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Claire

Good Evening!

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Wow, we have a site? This is fascinating!

Let's see... my name is Claire. I'm twenty-five and living in the Pacific Northwest. When I'm not at work, I spend a lot of time writing, illustrating, running trail races, hiking, listening, and paying attention. I like to study for the sake of learning and curiosity. I also love to travel and read fiction, but never seem to do enough of either.

My waiting until marriage has always been wholly a personal decision as opposed to a religious one. I remember first learning about the act of sex in elementary school. When I asked my mother about it, she simply described it as being 'something special that two people share with each other when they fall in love'. That was all I was ever really told until health class in middle school. It sounds really simplistic, but as a child I always pictured that, should two people fall in love, they eventually get married. And thus, I decided that I only wanted to share my 'something special' with one other person.

Seventeen years later, and that decision hasn't changed-- but my personal motives, passions and worldviews supporting it have definitely expanded. Why we as humans find the need to cheapen every mystery, itemize every joy, and desensitize our capacity for exhilaration has always frustrated me. Our culture loves to amplify and fabricate; it loves to one-up life's attraction until there is nothing attractive left about it. It's a strange world. Maybe I'm just romantic, but I've never been attracted to the idea of sharing sex with more than one other person... and in a similar vein I've never felt an inclination toward drugs or alcohol, and so have abstained from those as well.

To tell the truth, I am totally astonished to see that there are males out there who have committed to wait. Gentlemen, I applaud you! ;) I don't think I've ever met a human male near my age who hasn't had sex... at least not outside of the hard-core Christian circles... (though most of the Christian boys I have met and gotten to know were not virgins either) and while I used to identify with Christianity for the sake of similar values, my true color is 'happily agnostic'. I extricated myself from the Christian community after I realized I would never truly identify with it.

At any rate, I'm glad to see that there is a site dedicated to these commitments, no matter the forces that drive them. Thank you all for bringing it to life!

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Hi Clarie,

Welcome to the ‘second family’, as I call it! To me it is so because I can speak my mind here without the fear of getting ridiculed! :) Each addition to this site proves the fact that we all are not alone but, just a bit hard to find! After all GOOD PEOPLE are rare! ;) Every member brings with them new ideas, concepts, experiences & outlooks that helps to enrich this community! I was a mess before I found this site & thought I would never be able to find my “TRUE LOVEâ€! But this site helps me to keep faith that somewhere out there is the ONE that I dream of… :)

Ummmmm… as for myself… I am 21 & finished college! My hobbies are basically very geeky & unconventional like learning new languages (I know 3 & am trying to learn the 4th one now… French!!), nature photography, researching about cultures, human psychology, conflict & the list goes on quite a bit! :P I believe sex is an eternal bond of love that consummates the romance between two souls. That makes it something very SACRED. It can never be mistaken for a sport meant to be played with different people, according to availability! My reason for WTM is totally personal & I believe religion has hardly any part to play in it… It’s a choice that anyone, even a non-religious boy, can make. :) Though I respect all religions yet I feel CHARACTER is the most important factor that influences this decision rather than religion. But again, that’s what I think. I too don’t share any inclination towards smoking, drinking or drugs & there are quite a few others here in this site who are the same. Jegs & Bee are the two that I know of till now but, I bet there are more that I don’t know of. They all are very smart & honest people… you will get to know them soon enough! :)

It is really nice to meet you & I look forward to hear more from you.

BYE.

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Welcome Claire to this wonderful site of fellow waiters who share the same goal and aspiration as you. I agree w/u in believing that sex is something wonderful, beautiful, and sacred that should be between you and your spouse. I assure you that you'll love and cherish this site as we all have come to do :) . And I also assure you that there are many male waiters here as well as female waiters. So, welcome again and enjoy :) .

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Hi Claire!!

Welcome! I'm 21 and in my senior year of college in the midwest. I also love doing stuff outdoors--tennis, running, biking, hiking, camping, etc. I am going to be a teacher---I can do any grade 4-9. I'm not sure exactly which yet, but I've still got time !! I agree with you that sex is very special and I want to shre it only with a guy that is truely worth it---the guy I marry---he's the one who can have everything. :) I understand where you're coming from about Christianity---I am somewhat religious--enjoy going to church/bible study, but not nearly as much as some of my friends, but much more religious than others. :P

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Thanks for the warm welcome, Aditya, Mark and Sally! You all sound like really fantastic people. My sister (who also waited) just got married last weekend, and it made me realize that she was actually the only remaining waiter that I knew of... after thinking about it, I randomly stumbled onto this site. It's nice to be able to connect with others :D So, thanks again!

