Jeffinity

Have you had the chance?

69 posts in this topic

A REVIVED THREAD :DD

Hmmm... Yes actually! Several times, I think 4 or 5 times I have been "tempted" (in their eyes I was tempted but I was not even considering it) or asked if I would. I said no every single time... I was too scared to do anything! Glad I was because I wasn't waiting back then!

Ill also add the 4 or 5 times I was asked, neither of us were even considering a relationship.

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I'll take part in the revival. No, I've never been offered. I've never been in a relationship, so I've never had a girlfriend say we should have sex. Also, I've never had a girl try to pick me up for a hook-up. I don't go to bars hardly ever and I don't go to parties, so it makes sense that this would have never happened to me (not to say that it definitely would have if I did).

 

(Actually, when I was in 7th grade a girl I didn't know who was probably roughly my age did want to hang out with me when I was on a class trip. Considering how young we were, I hope she wasn't trying to hook up with me.)

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I'd like to add to this discussion that everyone "has the chance." I agree, some opportunities are more challenging to refrain from than others. But, here's the deal: If you're only pursuing real relationships and not flings and meaningless relationships you're already passing up tons of potential opportunities. Furthermore, if you really wanted to, you could find someone to have sex with. That wouldn't be difficult at all in my opinion. It's for this reason that from my perspective... many virgins are still virgins by choice even if they didn't necessarily have a rather challenging opportunity in a closed bedroom late at night.

 

Another thing I'd like to add: Sex is probably the easiest sin in the bible to refrain from. I'm not Christian, but I'll use it as a model. I'm sure what I'm saying is controversial but it makes perfect sense to me.

 

Look at lying for example. How do you build a fence around lying? How about saying hurtful words to others? How do you build a fence around this action? Ultimately, any fence you can build, will be very limited. Because you can't separate yourself from your mouth: It goes where you go. And you can't stop interacting with others either, unless you live in a cave.

 

But sex? Honestly, if you had one simple rule: "Don't be with your significant other where nobody else is around," you would not virtually, but you would entirely guarantee that no sex occurred. So from my perspective it's the easiest sin to avoid. You may say that's not practical, but I don't see how that has any substance. You would have to make some sacrifices, yes. But that would only underscore the sincerity of your commitment.

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I would ask maybe this question of some of you:   have you had the opportunity to do recreational drugs?   have you had the opportunity to drink or drink too much?   I know many if not all of you will shut these down quickly in terms - that you don't approve or have tolerance for drug-users or heavy drinking... but I ask those questions because they are somewhat relatable to the question of having had the opportunity to have sex and making your choice.

 

I agree with IAG - if you WANTED to have sex, there is no doubt that you could make that happen one drunken evening without having to try too hard - and I'm not even addressing those of you who have relationships with those who are not committed to waiting.

 

But I know for me... there was a "party" when I was in high school...   drugs prevalent in one corner, and the offer made to me to join in.  I knew ahead of time that there would be that moment likely at that party - where many of my friends were - and I also knew (with a bit of anxiety) what i wanted to do.  So I was a brave guy, stood by my intention, and "passed" and walked away from that moment entering a different part of the party.  One or two people commented, but mostly on the fact that I hadn't, not in a exclusionary sort of voice.  All i know is that I felt successful in that moment > I had known what i wanted to do (or not do), and I had stayed on course, and I had not created some social conflict over it!

 

I think the truth is that all of you who feel in your hearts that waiting is the right thing and who are in fact virgins...  you'll be able to hold that line quite easily until you're tested by a real relationship that grows...   not the drunken encounter... a real relationship that grows and eventually asks you whether or not you want to cross certain physical lines.

 

Having said alllll that...  I confess that I felt Matthew's "wish" most of my dating life!  I wanted to be wanted!  I wanted to be "asked" to have sex... to be desired!  In retrospect it seems a funny thing to want - esp when you really could find a sex partner if you REALLY wanted to.  

 

I know in my case... it wasn't really that I wanted somebody to think i was HOT and wanted to get all physical with me... what I really wanted, was someone who wanted to flirt with me, and get to know me, and spend thousands of hours on a telephone with, or nursing that last drink or dessert bite with.  In a relationship is when the choice becomes VERY real - do you/don't you get physical...or more physical...  but by the time that moment was on the table... I already knew the girl I was with, and she knew me...  and we supported our physical relationship choices just as we supported each other in total.

 

Don't know if this adds/helps - am hoping it at least provides some added examples from a WTM friend.

 

- ian

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be patient and the right woman will come around. and yes i have had the chance and i decided not to. im so proud that i did not let those men use me just for sex. 

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I haven't had the chance. I'm afraid if I do have the chance I will find it impossible to resist her but I believe that if I keep praying for a Wife God will provide me with one who will wait until marriage without tempting me because if my future partner tempts me I can honestly say I will not be able to resist. God knows that and perhaps he's preparing her for me and me for her. Last thing I need is a woman who wears almost nothing as my girlfriend. Too much temptation.

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Yes I have had the chance!

I was invited to a threesome two weeks ago! :D

But of course I declined.

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I have had several chances but have turned them all down. I am proud that I have gone through the emotional minefield of my early twenties with my resolve still strong. In my case it has actually been easier to resist as I've got older because now, when I tell a guy that I am waiting, they know that I'm serious about it and generally have a much more mature reaction to the news. I rarely have to deal with the guys who just see it as a challenge to make me change my mind.

