-and-mighty people who are all like "you should never judge others," and "people should be able to do what they want to with their bodies" usually still take a side in the end (from what I've read on the internet and heard people say.) And unfortunately slut-shaming is still mainly reserved for girls. So whether girls have sex, or remain virgins, we still get shamed. It sucks. But I'd rather be shamed for being a virgin, because a promiscuous past is forever but virginity is not forever and can be given away in marriage or a loving relationship. And who can regret that?

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I was on the website city-data.com and reading a thread called "Is being a virgin a bad thing?" and here are some condescending responses by a few non-virgins who chose to reply: It really got on my nerves so I had to share...

"If anything a person who has not managed to form a close emotional and physical relationship with another person over the course of 40 years is going to be a person with more baggage than an international flight.

Have you read any of the posts written by older virgins? They aren't laid back, wise, sophisticated, bright people, they're people who fail to function in society. They're so scared of their own failure that they build up walls so they don't even have to try."

This particular one really stood out to me, because I hear stuff like this every day. There are so many reasons why people may not form a close emotional or physical relationship with someone in a romantic context (lack of opportunity, different values, etc.) I get so frustrated by narrow-minded people who selfishly push this insulting assumption onto virgins, of any age. Age has nothing to do with it. I'm sure I have more emotionally mature and healthy frienships, than many of the people who make remarks like this have ever experienced with a boy/girlfriend of theirs.

Why would they say something like that? I can only assume it is because they are not particularly happy or somehow the existence of older virgins threatens them in some way, and that fear brings about this type of thoughtless statement.

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This particular one really stood out to me, because I hear stuff like this every day. There are so many reasons why people may not form a close emotional or physical relationship with someone in a romantic context (lack of opportunity, different values, etc.) I get so frustrated by narrow-minded people who selfishly push this insulting assumption onto virgins, of any age. Age has nothing to do with it. I'm sure I have more emotionally mature and healthy frienships, than many of the people who make remarks like this have ever experienced with a boy/girlfriend of theirs.

Why would they say something like that? I can only assume it is because they are not particularly happy or somehow the existence of older virgins threatens them in some way, and that fear brings about this type of thoughtless statement.

I think people tend to only look at the situation from their own point of view. Since they, personally, think of sex as something that they need in order to not feel like a failure they assume everyone else must also feel that way. Really, though, plenty of people do not feel that way and wait because they want to, not to shield themselves from failure or something like that.

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I think people tend to only look at the situation from their own point of view. Since they, personally, think of sex as something that they need in order to not feel like a failure they assume everyone else must also feel that way. Really, though, plenty of people do not feel that way and wait because they want to, not to shield themselves from failure or something like that.

I once had a man tell me that sex was the only way he could feel good about himself. When he wasn't able to have sex or convince women to have sex with him regularly, he felt worthless.

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I know this is an old topic, but I figured 'why not'... as I do so many other time. :)

 

I think we, as waiters, will always have to deal with a broad spectrum of views on us, and our decision. I also think that the best we can hope for is that, if/when the subject comes up, that we will be listened to and accepted. In turn we should accept that others do not see the world the same way we do. I feel this way on a lot of issues. The worst that happens is that we are judged negatively, and have to rely on our personal belief and reasons, rather than hoping that they will change their mind about us or be jealous or even supportive. Some might be supportive, some might even wish they'd have waited... in fact, some people don't even realize that they can make that decision NOW if they wished to do so.

 

As for a guy telling me that the only way to know if he wants to spend his life with me is to have sex with me? Uh, no. I wouldn't even get past that conversation. He is, already, obviously not the one for me.

 

Of course, these are just my thoughts.

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"But yeah it gets pretty bizzare when you get to 30 and older and you are still a virgin. People will think you have problems."If you're having sex just to impress others, you're doing it wrong.

And yet Jesus Christ saved the world and never had sex on the brain or in general and redeemed us also as a 30+? virgin. Good thing he didn't care about his sex life or you would be damned to hell, and judging by that statement you already are, but at least this way you have a chance. O.o Hahaha

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I once had a man tell me that sex was the only way he could feel good about himself. When he wasn't able to have sex or convince women to have sex with him regularly, he felt worthless.

That's what we call sex addiction.

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And yet Jesus Christ saved the world and never had sex on the brain or in general and redeemed us also as a 30+? virgin. Good thing he didn't care about his sex life or you would be damned to hell, and judging by that statement you already are, but at least this way you have a chance. O.o Hahaha

 

Actually, I'm not so sure about that. He is fully God but He is also fully man. Jesus experienced hunger, fatigue, pain, stress and likely had to poop and pee just like any other man. So it's not unreasonable to conclude that He may have had sexual desire too. But since He is perfect, He never lusted or gave into temptation.

 

Interesting to think about.

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Good thing he didn't care about his sex life or you would be damned to hell, and judging by that statement you already are, but at least this way you have a chance.

 

O_o; Remind me not to get on your bad side.  :P

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Actually, I'm not so sure about that. He is fully God but He is also fully man. Jesus experienced hunger, fatigue, pain, stress and likely had to poop and pee just like any other man. So it's not unreasonable to conclude that He may have had sexual desire too. But since He is perfect, He never lusted or gave into temptation.

 

Interesting to think about.

Thanks Invincible. Maybe my comment was a little harsh.

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Actually, I'm not so sure about that. He is fully God but He is also fully man. Jesus experienced hunger, fatigue, pain, stress and likely had to poop and pee just like any other man. So it's not unreasonable to conclude that He may have had sexual desire too. But since He is perfect, He never lusted or gave into temptation.

 

Interesting to think about.

 

I certainly believe he would have experienced sexual desire. He was tempted in all manners as we are (and more so) Hebrews 4:15. Otherwise it would give justification for failing in issues of sexual desire. 

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