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Hi Flower Bee! Yeah, I've run into a good deal of 'false advertising' in the Christian community, so to speak ;) but the ones who truly uphold the words and ideals they profess are worth everything, you just have to find them. Everyone has their own choices to make, and I wouldn't change that for anything... It would just be nice if there were more like-minded people out there for all of us to connect with ;)

ThatGuy, I had a great time chatting as well. I'm really glad the East Coast disasters didn't get at you too badly :) I will have to try and remember Long Island when planning my NY trip! Although I don't know how I'm going to fit everything I in that I want to see... :P

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Claire,

What do you mean by 'false advertising'? Like people not WTM? I'm WTM but I don't agree with everything in the Catholic churh I go to. Neither do I with non-denominational churches that Campus Crusade for Christ advocates for. I don't feel like I have a 100% fit. Just don't want anyone to think I'm not a 'true Christian' or whatever. I just don't believe like Crusade that my mission as a Christian is "to proclaim the gospel". I believe I need to treat others with love and respect---they'll understand God's love better by seeing it demonstrated through people. I didn't mean to rant, but a friend and I had a convo about this earlier so it's just fresh in my mind.

Thanks!

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Hey Sally!

I'm referring to those who talk the talk without walking the walk, so to speak. People everywhere do it with all sorts of values in life, so I am in no way trying to single out Christianity or religious organizations... but I ran into a fair amount of it in the Christian circles I used to be a part of growing up.

Many members would spend youth group sessions talking about how important it is to stay pure and refrain from gluttony, temptation, etc... and then get a DUII the next weekend. After a while that sort of behavior just wasn't doing my mind any good, so I decided to step away from the community. I still have yet to find others with similar values to my own, but I realized that I would prefer to keep up my ideals and go it alone rather than surround myself with people who professed similar goals, yet broke them over and over again. I don't think badly of the people I knew in those communities, but I also don't think they had a personal tie to what they professed. I think they preferred immediate gratification, knowing that they could always ask for forgiveness... knowing that they weren't expected to get it right the first time. They used that as a crutch... kind of like a reliable get-out-of-jail-free card. And they used to tell me that it was impossible not to drink and get drunk once in a while, that the temptation was unbearable to not have sex before marriage. And I used to just look at them and try to understand, but I just couldn't relate to that ideology.

Maybe it's true for some people? Maybe some people just develop stronger will power than others? Or maybe some people just don't want it badly enough, I don't know... But I guess what I mean is, eventually I got sick of trying to identify with a community that used the concept of a God and Christian theology to validate a rather 'non-Christian' lifestyle.

I'm not sure if I'm understanding quite right... Are you meaning that because you don't identify 100% with your church's doctrines, you're afraid of being a 'false advertisement'? If so, I don't think you have to worry... I'm referring to a blatant disregard for morality on account of salvation as an excuse.

I never fit 100% with the Christian identity either, until one day I realized I had probably just better stop calling myself one. I had many more disagreements though, not just with evangelism. I'm not saying that what leaving the Church was good or bad, it is just the choice that I made, and it is what is best for me personally.

I believe people have choices to make in their life. If there is a God, I don't believe that he would have had it in mind to create us as weak, incapable, or inferior to the world around us. I believe he would have given us a fighting chance. I don't think he would have ever intended for us to sit idly listening, waiting, or praying for him to push and coax us into one direction or another. For whatever reason we exist, I believe that we've been given two hands and placed within them are our own lives. I think I believe that somewhere in our deepest holds we each bear the potential to achieve extraordinary ends, but we have to take those steps with our own two feet.

I'm a big advocate of accepting the consequences of one's actions. I don't believe in placing the blame for our mishaps or failures on demons or unseen forces. I realized I didn't believe in the concept of Original Sin because all my friends seemed to just be using it as an excuse for failure. I absolutely empathize with failure-- I fail at a lot of things! ;)-- but I don't think failure has to be our fate. I also always cringe at evangelism. (I've never been a fan of trying to convert anyone to anything, so I could never support the whole 'God's calling' mission outlook ;) ) It really began to bother me when my community was telling me that it was impossible to achieve things that I seemed to already be achieving, like soberness and celibacy. I guess that's where I'm coming from. Does that make sense?

Oh man, sorry that was so long! :huh:

I totally didn't mean to ramble on like that :D

Hopefully your community does a better job than mine. ;)

I'm always open for questions if you want to talk about anything more in depth.

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Thanks Claire!!