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. Us guys really have to battle the urges like you girls could not possibly understand.

As a woman I disagree, women have just as many urges as males have in plenty of cases we just deal with them differently. Biologically our bodies try to convince us to make babies every month just cause we don't attack like wild animals doesn't mean the urge doesn't exist. Lol

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Yes I have had the chance. I have even had people ask to be my first. Who does that? Nice try buddy but HECK NO.. if I was that easy my v card would be long gone. This isn't passing mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving..."May I have some mash?",  "Sure here you go".  Lol crazy 

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Before this summer, I had a few chances with guys I barely knew. "Wanna head over to my place?" they'd ask and I'd smile and say no. 

 

This summer, however, I met a boy. We were intimate in some ways but we never had sex. We were so, so, so, so, so close though, but my better judgement always got the best of me. He probably shouldn't have slept over every night. We probably shouldn't have had amazing make-out sessions with him on top of me in my bed....when the best-looking guy you've ever seen wants you, it's kind of hard to say no--but I did it, man. I did it. He said he loved me and I thought I loved him, too, but it was blind lust. My excitement over having my first love burned more brightly than my actual excitement for him. Unbelievably happy I never lost it to him. 

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Of course, I've had tonnes of chances since I was 16, I'm now 24. Guys always talk about wanting to get physical, that's very common. The latest was a couple of days ago and for the first time I actually REALLY fancy the person offering but he's not my husband so yeah.

I'm sure he'd be happy with doing other stuff but I don't agree with doing anything past kissing and cuddling, I barely even agree with kissing (with tongues) as that is very intimate too and causes people to get emotionally attached etc.

There's always chances though when people go clubbing, to college/university, random cute people you meet etc.

In a relationship though, no, I've never really been in a relationship (once but I don't really count it). But even then we were both waiters.

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RYB you bring up an interesting point here... first loves are indeed the hard ones... because you simply don't know how the boundaries work, do you/does he/she want boundaries... how do you talk about and respect boundaries... etc. what happens when you're in the heat... do you know how to appropriately slow down or stop....

yes it's all part of growing up and growing into adult relationships vs crushes and all that... but it IS definitely the trickiest part... allowing your affections and a bit of passion... asserting your desire to wait...

everyone likely comes to a moment where they have the chance... or they very consciously and deliberately stop it from getting tooooo close. sometimes that chance is early - and casual, eg a hookup gone too far - sometimes its midway on a relationship where the comfort with each other begins to outstrip the brakes - and sometimes it's at that odd moment between engagement and actual marriage... no matter where that chance occurs... it requires strength and confidence and support. :-)

But everyone knows lust exists whether they are single, in a relationship, have been in love or haven't, it's a case of not putting yourself in situations where you're likely to be tempted and like you said talking about boundaries and making them clear.

I think things get the most difficult when people aren't on the same page, e.g. one values waiting and one doesn't or one values it far more than the other; it's like the boundary is between the two people and one is pulling the other over onto their side of the line.

Communication and both feeling the same about things that matter (in this case waiting) is very important.

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I have had the opportunity, but only recently. Within the last year was the first time I ever had the opportunity to have sex. Honestly, it really brings the whole waiting idea into a sort of test. Because you can say you're waiting as long as you want and I had no problems waiting. Then the opportunity came up with someone I love, and it was suddenly so REAL to me. That this is what it feels like to want to be intimate with someone. It definitely makes you really understand what it is you're waiting for.

That being said, I'm also glad I had the opportunity because I was able to put my will power to the test in a real situation and I came out on top and still waking, so it was almost like a moment of pride for myself because I saw how really committed to this I am!

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Sort of. Twice. A drunken guy (pretty sure he was a student) asked if I wanted to come home with him. Then during the summer after my first year a man offered to PAY me for sex. I was wearing an ankle-length skirt and my sleeves reached my elbows. I was so surprised. This man looked very fit, healthy, and I'm pretty sure he had just come back from the gym. Going to an all girls school for 12 years plus girl guides for 12 years plus all-girls sports teams for 11 years and girls-only camps does not leave room for finding guys! lol. But up until age 17 or so I barely noticed them. Still don't. I am 20 now and I am still uninterested in dating, which may be a little odd and I am beginning to worry that I will never want to date.

 

Edit: Just realized I answered this question over a year ago! lol.

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Yeah I had a few chances but, always pass them up since I never felt like I found someone I liked enough to date, i also did not really decided to date up until February of this year. Which I was totally not ready for I'm too naive. in the end I'm glad I held on to my personal choice and did not give in but it has made it a bit harder for me to trust people like I use to. Before. This incident

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Nope, never had the opportunity. I hope my resolve is high enough if I'm ever "in the moment" but I will be taking precautions to ensure that we never find ourselves in that situation. Still, it is important to be strong if the opportunity somehow prevents itself even when all precautions are taken. I feel as if I haven't experienced true waiting until I have to stand my ground and say, 'No." 

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Yes had many chances,and my friends wanted to literally knock me out for saying no , but these are my convictions and beliefs and once I believe in something or someone I go all the way for them.

 

I had a few hundred women leave messages for me after I went on a national talk show, but being on that show in hollywood left a sour taste in my mouth for both talk shows and hollywood and I ignored all the messages till they stopped coming lol.

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