WanderingWashingtonian

Suggestion of new section of the forums

12 posts in this topic

I had this idea pop into my head, and I thought I should share it. Could we have a section of the forums be dedicated to non-virgins who are now waiting till marriage?

From what I've noticed, while many of the members of the forums are virgins, myself included, we do have some members who are not virgins, but who have committed themselves to waiting for marriage before having sex again. As this is a forum for waiting till marriage, and it is not exclusive to virgins, I think it might be nice for people who didn't always wait, but who are waiting now, to have a specific place to discuss some of the unique challenges they are facing and to gain support.

I certainly do not know all of the difficulties faced by non-virgins who are committed to waiting till marriage, and I would never say that I am the best person to speak to this issue, but I can imagine that many of them may face issues of shame, heightened temptation, and a lack of understanding from both virgins and non-virgins alike. I know that they are often confronted with the question, "What's the point in waiting now? You've already had sex!" I imagine it sometimes feels like you don't belong anywhere; you are not sexually active, so you don't fit in with the majority of society, but you also are not a virgin, so you are set apart in that way from the majority of waiters. This website is already pretty welcoming to non-virgin waiters, but I feel that we would do well to be even more explicit in our support, so everybody feels welcome here and knows they won't be judged for their past.

I think it would be great if we had a place within the forums specifically dedicated the challenges and the value in choosing to wait despite one's past sexual history. I suspect that if we were to have such a section, it might encourage other non-virgin waiters to join the forums who up until now might have thought that we were a group exclusively for virgins. I think it might also help to validate the choice of those who are now committing themselves to waiting, letting them know that their efforts are worthwhile.

Do what you will with this suggestion. I don't know if it has any merit, and I am sure that opinions on this matter will vary greatly. If this wouldn't work, that's fine. I am just trying to think of what I might wish to see in a website like this, if I was not a virgin, but wished I still was.

Thanks for reading!

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I don't think that is necessary. This Web site is called waitingtillmarriage,org, so Mike (presumably) welcomes anyone waiting until marriage. Questions from non-virgins can go to the general discussion, just like all other waiting-till-marriage questions.

Further, I think that the forum (in the sense of the number of sections) is getting too big. Maybe that's just me....

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I like that idea as well. This site is primarily a support group and those who have not waited in the past have unique struggles not found in waiters. A sub forum for non-waiters committed to waiting would be a great place for others who are in the same boat to share concerns and gain encouragement.

Personally, I welcome the expansion of this site. It means we are reaching higher membership and new demographics. Surely that is what we all want.

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Since the total web space devoted to people with values is smaller than a mosquito's nose on the surface of jupiter, I don't think it's necessary. Think about it. I'm teaching French and one of my students yells out: "Hey! Why don't you throw in some Greek. This is getting boring." Am I obligated to spend one day a week on Greek to please him? Should I change the title of my course from French to . . . multi-language arts? How far do you go with political correctness? If you're going to do start a group for nonwaiters, why don't you start one for . . . sex addicts who are trying to quit? Ex-cons who served time for rape but now want to start over?

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John, where are you getting political correctness from? You're comparing apples to oranges. This isn't a classroom, this is a support group for people committed to WTM, that includes non-virgins. Your slippery slope argument of this site deviating to ex-cons for rape is simply out of line and absurd. We're not a rehab center, we're a support group and as such we want to encourage everyone, whether they are virgins or non-virgins to stick to WTM. That is not political correctness, that is simply having the heart to help people. Besides, I think non-waiters choosing to commit themselves to WTM is a noble thing. They experience a sense of regret that the non-experienced of us don't have. Why is it so bad to give them a place where they can work through that regret?

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Vince - It may be because I lead real life support groups (medical), have spent so many years in the medical field, worked in rehab centers (drugs, alcohol), am active in the conservative political field, and because I speak to youth groups on this subject.

Agree to disagree.

I just told you guys what I thought about the idea. I know I can be blunt - and did not intend to say that nonvirgins were bad people.

Actually, there's already a site for nonvirgins who are waiting again: weabstain.com.

It doesn't take a forum of virgins to help nonvirgins work through their regret. At least, I'm not sure how I could help. Just my opinion.

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Why is it so bad to give them a place where they can work through that regret?

Vince - I didn't say they were bad. But the main reason is because the http://waitingtillmarriage.org/ home page states that it is a site for people who are waiting until marriage to have sex and brings up the subject of religion: "WaitingTillMarriage.org is a website for people who have decided to wait on sex, for whatever reason. We are not affiliated with any religion or religious institution, although we have members of all faiths and many with none. If you're waiting, or dating somebody who is waiting, then this site is meant to make your life easier (and introduce you to some new friends)."

That statement is the only reason I started checking in here - for support and to give support.

You guys might also want to consider that intentionally "waiting until marriage" is not the only reason some people are virgins. There are also physical, medical and psychiatric issues. I would recommend opening a forum for them to help make their life easier.

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My post is going to be simple...

Why should we not support those who have made choices, whether correct or not, in the past and now have decided that they should wait until marriage? They are still waiting, even if they are not virgins.

If a widow came on this site and was struggling with dating again and waiting, would we not support him/her? What about someone who was in a sexual relationship, got dumped and as a result decided that sex was too special to give to anyone that was not their spouse?

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My post is going to be simple...

Why should we not support those who have made choices, whether correct or not, in the past and now have decided that they should wait until marriage? They are still waiting, even if they are not virgins.

If a widow came on this site and was struggling with dating again and waiting, would we not support him/her? What about someone who was in a sexual relationship, got dumped and as a result decided that sex was too special to give to anyone that was not their spouse?

Oh, that's certainly true. But I don't think a special forum is needed, because the Web site, as is, already welcomes everyone who's waiting till marriage. Further, I already think we're having too many forum sections. (I'm repeating myself, sorry)

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I'm sorry if I misunderstood you.

Same here Vince. I didn't use the best analogies. Sorry about that.

I hope you don't mind me calling you Vince. It's just easier to say . . . I mean, type.

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