Guest Rain

Not having children?

43 posts in this topic

I was wondering, does everyone here want to eventually have kids after they get married? There is this terrible stereotype, about people who don't want children, saying that they are just looking for a one night stand, just want to play, etc. I think that is not true at all, not everyone who chooses not to have children acts that way. What is so wrong with not becoming parents anyway? It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you may not be ready or just not see yourself ever being ready to become a parent. What are your thoughts on this?

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I've always wanted to have children.

Speaking in coldly Darwinian terms, it kind of bothers me that I face the very real chance of my traits being permanently evolved out of the human race. I wouldn't even mind adoption, because even if my genetics don't get passed down, my values would be.

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I would LOVE to have kids I wanna be an even greater father than mine ever was so I would love to have children but at the same time I`m not really sure if I want to because I don`t want my child being a victim of this world. There are some things I won`t be able to protect my child from but anyway whatever God has planned for me then thats what I`m rollin with

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I have always wanted children. When I was younger, I would tell people that I wanted 5 kids, but the older I get, the more I realize that may be a little unrealistic. I'm already 27 and I'm not even close to being married. Having children after 35 increases risks greatly for women. I would like to be married for at least a year before we start having a family.

God knows.

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Children are not in my plans. And, yes, there is a strong stereotype associated with having no children. Church van broke down last year and I offered to give the kids a lift. "Oh, but John, we can't take that kind of chance. You're not married and you don't have children and the parents don't know you." That's just the beginning. Sometimes I wonder if something is in the drinking water that kills brain cells.

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I want kids! but it seems the older i get the less i want haha. my sister tells me im only allowed to have one, because the world could only handle another one of me hahah!

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Yes, I think I would like to have children. I feel like if I didn't have children, I'd regret it my whole life.

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I've always wanted to have children.

Speaking in coldly Darwinian terms, it kind of bothers me that I face the very real chance of my traits being permanently evolved out of the human race. I wouldn't even mind adoption, because even if my genetics don't get passed down, my values would be.

Good point, at the end of the day it's the values that are important. Thank you for your answer. :)

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I would LOVE to have kids I wanna be an even greater father than mine ever was so I would love to have children but at the same time I`m not really sure if I want to because I don`t want my child being a victim of this world. There are some things I won`t be able to protect my child from but anyway whatever God has planned for me then thats what I`m rollin with

You are lucky you grew up having a great a father, not all of us were blessed with that advantage. I definitely agree with you, the world is turning upside down more and more lately, some may fear having children just based on that. Thank you for your answer. :)

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I have always wanted children. When I was younger, I would tell people that I wanted 5 kids, but the older I get, the more I realize that may be a little unrealistic. I'm already 27 and I'm not even close to being married. Having children after 35 increases risks greatly for women. I would like to be married for at least a year before we start having a family.

God knows.

Smart thinking :) Thank you for your answer.

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Children are not in my plans. And, yes, there is a strong stereotype associated with having no children. Church van broke down last year and I offered to give the kids a lift. "Oh, but John, we can't take that kind of chance. You're not married and you don't have children and the parents don't know you." That's just the beginning. Sometimes I wonder if something is in the drinking water that kills brain cells.

Oh John, I'm sorry that happened to you. You're right, maybe their brain cells were dead or something. As some people today say: "Hater gonna hate" so just ignore the idiots and don't let them ruin your awesomeness :P Thank you for your answer, I'm glad to see someone agrees with me. :)

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I want kids! but it seems the older i get the less i want haha. my sister tells me im only allowed to have one, because the world could only handle another one of me hahah!

Lmao, that's so cute. Thanks for your answer. :)

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Yes, I think I would like to have children. I feel like if I didn't have children, I'd regret it my whole life.

You'd make a great mom one day. Thank you for your answer. :)

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No no April I meant I meant to say a better father becasue mine isn`t in my life so I want be with my kids as much as 24/7 and give them everything. Sorry for not elaborating the first time

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I'm definitely having kids. Preferably lots of them! If my fiancé told me he didn't want kids, then there wouldn't be a wedding. In the Catholic Church, if you decide that you don't want children and will deliberately exclude children from your relationship (e.g. by using contraception), then you actually can't get married. Children are considered to be so integral to marriage (I've heard it described as, children "flow from the heart of marriage"), that if a couple decide they're definitely never going to have kids, their marriage isn't even considered valid. Marriage isn't just a union of love, but also of life. When you get married, you're not just agreeing to a partnership between two people: you're starting a family together. The kind of self-sacrificial love that you need to be a parent is the same kind of love you need to be a spouse. If a couple want to get married but don't want children, at the very least, they need to be open to life (by not using contraception) and willing to accept children if God chooses to give them to them.

Anyway, yeah, I'm having kids when I get married. A bare minimum of two, because I'm an only child, and it's pretty boring. But really, I'd like at least three, but even that seems like far too few. Four, perhaps. Or five. Or...anyway, you get where I'm going with this. :P

xxx

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No no April I meant I meant to say a better father becasue mine isn`t in my life so I want be with my kids as much as 24/7 and give them everything. Sorry for not elaborating the first time

Oh, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, it's just the way you said it the first time had me confused, I'm sorry. The way you speak here shows me you'd be a great father. Sorry for the misunderstanding again. xo.

