Faye

Aging and waiting

29 posts in this topic

How have your feelings changed as you've aged? Just a general question, so please share your perspective!

Gotten impatient? Still at peace? Excited? Has your perspective changed at all? Just wondering 'cause I'm in my mid-20's and it's been interesting looking back over the years.

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I guess as I have turned older I would say I appreciate the fact that I have WTM all this time because I can see how that decision has shaped me as a person and affected my life in so many areas for the better. WTM is a part of who I am and I can't see myself ever going back on that decision at this point. I am still very excited to be waiting till marriage for my possible husband. He is worth waiting for no matter how long that takes. There are times, honestly,, where I get a little afraid as I realize the biological clock is ticking---you know the whole "it's best to have your family before 35 thing we hear sometimes." In a year I'll be 35 and since I always wanted biological children, I sometimes feel just a little but sad that I may not have that opportunity from a biological standpoint, but I would love to adopt as well. At the same time I feel a lot of peace because I know that my personal decision to WTM, being based on my faith and other things was the right thing to do and I am glad not to have all the heartache and baggage that can come with a sexual past. I don't regret the decision I have made-and will keep WTM even if marriage doesn't become a part of my future. It is a daily journey one step at a time. The journey isn't simply about WTM, it's about who I am becoming in the process.

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There are times, honestly,, where I get a little afraid as I realize the biological clock is ticking---you know the whole "it's best to have your family before 35 thing we hear sometimes." In a year I'll be 35 and since I always wanted biological children, I sometimes feel just a little but sad that I may not have that opportunity from a biological standpoint, but I would love to adopt as well.

I think I sort of know how you feel. Even though the biological clock is a little more lenient with men, there's a part of me that's sad that if I ever have children, my child will never get to see what I was like as a young man. My parents were only 20 when I was born, and I have these warm memories of waking up at the crack of dawn to watch Saturday morning cartoons with my dad--I'd love for my potential child to have similar memories of me. At this stage in his life, it's hard to imagine my dad waking up so early just to watch cartoons. I'd love for my child to know what I'm like in my prime, but if that's not to be, I suppose it simply isn't to be.

I'm not too worried about aging out of my capacity for raising children altogether, though. For a long time now, I've felt called to adopt a child, preferably a daughter from a nation where women face especially difficult circumstances. If I ever get married, I sincerely hope my wife wouldn't have a problem with that.

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I'm 19. Considered the possibility of waiting at 18. I'll get back to this thread in ten or so years.

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I'll be 22 this month, and I think that is very young. I'm still excited about waiting right now because I don't particularly feel like I'm running out of time. I would be extremely happy for "the one" to be in my life right now, but it was never really ever my dream to be married this young. I think that if I'm still single in 3-4 years I may start getting a little antsy and checking my watch every now and then.

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My desire for marriage and sex seems to get stronger the older I get. The stronger the desire, the lonelier and frustrated I become. Even though I'm still in my 20's (27 to be exact), I sometimes feel like I'm running out of time. Not so much because of any biological clock reasons, but more out of fear that there isn't any decent and single women left to marry. When you get older, your dating choices naturally become more and more narrow. That combined with the fact that I want a Christian girl in a state with the lowest rate of church attendance in the country and the increasingly narrow possibility of finding a waiter definitely makes the odds look bleak for me. I also have this weird fear that if I do end up marrying, it won't be until I'm 40 or 50 and by then I'm afraid I will lose my desire to have sex. Which would leave my younger years of sexual frustration unfulfilled.

I don't want to sound entitled or selfish, but I think it's unfair that we, especially women, have such a small time frame that is ideal for child rearing. Because I want to enjoy at least a couple years just me and my wife, but if we are really close to 35 when we marry, we may not have much choice but to start having kids sooner than we would have liked.

Reality can be a real buzzkill to our romantic ideals, but I don't regret waiting. No matter how long it takes to find the one for me, I am committed to waiting for her. Just imagining the joy on her face when I tell her I waited for her would make it all worth it.

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For a long time now, I've felt called to adopt a child, preferably a daughter from a nation where women face especially difficult circumstances. If I ever get married, I sincerely hope my wife wouldn't have a problem with that.

that is so cool!

yeah and I can also relate to the whole thing of the child having the experience with younger parents-when my parents married it was the same way.

