loyalhero90

Cheating during the relationship

51 posts in this topic

I was cheated on once. He just got kind of angry at me that I wasn't putting out (more because I just didn't trust him enough and I get really squeamish otherwise) 

 

Apparently he doesn't think that oral sex counts as cheating, that bastard. Therefore, he completely denied that he ever cheated.

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What I think is most crappy with cheating is when one partner has been convinced they have commitment, but they really don't. I.e; a spouse ditching their partner when things get hard or someone seemingly more attractive comes along.

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I was cheated on once. He just got kind of angry at me that I wasn't putting out (more because I just didn't trust him enough and I get really squeamish otherwise) 

 

Apparently he doesn't think that oral sex counts as cheating, that bastard. Therefore, he completely denied that he ever cheated.

Ugh pig! makes me sick! nothing worse than a man that cant take responsibility for his own actions yuck!

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If you cheat, you lost, you're a loser, simple as that. You don't deserve the person you're with and you need to go back to the drawing board and figure out whats wrong personally with yourself before blaming the other person in the relationship. The same energy you used to find someone to cheat with could have been used to strengthen and mend your relationship. Cheating kills trust that is very hard to restore and often impossible to retrieve. The only people who can save your relationship are the only people involved in the relationship... when you step outside that circle you create breaks in the barrier for all sorts of problems to flood in, eventually the relationship will drown and sink. I say if the barrier is broken, get out of there, swim against the current and free yourself before you're engulfed by the pain and no one can revive you. Like some have mentioned before, life is too short, it's too short to walk around with a smile on your face trying to remain in the presence of those that intentionally hurt you to make themselves feel good for a brief moment...do as they have done..become selfish to keep your happiness. 

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I really don't understand how some could abandon their spouse or partner. Just drop them like a resource....something to be used and discarded. I don't care how "in love" the cheaters are. Choosing a partner who has learned some sort of moral lesson to ground them is so crucial.

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So Uhhhh...Im gonna assume that all the cheaters are gonna get scared off of this post. Im gonna mix this up like I usually do and say that there are exceptions. My dad actually cheated on my mom and I was the one who suspected something. This haunts me a lot if you can believe it. (Actually when my mom was pregnant with me he was making phone sex calls. Ha!) This happened on the day I found out about an ex of mine liking another girl. I stopped talking to my dad for three years because of his cheating and I remember him telling me "This has nothing to do with you" which is funny because its seemed to affect my whole opinion of most guys. I still hate how he treats women and he's even lied about his age (on online dating) and to his girlfriends/fiancées recently after he divorced my mom about what happened with him and my mom which to me is like lying to yourself. If you don't feel comfortable being your true self in front of anyone else you must really hate your life IMO.

Sad to say a few years later I was hanging with that ex (who liked the other girl) on the side while I was dating another guy, and was planning on getting back together with the ex. My bf was always wanting to hang with another girl and one day I left because he had invited her over to hang and I was so mad I left because we hadn't had much alone time that week. Both guys were complete losers...but basically I tried calling to break up with the bf that night and was planning on getting back with my ex but my bf at the time didn't answer that night and I ended up cheating. I was even like "Im not a cheater..." I broke up with the bf the next morning and he ended up dating that girl he always wanted to hang with for a few years and even came into my work with her multiple times which was weirdddd. Later on I told him about the cheating only because a bf was mad I never told him but it cleared my conscience so it was good. But yeah I quickly realized I probably wouldn't want to date someone who's gonna help me cheat on a bf. He also stopped talking to me after that anyway.

But basically I felt awful for a few days not even about the guy because he was a loser anyway but disappointed in myself. The ONLY benefit was that I couldn't talk anymore crap on cheaters...Ive been in one similar situation with the whole ex thing early this past year but NEVER cheated after that one occasion seven? years ago. But the relationship from this year helped me to realize I need to be completely over someone before I start something new and that you can't twist your feelings to fit how someone else feels but you have to be honest with yourself and communicate that with your partner. It also taught me that I will never do an on and off relationship again.

Also, my aunt told me about this couple she knew where the husband cheated on the wife, they got divorced, got remarried, she cheated on him, got divorced and got remarried. They have been happy ever since. I guess she needed to even the score? Haha

I've also heard of a couple getting divorced after the dad cheating and then remarrying and being happier than ever.

