Jeffinity

Have you had the chance?

69 posts in this topic

Yeah, and it deeply offended the person I turned down. It's actually kind of weird that I've had the opportunity in the first place, because I am not an attractive person. Socks with sandals? Yeah, I've been known to wear 'em.

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after the age of 24, physical intimacy completely loses its formality with most people. When you're young, it's "let's wait until we've been dating for 2 months and then we do it." When you're 25+, it's "Hi I'm Jenny. So are we going to have sex now?" :lol:

Mike is right. Sex is way more available in the late-20s world of being a single man. All it takes is a few dates, some charm and a sense of humor to be able to make her want to come home with you.

With that said I've been in a lot of situations where it could have gone that way, and I've taken my stance on WTM a few times. It's pretty tough to stand your ground when you know that situation may arise so it's best to be prepared and know what to say right away when asked.

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Plenty of opportunities at university - especially living in halls. The funniest opportunity was in first year and nothing remotely like this has happened since.

Someone was ringing the flat doorbell at around 3.00am (the set up was that 10 guys in each flat in separate rooms and each block floor had around 10 flats). Despite being the furthest away and previously asleep for a good 4 hours I answered it because I knew no one else would. Two pretty girls (but slightly drunk) were standing at my door. They were both wet from a night out and they asked if they could come in to dry (basically they wanted sex). I did initially panic and was slightly tongue tied from both having just been woken-up and the shock of the unlikely scenario. During my shock they came into the flat and they were both now looking at me expectedly and asking where was my room. The sleep had now worn off and I then realised that I had answered the door in my boxer shorts and no shirt on - which is how I normally sleep. Now what would be most of my friends fantasy was soon becoming a very awkward moment. Then I had an idea, so I bashed on one of my friends door and basically told him to deal with it. He thought I was the best friend in the world and he still thinks I am an idiot for passing up the opportunity.

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I recently finished my first year of university and wowwwwww there are a lot of opportunities to have casual sex for everyone. I was close once, but someone intervened (it's a long story oh god but that "someone" was like my guardian angel) and I snapped out of it. I haven't really "put myself out there" since then, so to speak.

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Sex is way more available in the late-20s world of being a single man. All it takes is a few dates, some charm and a sense of humor to be able to make her want to come home with you.

Respectfully disagree. Unless you've lived into your 30s, 40s, or beyond, I'm not sure you can make that generalization. All sex is not between two people of the same age range. And I've never met a girl who asked to see my driver's license first. Even though I'm way beyond the 20s, I still like to think I have charm and a sense of humor. :D

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I recently finished my first year of university and wowwwwww there are a lot of opportunities to have casual sex for everyone. I was close once, but someone intervened (it's a long story oh god but that "someone" was like my guardian angel) and I snapped out of it. I haven't really "put myself out there" since then, so to speak.

I'm glad you were saved :lol:

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I have had one or two genuine "opportunities." One co-worker, older than I, heaped praises on everything I did (which, to me, was distasteful and I saw right through) and once quite flagrantly invaded my body space and said "If you chase me, I won't run."

There are people who have sent clear signals that I intentionally ignored. There are friends of mine who count me a better friend than most, and I know of their less-than-kosher habits. Since I am one of the only guys who asks how they are doing without expecting sex in return, I think they are more attracted and would be more willing if I made the play. There are one or two strangers/classmates I've met who sent signals to whomever picked them up, by their body language, dress, etc.

I think for most of us, it's about avoiding the situations. I visited a bar a few months ago with a friend. He wanted a drink, so I accompanied him. I was struck by how tiny and shallow the whole room was, a loud and raucous clamor of dating games and mating calls. The thought struck me that I could easily dominate this sort of bar scene if I wanted. God built me tall, and others have been known to call me attractive as a man.

But I think it's about avoiding those situations entirely. Rather than trusting yourself not to be weak, simply never put yourself in the situation where you put stress on a chain of dubious strength.

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Personally, if a guy told me that it took him herculean effort to not have sex, he would not be a hero to me, not by any stretch of the imagination. The way I see it is if you're aching for sex that much, then just have it. Waiting is not for everyone and either you are cut out to be able to keep your physical urges in check or you are not. If your mental conviction is constantly at odds with too strong physical urges for sex, it's just not a healthy thing.

