WanderingWashingtonian

What are your deal-breakers?

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The longer your list of deal-breakers is the less likely you are to find someone acceptable. Everyone's really strict on here. I have like 5 deal-breakers lol.

Agreed 

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This is a good thread to revive. :D 

I'm not going to name all my deal-breakers but some of them are:

 

  • No religion/different one from me.
  • Not pro life.
  • Not WTM/willing to WTM.
  • Not a virgin or is a technical virgin.
  • Doesn't respect my sexual boundaries before or after marriage.
  • Supports/looks at/watches porn, draws pornagraphic pictures. Isn't against porn.
  • Goes to/supports strip clubs and things like that.
  • Does/supports drugs, smokes, or drinks too much.
  • Has cheated in a relationship before.
  • Has been/interested in/okay with being in an open and/or poly relationship.
  • Sends nude photos/wants me to send nudes.
  • Has a high or insatiable sex drive. Too sexual or sexually obsessed.
  • Into sick sexual things (Oral, anal, weird ass fetishes, BDSM, unrealistic porn things, ETC...)/kinky/isn't a vanilla guy.
  • Is packing a big package. (lol, ew)
  • Masterbates. If he does it once in awhile when sexual feelings build up too much and make it unbearable, then I guess that would be okay. But if he's addicted to it and/or does it often when he's bored or wants some sexual pleasure, then just no.
  • Isn't willing to use NFP and/or condoms. Wants me to use some kind of BC made for women.
  • Puts too much value on sexual intimacy. And by this I mean I don't want him to view sex as being more intimate than us kissing, cuddling, or doing anything that isn't sexual or physical. It would make me feel like he cares more about sex than he does about me if he felt more intimacy when we have sex/do something sexual vs us doing something non sexual. Also it seems like most guys who place sex high on the intimacy list get all upset and offended if the couple's sex life isn't 100% how he wanted it.
  • Shares less than half of the same hobbies/interests as me.
  • Has a problem with any of my interests and stuff like that.

Okay, there's some of my deal-breakers. I have more big ones like him being a jerk, liar, or having different opinions than me on other important issues. And I have smaller, possible deal-breakers. But I'm not naming anymore right now and I hope I didn't forget any that I wanted to post. :)

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Is that too bad? XD I did mean talk like flirt so idk if that's anything

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20 hours ago, Jake panz said:

Is that too bad? XD I did mean talk like flirt so idk if that's anything

That explains it a little more lol! I'm not really in a position to critique anyone's dealbreakers but some features of your list seem out of place for a dealbreaker list thereby potentially defeating the point of the exercise. As anyone on this site can attest finding someone with compatible sexual (and moral) values can be hard enough so I'd be concerned about adding "un-necessaries" to a dealbreaker list. Not that I want to dull your enthusiasm....but do you really consider being a redhead or not having complimenting skills (one of many relational skills that needs to and is learnt) as dealbreakers? 

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Okay that is fair enough. I was more thinking of perfect ideals than deal breakers because almost all of those could be completely overlooked if there was enough chemistry between me and someone else. I'm sure that anyone would be able to overlook most things they don't consider exactly right for their soulmate since that would really be something awful to miss out on. I've just never seen a redhead as pretty(though i know it's not a good reason and maybe i just haven't met the right redhead) i feel like it would be hard to fall for someone who i don't find all that attractive which is the only reason i put it on the list. And the other thing was mainly about jealousy because everyone hates feeling jealous and i feel like if there was a girl who would get just as jealous she wouldn't mind doing that as long as i was the same way for her. Like of course some things are set where i would just never be able to be with them but the majority of the list is very flexible because i know no one is a perfect person and i wouldn't expect anything that i don't expect myself to do but i would try very hard to do everything perfect so i'm just hoping i end up with someone else who would put in as much effort as myself really. The meaningful parts of the list could be summed up that way as well as staying true and not cheating and following the belief of not getting divorced. I didn't mean to come off as a picky stuck up snob who would only go for someone who fits the criteria to a tee because it's not like that at all, i was just trying to find everything i could that would do things the way i envision them.

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I see where you are coming from now! It seems that I see dealbreakers as something different from you. 

