loyalhero90

Cheating during the relationship

51 posts in this topic

Hey gals,

so a big fear that I have is that since I am abstinant my boyfriend might actually cheat on me with not just another woman but a prostitute or go to those "help you cheat" websites like Ashley Madison. Does anyone else share these fears? This might sound a little weird but how would you feel if your boyfriend or husband cheated on you with a prostitute? How do you gals feel about prostitutes? Sorry if this question is a little strange but I guess I'm really worried about it...in this day and age it seems perfectly normal for people-married or not- to go to prositutes instead of talking to their significant other and trying to work it out. Some people even say it helped their marriage that their significant other went to prostitue or cheated. IMO I don't buy that prostitutes save marriages...I think that should be up to an actual marriage counselor but what do you guys think?

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I also agree with you that prostitutes do not save a marriage, rather counseling does. Trust is important in a relationship. If a guy does not seem genuine about waiting for you (or claiming that he himself is waiting) then you should not be in a relationship with him.

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Oh Sally, you always know what to say. Oh there is a typo I don't have a boyfriend yet...it's one of those future worries lol.

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Well my ex gf DID use those sort of sites after I told her I was going to WTM and she ended up having an affair with a married man and according to her she "didn't do anything wrong" I later found out from her sister that she has cheated on every guy she has ever dated (although apparently didn't cheat on me until i told her i wanted to WTM) so I won't date anyone who cheated in the past as, as far as I'm concerned once a cheater always a cheater and if someone cheats its over I'm nobodys second choice... So I understand your fears but you are going to have to trust him after all with out trust in a relationship what do you have? I would say don't worry about it too much as if someone cheats on you they are just showing their true colours and giving you the oppotunity to find someone better who loves YOU as they are obviously not worth your time, love or commitment... I guess you could call it a sign that your not meant for each other :P

To be honest I feel really sorry for prostitutes and the way they are used... I mean she is a person with hopes and dreams, thoughts and feelings... That "thing" your using is somebodys daughter, sister, mother, aunt, neice she is a person so to me if you use a prostitute you are buying another person which is disgusting and in my opinion porn is the same as prostitution +camera

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If anyone feels that cheating or resorting to prostitution helps a marriage, I would seriously question that person's emotional and mental stability. It doesn't matter if someone cheats with a prostitute or anyone else. Cheating is cheating.

Trust is the willingness to be vulnerable with someone you deem worthy without guarantee that that person won't betray you. Always go with your gut feeling. You should be able to trust someone until they give you a reason to doubt them.

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If he cheats KICK HIM!

cheating is NEVER ok and once they cheat they will always cheat. Been there a few times and got hurt so many times

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I think trust can be easily given, but once lost pretty difficult to get back. That being said, I don't think it's okay to resort to prostitution or cheating to save a relationship or marriage. It just makes the matter worse.

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Cool. In today's time it really seems like cheating is almost necessary to save a relationship and it worries me at times. But you guys are right that if he cheats he's not worth it and trust of course is always important.

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Ugggh yes, I have felt that way. Especially in my first serious relationship. I havent had a serious one since, but now I know the kind of guy I want, and what my boundaries are.

I loved (and still care for him) my former boyfriend, but I was a WTM and he was not. Eventually I was tempted to put out so I could keep him. We almost went a little too far some times, but luckily we did not. Even so, those physical encounters made the relationship that much harder to leave. Dont do that to yourself, girls! I now know that if a guy thinks that way, I dont want him, or if Ialready have him, Ill drop him. Maybe he can find another girl with similar values. Good for him and good for me! So I believe that emotional, physical affairs are cheating, as well as wishing to be with another girl, explicit photography. All of those are highly disrespectful. Of course, we are only human but I wouldnt expect out of others what I wouldnt expect of myself.

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I am a pretty forgiving person and it would take a lot to really make me mad, but cheating is one thing I will never tolerate. I agree that once a cheater, always a cheater... also, as others have mentioned it's all about trust. Trust is like a piece of paper.. if it is crumpled once, it will never completely be the same even if you try to uncrumple it.

I have been worried about being cheated on before, (like you, this was mostly a worry I had before I was ever in a relationship with my boyfriend) but I trust my boyfriend completely and I know he would never cheat on me (and vise versa), even though I am more firm on wanting to wait than he is. He also knows that cheating is basically the one thing that I would not give him a second chance to... Waiting is hard for both people (not just the guys!) and sometimes there could be times where either of you might question whether you still want to keep waiting for not, but the right guy will realize it is not worth losing you over some temporary physical pleasure he might get from a prostitute/another woman.