No biggie on the length lol you def answered my question and it was interesting. I was referring to when I talked to a friend who is non-denomintional and I'm Catholic. It's still a branch of Christinity; but there are definitly some differences. I don't feel like my church is so evangelistic; one reason I feel I 'fit' better there and like it better. she also uses terms like 'salvation' 'walk with God' and 'coming to Christ'. We don't use that int he same ways so it's a little confusing. I starting reading Catholic and Christian by Alan Shreck and it has been very informative but I have SOOOOOO many questions from it too, lol! I enjoy going ou tand having a couple drinks, but I don't wanna be schwasted/black out/don't remember anything. I like having control :P

I have never smoked or done drugs. (Does trying hookah count? lol) I have had a bf before and I understand how difficult it is to wait til marriage, but you also have to set boundaries for yourself----having a bf sleep over all the time probably wouldn't help lol. Maybe once in awhile and I'd have to have clear boundaries----love cuddling and kissing goodnight, but we both always wear good pjs (tshirt and shorts---nothing skimpy for me) That's just an example, but I understand how frustrating it would be to have more of a hypocritical community. We all have our struggles, but that's what friends and church community is (supposed to be) for....

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Thanks ThatGuy!!

Okay, so what is Pentecostal?? I've heard about people believing they can speak in tounges or shouting in services---is that true?? Thanks!!

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Hey guys!

No biggie on the length lol you def answered my question and it was interesting. I was referring to when I talked to a friend who is non-denominational and I'm Catholic.

Hehe, good, I'm glad I didn't fry your eyes with how ridiculously long that became. :D

And you're totally right, there are so many differences between Catholicism and Protestantism! I have a good friend who is Catholic and sometimes listening to her talk about certain aspects makes it seem like they are two completely different religions... so yes, definitely confusing!

We all have our struggles, but that's what friends and church community is (supposed to be) for....

Absolutely! I also wanted to clarify this pertaining to what I said earlier so that I don't sound like a jerk: The community I was a part of didn't bother me because they were struggling and subsequently failing, but because many were struggling, then failing, and then just accepting failure as inevitable the next time around... and they were okay with that. My boyfriend at the time factored into that pattern as well, so there were more than just a few personal elements in it to cause me extra frustration <_< (<--Wow, I think I love that smiley face)

And yes, it is a difficult thing to save yourself as we are doing, especially when you're with someone you love. I don't know if you're currently with anyone, but having a partner who respects your boundaries and, whether virgin or not, is willing to join your fight to uphold them makes all the difference. Anyone less will only try to push you farther than you're willing to go, no matter how many times they apologize. :unsure:

The ones who are worth it won't drag you down ^_^

From the experiences you've had, Claire, I can't blame you for being discouraged by the hypocrisy and blatant immorality you've witnessed.

Bah, humanity is like that ;) It's just become necessary to take a step back from everything frustrating and confusing for a chance to redefine myself and re-evaluate what I stand for. Who knows where life will take me from here?

Regardless of your "status" as a Christian, you probably behave a lot more morally than many Christians out there :-)

Lol :lol: Who knows? But Protestant Christianity doesn't exactly attribute salvation to good works, so maybe it doesn't matter?

Hey Sally, so ThatGuy has a masters in Theology and one of my BAs is in Religious Studies with an emphasis on the Catholic/Protestant Reformation... maybe between the three of us, we can figure out the confusing parts of your book...

Thanks, guys, you're both awesome btw!!

You guys are awesome :D But isn't it kind of ironic that we couldn't be spread out farther across the US? East Coast, Midwest, and West Coast...

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"And yes, it is a difficult thing to save yourself as we are doing, especially when you're with someone you love. I don't know if you're currently with anyone, but having a partner who respects your boundaries and, whether virgin or not, is willing to join your fight to uphold them makes all the difference. Anyone less will only try to push you farther than you're willing to go, no matter how many times they apologize.

The ones who are worth it won't drag you down."

WOW. Exactly what I know I need to do, but how difficult is it to find someone that fits that ??? Like finding a needle ina haystack :P Just in case you couldn't tell I"m feeling a little frustrated lol.

As far as the book, I'll start with a question and see where it takes us!

'"All scripture is inspried of God...."But does this meanthat only scripture is inspired? Catholics do not find the teaching in the Bible. While Catholics believe that the Bible is the foremost and unsurpassed source of God's revelation, they also believe that God reveals his truth and guides his people in other ways. For exmaple, the New Testament records that the Hhold Spirit revealed God's truth through the goft of prophecy (Acts 11:27-30; 21:10-12; 1 Cor 14:1-4,31)councils of church leaders (Acts 15:28) and even direc revelation s to individuals such as to Peter Acts10:9-17 and Paul Acts 9.....)'

