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LiveTheDream

What's more important to you...

27 posts in this topic

A guy who is a good person -- but doesn't give you that "spark"

- OR -

A guy who gives you the "spark" but ends up being a loser who cheats on you?

The answer seems really simple, but I really want you to all think about it. After reading a lot of posts by a lot of girl members on here, it's easy to see that a lot of you don't have a lot of dating experience. In other words, you have never had your heart broken; which translates to you not knowing the true value of a great guy.

For one, I treat my mother with the utmost respect, and over the last 26 years she has never opened her own door as long as I'm around her. I don't only treat her with the utmost respect, but I treat every woman (stranger or friend) I run into with the same amount of chivalry.

I've dated a lot of non-waiters, girls who have slept around with 20+ guys and they think I'm the greatest guy they've ever met. The main reason for that being is that they've been screwed over, disrespected, cheated on, etc... so in comparison they think I'm amazing (and I am, because I've heald out and passed up over 100+ opportunities to sleep with someone). Anyways, they fall hard for me pretty quickly and try to convince me to change my stance on WTM because they've never been treated so kindly by any other guy (you can imagine why). I can honestly say that I'm ready to give up my stance on WTM and start pursuing something with these non-WTM girls, here's why...

I've dated 2 girls this year who are WTM. These girls have little-to-no dating experience, so instead of admiring me for what I do for a living (paramedic school, firefighter, special olympics coach, volunteer in a homeless community), as well as their inability to carry on a good conversation due to lack of dating experience, they say I don't give them that "spark" or they say "right now is not the right time, but I want to be friends with you" because they're holding out for "the perfect guy" instead of "a really great guy."

I have news for you girls: the guy who gives you a "spark" (whatever that means) is probably giving that "spark" to other girls because he's experienced in getting what he wants from a girls (which is short-term "fun" if you know what I mean. "Sex," for those of you who couldn't catch on). In conclusion, here's some advice: go date around, live a little, get cheated on, get treated like trash. You'll then realize that the "spark" you found in the smooth-talking guys was just a ploy to get you in the sack. You'll then learn to value a guy for the kind of person he is by his actions and not his words.

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  1. Well, to me, I tend to have a "spark" for guys who are good people. And tbh, I got cheated on the same day I got asked out on a date. (This happened a few months back). The guy went and made-out with some other girl. Now, idk who considers that cheating, but I do.
    And to me, actions need to be backed up by words. If a guy says he loves me, or appreciates me, he better show it by his actions as well as lack of actions.
    Fyi, I don't wanna be treated like trash. And i'm sure none of these girls on this site do. In case you haven't noticed, I LOVE and APPRECIATE very much guys who are gentlemen. And one more thing, I LOVE a man who keeps on WTM, no matter how many girls don't like it.

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Also, if you feel as if you need to give up your stance on WTM to be accepted by a girl, then they must not be the one for you. They also don't truely love you for who you are if you have to give that up just to show a girl you love them.

Sorry, but girls need to honor themselves and others, and guys need to honor themselves and others, always.

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Kendra, you just proved my point. You say that you appreciate a good guy because you've been treated like trash in the past; Most of these girls on here don't know what it's like to be treated like garbage because they never date, just like most WTM-girls who aren't on this site. Since you've been treated so poorly in the past it gives you a bigger appreciation for a guy who is a good person.

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Kendra, you proved my point. You say that you appreciate a good guy because you've been treated like trash in the past; Most of these girls on here don't know what that's like because they never date, just like most WTM-girls who aren't on this site.

BTW, yes I consider that cheating as well.

I've never had a date, but got stood up one time. So, I have next to no experience. But i'm very smart from the experience I have had, however. (Even resisting strong urges I had around him, that I could've easily given into. But stuck to my standards).

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As a side note... not all girls need to be treated like garbage themselves to appreciate a good guy.

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Honestly, it sucks to say but, yeah they do. There are a few rare ones who appreciate a good guy without having to get screwed over first.

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Honestly, it sucks to say but, yeah they do. There are a few rare ones who appreciate a good guy without having to get screwed over first.

Well, I did say not ALL, meaning SOME really don't..... just to clarify what I really said. :)

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Honestly, you sound really full of yourself right now, you dont need to put your resume out there. Maybe you are a good guy, but have you thought that maybe you werent the guy for them?I've dated around, and I haven't had to have a guy treat me like trash to realize my worth. Maybe I'm just lucky, or maybe I have common sense.

