Tev

Loneliness

25 posts in this topic

Tonight I went to my first highschool football game (but my school wasn`t playing because it was two highschool teams using my school`s stadium). But anyway I went with my friend from my old highschool who goes to one of the highschools that was playing at my school`s stadium. And it was sooooooooooooooooooooooo many beautiful girls there but all of them seem like they wanted a guy who was more.... Well.... pretty much the opposite of me. They`re more outgoing, and talk to girls alot easier than I do and lately Ive been feelin kind of alone. I know I have God but at the same time I feel like I need "that girl" to talk to. I need a beautiful girl who can make me laugh all the time. I need that girl who I can hang out with all the time and be my girlfriend as well as my bestfriend. I think today`s generation of girls do not want a guy who is sweet and generous and is a gentleman. They want the guy who only wants to have sex with them, treat them like dirt half the time, but he`s able to buy her gifts. And i feel like that`s the reason why I may not have a girlfriend is because ........ to simply put it, I`m underprivileged. I dont have all the nice things other guys have and not able to give them necklaces and drive them around on a first date or something. And plus in all my years of highschool (I`m a Senior) Ive never had a girlfriend.But anyway I`m sorry for breaking out the violin and maybe turning your good day into a kind of somber day kind of. But its hard for me not to feel like this because I`ve never experienced having a highschool relationship. And I know what you all will probably say "Oh dont worry Tev highschool relationships aren`t that important and they don`t really matter" but to me they do because..... well... I hate to admit it but Im lonely

So feel free to chime in any advice would be fantastic at this point thanks

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I never ever dated in high school. So I know what you mean. Everyone always had boyfriends or girlfriends in school. Going to prom. I know what it feels like to be 'excluded'. I never was the girl who had the opposite sex lavish attention on me. I used to think something was wrong with me. Maybe I'm not pretty enough or thin enough or smart enough or maybe my personality just sucks. Whatever insecurities I could conjure up. But you know what? Not dating was always an intentional choice for me. I have always had this sort of rule for myself: If I could not see myself eventually marrying that person, why would I waste my (our) time dating him? And I knew I would not get married super young.

There is nothing wrong with you. Just keep reminding yourself that good things are in store for you. You just have to be patient. One day at a time. Don't give up. Waiting is hard. It's not easy, but one day it's going to be worth it.

Oh, one more thing. There are girls who are still waiting for a gentleman. Not some jerk who's gonna treat her like crap. I know I'm not settling for less than what God has in store for me. And you shouldn't either.

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So i actually totally know where your coming from, i dunno about schools in america, but universally its relatively the same in most highschool's. I finished my senior year last year. So Im a year older than you and being a girl i will say that there are alot of girls who feel the Exact same way as you do. All of my friends are stunning but none had boyfriends in highschool, the reason for this was actually more due to the fact that there was an extremely scarce supply of guys that were "sweet and generous and is a gentleman".

But having talks with them, they wanted all those same things, a boy that could be their bestfriend and that they could laugh with and all that kinda stuff. And let me say If you are a decent girl you would take Character over material possessions anyday! I truly mean that!! I Can totally understand that its important, and it matters to you. But i really mean it when i say that there are girls, lovely girls at your highschool. That would literally KILL to have a guy treat them like you just described you would. That is what girls want. Your incredibly "rare" for a highschool boy. (if only more boys were like you) So dont lose hope, there are girls who are looking for a guy like you. I promise. :)

On a side note. Quieter boys, who arent as outgoing are incredibly attractive, infact of all my friends 9 out of 10 of them like quieter guys. Not the show off kinda guys!

Now finding those girls, thats the fun thing.. I think observing from the outside its easy to say what a girls would want, alot of girls in highschool just want acceptance. And if they're more outgoing friends are getting attention off those boys they want that too,so they will just hang in the same group and try do the same things. but truth is, girls just want to be made to feel loved, needed and special, to made to feel wanted and treasured. Girls want that boy that will be their best friend. The sad part of that is they get it from those "jerk" boys who end up breaking they're hearts. So try not to judge too much on the groups of girls, i think you will find among them they're are major variations on personality and what they want. But everyone wants to "fit in" and sometimes its easier to be a sheep than go against the crowd. I almost guarantee that at your school there is at least one girl whose noticed you, she just hasn't said it. (it can be pretty intimidating to go up to someone and be like "oh yeah i think your kinda cute.") Plus boys who play sport are always kinda cute, and you love basketball and Im sure your really good. So just keep your eyes open, and maybe you might catch some eyes looking back at you. ;)

On another note, wow im kinda just blabbing haha, girls love to have good guy mates. So a good way to start building up talking to girls is just to start chatting to them on a friends basis, invite some girls to play basketball with some of your friends, sitting around and chatting at lunch is cool and all, but actually doing something is fun too.

