ohmercyme

Is There A Time To Stop WTM? Please help me!

23 posts in this topic

Hey Everybody,

I'm brand new to this site, and I'd like to say that there seems to be many wonderful people on this site who have great stories, and whether they are of happiness or concern, they all seem very honest. I joined this site to get insight from other stories but I now feel it might be better if I shared mine and let you guys share your comments. Sorry for the long and painful story ahead, but please read if you would.

( I am a non-religious 25 year old male)

When I was 15 years old, all my friends and I wanted to do was have sex, as hormones were raging. We didn't care if we had girlfriends or a one night stand, so long as we did the deed. Bragging rights perhaps? One by one my friends would lose their virginity that summer, and finally I was the last one of them to have it. I was desperate. I was willing to have sex with any girl. And finally, a friend set me up with a prostitute. I refused however, for some reason feeling it wasn't right. I guess that was the beginning.

In the fall when school let in, I was still looking for sex, but wanted it to at least be with a girlfriend or someone I knew. But all that changed when I ran into a girl that sat across the room from me. I suddenly became so shy, I was unable to speak. Sex didn't enter my mind at all, if anything I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and just hold her for as long as I could. it was the most pure and innocent experience of my life. It was then also that I tasted love for the first time, albeit one sided. And that love was so true. And she really was worth it. She was sweet and shy, and you could be entraced simply by looking into her eyes. Maybe some of you have similar experiences.

It was at that time that I started looking at myself more closely. I was a rebellious teenager. I smoked cigarettes and pot behind the school, got drunk every weekend, and didn't have many goals or ambitions in life. And I came to the realization that if ever stood a chance of being close with this girl, I had to clean my act up. And it wasn't hard at all really, as she inspired my every move. I had big dreams of being a writer and working in the movie business. I truly start feeling happy about myself, but it didn't end there.

I'm fairly observant, I like to study people I guess, and during those high school years I began to lose faith in the people in my world, especially boys. It seemed everywhere I looked there was a guy treating girls badly. There were the guys looking for a quick screw, much like my former self. The worst were those who had girlfriends. The guys cheated on them, mocked them and belittled them. Non of them acted like gentlemen, and I know a few girls who were physically and emotionally abused. It seemed the bottom line was sex, and they'd get it however they had to.

i looked at my dream girl and felt such fear. I never wanted to be those guys, I wanted to be good and true. And I wanted to be sure that my girl would never have to experience the actions of these monsters. I wanted to be loving and loyal and protect her. It was then that I decided to wait until marriage. I only wanted to be with one girl my whole life, and abstainence seemed the best way to prove it.

As powerful and positive as I felt at the time, other things began to change for the worse. My friends, who didn't care for my new lifestyle, called me a prude and walked out of my life. I tried to make new friends, but nothing significant came from it. And worst of all, the girl I loved and dreamed about everyday, the girl that inspired me to change my ways, stated simply to me that she wasn't interested. I felt totally alone.

After high school, I picked myself up and dusted myself off. I realized that even though that one girl was gone, my restored values and morals were intact. As soon as the right girl came along, I'd show her that I was not every guy. I would hear so many sob stories from girls about how "hurt" and "damaged" they were by former or current boyfriends. One problem I found out was my tactic. It turns out that professing that you aren't a liar and cheater is already in use...by the liars and the cheaters. So I guess I didn't really stick out as the good guy, but I tried dilligently.

But now it seemed finding a worthwhile girl was also tricky. I do feel that my potential girlfriend should more or less share these values. I wanted a virgin girl, or at least a girl who could understand why I was. As I got older, that sea of fish turned into a small pond.

And even though I did manage to find a handful of girls I admired, none of them seemed to like me. I also took a liking to wholesome Christian girls. Although I'm not religious myself, I found that many of the girls who were WTM carried themselves with dignity and grace. But as charming as these girls were, I soon found myself running from them. I don't mean to offend anyone because I believe everyone has a right to practice their own religion, but it's really frightening to see an otherwise wholesome and kind Christian girl damn you to hell for simply not believing the same thing they do. I've heard not all Christians are like this, but living in the south, I haven't seen different.

I found non-religious virgin girls too, but seemed to find that they were often not a virgin by choice, perhaps they weren't very popular, and would jump in the sack with the first guy willing. (Sounds like me in the old days.)