TrueLoveWaits, I'm surprised by your sentiments, especially in conjunction with the name you chose for yourself. I will tell you a secret. Science indicates that the median amount of times the average male thinks about sex per day is 19. In other words, probably at least once an hour, a man is reminded that he is not copulating with a female and desires it. And remember, this is the "average man" -- which means someone who is sexually active. If you look to the world, you will see that even those who feed their sexual appetites still crave more.

Meanwhile, consider your virgin males. They have the same appetites, same hungers, some urges and desires. These are powerful, primal cravings. They are even more pent-up after years of waiting. Left unfed, the years add up to a rather vigorous appetite, a ravenous beast within demanding to be fed. Only the strongest of men would tame such a beast, and only the strongest of loves would drive him to do so.

Yes, it's hard to combat these urges. It's incredibly hard. We guys need to be told, early and often, that it's worth it, that women value it and appreciate it, and cannot think of a sweeter or more noble gift to be handed in the end. We need to be told women are waiting for us too, so we don't feel alone. And we need to be reminded that our love is among the rarest that would put our future wives' hearts and emotions ahead of our own straining sexual appetites.

Believe me, no one is going to be cranky for not getting what they wanted. It's going to be an "at last" moment when they can finally partake of the needs and hungers they've denied themselves so long for your sake.

Give us a little more credit than that, won't you? Thank you.

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ohmercyme..that story's sadly hilarious haha.

i want to defend truelovewaits: stop saying that its harder for men! it is ridiculously hard for many of us too -- we want sex and love just as much as men do, as we are all sexually reproducing beings. the biggest difference is simply that men don't require the level of inhibitions we do, because they don't pay the same price by being promiscuous. i truly resent this attitude of entitlement, because i know that most men do not need it or want it any more than i do.

but i want to find love rightly by me, and that's not a choice i'm going to hold over anyone or complain about as no one forced me into it. by suggesting men fight a harder battle is sad to me, a fellow wanderer on the same path who somehow deserves less credit for taking it.

trust me. i'm 18 and at the prime of my reproductive years.

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i want to defend truelovewaits: stop saying that its harder for men! it is ridiculously hard for many of us too -- we want sex and love just as much as men do, as we are all sexually reproducing beings. the biggest difference is simply that men don't require the level of inhibitions we do, because they don't pay the same price by being promiscuous. i truly resent this attitude of entitlement, because i know that most men do not need it or want it any more than i do.

No one is saying it's not hard for girls and I don't think anyone here is claiming entitlement. We're just speaking from a guy's perspective that the physical desire is extremely strong.What just don't need is someone to be callous of our struggles and to discouraged from trying to achieve a goal that is the focus of this forum just because it's difficult. Are we going to tell a severe alcoholic to simply give in to this addiction just because he is constantly battling it? It's difficult for all of us, maybe in different ways but difficult just the same. Does anyone honestly believe any of us would go through the trouble of suppressing our cravings if we didn't value something much more important? We're doing it because we respect women and we want deeper meaning in relationships without the complications of premarital sex just like girls do. We're supposed to support each other in our journey of WTM that is the reason we're here and we know it's not an easy path.

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Science indicates that the median amount of times the average male thinks about sex per day is 19. In other words, probably at least once an hour, a man is reminded that he is not copulating with a female and desires it. And remember, this is the "average man" -- which means someone who is sexually active. If you look to the world, you will see that even those who feed their sexual appetites still crave more.

To me, the point appears to be wrong or rather how you presented your point is wrong (I am not directly disputing your conclusion but I am disputing your justification). Science has indicated nothing (that is not a secret) simply because it is not a fact but a conclusion from a 'social science' experiment, which has acknowledged limitations. This has been theorised by social science ('the average man thinks about science nineteen times a day') despite it being a statistic. Social science generally only creates theories and I dislike when people mistakenly take these theories as facts and then use it to justify absolute conclusions.

The conclusion was taken by a sample and is therefore unscientific by scientific standards. There are multiple problems with this - but I am going to be lazy and just make one. Lets say I carried out another study and it showed that women on average think about sex 27 times a day - which could occur in theory following all the modern social science standards. By using the same logic it would now have been proven by science that women like sex more than men? Obviously not.