Anyways yeah, i hope that helped a little, i really could blab about this forever, highschool is actually a rather interesting place when your obeservant. But yeah keep looking, there are girls there i promise. They just are harder to find. :)

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Same with me. I never really had a relationship. Not in High School and not now either. I remember I fell in love with one girl in H.S. head over heals. I did a lot for her, more than I ever have for any girl. She turned me down and gave me the typical friend zone speech. I was really bummed out about it and it took a long time (about 2 years) to actually heal over the pain. Im over her but Im not over the fact that something like that can happen to me again. I believe God is in control and working with me on this issue.

The fact that I was a ''nice guy'' is what lead me to believe that I will never have a girl. This is the way I thought before I became a believer. I was talking with one of my friends and I told her that one day I wanted to stop being the nice guy. I told her I want to be an a-hole because I really believed that this was what girls really wanted. Then my friend told me to never ever change because one day the right girl for me will come into my life, and my ''bad boy'' attitude will push her away. Even after this advice, I was stil geared down the wrong path until God changed me.

Moral of the story is, be patient. I feel the same way when Im around so much beautiful woman. I get anxious because I know they won't want me and start feeling lonely. One thing to always remember is to focus on God. Lean on Him to guide you to the girl he wants you to marry.

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here is a verse from the bible that gives me plenty of assurance phillipians 4.6

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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I totally know where you're coming from, Tev. I'm 27 and never even been on a date (not really anyways), never kissed or even held hands with a girl before. Guys like me at my age are like mythical creatures, no one believes we exist. lol. Let me tell you, it does feel really lonely at times especially when all my friends are getting married and it feels like my turn is a life time away, assuming it ever happens at all.

Relationships are important no matter what age you're at. The problem is that most people in high school are just dumb. It's not that they are inherently that way, it's because society has raised the last couple generations all wrong. You got high school guys scheming on the fastest way to get laid for the first time and then there are high school girls who are all about stupid drama all the time. I seriously believe this is primarily a first world problem. You think 18 year olds in Somalia are stressing over boyfriend drama or getting laid? Heck no! They're just worried whether they're going to make it to the next day. Kids these days are growing up later and later and they're stuck with such a superficial mentality. Seriously man, you're a rarity. You actually want a genuine connection with a girl and that's great. You might get lucky and find a great girl who's mature beyond her years, but most girls (and guys) your age have a lot of growing up to do. Don't waste you're time on them, wait for a good girl who's worth your time.

And man, don't even get me started on the bad boy appeal. I think a big reason why so many girls go for them in addition to the "excitement" they bring is because that the best most girls expect from a guy. It's hard to blame them since most guys these days are douchebags but it's true. There is a huge shortage of decent guys right now so when they see one, they run away because they're not used to being treated so great. That's a real shame because these kind of girls just don't know their true worth. The path of a good guy is a difficult one, but I still have faith that all the friend zone speeches and rejection will be worth it one day when we all meet the right girl. Keep strong, gentlemen. We're in this fight together :)

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I can relate with all of above you guys said. Tev... bro.. can I say, its not the end of the world that you don't have a girl yet in highschool? I see highschool romance different from "adult" romance (if I can call that). When you're older, you want more of a serious relationship. Highschool romances is more like.. "go with the flow ~ not that serious" ... but I understand your point clearly Tev. It do sucks when you see those jerk guys hook up with a nice girl. And find out afterwards he used her. (exactly like waitingforyou said)

Its like Vince said, (he is 27, Im 30).. we're mythical creatures. Or what planet do you come from. And I'm 100% with Vince what he states. And the bible verse Alex posted.. its really encouraging.