Still I kept trying, and trying...and trying.

Today is June 15th, 2012. In a little less than three months time, it will have been 10 years since I made a vow to myself to become a better person, to abstain from sex, and live for love. A decade has gone by and I've still never had a girlfriend. I have no idea what it feels like to be loved, to go on a date, I don't even know what it feels like to hold a girl's hand. I never truly had friends again, unless you count the aquaintance of a few co-workers and neighbors. And yes damn it, my morals and values are still intact, however they now lay in a dark broken heart and forever saddened soul. I have no idea why things haven't worked out better. Things should not be this way, i feel like I'm in The Twilight Zone where everything is backward.

I look at my old friends as they are today. Most of them are married and have children. They work below average jobs and live in the mindless wasteland of suburbia. They still seem like the jerks they were in high school. The girls they are with are less than stellar themselves. Somehow they are adapted into society, and love is a dull tone hiding behind a forced smile. But somehow I envy these guys. They lay in their beds cuddling their wives. They play with their kids after work and go fishing with their buddies on the weekend. Somehow it doesn't really seem that bad. Sure, they aren't very good people, who hang out with other not very good people. But they have each other.

And I sit here alone, isolated, and abandoned. Why do I deserve this? Why does it seem like pain and sadness are forced upon on a daily basis for simply trying to love with all my heart and and trying to be the best person I possibly can? I've never really found an answer.

It breaks my heart to know that if I had just gone up to that girl I loved in high school and tried to have sex with her, everything would have been...better. She still would have turned me down and I would have just gone to another.

Despite this lengthy letter, I actually don't dwell on the past as much as do the future. Which is why I'm writing this. I've dreamt about it since I was a little kid. I'll call it the life plan, and as far as I figured it was fairly simple: Marry a loving wife, raise loving kids, even one day being the wise old grandpa. This future now seems uncertain to me. Older folks I complain to say that I'm still so young, and to give it time. But I disagree. I'm not saying I'm even ready for a wife and kids right at this very moment. But I do fear that if ten years can go by without having ever held a girl's hand, how much longer could it go for? Five more years, ten, twenty. Will I be the crazy old man who dies alone and who's only funeral mourner will be the neighbor that smelled my corpse after two weeks.

I hereby state the following as fact and will argue anyone who wishes to challenge me. I have never nor would I ever lie to the one I love. I have never nor would I ever cheat on the one I love. I have never nor would I ever abandon, force, belittle, or betray the one I love. I have never nor would I ever physically or emotionally harm the one I love. And I would protect the one I love to my dying breath!

But this is a story about waiting until marriage to have sex. It sounds great. I don't only dream about after the honeymoon, when I know the first girl I'm having sex with is also my last, but all the time before the wedding. When a girl and boy can enjoy a budding romance with a playful innocence instead all the fears and worries of hurt, competition, and the lack of trust. Just being together, just being happy. Just being happy..

But when September rolls around, I believe it's time to end all that.

Everytime I even contemplated having pre-marital sex, I'd have nightmares, literally. Usually it starred my girl from high school, shaking her head at me as if I'd done her wrong. I'm very certain that I know if I forced myself to have sex now, it would eventually eat me up from the inside out. But it would probably pass or maybe not, but perhaps there would be other new feelings to fill the void.

Do I want to save myself for marriage? Yes!

Is that belief worth never finding a mate? I'm afraid not, at least not for me.

I know there are some of you that will reply with "I'm sure that girl is right around the corner!", which is a nice thought by someone who hasn't been waiting very long. Or maybe I'll get a reply from a couple who has had success in WTM. Although that must be so amazing I nearly weep at the thought of it, I also know that your success had astronomical odds against you.

If I stop WTM, my chances of finding a girl who will accept me will increase a thousand times over. And the chance of me one day having children will be another thousand times likely. It's a thousand times more likely that I will be surrounded by family as I draw my last breath.

But here's my question? Would I ever love the girl enough? Would I love my children enough? What if breaking my decade long rule of abstainence shattered the entire framework of my moral code? Would it create a domino effect that would allow me to bend or break my entire value structure? I'm not sure if I could live with myself if that happened. For I would be far worse than my old selfish friends. I would be a man who defiled himself. I would be pure evil.

Or would everything just fall into place and everyone lives happily ever after?

Your thoughts, please.