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I'm 24, turned 25 in a few months. I decided to wait at age 13. The trend for me is that I've grown more and more comfortable with waiting and the possibility that it could be years. I don't know why it turned out that way for me, but I'm just at ease about everything. There is no frantic searching or worrying in my case.

But what I have noticed is that I grow less likely to talk about it with other people. Not that I am likely to, anyway, but I find myself growing more and more reticent. I figure that it's also because attitude generally more from an "aww, that's so cute!" when you're waiting and in your teens to more of a "so what's wrong with you that you haven't yet?" as you get older.

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For me as I've gotten older it seems I've become a little more patient with waiting. I'm only 26 now and I've considered (sometimes on a daily basis) "its it worth it?"

My answer is yes, ....

My comfort is that old saying "anything worth having is worth the wait"

I'm an adrenaline junkie so to say, so I enjoy extreme activities. (skydiving, rock-climbing, sportbikes) so maybe I have an outlet so to say.

I know that the clock for me isn't ticking (at least very loudly), but I'd like to have a family while i'm still young enough to enjoy them. I liked what "erasercrumbs" said about your dad getting up to watch cartoons with you. My dad didn't do stuff like that.

I've always taken dating reasonably seriously, likely one reason i'm not experienced in ths area.

Another is i'm very career focused at this point in my life.

I still hold an optimist's view of WTM to say the least.

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I am 28 and until recently I was questioning my decision to wait.

But that only happens temporarily. I am gladly waiting and eagerly looking forward to marriage.

I dont worry about kids, I think when we show them love (even if we dnt watch catoons with them) they will still grow up well in a safe and comfortable environment.

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Not going to lie...it's getting harder. I share Vince's sentiments that time is ticking by, and what if I never get these years, or their reward, like I thought. I worry that I've lost too much time. I worry about finding someone else who is waiting. I feel left behind either by the friends who somehow effortlessly found their Romeo or Juliet, or left behind by the friends who give up and start having sex. I'm out of place in a culture which celebrates guilt-free, "no-strings-attached" sex.

The few people I find who are waiting turn out to be a bit crazy, frankly.

Until recently, I never thought about that whole business of the biological clock. Then I went out on a date with a 29 year old. Then a 30 year old turning 31 soon. Suddenly the whole thing became a little more real, and a little more of a problem, especially since I feel like I need to finish school before feathering any nests.

Hopefully, we all get wiser as we get older...and unfortunately, knowledge sometimes brings sadness with it. I feel a little more sad at the world around me, and the way it sees me as an oddity, a relic. A refreshing relic, but a relic.

Not to be too morose, but that's the reflection I have when thinking about the perspective of growing older.

Also with Vince, I agree that it seems like the desire is getting stronger. Let's face it, most of our peers have been sexually active and dating for a decade. Those of us who abstain and try to make wise choices are viewed as immature, inexperienced, somehow less wise in the ways of life because we respect ourselves and women.

I've often thought I was born in the wrong century. :)

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How have your feelings changed as you've aged? Just a general question, so please share your perspective!

Gotten impatient? Still at peace? Excited? Has your perspective changed at all? Just wondering 'cause I'm in my mid-20's and it's been interesting looking back over the years.

As I age, I just wonder curiously what is this all about? I really do. Because I see plenty of people who go and engage in pre-marital sex all the time, and they seem so happy. Yet here I am, "still" waiting (which that bothers me so much when people are like "Oh, you're STILL a virgin?!" ) and I'm questioning why? How do I know that I'm really going to end up happily married? Like a few other posters have said, I too take dating seriously, and as such, I've never had a "real" boyfriend. I just... Can't do it. We'll talk and go on a date or two, but something is "off" and I just back out. It's kind of weird... But I do have a feeling that when it's with the right guy, things will fall into place perfectly. I won't have any of those "off" vibes, and I won't want to back out because it'll just be right. But... To get to marriage, you have to have a relationship first, right? Well what if I don't ever have a real-lationship? Then what? Did I just waste all this time, or what?

It's tormenting, really. Just questioning, and never reaching a satisfactory conclusion or answer. Then, I just imagine how awesome it will be when I do finally meet that man, and I do take his last name, and I do give him the gift of my virginity... And everything seems worth it, then. I guess it's just this "in the meantime" part that's so difficult. As I age, I really think about the impact this decision has had on my life, and truthfully, when I see the predicaments my peers are often in, I feel blessed to have chosen to remain pure solely for my husband. They're the ones who question if he/she only likes her/him for the sex, if they possibly have an STD, a missed period means they're probably pregnant, not to mention those who have had abortions, or all kind of unnecessary drama with a "baby mama/baby daddy." I missed out on all of that. That alone makes this purity commitment worth it, to me.