Then there is causation, the experiment measured how many times you think about sex in terms of gender. Lets assume that the results are 'true,' does that directly equate to the difficulty in waiting in terms of gender? For me no. For example, the study did not measure the quality of the sexual encounter. Based on normative theory I think it would be quite easy to assume that women tend on average to prefer quality over quantity and men vice versa (I not saying it is true but it illustrates my point). So lets assume that women think about sex less times but with more intensity, whereas men are the opposite. This could lead to the conclusion that because of the higher intensity of how women think about sex, waiting is more difficult for them.

I dislike your reasoning - but do agree. I think that waiting is just as hard for men as it is for women in terms of the sexual side, but generally in term of the cultural side I would say waiting is harder for men.

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In just my life, I've seen so many women, both family or friends, get broken down by trash calling themselves men who use and abuse them. The worst part is that these women think this is what a normal relationship is like. It breaks my heart knowing they think this is the best the world has to offer and they just accept it.

I have been there and it's by the grace of God that I didn't fall into the trap of this mentality for too long. We don't have to succumb to lowlife trash. Several years ago I met a guy who told me that he was not a virgin but would be willing to wait but then started messing with me saying that it was getting really difficult for him because we were long distance and asked me point blank if I would be too upset if he succumbed to a one night stand with someone. I was so traumatized by this and this is why I made my point earlier about being afraid of guys who can't resist sexual temptation. For me my desire to have sex actually does turn on and off like a light switch, I can tell you that I have no desire to have sex outside of a relationship. You can put the most physically appealing man in my presence but if he doesn't respect my beliefs, I am never going to be coerced into it.

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ohmercyme..that story's sadly hilarious haha.

i want to defend truelovewaits: stop saying that its harder for men! it is ridiculously hard for many of us too -- we want sex and love just as much as men do, as we are all sexually reproducing beings. the biggest difference is simply that men don't require the level of inhibitions we do, because they don't pay the same price by being promiscuous. i truly resent this attitude of entitlement, because i know that most men do not need it or want it any more than i do.

I'm not necessarily sure it's harder for men than for women. But if it were, I will give you three reasons why it might be.

1. Men are visual, women are tactile.

Men can get turned on by a Victoria's Secret commercial, and have to discipline our minds not to follow the plunging neckline of that flaunting 20-something woman in the mall.

2. Men think about sex more.

Whether or not you accept "scientific" research on the matter is up to you, but according to the data, men think about sex more often. I do not accept evolutionary theory, yet according to it, men are supposed to spread their seed far and wide, while women are supposed to sleep with only a few partners and have children to propagate the species and then spend their energies caring for and raising them.

3. Men make love with their body, women make love with their emotions.

The threshold for sex is higher for women than for men. If staying in a hotel and a young nubile woman caught us unawares in our bedroom, it would require strength and effort to turn her down. A woman, having no emotional connection, would more likely be disgusted by the idea.

I don't find the need to claim it's harder for men, but these are some reasons.

The conclusion was taken by a sample and is therefore unscientific by scientific standards.

Whether or not you or I accept the findings as solid fact, this is a method the scientific community considered legitimate. The article is here. I agree the sample size is small and at times the methodology is questionable, but the medical community has been known to use smaller samples for more radical conclusions.

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In just my life, I've seen so many women, both family or friends, get broken down by trash calling themselves men who use and abuse them. The worst part is that these women think this is what a normal relationship is like. It breaks my heart knowing they think this is the best the world has to offer and they just accept it.

I have been there and it's by the grace of God that I didn't fall into the trap of this mentality for too long. We don't have to succumb to lowlife trash. Several years ago I met a guy who told me that he was not a virgin but would be willing to wait but then started messing with me saying that it was getting really difficult for him because we were long distance and asked me point blank if I would be too upset if he succumbed to a one night stand with someone. I was so traumatized by this and this is why I made my point earlier about being afraid of guys who can't resist sexual temptation.

TLW, I'm sorry, I should have realized there was a back story to your anger. But remember, just as not all men should be branded trash because of those you see around you (and believe me, I know exactly what you mean by trash!), not all men should be branded sex addicts because someone you were interested in did something so abhorrent as to ask your permission to sleep with someone else.