As I close out this message I want it to be known that I'm not here to discourage anyone from WTM. Far from it, I believe if you can find true love or if you're driven to find it, I surely won't stand in your way. i believe there is to be a balance in life. For me my "scale" has two sides. One with WTM and the possibilty of being alone for the rest of my life. On the other side, not waiting, but the chance to lead at least an average life. And after ten long years of sadness and lonliness, the scale has made it's measure.

Thank you for your time. All comments are welcome. I aplogize for presenting you all with a depressing message, but the truth has been told. In my final three months of WTM, I hope to gain insights as well as closure as to why things had to work out the way they did. Perhaps only then can I step onto a new path with my head held high.

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Hey ohmercyme, welcome to the forums. I know exactly what you're going through because I'm in a similar boat. I'm 27 and never even held hands with a girl before. By now, most people have at least had one relationship or some sort of physical affection. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on some sort of rite of passage that everyone else has experienced. It's so easy to look at two people holding hands or sharing a kiss from the outside and think "Wow, I wish I was that guy, even for just one minute." I know exactly what you mean when you say it feels like your chances of finding someone gets slimmer the older you get. The chances feel even slimmer when you narrow down single pool to those who are waiting till marriage. It can feel like it's hopeless and we're doomed to remain alone forever.

Trust me, there are many times I feel like giving up and just finding some random girl just to get it over with. But I couldn't do it, it's just not me. See, like you, I've held on to these values pretty much all my life. If I broke my commitment to wait, I know I would regret it for the rest of my life and for what? A few moments of cheap pleasure? It's not worth compromising who you are. Without values and morals, we are no different than animals, creatures who just operate purely on instinct. Never getting married may be a possibility for many of us, but I like to consider the alternative. What if I did throw away my virginity then I meet my wife later in life? I couldn't imagine explaining to her face the reason I didn't save myself for her was because I was tired of waiting for her so I gave my virginity away to an easy girl. That is what keeps me going. I don't want to fail her in case I do meet her.

I'm sure that you knew the path of WTM was not going to be an easy one. It may get lonely and never finding the one may be a possibility. But at least you would have proven yourself to be stronger than the average person who follows society. Just know that you are far from alone and you have a community here who are here to support you in any way we can.

Stay strong.

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But here's my question? Would I ever love the girl enough? Would I love my children enough? What if breaking my decade long rule of abstainence shattered the entire framework of my moral code? Would it create a domino effect that would allow me to bend or break my entire value structure? I'm not sure if I could live with myself if that happened. For I would be far worse than my old selfish friends. I would be a man who defiled himself. I would be pure evil.

Or would everything just fall into place and everyone lives happily ever after?

Your thoughts, please.

Okay, SLOW DOWN. lol. Seriously, repeat after me: PRE-MARITAL SEX WILL NOT MAKE ME INCAPABLE OF LOVE. IT WILL NOT TURN ME EVIL. Okay. Now breathe.

9/10 people in North America (and probably Europe as well) have pre-marital sex, and they are more than perfectly capable of loving their spouse, especially loving their children. WTM is definitely not for everyone, and you seem to be someone who places a very high value on sex (which is great!) Hey, I do to, and I am not at all religious. Atheist, actually. So I am much more open-minded than most on this site (I think) when it comes to pre-marital sex. I believe that sex should only happen when you are in love and loved back, but you don't have to be married in order to have love! If you ever decide that WTM is just not something you can do (perfectly understandable,) that DOES NOT mean you have to become some sort of manwhore or whatever (pardon the rude term.) You can still only keep sex in loving relationships. Trust me, many non-waiters don't have casual sex. Sex is not black and white: WTM or Slutville.

Do I want to save myself for marriage? Yes!

Is that belief worth never finding a mate? I'm afraid not, at least not for me.

I am with you on this 100%. Like you, I am not religious. Because I am an atheist, I do not have the whole "pre-marital sex is a sin" belief pushing me and keeping me towards saving myself for marriage. My decision to WTM is based solely on my value towards sex, virginity, and disinterest in having too many sexual partners. But you know what? I'd say 95% of the members on this forum would rather die a virgin than have pre-marital sex and never end up married (I've heard people on here say that!) If you are going to WTM, you almost HAVE to believe that it is better to die a virgin than die not one, or not get married until a much later age.