I'll be 25 in December, and I pray that I at least meet the man I'll marry soon, even if we don't get married for a few years. I just want to know who he is, really. The rest will fall into place.

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Its harder to wait the older i get. I am 26 and i am dating a very tempting girl; she is insanely attractive and shes very open about how much she loves sex. To add to the mix, she keeps talking about how attractive i am. Ive never felt this heated before. Help?! Lol

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When you get older, your dating choices naturally become more and more narrow.

I would never have thought that that was a problem for guys. There are plenty of girls in their early mid-twenties who would date a guy well in his 30s. It seems to me that a man's pool of potential partners increases as he gets older as most girls would prefer to date an older guy. However the opposite is probably true for girls. As we get older our dating pool narrows as men generally prefer younger women and the women themselves probably wouldnt consider dating a guy more than a year younger than themselves. So chin up EB....you're in your prime!!! :D

As for my own WTM journey I guess it is interesting to look back over the ever increasing reasons for sticking to my decision. When I was 17 I guess I was waiting because that was how I was brought up and because of my faith. To be honest I naively thought that that's what everyone did. University was a bit of an eye opener in that respect. As I saw my friends get hurt and messed around by guys who used them for sex or how their relationships (even the good ones) seemed somehow stunted and lacking in intimacy because they skipped to the deed and didnt spend enough time getting to know each other as friends, my decision to WTM only became stronger. This was compounded by the fact that I myself had boyfriends who I am glad I didnt sleep with and dont have the baggage that would result. I can see so many reasons that I never considered when I was younger as to why WTM is a brilliant decision.

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I would never have thought that that was a problem for guys. There are plenty of girls in their early mid-twenties who would date a guy well in his 30s. It seems to me that a man's pool of potential partners increases as he gets older as most girls would prefer to date an older guy. However the opposite is probably true for girls. As we get older our dating pool narrows as men generally prefer younger women and the women themselves probably wouldnt consider dating a guy more than a year younger than themselves. So chin up EB....you're in your prime!!! :D

You're so right, MM! I've never thought about it that way. I suppose guys really do have it easier when it comes to age. It's true that as a guy, I do prefer a younger girl, but I wouldn't turn away a girl who was older (though hopefully not by too much :)). Thank you for pointing that out. I feel much better about this whole thing now :D

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Its harder to wait the older i get. I am 26 and i am dating a very tempting girl; she is insanely attractive and shes very open about how much she loves sex. To add to the mix, she keeps talking about how attractive i am. Ive never felt this heated before. Help?! Lol

Stay strong my friend!! Curbing the sex discussions will probably help at least a little bit...what are her views on (your) waiting?

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Hey dodgedude,

Her response to my stance on waiting is, quote "you're waiting? Wow, I actualy think that's sexy"

I'm not kidding. I think she sees me as a challenge and she wants to break me in or something. Lol

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Hey dodgedude,

Her response to my stance on waiting is, quote "you're waiting? Wow, I actualy think that's sexy"

I'm not kidding. I think she sees me as a challenge and she wants to break me in or something. Lol

LTD... this is one of those moments we ALL need to remember: "you're waiting? wow i actually think that's sexy."

BECAUSE IT IS SEXY. :-)

(ok and tantalizing LOL)

but you also know this is where RESOLVE stands. good choices and good intentions have been broken by the gentle allure of a challenge... plenty of times in reverse (men going after women). Perhaps implore her to be as helpful to the cause as you are committed to your choice. there are ways to be affectionate obviously with each other without crossing whatever line you draw...

the trick... of course... is remaining SEXY... AND COMMITTED. of course... that's the trick of marriage too :-) and i highly recommend that... later!

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Hey dodgedude,

Her response to my stance on waiting is, quote "you're waiting? Wow, I actualy think that's sexy"

I'm not kidding. I think she sees me as a challenge and she wants to break me in or something. Lol

She probably does want to break you in!! Haha I'm laughing, but it's kind of not funny. Just as much as you guys like a challenge, some of us females have quite the conquerers spirit, as well. I know I do. Not necessarily in matters of relationship/sex... But in other arenas of life. I just won't take no for an answer, and I will push and push until I get what I want. I might be little, but I have the heart of a giant. I also agree with DD, here!