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The main dealbreaker for me is not being pro-life. That is my first and foremost requirement. Everything else that I want in a guy in descending order of importance is as follows:

- Obviously is waiting until marriage... although, if he previously had sex and changed his ways I wouldn't be 100% opposed

- Doesn't watch porn or do drugs (having done either of these previously isn't necessarily a dealbreaker either)

- Wants to have/adopt kids, preferably more than 3

- Is cool with raising said kids Catholic

- Either has no major gripes with Catholicism or is Catholic himself

- Treats female members of his family well (I've seen that this is a good indicator of how a guy will treat his spouse)

- Has an open enough mind to at least calmly discuss/question commonly believed truths of our society

- Is cool with me being a stay at home mom (this is also negotiable)

- Is a bit of a nerd and is in at least SOME of my fandoms

- Is no more than ten years older than me or five years younger

I've got other things that I would like in a guy but they're extremely negotiable.

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tis the bearded one. I just reread my post and realized just how on my high horse I was like wow what was wrong with me xD I had to delete it like I was just listing everything that was a very minor thing and/or had nothing to do with if I would like them or not xD

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My improved list:
1. Not anywhere near okay with open relationships

2. Wants kids 1 is fine but 5 is preferred

3. Didn't go sleeping around before me

4. No issues with addiction- preferred not to drink or do drugs

5. Would Work with me about jealousy

6. Would not send a nude photo

7. Would not cheat

8. Would not get divorced

Preferred:

1. Have a lot in common

2. Would hang out with me all the time

3. Is pretty

4. Is sweet

5. Is not a Capricorn

6. Would exercise with me so we don't get out of shape

7. Religious

8. Likes dachshunds because I love them

9. Wouldn't remarry if I were to die

10. If we had two girls to let me name at least one of them either Octavia or Zelda

There could be more preferred but I think I covered all of the deal breakers

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Deal Breakers:

Is not a Christian

Is not willing to wait until marriage

Is not pro-life

Has been promiscuous/had multiple partners

Has cheated in a relationship

 

Preferences:

Does not believe in divorce

A love of travel

Minimalist views

Loves music

Loves to volunteer

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Hmm...

Well, the candidate for my affection has to love G-d first & foremost. Not big on Christians, but if she's open-minded & willing to have beliefs challenged, then we'll be good. Id like her to have some sort of job, doesn't matter what. Doesn't matter if she's a virgin or not. If she smoked or did drugs in the past, fine, but she can't still be doing that. Alcohol is also fine, as I drink, but she can't be a drunk. She has to love kids & also be ok with adoption if it comes to it, as I was adopted & fully support adoption. Must also not believe in divorce and be willing to work issues out, & must be willing to wait however long it takes.

Regarding the virgin-or-not status, Ive found that virgins, such as myself, certainly have the right to be picky, however, it isnt profitable to be picky when it comes to that topic. The fact of the matter is most people are having sex, & lots of it. So unless you want to go to another country to find a virgin or take the creepy route & pull from 18 year olds getting out of high school, having a virgin mate as a *must* isn't entirely realistic.

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I was thinking of another deal breaker this morning.

Obviously a guy being controlling is a deal breaker, but it's also a deal breaker for me if he thinks I'm supposed to submit to him after we're married. I don't want to marry a guy like that. Even if he doesn't interpret it in an extreme/bad way, I still don't really want a guy like that.

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My deal breakers:

1. Must be a true Christian. 

2. Must be a man of good character - kind, gentle, respectful, hardworking, not controlling, etc

Strongly Prefer: 

1. Supportive of me working/going to graduate school if I choose to do so

2. Wants a family but not a huge family (no more than 5 kids for sure)

3. Willing to contribute/help out at home 

4. Physical attraction - he doesn't need to be a model, but I would like to be attracted to him 

 

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Deal Breakers

1) Non-Catholic

2) Supports any form of gun kontrol *shudders*

3) Any sexual history

4) Feminist *shudders*

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Deal Breakers 

1) Having multiple sexual partners 

2) No goals in life 

3) Not taking care of their health and not caring about their appearance 

4) Partying all the time. I am okay with them drinking however smoking a lot is a big turn off. If they want to be with me they are going to have to quit smoking for sure. 

5) Racist, Sexist

Preferences 

1) Having Faith in God 

2) Willing to make a relationship/marriage work. There is no out until unless the relationship is obviously abusive 

3) Goal oriented. Needs someone who wants to or is in graduate school and is going to be supportive of me going to graduate school. 

4) Not overly conservative, be open minded, is open to intercultural and interracial dating. 

5) Doesn't have to be a virgin but respects my WTM decision. 

6) Is good with kids :)

7) Is respectful, honest and hardworking. 

8) Respects boundaries. 

9) Honest about the past and willingness to try and change. 

 

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