You should absolutely NOT punish yourself for feeling this way. I think it is more than perfectly understandable. You sound like an incredibly amazing, respectful, kind man and any woman would be more than lucky to have you - whether you are a virgin or not. Seriously, I wish all guys respected women to the levels that you do. That's fantastic of you, truly. Do what feels right, and don't do anything until you know 100% it's what you want. It may take a while to decide for sure where you stand on this, but don't have pre-marital sex unless you know for certain there will be no regrets.

Best of luck.

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ohmercyme,

I think Envincebal shared some good points-I am 34 and am still WTM. I have also never dated. Sometimes I get that desperate feeling that I may possibly never get married, but I've stuck with my decision so long I can't just see myself giving up on it and I want to do what is right for me--no matter what that means. We are all in this together--none of is in the community knows the future, but we've made a decision--to WTM. You have to decide what you want and if the decision that you've made is worth sticking with. In my personal opinion girls really respect guys that wait. I wish you the best. You are in my thoughts. May you find the encouragement that you need here at this time.

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Normally I wouldn't come out and advise this kind of thing to someone I haven't yet talked to. You do sound desperate and I do not mean that in a way to insult you but you may want to think of a possibility you may not yet have though of. Have you considered a different surrounding? It sounds to me like the culture you are immersed in is causing a lot of this so really all you have to do is get out of your normal surroundings.

Do you like to travel? There are lots of places all around this world keep that in mind. The cultures vary wildly from one place to another. You have ultra liberal Amsterdam to ultra moral India and all points in between. If you are asian or like asian women you might enjoy the Phillipines or China. Girls in those countries are more often than not virgins fairly deep into their 20s. You wouldn't have to put up with the "damaged" baggage that you complain of and as a nice bonus these women would probably find you fascinating and exotic.

I have a friend who is BEGGING me to go to Korea with him. He was in the Navy and he said the girls there were so charming and so eager to meet him and now that he is a little older he says he would love to go back. He says with certainty I would find someone for myself within a month. I'm not yet ready to go that route but it is something I keep in mind.

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Not to turn the conversation, but I just wanted to say something about going to somewhere like Asia for a wife. I actually lived in Beijing for while (just got back a couple of months ago) and I can say that there are nice, virtuous women over there, I had plenty of friends that were, but not many more than there are here. I can just say from what I saw, and from what my western guy friends over there told me, that although the women there are “charming†towards western men, their motives are usually....not all that great. Just something to be leery of.

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Not to turn the conversation, but I just wanted to say something about going to somewhere like Asia for a wife. I actually lived in Beijing for while (just got back a couple of months ago) and I can say that there are nice, virtuous women over there, I had plenty of friends that were, but not many more than there are here. I can just say from what I saw, and from what my western guy friends over there told me, that although the women there are “charming†towards western men, their motives are usually....not all that great. Just something to be leery of.

You must live in a nice part of Michigan but compared to where I live it would be a world of difference. You just have to use your brain I guess to determine someones motives.

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You must live in a nice part of Michigan but compared to where I live it would be a world of difference. You just have to use your brain I guess to determine someones motives.

This is very true. And I didn't mean to discourage you in anyway if you were considering going over there. Again, there are a lot of nice moral women there and obviously not every place is the same, so I can only talk about my own experience in Beijing. Just thought I'd say what I saw.

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Okay Folks,

Thanks for reading my massive essay and being kind enough to give your opinion. I have written below a topic that should have been included with the original posting. I think my point will come off more clearly. Now with that said I want you to all understand that I'm not looking for reasons to wait. My decision has been made many months ago, so unless somebody wants to go on a date or I happen to stumble into my true love in the next three months, I'm sticking to not waiting.

One subject I should have shared in the original posting was a little more of how my feelings and attitude changed over the years.

When I was 15 and drinking and smoking and doing dumb things, I was still a pretty happy kid. When I met that beautiful girl in high school that inspired me to change my ways, my happiness was nearly euphoric. I daydreamed constanty, lost in my own thoughts of a pure love. I became a writer, I wrote stories and poems and I would philosiphize about how such a love could change the world if more people opened up to it. I had dreams of the possibilities the future could have. Maybe there was dream where we were riding bikes down a country road, or having a picnic by a waterfall. Or maybe sitting under a shade tree listening to her share her dreams, sometimes I just dreamt of holding her as we stared into each other's eyes.