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I'm definitely having kids. Preferably lots of them! If my fiancé told me he didn't want kids, then there wouldn't be a wedding. In the Catholic Church, if you decide that you don't want children and will deliberately exclude children from your relationship (e.g. by using contraception), then you actually can't get married. Children are considered to be so integral to marriage (I've heard it described as, children "flow from the heart of marriage"), that if a couple decide they're definitely never going to have kids, their marriage isn't even considered valid. Marriage isn't just a union of love, but also of life. When you get married, you're not just agreeing to a partnership between two people: you're starting a family together. The kind of self-sacrificial love that you need to be a parent is the same kind of love you need to be a spouse. If a couple want to get married but don't want children, at the very least, they need to be open to life (by not using contraception) and willing to accept children if God chooses to give them to them.

Anyway, yeah, I'm having kids when I get married. A bare minimum of two, because I'm an only child, and it's pretty boring. But really, I'd like at least three, but even that seems like far too few. Four, perhaps. Or five. Or...anyway, you get where I'm going with this. :P

xxx

I see. I had no idea that the Catholic faith required everyone to have kids, good thing you want to have them. :) I personally think that no one should be forced to have children. It's like someone once said: (I of course don't remember it word for word, but I'll try) "Saying a woman should have kids simply because she has the parts is like saying anyone who has vocal chords should be an opera singer." Very brilliant quote, I definitely agree with it. (I don't mean any disrespect by saying that by the way, just expressing my opinion). If you choose to have children, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, because it means you're a strong person. I'm sure you'll be a great mother one day. Thank you for your answer. :)

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Also, I don't think marriage is invalid just because someone doesn't have children, a marriage is a commitment between a wife and a husband, I don't see how not having a child affects this negatively.

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I see. I had no idea that the Catholic faith required everyone to have kids, good thing you want to have them. :) I personally think that no one should be forced to have children. It's like someone once said: (I of course don't remember it word for word, but I'll try) "Saying a woman should have kids simply because she has the parts is like saying anyone who has vocal chords should be an opera singer." Very brilliant quote, I definitely agree with it. (I don't mean any disrespect by saying that by the way, just expressing my opinion). If you choose to have children, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, because it means you're a strong person. I'm sure you'll be a great mother one day. Thank you for your answer. :)

Also, I don't think marriage is invalid just because someone doesn't have children, a marriage is a commitment between a wife and a husband, I don't see how not having a child affects this negatively.

Well, it's not so much that you have to have kids. It's more that, you're getting married and you'll be having sex, so you kind of have to accept the fact that if you're having sex, there's a chance that God will decide to give you children. That's one of the three questions the priest or deacon will ask the couple at the wedding before the "I do's": "Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and His Church?" (The other two are: "Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?" and "Will you honour each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?")

But it doesn't mean you have to have kids, just that you have to be open to them, and not do anything to deliberately prevent them. Now, if a couple hated children, and really didn't want to have them, then they probably shouldn't get married, because even if they used contraception, there's still a chance that it could fail...then what?

If you choose to have children, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, because it means you're a strong person. I'm sure you'll be a great mother one day.

Aww, thank you!

xxx

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I can see myself having children... but I wouldn't want to have them too young. Although I plan on marrying young, I would like to live out my life as a married woman without children before I do decide to have children.

The thought of childbirth actually terrifies me somewhat. But that's a different story.

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Well, it's not so much that you have to have kids. It's more that, you're getting married and you'll be having sex, so you kind of have to accept the fact that if you're having sex, there's a chance that God will decide to give you children. That's one of the three questions the priest or deacon will ask the couple at the wedding before the "I do's": "Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and His Church?" (The other two are: "Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?" and "Will you honour each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?")

But it doesn't mean you have to have kids, just that you have to be open to them, and not do anything to deliberately prevent them. Now, if a couple hated children, and really didn't want to have them, then they probably shouldn't get married, because even if they used contraception, there's still a chance that it could fail...then what?

Aww, thank you!

xxx

Oh, I see, now I understand. :) I think my religion may have something similar as a rule, but I'm not completely sure. I think it's a beautiful way to look at it, the way you say it: "It's being open to having children", I think that's nice. :)

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I can see myself having children... but I wouldn't want to have them too young. Although I plan on marrying young, I would like to live out my life as a married woman without children before I do decide to have children.

The thought of childbirth actually terrifies me somewhat. But that's a different story.

That's another smart decision :) Thank you for your answer. :) I'm sure you'll make a great mom. :)

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My fiancé and I do not plan on ever having children. We just don't see them fitting into our lives. We're not mean people that hate children-we just prefer our family to consist of the two of us and a doggy. :D

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No no April I meant I meant to say a better father becasue mine isn`t in my life so I want be with my kids as much as 24/7 and give them everything. Sorry for not elaborating the first time

I wanted to add that I grew up without my father as well. It can be tough! But like you, I want to give my kids everything I didn't have, including both parents. I love my mom and she did an amazing job for being a single mother of 3 :) I think a lot of times she tries to make it up to us as well as trying to give us everything she had, plus more.

I also want kids :) I want probably 2, maybe 3.. we'll see!

Last thing I wanted to add, I think the bad stereotypes come in with the fact that not wanting children isn't really the norm.. so of course people go and think something is wrong just because someone is different.. sad, but true. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be parents! It definitely wouldn't be something for everyone and that is perfectly okay :) Unfortunately, there are those who have to put judgement on those who decide not to/end up not being parents.

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