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Yeah, I'm totally full of myself, even though you think I may be a good guy. I was saying that girls should date around so that they get the full "realistic" scope of what a good guy is all about instead of looking for the kind of guy who gives them a "spark". I take it you won't take my advice: you'll just hold out until you're 50 and end up settling for less than what you could have instead of settling down with a great guy when you're younger (when your expectations were unrealistic).

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@LiveTheDream<3 I would like to think I am an incredible person as well, but that doesn't mean that my incredibleness lacks any stature when someone decides, for whatever reason, that I'm not the one for them. For some people it's more than just a great personality that keeps them interested. And that doesn't tend to offend me because everyone has their own standards when it comes to chemistry and dating. I truly don't want you to feel as though you have to drop your moral beliefs because some WTM women have treated you less that what you would've expected but, the Non-waiting women are treating you of lesser value when they don't respect your decison to wait. They shouldn't have to convince you of anything! They should take that piece of your beliefs, your decison to wait, as an extension of your great personality and not seperate the two.

I've never seriously dated anyone before, but I've been hurt a numerous amount of times just because of my WTM status alone. I've gone through ridicule, lack of understanding, and mistreatment from men who all couldn't "deal" with my personal choices. And I bet other WTM women have gone through the same. But I don't think ALL men are like that. I would never dare to lump great guys like yourself, and the ones within this group, with them. I want the person whom I'm with to feel as though they have a great catch rather than a great burden. And you should hold that same requirement. <3

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Wow Char, great post. Any guy who wouldn't appreciate that about you is a loser. I'm sure once you meet a great guy you'll appreciate him because of how all of the losers didn't respect you. It takes a great man to appreciate what you're about and you deserve nothing less. It's good to see that there are sone girls who understand what I'm talking about, it just sucks that there aren't more girls like you. Way to be.

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@livethedream I wasn't attacking you, as you did me. I was just stating that the way you worded that, made it seem as that you thought you were full of yourself.

Now after I've stated that I've dated around, and i will continue too until I found my best fit, how is that not taking your advice. I think that when one dates, they learn more about themselves. So in no way was I saying you were wrong. It's just the way you phrased it.

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@LTD

Correct me if am wrong mate but it sounds to me like you definetely got some pent up anger inside of you.

From what you've said, you've dated two WTM girls and both have turned you down, yet from what it seems like you got to beat the non wtm girls off of you with a stick.

More than likely those two girls you dated, you found physically attractive and hence why you dated them. Even though quoting you

"as well as their inability to carry on a good conversation due to lack of dating experience, they say I don't give them that "spark" or they say "right now is not the right time, but I want to be friends with you" because they're holding out for "the perfect guy" instead of "a really great guy."

Sounds to me more like your upset things didnt work out.

Am not here to break you down but maybe your trying to force things when there not meant to be.

I totally understand your point of view but just like another member posted if the non wtm girls are telling you to stop "wtm" do you really think that relationships will last or some meaningful relationship will come about. Maybe your just "forbidden fruit" to them?

Heck be happy you found atleast two girls wtm in your area. I still havent met one in miami yet.

Stay strong my friend, and remember "suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret"

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Let me leave you with one thing.....

Do you wanna give up on something you really want just to make a girl like you?? Or do you wanna find that girl who will love you for who you are without having to give up on WTM??

Think about that....

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Agh! Please don't give up on your beliefs just because some girls can't stand to be treated right. It's sad, and it's an epidemic. The older I get, the more I notice it. I'll be 25 in December. I've seen numerous girls go from guy to guy looking for the spark, and they find it alright... And that spark sends their heart into flames and then ashes. Then they all of a sudden want the good guy back. No, that's not how it works. It's really sad, actually.

I've never had a serious relationship, but I've been involved with enough guys to know what's right and what's wrong in relationships. We've never put a label on anything because it just didn't feel right, really and I'm glad I didn't. Not labeling the relationship as official didn't stop my heart from being stepped on, though. Now that I've had guys who have given me a bit of a spark, I just want the guy who's like a gentle flame that warms instead of a wildfire that ignites. You don't have to officially date someone to be treated badly, either. Because I have been treated badly, and it was never official.

However, I always appreciated the good guys, even before I ever got involved with some of these knucklehead boys. I guess it's a Texas thing, but I expect a guy to hold the door open for me, offer his jacket if I'm cold, come inside and introduce himself to my parents when he plans on taking me out, all of that. I knew that, it was how I was raised, and I always appreciated it. I appreciate it even more, though now when it's genuine. Some of these charming guys I've been involved with have tried being the perfect gentlemen, but with hidden agendas. Too bad for them, I saw through it all and promptly ended our "talking" status so that it never became official. Those are the worst ones, in my opinion. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to try and get something you're not going to get, just because you have this "need" to conquer everything. No. I'm so thankful I saw through it.