But then Ive also had guys talking to exes telling me one thing, telling them another...and one of my recent ones was still texting his ex once when we were going out and usually when we would break up (it was an off and on thing) who he cheated WITH in a previous relationship years after they broke up. The funny thing about that too was he told me he texted his ex back but I later put two and two together and figured out which ex he was talking about which he didn't mention. And they can say whatever like theres no attachment but its like she's always gonna be that girl you cheated with she will never be anything more you know? Like if you feel that bad about the cheating you're not going to ever talk to that person again.

There are exceptions to cheating but yeah generally once a cheater always a cheater, once a liar always a liar. But it would be so depressing for me to believe that I would ever cheat on someone again and my personal thought is generally if someone cheats with one person they may not necessarily cheat on the right person but cheating is in the heart not necessarily physical cheating. So I'm not sure how many people will hate me after this post but hopefully I have opened your mind somewhat and Im terrified of getting cheated on as well especially being a virgin, and I worry about that at times as well. But hopefully some of the cheaters will now feel comfortable sharing their experiences.

Sorry if my stories get confusing by the way but my life is generally confusing as well. Hahaha.

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Divorce. Cheating is filthy and a total disregard of feelings. But I wont let the relationship head in that direction. I will always discuss stuff with my S/O and yes we will talk about being aroused by someone else. That way we can get closer and wont have to cheat. Openness and 100% honesty is the way to go.

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If you are going to cheat, maybe it was not meant to be and you need to seriously rethink your life. Cheating cause heartbreak for both partners. I would never cheat, One of the reasons I am waiting for the right women. However. If she did cheat then, I would talk it out and if it did not work I would end the relationship. 

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Am I the only one getting sick of TV shows and movies that nearly glorify infidelity? They go on and on about the "thrill" of someone new, and its usually the wife cheating. Like in my mom's stupid soap opera; the wife got to have her fun with the sociopathic bad boy, and the husband just sort of dealt with it.

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That's true. There is a study that was done that the amount of sex and love scenes done on tv today are far more of infidelity that marriages or already established relationships. I'll hear things like guys cannot help themselves when it comes to cheating most times, so women would have to learn to to forgive and understand that that is how men are wired. Since women want to even the playing field, they rush to cheat in order to hurt a guy before they can hurt them(its become a fashion trend for them). I have heard my aunts and uncles tell me that, and at some point it sort of detered me from marriage. The society really makes you wonder if anyone is able to be in it for the long haul. Since i have no positive examples in a marriage to pull from after hearing my mom's experience and all of the men in my family, i will really have to trust in God and be comfortable with the potential of ending up alone.

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Am I the only one getting sick of TV shows and movies that nearly glorify infidelity? They go on and on about the "thrill" of someone new, and its usually the wife cheating. Like in my mom's stupid soap opera; the wife got to have her fun with the sociopathic bad boy, and the husband just sort of dealt with it.

You know what you're absolutely right. To this thread starter: Don't tell this kid your feelings!!!

Yeah there's a couple new night soap operas that are ridiculous ones called betrayal and ones called mistresses...both ridiculous shows that try to excuse cheating. Idk why it's so glamorized.

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That's true. There is a study that was done that the amount of sex and love scenes done on tv today are far more of infidelity that marriages or already established relationships. I'll hear things like guys cannot help themselves when it comes to cheating most times, so women would have to learn to to forgive and understand that that is how men are wired. Since women want to even the playing field, they rush to cheat in order to hurt a guy before they can hurt them(its become a fashion trend for them). I have heard my aunts and uncles tell me that, and at some point it sort of detered me from marriage. The society really makes you wonder if anyone is able to be in it for the long haul. Since i have no positive examples in a marriage to pull from after hearing my mom's experience and all of the men in my family, i will really have to trust in God and be comfortable with the potential of ending up alone.

 

I totally know where you're coming from. In spite of my WTM status, I'm also sort of prepared to be alone forever...and it honestly doesn't seem so bad. I'll still have friends and family of course. But I'd choose being single a thousand times over than being in a relationship with an abusive, cheating slag.

 

And forget that "men are wired that way" claptrap. Of course, it has some truth, but its really just an excuse; anyone should be capable of cultivating some discipline. I'd actually recommend dropping a person the moment they start spewing that apologism. 

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You know what you're absolutely right. To this thread starter: Don't tell this kid your feelings!!!

Yeah there's a couple new night soap operas that are ridiculous ones called betrayal and ones called mistresses...both ridiculous shows that try to excuse cheating. Idk why it's so glamorized.

