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DanceSingLove

Hello All! :)

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Hi! My names Jenny and I'm a 20 year old college student (I will be a sophomore) studying music therapy :)

I found this forum from a google search and am really glad I found this site! My decision for waiting is personal and spiritual, along with (probably an unhealthy amount of) pressure from my mom.. After reading this site and others about WTM, it sounds like a lot of people waiting till marriage are still waiting for "the one" to show up in their lives? One thing about me is that I believe I have found my guy :) I think this fact makes waiting that much harder though! :P

He's the only one I've ever dated and I'm the only one he's ever dated :) (we've been dating 2.5 years, since the end of my junior and his senior year of high school) and I really couldn't be happier, hes an amazing guy :) However, WTM is getting pretty tough! Especially because he is not completely committed of WTM, but he is willing to wait since I want to..

It also seems harder because of the fact we both won't be able to get married until we both graduate college in 3 years (I graduate in 2014, him 2013).. its a tough position to be in when you have been dating someone since high school and you're told to wait for sex till marriage, but also told you can't get married until after graduating.. 5-6 years just seems like such a long time to wait when your very sure your going to marry someone, and so attracted to them.. ! If we had been older when we met maybe we would only date for a year or two then engaged for like 6 months or a year.. instead of dating a few years, and being engaged a few years (we do consider ourselves engaged as of a year and half, but no ring yet because we both feel our parents would FLIP currently.. mainly because of our age. Some friends do know, though :)) I do wish we could get married now because I know we both can easily see spending the rest of our lives together and we talk about it quite frequently.. but it really wouldn't make a lot of sense for us, especially because we go to different universities 3.5 hours drive apart from each other.. its not that far, but hard nonetheless.

Also a question for you all which may vary with individuals.. does WTM mean waiting for everything physical till marriage? What is allowed? Kissing only? Everything BUT? Its so hard to know and I find this "grey" area very frustrating :( Part of me wants to say only things like quick kisses and holding hands are okay.. but another part of me wants to be able to be intimate with the person that means so much to me.. especially when I know being intimate is something that is important to him in a relationship..

I guess I'll leave it at that before this gets too long! Anyone else in a similar situation?

I hope by joining this site I can at least have some people to talk to about this and find advice and encouragement from people who are also committed to waiting :)

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Hi Jenny!! Welcome! I'm 21 an going into my senior year. I understand your frustration and confustion :) Different people have different preference when it comes to WHAT to save for marriage. This site is for the simple fact of saving sex for marriage. Some are "everything but", some like me are close to that but not quite, (sorry to be graphic but hj is okay but no bj/oral or anal) others say only kissing/cuddling holding hands before marriage. So it's all up to the person---there's a good article here on that :) Good luck with your bf!! I'm still looking for the right guy to date =P

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Thanks! Both of you guys gave me some good stuff to think about :)

I know I shouldn't base my decision to wait or not just on my moms opinion.. and sometimes I feel like I have. But also, I know I would deeply regret it forever if we didn't wait.. even more so if we ended up not getting married because I do want my virginity to be for my husband only.. I truly hope it is my guy now, but a lot could change in the next 3 years.. and I can't take that chance. I can also see it destroying our relationship if we did do it.. part of me is glad my mom is so opinionated about it because that makes it easier to reinforce it to myself that I do want to wait even when it is very tempting sometimes.

Last night I got to hang out with my boyfriend (after not seeing each other for 2 weeks because family vacations, and I briefly brought up waiting and my frustration as we had had a text convo about it the night before, and I was just kind of wondering what he was thinking.. and I for sure know he knows I'm not going to budge on my decision to wait. He told me if I ever started asking to do it before we were married he would be like "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend??" :P

Sometimes I do think he doesn't know how much I have struggled with this decision myself. I have only let him know I AM waiting and not changing my mind.. which is maybe good and bad. But knowing he is 110% okay with waiting just reaffirms my commitment to wait :)

And FlowerBee, that really makes sense about defining what is intimate for us.. and not how other people do. And I wish my mom could understand that. I know from experience for us we can sleep in the same bed, and not be tempted to have sex. However, the intimacy is still definitely there being able to cuddle and talk (we've had some of the best conversations laying in the same bed together at night the few times we have). My mom however thinks that is impossible to sleep in the same bed but not have sex.. probably due to the fact she didn't wait, and she doesn't want me to make the same mistakes she did.. I understand this, but it also sometimes makes me very upset and I feel like she sometimes doesn't let me make my own decisions, even if they turn out to be the wrong one. I need to learn by myself sometimes..

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Hey! Welcome! I'm 23 and just got through with college, and believe me I definitely understand the pressure and frustration, too! :) But you can make it, just remember what's important to you...and if that changes, don't beat yourself up about it! As far as what's allowed... I've wavered on that a lot myself, and I'm busy redefining my own boundaries. So I definitely know what you mean about the grey area being frustrating. I guess if you do something and you don't feel comfortable with it, you just have to find the confidence in yourself to say "I don't want to do that anymore" which is not an easy thing, I know.

Thankfully, we have this awesome online support group. :D

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