The point is that "we" (the editorial "we" of men who are WTM) are waging this struggle because we love "you" (the editorial "you" of women WTM). We're not going to lie that it's difficult, but we're not going to take it out on you when the honeymoon gets here.

Well, not take it out on you in an angry way, anyway. :D

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lonelyknight...if you don't accept the theory of evolution then none of that holds up.

1.) if true, the biological reason for this difference likely goes back to our reproductive strategies -- the male who saw more did more, the female who was able to make a deeper connection was most likely to recruit the male to actually help rear their offspring. evolution would explain this: they were successful reproductive strategies for each gender to adopt. how would creationism support this? if anything wouldn't creationism make women out to be the more visual, the more easily tempted as eve was?

2.) well..if you find the theory faulty or untrue, how can you use it to support your claim? of course what you said in accordance with evolution makes sense, but i don't understand why on the flip, creationism would've created men to be "weaker" or be more promiscuous.

3.) pretty much goes back to1.

i'm willing to contest this as a matter of evolutionary biology..but it would be all for naught if you won't recognize it as valid.

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Ah Noelle, I've spent many years debating the creation/evolution topic. I've kind of had my fill. We're all looking at the same phenomena, and evolutionists posit different theories than creationists for them. That doesn't change what the phenomena is. I threw the evolution comment in there as an afterthought, but I don't believe it has any bearing on the other three. In general, science (even if it is social science) validates and verifies the claims, so I don't see the need to delve into that.

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I had a chance, infact in the heat of the moment, I offered the chance but the guy said ''no, you are not ready.. you will regret this and I dont want that''. He knew I wanted to wait but some high powered hormones were driving me at that time. I got angry with him when he left, but moments later, I was glad about it. It made me love him even more for protecting me and being strong for me. He is not a waiter nor a virgin.

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Rozie, if I may say so gently, you must take that as a learning experience about yourself. We all have weaknesses, and you had a chance to encounter yourself at a weak point and yet had someone with incredible foresight to recognize it. I think you'd want to take extra precautions never to put yourself in a position of potential weakness again. I had a friend who confided she nearly gave in once. She regretted it and was glad she didn't, but it wasn't long before she gave in completely. I don't mean to preach. I've just seen the story play out before. :(

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@ Lonely Knight I accept your advice in all warmth and grace. That was a defining moment for me. I was shaken by its magnitude and the fact that I had assumed that I could handle anything and thinking those who couldnt were weak. You are right, avoiding those positions of potential weakness is the way to go for WTM'ers. fyi this happened 4years ago and hasnt happened again.

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Ah Noelle, I've spent many years debating the creation/evolution topic. I've kind of had my fill. We're all looking at the same phenomena, and evolutionists posit different theories than creationists for them. That doesn't change what the phenomena is. I threw the evolution comment in there as an afterthought, but I don't believe it has any bearing on the other three. In general, science (even if it is social science) validates and verifies the claims, so I don't see the need to delve into that.

okay..but your claims remain invalidated. the science you speak of that supports them is rooted in evolutionary biology and sociology. social science, in the form of small and imperfect surveys don't stand up to theories supported by logic. and on the flip, i can't see how creationism could possibly support them.

as a side note..the theories behind evolution do not necessarily preclude the book of genesis. in fact, it makes much sense with it, and genesis can't possibly be understood in a literal sense.

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as a side note..the theories behind evolution do not necessarily preclude the book of genesis. in fact, it makes much sense with it, and genesis can't possibly be understood in a literal sense.

Try me:

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Just stumbled upon this thread, and even though the OP seems to be gone and the thread was derailed somewhat, I figured I'd rekindle it for the newer people. 

 

I haven't really had a serious opportunity for sex. The temptation to push boundaries much was almost nonexistent in my one relationship because neither of us was pressuring the other. I'm sure if the relationship had lasted it would have gotten harder though. I'm pretty bad at the whole college experience in general, so I haven't had any opportunities in that arena. I kind of feel guilty sometimes being so active on this site when I haven't really had my commitment tested. It would be quite the epic fail to talk the talk on here and then give in at my first real chance; not that I see that happening. I guess in addition to craving intimacy I'm craving to be tested; to have someone offer me sex so that I can turn them down. I want to know that 1) I'm desirable and 2) I'm strong enough to resist. 

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