 

I've seen the trailer for those, unfortunately. Of course, in Betrayal, the had to make the husband a bit of jerk...to sort of justify the wife's adultery I guess. Its such a departure from reality to me; people cheat simply because they can all the time, and they don't give a damn who they hurt.

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That is correct, the storylines are just getting out of control all for the sack of ratings, even on BBC TV in the UK (which is license fee funded meaning every household pays a fee just to watch tv). There is a little bit too much sexually suggestive themes on tv. UK does have a 9PM watershed which means any violence and sex need to be shown after 9PM on broadcast tv. France have parental ratings similar to the USA. 

Am I the only one getting sick of TV shows and movies that nearly glorify infidelity? They go on and on about the "thrill" of someone new, and its usually the wife cheating. Like in my mom's stupid soap opera; the wife got to have her fun with the sociopathic bad boy, and the husband just sort of dealt with it.

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I've heard one horror story too many from guys on YouTube. Usually things like their wife took the house and kids after the divorce and her new boyfriend ended up moving in.

 

In a house another man paid for.

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As a newlywed I'd say it would def. be a pretty painful thing to experience. I'd be pretty hurt. But if my spouse cheated, I'd leave and cut it off.

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As a newlywed I'd say it would def. be a pretty painful thing to experience. I'd be pretty hurt. But if my spouse cheated, I'd leave and cut it off.

 

Uh...cut what off?  :P

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Do you know that if you do cut it off, It can be reattached if its put in ice quick otherwise you are dead

Haha...I see what you did there :D

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If someone cheats on you, or puts themselves in a situation where they end up cheating, it's because they didn't love you. If he really can't give you a reason to trust him, there's no reason to stay. If he is trustworthy, then stay :D

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Cheating is a huge deal to me. If my boyfriend or husband cheated on me I really don't see how I could stay with them. Even when I think about it I want to run to a different country, change my name and never have to look at them again. I have never dated but that is a big fear of mine. I want my husband to have eyes only for me but from what I have heard about the topic its not going to happen. And cheating to save a marriage? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. How would breaking your marriage vows save it? How would being intimate with some one else make your spouse or significant other want to trust you? If some one ever cheats on me that's it I am done. Because I don't think you can really love some one and cheat on them.

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Cheating is a huge deal to me. If my boyfriend or husband cheated on me I really don't see how I could stay with them. Even when I think about it I want to run to a different country, change my name and never have to look at them again. I have never dated but that is a big fear of mine. I want my husband to have eyes only for me but from what I have heard about the topic its not going to happen. And cheating to save a marriage? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. How would breaking your marriage vows save it? How would being intimate with some one else make your spouse or significant other want to trust you? If some one ever cheats on me that's it I am done. Because I don't think you can really love some one and cheat on them.

 

Knocked it out of the park.

 

I think what so-called "experts" who say cheating can save your marriage mean is the emotional high people get from it. A spouse can feel alone and unattractive in their marriage, and someone else showing interest in them sort of reminds them that they are desirable. Not saying its justified of course, but what's true. Sometimes I feel like a freak a' nature, because I can't stand to view or read any show or book with infidelity. Especially ones where the betrayers ride off into the sunset together, oblivious to the broken hearts and destroyed homes left in their wake.

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I think what so-called "experts" who say cheating can save your marriage mean is the emotional high people get from it. 

 

WTF??????

 

Don’t people talk to each other in relationships to convey how they feel? You know, to expresses when they are unhappy, or what parts of their relationship needs improvement?  

 

Cheating is completely unforgivable, and I believe the worst thing you could do to your partner.  Once infidelity happens the relationship is changed forever. If I was ever cheated on, it would be completely over, nothing would change my mind. 

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I read the newest sweet valley high book where Jessica slept and had an affair with Elizabeth's fiancé Todd. I hated the whole book because it had Jessica whining and moping because she had lost her sister the whole time she was getting ready to marry Todd and she wanted Elizabeth to forgive her so she could attend her wedding. I got so mad reading that book. I am not saying forgiveness isn't a strong virtue, God asks us to forgive after all, however it wasn't realistic. The amount of betrayal was extreme and the sister and the fiancé were really not too remorseful for hurting her. I know cheaters are people to but I really hope I never get in a relationship with one. I wouldn't cheat I just couldn't and it would kind of defeat the whole purpose of waiting for marriage. I have heard people say that you can still love some one and cheat on them but I don't see how that's possible.

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