I will tell you, I've been in 2 relationships, and both times I end up being dumped. Always bought flowers, never fight nor argue with her. Always open the door for her, or let her enter first.. but what did I get.. dumped.. the reason.. I dont know.. Have I've been played.. yes.. many times.. then I find out, she's trying to make her old bf jealous.. now that sucks to be honest. Are there days that I feel blue.. yes of course. I dont meet many woman these days, because of work and exercises..

And like Candice said, their are girls who still waiting for prince charming.. oh yeah.. thats true .. heard it a lot ..

But hey.. we are here to support each other guys.. lets be strong and believe and think positive. Carpe diem :)

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oh oh.. forgot to say.. Tev.. we're here for you man. If you feel blue or sad.. just shout okay :)

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Always bought flowers, never fight nor argue with her. Always open the door for her, or let her enter first..

Hi Eugene,

You sound like a really nice guy who treats a lady right. I have just one word of advice, when you say you never fight or argue with the girls you date I'm not sure how far into the relationship you continue this, but honestly this is not a good course of action if you want a relationship to work. Arguing is okay in a relationship if it is done in a respectful manner with no mind-games, it helps a couple sort out issues. You have to stand up for yourself if you feel that a girl is starting to walk all over you or is treating you unfairly in any way. It is manly and attractive for a guy to do so if he has legitimate cause to do so. It is okay to be assertive in a relationship.

You don't want to be a push-over, that is one thing that will lead a girl to disrespect and ultimately lose interest in a guy. I'm not saying that this is necessarily the case with you, I obviously don't know anything about your previous relationships. And I'm not by any means saying that you should be aggressive or argumentative for no good reason. But if you have an issue with what your girlfriend says/does, you should point it out to her and ask her not to do so in future.

I hope I havent completely mis-interpreted you.

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@ Tev<3 although you state that you are underpriveleged materialistically...you are far..VERY far from being underpriveledged when it comes to how wealthy your heart is. And that is what you constantly need to remind yourself. One of my favorite quotes is by the artist Andy Warhol and he states, "People should fall in love with their eyes closed...just close your eyes. Don't look and its magic"

Many people, whether they are in or out of high school, fail to digest such a meaning.

While the high school girls around you have their eyes opened to the guys who choose to display their value by treating them with less then worthy conduct and superficial gifts; you just know that you have something entirely priceless, that no money in the world could buy. So when the time is right, you will be able to give the most important gift of all, your heart Tev, to the person who can ,metephorically, close their eyes and see you for who you truly are.

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I think most of us are here because we're lonely. Some of us may feel we're "misfits" who can't fit in with the world's scheme of love, and some of us know we'd actually blend in really well with it, and choose not to.

I work a weekend job. Once a week, hundreds of beautiful young college women file past me. A few of them "check me out" (it occurred to me last weekend, probably more than I think) and a great many of them are attractive and clearly have some inkling of faith to share.

I related the story of accompanying a friend of mine to a bar before, and watching the social games being played, thinking I could fit in with such a roost if I wanted to fit in.

That's just the point. We're following a higher calling. That means the road will be far more desolate, and the times it mingles with the broad road, we won't fit.

That's just the way of things. I try to content myself by writing to my future bride, by treating others as nicely as I can to set a good example, and by telling myself I'll laugh last.

What else can you do?

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Hey Tev, I just wanted to say that I can relate with your loneliness. When I was in high school, I was also quiet, and girls really didn't give me the light of day in terms of pursuing romantic relationships. I remember posing questions similar to your post: "What if I drove a faster car, dressed differently, or behaved differently?" "Would it change anything?" Well, honestly, it would change my external appearance, and maybe even my behavior. But, for me, It would kinda force myself to live with an ideal that I didn't feel comfortable holding. To give you an example, a teacher of mine because of the influence of his parents, and the attractiveness of obtaining fast cars and women became a lawyer. He set-up his own practice and lived comfortably for several years. Much to his dismay, he was constantly unhappy. Money, fast cars and women couldn't satisfy him. He realized that he needed a change. After quitting his practice, and leaving his career, he decided to pursue Philosophy because he loved to learn, and the subject naturally attracted him. He became good at it, and decided to pursue graduate studies. He has never looked back, and he is one of the happiest people I know.

Don't be afraid to be yourself. I understand it can appear difficult given the trends that occur in high school (like the one you brought up in your post); however, in the grand scheme of things, that will make you unique and a "diamond in the rough." People will notice.