You seem like a good guy, and you have admirable qualities. Don't give any of that up just because of the non-wtm girls who try to convince you to "give in," and don't give any of it up because the wtm girls you've dated this year are unsure of how to behave in a romantic relationship. That's weird, to me. I understand some people may not date or whatever... But I think everyone's had a crush here or there, and has maybe had to deal with some hurts from the opposite sex, so you should know how to behave in a romantic relationship. Haha once again, I've never had an official boyfriend, but I know what's right and what's not. I'm big into communication, so I could sit and talk with the guy my heart's interested in for hours with no problem. I agree with your advice to date a little... I hope they don't get hurt, though. It shouldn't take being treated badly to get someone to see what good looks like. But then, some girls have been hurt so much they think they don't deserve to be treated well. Psh! Hahah, not me! I've been hurt pretty bad 3 times in my almost 25 years. Those guys had good qualities, but they weren't good guys at heart, with their hidden motives and all. I know what I deserve and I refuse to settle for less, which is why I'm "still" single. I'm a good girl and I want a good guy. I'll even go for "pretty good" because perfect doesn't exist, and I wish more women understood that. Sometimes "pretty great" is as close to perfect as we're gonna get. Actually, it is as close as we'll get on this Earth.

The guys here are a prime example that all men are not the same. Thank each and every one of you for smashing that stereotype of all guys being dogs. That's not true! We ladies (I think I can speak for all of us, here) appreciate y'all more than we may ever say. :)

Hang in there, LTD. Don't give up or give in.

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LTD,

While I'm a 22 year old girl waiter, I don't need to be treated like s*** to appreciate a great guy. I've seen enough of my friends and girls in my dorms go through that, that I've got a pretty good b.s. detector. I did go on a few dates with a guy who wasn't good for me, but I saw that and.cut it off. Some if my friends were worried, and i was just like, I need to decide for myself. I have cried over a guy before and felt like s***, but even before then I had a relationship with a great guy. Honestly it wasn't that I didn't appreciate him, I just wasn't really ready for a relationship when I dated him. I had trust issues and let insecurities get the best of me. Just thought I'd give my 2 cents.

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Hmm, your post made me think about a lot of different things. I think most girls would choose a good guy who gives you a "spark," meaning sexual attraction. This is the way God made us, different people are attracted to different aspects of a person. I recently saw "yet another study" in the news which found that a lot of women don't give it enough time when it comes to feeling a spark and if they don't feel it in the first date, they move on. It also said that if they do go on a few more dates, there is a chance the guy could become more attractive to them. However, you can't force attraction.

Have you followed any of the research on pheromones and how they affect sexual chemistry? It is really fascinating. One thing that struck me was how a girl's male relative's smell will be very different from that of any love interest. Personally, if my brother has just dried his laundry and I am putting mine in soon after, I can smell his "scent" still and to me it is totally gross. Any guy who had a scent similar to his would totally turn me off. Just something to think about, there is a lot going on when it comes to sexual attraction.

Personally, I don't need to be treated like crap by any other man in my life, and I have never dated anyone. I have enough sense to appreciate a good guy when he comes along and I think the same goes for all girls. There is nothing wrong with wanting sexual attraction in a romantic relationship. Isn't that what defines it from a friendship?

Does anyone know a couple/person who settled and married someone without the spark?

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Let me leave you with one thing.....

Do you wanna give up on something you really want just to make a girl like you?? Or do you wanna find that girl who will love you for who you are without having to give up on WTM??

Think about that....

Think about this... I can continue to hold out for a girl who is WTM, but no WTM girl likes me; I'll just be stuck in limbo. Or, I can give that one value up about myself and open myself to more potential relationships to women who appreciate me for my quialities and how well I treat them; women who are over the 'spark' factor and realize that having a guy who treats them well is more important than anything.

It's just that with my personality type, I'm not the kind of guy that most WTM girls end up liking, no matter how much chivalry I show to them. I'm debating to change my stance from "waiting-till-marriage" to "waiting-until-i-fall-in-love"

I hate to say it but there really doesn't seem to be much of a choice. If you don't agree with me on this then here's some advice for you: quit holding out for a 'spark', Start appreciating a guy for his qualities, and build off of that.

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Think about this... I can continue to hold out for a girl who is WTM, but no WTM girl likes me; I'll just be stuck in limbo. Or, I can give that one value up about myself and open myself to more potential relationships to women who appreciate me for my quialities and how well I treat them; women who are over the 'spark' factor and realize that having a guy who treats them well is more important than anything.

