Guest Ace

"Friends first, lovers later."

5 posts in this topic

The topic title is from an epiphany I had during my high school years when I realized that although a guy liked me, he didn't want to be my friend. He wanted to skip straight ahead to all of the physical aspects of a relationship, without an actual friendship, or not much of one. I then promised myself to always be a friend first, and then a lover later. It has served me well. I just feel like if you start (any) relationship out with a solid friendship, that provides a good foundation on which to build. Even after the passion of that first taste of romance fades, you can have the warmth and comfort of a friendship. Therefore, that's what I strive to be and strive to have in my own marriage, someday. First, though, I want a Christ centered relationship. But I think along with focusing on Christ as the center of our marriage, friendship will just be first before we even think about pursuing something more, if we do pursue a romantic relationship.

How important will friendship be in your marriage? Why?

Just curious :)

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I knew this hazily in the back of my mind but I had not given it much though unfortunately.

RJ, I think you just gave me the guidelines by which I will approach relationships from now on. Thanks!

It only makes sense that you are amazing friends with your spouse. Just the other day I told my best friend that if I find a husband to be as silly and fun with as I am with her I will be a lucky girl. Your post just sealed this prerequisite in my mind.

:D

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I knew this hazily in the back of my mind but I had not given it much though unfortunately.

RJ, I think you just gave me the guidelines by which I will approach relationships from now on. Thanks!

It only makes sense that you are amazing friends with your spouse. Just the other day I told my best friend that if I find a husband to be as silly and fun with as I am with her I will be a lucky girl. Your post just sealed this prerequisite in my mind.

:D

Aww!! Awesome! Haha I'm glad that my "silly little statement" makes sense to someone else besides me. Confirmation is always a good thing, too. :) I know, hahah it's so funny that you mention that... My best friend and I are such close friends that we're always saying things along the lines of "Ugh, I hope my husband is like you. But a guy, of course, and tall!" We mean it, though. We just have such a strong friendship. We laugh together, cry together, have different viewpoints but are respectful, pray together, and just enjoy one another's company. She and I also correct one another, out of love and genuinely support the other/have the other's best interest at heart. To me, all of those attributes should enter into a romantic relationship, as well. That's where the "friends first, lovers later" came from after I thought about how guys treated me in high school, and what I actually wanted/needed from a relationship.

Glad it spoke to you, though :)

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I totally agree with being friends first and lovers later. To me rushing too fast into the physical aspect of a relationship is kind of like a one night stand. Sure, it may feel good for a little while, but when the fun dies down you end up feeling empty. Without a solid foundation of friendship, that passion will only translate into infatuation and it cannot move forward into love. Friendship builds trust and emotional intimacy. It can also give you a good idea of what kind of person a romantic interest is without jumping into a relationship blind without knowing anything about the,. It can save a lot of heart ache in the long run.

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I totally agree with being friends first and lovers later. To me rushing too fast into the physical aspect of a relationship is kind of like a one night stand. Sure, it may feel good for a little while, but when the fun dies down you end up feeling empty. Without a solid foundation of friendship, that passion will only translate into infatuation and it cannot move forward into love. Friendship builds trust and emotional intimacy. It can also give you a good idea of what kind of person a romantic interest is without jumping into a relationship blind without knowing anything about the,. It can save a lot of heart ache in the long run.

Exactly. We waiters are looking at the long run, and I can't think of a better way to tell your spouse "I love you now, and I loved you then... I've been looking out for you long before I ever laid eyes on you" than waiting and building the solidity of friendship, and then adding levels to that foundation as you two grow in your relationship. :)

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