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I think most of us are here because we're lonely. Some of us may feel we're "misfits" who can't fit in with the world's scheme of love, and some of us know we'd actually blend in really well with it, and choose not to.

What else can you do?

I agree with you on this one LK.. "loneliness".. everyone in the world has that feeling. Everyone wants to feel secured, and being loved. A person can have the worlds wealth.. and still be lonely. Money cant buy love and we all know it. Like friend Alex said.. and will quote.. "6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." if you feel sad or lonely.. go on your knees and open your heart to God.. He understand exactly how we feel, and know all our problems.

Regarding "misfits".. we as waiters.. must never ever think that we're misfits in life. Never.. if we ever think of it, and believe it.. then we shall become it.

Like I said before, we're here to support each other, to pick up the one who is sad, down in the dumps, the one who needs encouragement.. etc etc.. and to show love and mercy to the everyone.. and we must be like role-models .. not by words, but by our actions. Just like Slayer said.. "diamond in the rough" we're diamonds in the rough... and I bet each and everyone.. there will be people on this planet crawling on their knees or bleed to have someone like us

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Hi Tev,

Well, like most of the peple allready said, most of us know where you are coming from. So do I, let me tell you I am proably the loneliest girl in Amsterdam right now. I have cried, I have screamed, I have even gotten mad at God for it. (I know, awful right?) I have felt like the outsider all my life. (Ever been in a room with two of your friends making out with their boyfriends in front of you? Yeah, not really the best feeling in the world!) On top of that, I am the only christian in my whole school, so I have also told them all that I do not drink. (The bible only talks about not getting drunk, but not drinking at all has been my own choice) So ur 10-days field trip to Rome last year wasn't really fun for me. Dutch kids tend to drink a lot so when my birthday arrived on the third day of the field trip, my friends were to busy getting felt up by random German guys in some bar drinking tequila shots, while I was celebrating my birthday in our room.... cleaning up. Alone. (I was mad. Can you tell?)

So yeah, I've been there. But God took me past that. I frequently came to God asking him if there was something wrong with me.( resulting in some insecurity problems but that is a whole different story) I wondered why guys hadn't noticed me and thought I was a freak. (Which I kinda am, in some way.) So when I cried in Gods arms one day, I heard him say (this might seem weird to non-believers)

'I have something special for you.'

It was a strong whisper. So strong it made me cry and from that day forward, I realised that God wants the best for his daughters and sons, and since you are one of them, he is probably currently working on your bride, she is getting closer to being that Proverbs-31-Babe every day! Keep that in mind! My point is that it might seem hard waiting, but we are not just waiting on sex till marriage, we are waiting for a person. So my advice would be, keep her in your prayers, and write letters to her! It has helped me, and made the fantasy of that special guy a little more tangible. Stay in this forum! It is the most encouraging thing ever! But I'm sure that you allready know that.

God knows what you are going trough. I realised that every important figure in the Bible was lonely, Abraham had to leave his family for God, that sounds pretty lonely. Isaiah had to walk naked for a couple of years in the midst of everyone, he was one of the few that heard Gods voice. (Which made him lonely, AND clotheless). Moses wasn't a guy with much friends. (and he was a stutterer) Jesus was surrounded by twelve people that really never understood what the heck he was saying, (thats what you get for always speaking in parables!) he died on the cross, naked, alone. But he also rose from the grave, without anyone seeing Him! Now what do all of those people have in common? In the most important moment of their lives, they were in solitude. So when I realised this, I started seeing my loneliness as a blessing. A time where I can grow by myself, cause if I can't be fine all by myself, how am I gonna be fine with someone else? As Madea likes to put it:

'I dont know why people go thru so much stuff just to be with somebody, I'd rather be alone sitting in the corner with a puppy and a goldfish than to be with someone I'm not supposed to be with'.

You know what man: You are an awesome, cool guy and any girl would be lucky to have you! Do you know how many girls complain about chivalry being dead? (including me)

I hope you'll be able to make some sense out of my rambling but my point is;

You're not as lonely as you think.