It's just that with my personality type, I'm not the kind of guy that most WTM girls end up liking, no matter how much chivalry I show to them. I'm debating to change my stance from "waiting-till-marriage" to "waiting-until-i-fall-in-love"

I hate to say it but there really doesn't seem to be much of a choice. If you don't agree with me on this then here's some advice for you: quit holding out for a 'spark', Start appreciating a guy for his qualities, and build off of that.

im not here to force you to believe anything. however, girls do get sparks with good guys. i just think you havent met the right girl yet..

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@LTD

Correct me if am wrong mate but it sounds to me like you definetely got some pent up anger inside of you.

From what you've said, you've dated two WTM girls and both have turned you down, yet from what it seems like you got to beat the non wtm girls off of you with a stick.

More than likely those two girls you dated, you found physically attractive and hence why you dated them. Even though quoting you

"as well as their inability to carry on a good conversation due to lack of dating experience, they say I don't give them that "spark" or they say "right now is not the right time, but I want to be friends with you" because they're holding out for "the perfect guy" instead of "a really great guy."

Sounds to me more like your upset things didnt work out.

Am not here to break you down but maybe your trying to force things when there not meant to be.

I totally understand your point of view but just like another member posted if the non wtm girls are telling you to stop "wtm" do you really think that relationships will last or some meaningful relationship will come about. Maybe your just "forbidden fruit" to them?

No, I'm not upset things didn't work out, I'm more upset at their reasoning for it not working out. WTM girls' reason = "I'm not in the right point of my life right now and I need to take care of things and do what's right for me. You always complement me and treat me well so I still want to be friends with you" (makes no sense, due to their lack of dating experience / reality experience)

As far as being forbidden fruit goes, I don't share my stance on waiting until marriage with the girls until the time they're "feeling all hot and ready to jump my bones" so the whole viewing me as a 'challege' or 'forbidden fruit' doesn't apply to that logic. You see, I treat both WMT and non-WTM girls exactly the same. The reason why the non-WTM girls appreciate me more is because they've been screwed over, treated like garbage, and once they see that I treat them with respect they have a liking towards me. Once again, I show the same respect to WTM girls, they just don't appreciate it because they think there's a missing 'spark' that I'm not offering. A 'spark' that doesn't exist.

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im not here to force you to believe anything. however, girls do get sparks with good guys. i just think you havent met the right girl yet..

I've met many of the "right girl" types. There's not just one type of "right girl". However, these girls are the ones who are not WTM.

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I've met many of the "right girl" types. There's not just one type of "right girl". However, these girls are the ones who are not WTM.

if wtm is something you really want to do. and you really like those non waiters, they might wait for you.

i know most of the guys ive dated were willing to wait. ive actually never dated a waiter

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Think about this... I can continue to hold out for a girl who is WTM, but no WTM girl likes me; I'll just be stuck in limbo. Or, I can give that one value up about myself and open myself to more potential relationships to women who appreciate me for my quialities and how well I treat them; women who are over the 'spark' factor and realize that having a guy who treats them well is more important than anything.

It's just that with my personality type, I'm not the kind of guy that most WTM girls end up liking, no matter how much chivalry I show to them. I'm debating to change my stance from "waiting-till-marriage" to "waiting-until-i-fall-in-love"

I hate to say it but there really doesn't seem to be much of a choice. If you don't agree with me on this then here's some advice for you: quit holding out for a 'spark', Start appreciating a guy for his qualities, and build off of that.

Well, it will never work out if it's not supposed to. If a girl doesn't like you in the first place, then she isn't gonna stay after sex.

Well, maybe the girls you've met aren't the one's for you, so you can never make them truely love you. No matter what you do or don't do.

Fyi, I do appreciate a guy for his qualities. That's what type of guy i'm holding out for. But I also don't want a guy who is arrogant, I want him to be humble, caring, sincere, and honost. And really, I have a spark for those types of guys.

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Both sound like really bad options, neither one I would settle for. If there is no "spark," I wouldn't be able to have physical intimacy with him. Even hugging would feel awkward and weird. You see, I have a mild form of autism called aspergers. But even though it is mild, hugging even my parents isn't comfortable. There NEEDS to be a spark in order to hold hands, kiss, have sex, etc. And I am way too strong and fierce a girl to ever let a guy abusive me emotionally or physically. Bad boys have never been my type. Ever. While most girls my age crush on Damen Salvatore or Edward Cullen, I have a soft spot for Chandler Bing. ;) seriously though: goofy, laid-back, happy, and funny is my type.

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