Guest RJ_

"Facebook official?"

9 posts in this topic

Or real life official, rather. Haha. Is there anyone on here who has never had an official relationship, or am I alone in this? At 24, I sometimes think it's quite odd I've never officially had a "real" boyfriend. I doubt that my 2nd-5th grade "boyfriends" truly count haha. Don't get me wrong, I've had attachments, and been emotionally involved with a few guys... But there was just "something" holding me back from making it official. Either they didn't want to, or they wanted to and I didn't want to. The times that I've wanted to, I'm glad that I didn't because I've learned that these guys and I would not have been good in a relationship, no matter how... Perfect I thought it'd be.

I've been told I'm attractive (and I personally think I'm pretty--not to be conceited--with my scars and all), funny, smart (I want to get back into school and finish out my degree! This whole getting deathly ill--ruptured brain aneurysm thing has changed my priorities and ambitions), "so sweet," strong, and a lot of nice things. I believe all of these things even if they take me forever to believe them for myself just because I'm kind of skeptical. What? I should own all of these things, and slowly, I am.

So, there isn't really a reason I've never had an official boyfriend. Unless, of course, they bail when they find out I'm not having sex until (and I pray I'm blessed with) marriage. Sometimes I truly do worry that I might not ever get married, and then what will the point of all this waiting have been? Did I just do it in vain? And then I counter that thought with the feelings of assuredness and the personal sense of power I have from knowing I do have incredible self control and restraint when so many (especially young) people have almost zero self control.

My faith has a big part to play in my decision to remain pure until marriage. But it is not the only reason. I was raised hearing "keep your legs closed, and your mind open" from my dad, and I've just adopted that attitude. I feel it has served me well, anyway. I don't have to deal with all of the negativity many of my peers deal with... Wondering if he/she is in it only for the sex, pregnancy scares, STD scares, low self esteem, thinking sex will save their failing relationship, disrespect towards themselves and their partners, extreme jealousy, arguments, mind games, psychological and emotional manipulation, etc... All of the junk. Thanks to my strong faith, and solid upbringing, I don't have to deal with all of that.

As my dad says "It's already hard enough to do right, why complicate things?" Truth. Surprise! I got off topic again, haha but I'm just curious as to whether or not I'm the only one who hasn't had an official relationship? I guess I just haven't been able to totally commit emotionally because of that little voice holding me back. Because of this, I've taught myself to "never second guess a first instinct" and the times that I have, I've ended up emotionally wounded and mentally tormented as a result. No thanks. I can be friends with guys and never feel the need to be anything more. That's okay, right?

Thank y'all :)

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Hi RJ!

1. As a guy, I can confirm that you're very pretty.

2. lol @ "keep your legs closed, and your mind open." I like your dad.

3. Next time you hear that little voice of hesitation, try proceeding anyway. Relationships are great fun, even when they don't work out. And people can surprise you. You already know your boundaries and at 24 you know you can stick to them pretty well. You don't have to proceed all the way to a full on relationship just for the sake of doing it, but I would recommend at least proceeding one step out of your comfort zone, just to see what happens. If nothing else, you'll learn a lot. And at best you'll greatly enrich your life!

1. Aw, thank you!

2. Haha I love my dad. His little tidbits of wisdom like this have saved me much trouble over the years! That's for sure.

3. I understand what you're saying. I have no issues whatsoever talking to these guys, getting to know them, and even going on a date or two... But as far as making it official, something just keeps me from doing that. I believe in that saying "rejection is divine protection" and I've often learned after the fact (as I've watched them move onto relationships with other girls) that I was spared from (further) heartbreak by choosing not to make anything official. Maybe I have commitment issues. Haha, but I think I have commitment issues in not wanting to commit to the wrong person. It's not that I don't want to commit at all... I just want to make sure that who I'm committing to is worth it. I think I hold a more marriage minded view. Or at least I take the idea of exclusively dating pretty seriously. I have marriage as the goal, not just being able to call him my boyfriend. I do know that you have to start somewhere, though. I trust that in time I'll know and have no issues committing. If it ends up wrong for some reason, that's okay, too. Lesson learned. Been there, done that without having official relationships. The "flings" have taught me what I don't want in a relationship, and that's just as valuable (if not more so) than the things that I do want. Count it all joy and blessings, really.