Stay strong my friend!! Curbing the sex discussions will probably help at least a little bit...what are her views on (your) waiting?

There's a thin line you seem to be walking, with her... Because she obviously views you as a challenge, maybe she wants to tempt you... See how far she can push you. She sounds like a temptress and tease to me. While that may seem to be fun, in reality it's actually disrespectful. It has me wondering if she thinks you're jokingly waiting or something. Kind of a laugh in your face, if you will. That's rude :( Clearly, we're all serious here about waiting until marriage and I don't think any of us take this commitment lightly. So for me to feel as though someone sees us as a conquest or something, kind of hurts, honestly. I'd just tell you to change the subject matter of your conversations with her (like DD said) and if you feel like the consequences of continuing on in this relationship with her outweigh the benefits, be smart about it and walk away.

There's no point in investing time in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect and take your views seriously. I learned this the hard way after being "romanced" for seriously 5 years by the same guy who I swear was only "in love with" me because I'm African American (which he hadn't had sex with someone like me) and a virgin. I was rare to him. Everything he did was sweet (bringing me flowers to the restaurant surprising me on my 21st birthday, comforting me on my 22nd birthday when a mutual friend of ours I was "talking to" suddenly just disappeared, sending me flowers FROM Afghanistan on my 23rd birthday when he knew I was sick...) and something any woman would melt over. I loved it. We grew up together, he's a good looking guy with a good heart, but he just... Isn't pure and I hated that for him. I hated that he had invested so much into these girls who didn't even really care about him (and I did when we were much younger--we met the second day of 6th grade) and had created all these soul ties by having sex with (and I'm not kidding) over 20 women by the time we were 22. He would always try to tempt me into a more than friends scenario and I always kindly resisted. Although we did kiss, one time, there was nothing there. I just didn't feel it and eventually I felt as though he only did all of the super sweet things he did because he thought he might coax me out of my commitment to remaining pure.

Needless to say, he and I are no longer friends. I wish we were, but many other things I don't care to go into detail about happened between us, and he is now married to a woman I believe truly does love him... That created a huge rift between us because she found out how close our friendship was and I guess got mad that he had shared an emotional piece of himself with someone other than her. I think she and her friends believe that he and I had sex. We did not. We kissed, one time, in 12 years of friendship. That's all, but they can think what they want. If he didn't care to defend me or our friendship, he doesn't deserve my friendship anyway. We had many arguments about why he was "in love with" me, and every time I found myself to be right about his motivations because soon after he had another fallout with another girl, he'd be back to me and when I'd reject his advances again, he'd be onto the next one. I couldn't respect him as a person, and I couldn't respect him not taking my decisions seriously. Why waste the time?

Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread haha... I just thought maybe my own story with a similar theme might help!!

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Hey RJ,

Dont apologize for hijacking this thread. You actually have me some really good insight from a girl's perspective. I also liked reading your story.

Stay strong!

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Hey RJ,

Dont apologize for hijacking this thread. You actually have me some really good insight from a girl's perspective. I also liked reading your story.

Stay strong!

Haha. You're welcome!! Umm, I don't enjoy telling that story, but I figure if it can help someone else out, then I shouldn't mind it too much. It sucks the way that all fell out and how I lost one of my closest friends, but it's okay. God never takes away without a greater restoration is what I believe. I'm going to stay strong and steady! You stay strong, as well :) You can do it! Or not. Hahah.

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LTD... this is one of those moments we ALL need to remember: "you're waiting? wow i actually think that's sexy."

BECAUSE IT IS SEXY. :-)

(ok and tantalizing LOL)

but you also know this is where RESOLVE stands. good choices and good intentions have been broken by the gentle allure of a challenge... plenty of times in reverse (men going after women). Perhaps implore her to be as helpful to the cause as you are committed to your choice. there are ways to be affectionate obviously with each other without crossing whatever line you draw...

the trick... of course... is remaining SEXY... AND COMMITTED. of course... that's the trick of marriage too :-) and i highly recommend that... later!

Dang, well said!! Yeah, that is VERY SEXY to hear that LTD. It also can be VERY tantalizing.

Ian, I couldn't of said it any better myself.

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I've read most of the posts does it really come easy or harder as you age? Do you have any regrets or is it just a whim that you feel? I am happy to say that I will have been a virgin for 18 years in a few weeks.

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