So does this mean that the Bible is up for interpretation? I believe that people interpret it differently, while I have friends that believe in literal translation and that a particular pastor/non demoninantional church is right (but we all have variations?) So personally I don't see anything wrong with variances, I jsut have trouble with ONE view always being right. (Catholic or not)

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Hi Sally!

WOW. Exactly what I know I need to do, but how difficult is it to find someone that fits that ???

Hehe, I know, right? :rolleyes: But seriously, they're out there. I've seen it all come together-- Just keep your eyes and ears open. I mean, you have to think about all the implications of settling for someone who won't respect your personal choices... If he isn't willing to help fight for you, and you aren't willing to help fight for him in his decisions, what will that say about future choices to be made years down the road?

I'm not trying to preachy or anything... but I could have taken back years from a failed relationship if someone would have laid that out for me ahead of time :D And it is true... even if you don't find the love of your life this year, people do calm down after college. A lot of guys grow up, and some of the nicer, shyer guys get a little bolder and a bit more confidence once the awkward crazy party scene fiascos are out of the picture.

Okay, I really want to give my two cents on the passage/question below, but my broken thumb is on fire and needs a break. I will write another response once it gets a little rest!

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Why we as humans find the need to cheapen every mystery, itemize every joy, and desensitize our capacity for exhilaration has always frustrated me. Our culture loves to amplify and fabricate; it loves to one-up life's attraction until there is nothing attractive left about it. It's a strange world.

Wow. Welcome, Claire! I think that quote from you sums up exactly how I feel about the world, and about the sex issue, but I could never quite put it into words... So thanks.

I'm 23, from Midwest USA, in love with fiction in all its forms and am also "happily agnostic," as you said. I'm curious about religion and I love learning about it, don't begrudge anyone theirs unless they use it as an excuse to hurt, but I guess I think that whatever the Divine "It" is, it's too much, too big, too complicated, for anyone to really have a full understanding.

Oh, and I also was astonished and très, très pleased to find men here. I've known guys IRL who are virgins, but they're never the sort who are waiting on purpose, just waiting for an opportunity. :/ So, it is refreshing to surf my way to this site and remind myself that there's still hope. :)

Hey, I'm curious, what kinds of things do you illustrate?

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Claire--thanks! It's just hard to be patient sometimes when it's been soooo long =P Hope your thumb gets better soon haha

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Wow. Welcome, Claire! I think that quote from you sums up exactly how I feel about the world, and about the sex issue, but I could never quite put it into words... So thanks.

I'm 23, from Midwest USA, in love with fiction in all its forms and am also "happily agnostic," as you said. I'm curious about religion and I love learning about it, don't begrudge anyone theirs unless they use it as an excuse to hurt, but I guess I think that whatever the Divine "It" is, it's too much, too big, too complicated, for anyone to really have a full understanding.

Oh, and I also was astonished and très, très pleased to find men here. I've known guys IRL who are virgins, but they're never the sort who are waiting on purpose, just waiting for an opportunity. :/ So, it is refreshing to surf my way to this site and remind myself that there's still hope. :)

Hey, I'm curious, what kinds of things do you illustrate?

Oh, hi Alice!!

Sorry, I just saw your reply! I'm with you on the "Divine It" thing... Deep down, personally, I don't think anyone or any religion has it all figured out... and I don't really think that humanity ever will, and that's okay. I don't really feel like we're meant to understand it.

Yeah, guy-virgins! :lol: It's true, the only guys I've known in real life were simply virgins waiting for the first available opportunity... I must just be TERRIBLE at encountering them in real life. ThatGuy pointed out to me that they've got to be somewhat secretive, given the pressures of society... but still. Even withstanding, my encounter rate is sad.

Illustration-- Let's see... I had some contracts for a small, independent gaming company at the end of high school and into college. Very little money, just royalties on the side. It wasn't really my favorite thing, but I think that was only because I didn't find the subject material very inspiring. Most recently I did some acrylic landscape paintings for a charity house up here, which was fun. but if I could do anything I wanted and not have money be an issue... or have to work a real job during the day, I think it would be super fun to write and illustrate graphic novels. Only I would try to make them less comic-y, more detailed, and with a higher dose of literary quality. I'm a sucker for fiction, art and animation and am always off in my own world :D

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Hey Claire. I'm Stephie. I'm a writer too! :) I write a few poems and fanfics but mainly write fiction. My reason for waiting is I believe that sex is only for my soulmate. The one I am meant to marry. I would never consider ever sharing that moment with anyone else. So happy I found this site. I have already made one very good friend :) and hope to make more B)

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