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I've never had a boyfriend. Part of it is because I'm waiting till marriage, part of it is because I'm very particular about what I want in boyfriend/husband and there are some things I just REFUSE to settle for, and the other part is because when I start developing feelings for a person, I get scared and back off. It's not like I don't want a boyfriend. I just haven't come across the right person yet who is willing to wait with me, meets my many qualifications, and can help me to stop worrying when my feelings and emotions come into play. I feel like God knows exactly when he wants the person for you to come into your life, so when he comes, you will definitely know.

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I've never had a boyfriend. Part of it is because I'm waiting till marriage, part of it is because I'm very particular about what I want in boyfriend/husband and there are some things I just REFUSE to settle for, and the other part is because when I start developing feelings for a person, I get scared and back off. It's not like I don't want a boyfriend. I just haven't come across the right person yet who is willing to wait with me, meets my many qualifications, and can help me to stop worrying when my feelings and emotions come into play. I feel like God knows exactly when he wants the person for you to come into your life, so when he comes, you will definitely know.

Haha everything you said is exactly how I feel!

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This this this 1000 times over. I like having a crush on a guy--I like those butterflies, but the second I find out he's interested, too, I freak out inside and the butterflies go away and I stop talking to him. I don't know what's wrong with me ahhhhh

Hahaha, you're making me laugh. Not because it's funny, but because I can so relate to those feelings. I just honestly think I have commitment issues for fear of being in the wrong relationship & investing too much for it to be abused. I also have faith that when the man is right, those feelings of uncertainty won't exist. Guess I'll find out! Nothing is wrong with you! Inhale, exhale, repeat. :)

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I'm a super-virgin who is older than you. Take courage. :)

I'm just in a slight panic mode I tend to go into when I realize time is moving while I'm still. It's okay, though. Ecclesiastes 3 keeps me sane. I'm pretty virginal, too. Only kissed two guys (and neither of those kisses had any meaning or passion behind them) ever & that's as far as I've gone physically. I'll be 25 four months from tomorrow. Looks kind of crazy in the world's standards. I have committed emotionally where I shouldn't have, and in thinking it was "love," that we'd end up with a wedding & home in the suburbs with our beautiful children, I've allowed words to tempt me to go places mentally that I wish I hadn't. That was with one guy & I've learned a great deal about how important words are and how they influence us more than we may even know. Every tie to him has been severed, and now if a guy even approaches me with inappropriate words, I separate myself from him. Been there, done that & I'm not goin' back. I want to save everything that's left for the man I marry.

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RJ, I'm 27 and never even held hands with a girl before (not romantically anyway). I know exactly what you're feeling when you say you're afraid you'll never get married. In my case it's just that no girl has ever given me a chance. Ever since I was a kid, I've always dreamed of the same thing you have: Wedding, home in suburbs with beautiful children (with my wife's looks, of course :)). But as I get older, I feel like all the decent and Christian women are being married off with no single ones left. That thought scares me more than anything. But despite that, I just can't bring myself to compromise my standards. I'd rather never marrying while sticking to my standards than settle with someone I don't love and regretting it for the rest of my life. Even if my future wife didn't wait for me, I still want to give her as much of myself as I can possibly give her, from my first romantic hand holding to my first kiss to my virginity.

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I've never had an "official" boyfriend. I got a reputation in college of not willing to have sex, so although I went on a few dates, no one considered me seriously. I remember a few guys would even talk behind my back that I must be a lesbian because I wouldn't have sex with them. Not nice at all. Anyway... The only guy I attracted long term was someone who I believe considered me a "project," which ended very badly and caused a lot of suffering.

In a way I'm happy I never did any romantic things with anyone yet. I'm hoping my future boyfriend/husband will be romantic and want to hold hands, go on cute dates, etc., which will be all the more special to me.

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