IMO a relationship really is all about trust. My boyfriend is literally the only person in the entire world that I trust completely and I know that is very significant because I find it incredibly hard to trust people and I do NOT give my trust out easily.

I think it is pretty tragic when a woman feels she has to put out physically in order to keep the guy, or to 'save' a relationship.. though I do think physical intimacy is important (especially within marriage) but that is not what relationships should be dependent on at all.

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Well my ex gf DID use those sort of sites after I told her I was going to WTM and she ended up having an affair with a married man and according to her she "didn't do anything wrong" I later found out from her sister that she has cheated on every guy she has ever dated (although apparently didn't cheat on me until i told her i wanted to WTM) so I won't date anyone who cheated in the past as, as far as I'm concerned once a cheater always a cheater and if someone cheats its over I'm nobodys second choice... So I understand your fears but you are going to have to trust him after all with out trust in a relationship what do you have? I would say don't worry about it too much as if someone cheats on you they are just showing their true colours and giving you the oppotunity to find someone better who loves YOU as they are obviously not worth your time, love or commitment... I guess you could call it a sign that your not meant for each other :P

To be honest I feel really sorry for prostitutes and the way they are used... I mean she is a person with hopes and dreams, thoughts and feelings... That "thing" your using is somebodys daughter, sister, mother, aunt, neice she is a person so to me if you use a prostitute you are buying another person which is disgusting and in my opinion porn is the same as prostitution +camera

I definitely agree with you about not being anyones second choice, if someones cheats on you with a prostitute or whoever the trust has been broken. If someone cheated on me, Id break it off right then and there, but ya know as a Christian we are to forgive as Christ forgave us, so Id forgive them but its obvious they havent been taking the relationship seriously. Plus if someones drawn or lured into cheating and completes the action then its pretty clear that they dont love you and your the last thing on their mind. Ive only had one relationship, but ya know i never seen her, she lived in New York, yeah I know alotta people say long distance relationships dont last. Anyways mine didnt last, but it wasnt me who ended it, she did twice, sometimes idk why i went back but its complicated. My point is even though our relationship was going down a slippery slope I still loved her very much and even though i couldnt actually see her or even half the time talk to her, and though I felt like she didnt love me, I still felt guilty even just taking a glance at another attractive girl. Because every girl I passed by on the street, my mind would always go back to her and if for one second my mind wandered Id feel guilty. So if someone cheats, its pretty clear they werent at all thinking about you cuz if they were, theyd be so consumed with guilt that they couldnt cheat. Thats just my opinion, maybe i still dont know what love is exactly or got the wrong idea but Im new when it comes to relationships so Im just going on my own personal experiance. It reminds me of a saying I read "you either choose me or you lose me, Im not going to be anybodys second choice" im not sure if i got that right, its on a site called hplyrikz.com.

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Christian or not cheating is and always has been unacceptable in my relationships. Btw It says in the bible its ok for a man to divorce his wife if she commits adultery so god obviously takes a very dim view on women who cheat as well. I have a high standard for the women I date so I'm not going to lower my standards.

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Like Englishguy, Vince and arabians said.. once a cheater always a cheater. The best thing to do with a cheater is.. is to forgive and bless them as well. And that's were you leave it. It is hard to forget what a cheater did.. but forgive them. Personally I think those sites are rubbish telling you "cheating is good" "and save your marriage or relationships".

To be honest, when I hear the word cheater.. he/she is a cheater.. it makes me boil inside, and then lost all of my respect for that person. Shall still respect the person and being professional towards them.. but I'm really tired of cheaters.

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Wow people are still replying to this post...cool! Though I believe I can still forgive the person (and never take them back) my personal respect for them would decrease. I would go on about my life and I wouldn't curse them or anything but they just would not have my esteem anymore.

I'm equally tired of cheaters especially the ones who blame the spouse for their cheating like the "You're made me do it" type of justifications. No one can make another person cheat, period. And if the relationship was so bad then why not leave? I've never understood why a person has to cheat when they can always leave. It kind of makes me think "well if the person does not want to leave and instead cheat then they must want to hurt their partner". I honestly do believe that sometimes a cheater wants their partner to hurt because in the twisted mind of the cheater it is either payback or a "you understand how I feel" type of thing.

I saw on a talk show where a woman was introduced who used websites to help her cheat on her husband. Mind you she said her husband was great, never cheated on her and was a great father but when asked would she be sorry if he found out she said "No" and she also commented that if he found out she would want him to think about what he did to ruin the marriage. Mind you she is not giving any reasons as to why she is angry with him or what he has done in the past. She said these things in a very seething way. Of course I don't know the full dynamics but it seems like she was out to hurt the guy and didn't want any blame.