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Wow Zaire thanks for that. You have opened my eyes to things I've never thought of about the bible and my (all of our) situations. I was on Facebook just now and saw a whole bunch of girls talking about their past relationships. It was just stuff that made me loose a slight bit of hope in finding a Godly partner. I felt like the girl for me wasn't out there and that I wil just have to settle.

But coming here and seeing girls like Zaire share their thoughts and experiences gives me re-assurance that beautiful girls who love God are out there. Especially the way you broke down the lives and lonliness of those people in the bible and compared it to our situation. That was definately an eye opener. It made me think of myself. I always felt that I was set apart from everyone else all my life. I felt like an alien and that no one would ever understand me. I realize now that God made me this way for a reason. Thanks Zaire and all the other girls on this site! God Bless.

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Alex, if I could like your comment 15000 more, I would do it. Simply because of the fact that I could be a blessing to someone else! I told God in one of my sad and lonely moments that it was easy for him cause he doesnt feel like me! He is God! What an eye opener for me it was to hear him say ' Hey, you have never hung on a stick with basically everyone spitting on you, while your so-called friends have left you, I know EXACTLY how you feel.' (Thats not exactly what he said, but thats what it came down to) And he does, we sometimes just forget that.

Honestly, as cliche as it sounds, Jesus is the answer. The moment I fell in love with Him, was the moment I realised that He is the most important person in my life. Focusing on him has helped me with my lonelines. And of course God has set you apart! I like to call it God 'keeping me to Himself' for a while. I didnt have a dad for most of my life, so God is God but He is also my father, and fathers don't give their children to just anyone. Im convinced that because I am Gods daughter, He wants to save me a lot of heartache. Thats just how much He loves you and I. Remember, God knows whats going on in someones heart, he knows what he's doing.

About those girls on facebook; for some reason people feel the need to tell me about theyre relationships and what they have and have not done. I guess they see me as some nun to confess your sins to, so Ive heard the strangest things. (I really have no idea why they always do that to me. But all the people at my school know Im a WTM, so on that Rome trip I was talking about, Ive heard dozens of drunk confessions of girls and guys telling me how they regretted some things they had done) and some people are indeed, even for the worlds standard, extremely promiscuous. But hey, there are still some Godly women in this world! I am so glad I gave you hope, which is the least I can do since the very existence of this site and all of you give me hope too. And Im about to give you even more hope!

Watch this video and tell me there are not Godly women left in this world!

As for Tev, I would advice you to go to Christian concerts or events, (just like this poetry thing, its awesome, sadly I cant go since I dont live in the U.S.), that really made me feel less lonely, and the letter writing to your future spous is great, since you can let her read it when you guys marry, and Im sure that will mean a lot to her.

GB!

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Yea plenty are overrated lol. Thats why for a girl to be really beautiful to me, she has to have a godly qualities to her. I love a woman who shows intelligence, kindness, and humblness (like a lot of the girls here). If she is drop dead gorgeous with a nasty arrogant attitude, than to me she becomes very unnattractive. She can look ike Jessica Alba for all I care.Those are the girls who find confidence in the flesh rather than the spirit. Girls like that are a huge turn off for me.

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Aww. Here I was hoping to blow your mind with some poetry but you've seen it before. Ah well. Hope everyone gets some encouragement out of it though!

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Thats why for a girl to be really beautiful to me, she has to have a godly qualities to her. I love a woman who shows intelligence, kindness, and humblness (like a lot of the girls here). If she is drop dead gorgeous with a nasty arrogant attitude, than to me she becomes very unnattractive.

Just want to add that I agree 100%! Attraction to me is literally about the entire package...and I've said this before I think, but a girl's attractiveness is amplified greatly (to me) by factors like waiting, Christian views and beliefs, being pro-life, being caring and kind, etc. A good looking girl who's a Christian with solid morals and values is sexy as all hell to put it bluntly haha XP

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Hey Tev, I know the loneliness feeling. I often wonder if I will ever find someone who will love me for me, who will want to spend the rest of his life with me. I know that my true lover is Jesus; he died for me. But still, I do hope to find someone here on earth to have and to hold, and it is a lonely thought to think that he is not here with me now. I miss someone I don't even know, someone that I sometimes fear I may never know.

So yeah, Tev, I get the loneliness thing!

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Thank you guys for showing me the support and love and I feel better knowing that I`m not really alone when I have God and my WTM family

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