At the end of the day I would be sickened if my boyfriend cheated on me. And while I could forgive him and move on I would forever see such a thing as a possible personal attack or maybe an attempt to actually hurt me.

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Actual love is the fail-safe against cheating. When you truly love another person you don't thinking about cheating even if you hit roadblocks or they don't give in to sex. For example, my last girlfriend (whom I dated for nearly three years and truly loved) changed me to not want to look at anyone else. We didn't have sex because of my WTM and her "weirdness" to the act, but I honestly loved her. Because of that I didn't think about cheating. There were times when I just wanted to punch her because of the troubled times we had but again, I truly loved her. When you have that feeling for someone and it's more powerful than any feeling you know, it's really not hard to want to see the beauty of it.

If you honestly love someone, your heart will guide you, and your mind will keep you in check.

Furthermore, I think that in regards to cheating people don't see the damage it does to one's character. Trust is a currency, and when you trust someone with your heart it's a high price. If someone breaks that trust through cheating iy can be impossible to regain said trust. Because the victim thinks "Well he or she failed me once, what's not to say they won't do it again." If you have already done it once, you are closer to the line and therefore closer to doing it again.

I may not have gotten sex or had myself as her first priority, but I loved her, and that love is what kept my promise. Commitment is really not that hard of a concept. This is where faith comes in.

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I absolutely do not believe in second chances when it comes to relationships and infidelity. Life is too short to spend it with someone too weak and self-centered to place their relationship or marriage before their own gratification. I find a lot of people, male and female, are sociopathic sadists; they revel in the pain they cause and all that matters is, again, their own selfish pleasure.

 

There aren't many things in this world I detest more than unfaithfulness. 

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I absolutely do not believe in second chances when it comes to relationships and infidelity. Life is too short to spend it with someone too weak and self-centered to place their relationship or marriage before their own gratification. I find a lot of people, male and female, are sociopathic sadists; they revel in the pain they cause and all that matters is, again, their own selfish pleasure.

 

There aren't many things in this world I detest more than unfaithfulness. 

 

well said.

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Infidelity is completely unacceptable to me - if anyone were to cheat on me there would be no second chances. I really don't understand people who continually forgive a cheating partner/spouse - the fact that they cheated shows that they have no respect for you and that's not exactly the best foundation for a relationship. I've seen this happen time and time again to my friends and just don't know why they put up with it. I'd choose being single a thousand times before I'd choose to be in a relationship with someone unfaithful. 

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I too am very afraid of cheating. My GF is WTM, at least at the moment she is, so I don't have to worry about cheating which is mainly motivated by sex. I'm just afraid of college peer pressure, but that is another matter entirely.

 

I'm with Jayspyder on this. You cheat, and you're gone. I don't care how much you say you loved me, or how much I loved you. If you cheated you clearly don't love me, and I was wrong to give you my love.

 

I'd really suggest trying to find a nice WTM guy.

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I'm interested to know what people will do if their husband or wife cheated. I guess no one will know how they'd react but I only believe in marrying once and don't believe in divorce so that means I'd have to forgive him but that would be sooooo hard :S

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In my book cheating is never excusable. Not ever. Not once.

 

I will even go further than the above. While you're in a relationship you have to avoid situations that could lead to cheating. Both of these factors have to be fulfilled to the fullest.

 

This is my opinion.

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I'm interested to know what people will do if their husband or wife cheated. I guess no one will know how they'd react but I only believe in marrying once and don't believe in divorce so that means I'd have to forgive him but that would be sooooo hard :S

 

If I was dating and my gf cheated on me, she's out. Marriage is too big of a investment to take the chance that she may cheat again. Most people who cheat will end up doing it again anyways. But if we were married, while my trust would be destroyed, I would still try to work it out as best I could. Even though it will be painful and take a long time before I even consider trusting her again. I believe in taking marriage with the utmost seriousness and I don't believe in divorce except in extreme circumstances. But if she cheated a second time, then I feel I would have no choice but to get a divorce.

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I'm interested to know what people will do if their husband or wife cheated. I guess no one will know how they'd react but I only believe in marrying once and don't believe in divorce so that means I'd have to forgive him but that would be sooooo hard :S

If a Girlfriend cheated I'd give her the boot. But like Vince said marriage is too big of an investment, I'd work through it the best I can with her, but if she did it again...

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If he cheats because he can't wait, he isn't the one--and there won't be any cheating for me on him either.

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