Okay, so maybe these aspiations seem a little to fantasy Norman Rockwell-esque, and even then I knew nothing usually worked out that perfect in the real world, I still had the energy and drive to try to make it happen.

But as the years went by I found that dream fading dimmer and dimmer. Getting rejection after rejection from every girl I talked to turned my glass half full attitude upside down. Everytime I met a new girl, instead of daydreams and aspirations I'd start to think about how it was going to fail. Don't misunderstand, I greeted ever new possibility with a smile on my face but my heart was not so outgoing.

In 2008, a great revelation took place that would worsen my outlook on life ten fold. I had a conversation with that first high school love, and asked her why, after all my better changes did she not accept me. Her answer was this. She said that she could never love me because I wasn't Christian. She could never love me when I was a rebellious teen, she could never love me as moral gentleman. She then stated that out of all the relationships she'd ever had, of all the crushes and flings, no one had ever loved her as I had. But it never mattered, because I wasn't Christian.

It was then that it hit me. I saw a shocking pattern in all the girls that rejected me. The girl who rejected me because my teeth were too crooked. The girl who rejected me because I didn't have enough money, because I didn't have a cool enough car, I wasn't popular enough, cool enough, attractive enough. All of the qualities I prided of myself to be a better person weren't even on the table. No one cared if I was more honest than the next guy, or more trusting or more loving. No one cared that I was saving myself as a vow of true commited love. I could have been the biggest asshole on earth for all they cared and it wouldn't have made a difference. It seems that effort, and all the isolation the effort caused, was for nothing. I had a true (medically recorded) nervous breakdown that evening that I have never recovered from.

So nowadays, there is just an empty shell of the person I was. The morals are still there but the dreams are gone. They have been filled by darkness and bitterness to the world. I have come to have severe anger problems over the years. Not violent or outspoken by any means, I have a tendency to hold it all in until I implode on myself. Sometimes I can't breath, or I feel like I'm having a heart attack.

My cousin who lives in a garage apartment behind my house is so different from me. He has two beautiful girlfriends, and cheats on them both. His idea of a good time is getting drunk, playing video games, screwing his girls, and then calling me up to describe his night of screwing like it was so good it had to be shared. I love him as family, but as a person he disgusts me. Night after night I hear them through our open windows. I hear them talking, laughing, giggling, and screwing. And I get bitter toward them. What makes him think he can do so little and get so much?! But what really makes me angry, the anger that makes me tremble and panic, is how jealous I am of him. I look at him and his lack of values, then I look at myself sitting in emptiness and despair. Who is the pathetic one now? I always knew life wasn't fair, but I never thought it could be so cruel.

People always tell me that I have to love myself before I can love others. I must have missed class that day, because I don't get it. I always thought happiness was given out, absorbed if you will. If I can make a nice girl smile, I will be gratified. If that girl can make me smile back, I will glow. And if I can make her glow, I will feel a great purpose has been fulfilled. And if she gives me her heart, I'll give her mine, and I'll love her forever. Happiness will then be abundant, even through life's most trying moments, because there is a bond that cannot be broken, except for a lack and loss of love.

So short answer: No, I don't think I can just sit here and automatically love myself in such a one sided world.

I guess this is why I decided not to wait anymore. It's not because I can't wait to have sex or because I've been rejected too many times or whatever.

It's because the dream is gone. Those once beautiful visions and musings are now so corrupted they don't even make sense to me anymore. They just cause my unbearable pain, which has only worsened over the years. I feel if I keep hanging onto this last thread of hope I will literally end up in an insane asylum or prison or dead. That may sound harsh but it's true, as i feel I'm reaching my limits of control.

Just because I'm choosing not to wait anymore doesn't mean I'm going to just jump in the sack with some bimbo. Although not waiting will increase my odds a good bit, I don't expect love to find me easier. But for my own health I must force myself not to care as much. I must stop worrying about being the good guy, and start being the guy who will be able to survive the day. I must replace the daydreams with activities to occupy my time. I must not allow my thoughts to wander. Always keeping a lookout for a decent girl, but not hoping for it, not praying for it. And I must keep myself so busy that I exhaust myself every day, that way I'm simply too tired to cry myself to sleep.

I don't expect this madness to ever go away unless a great love is brought into my life. But with a properly adjusted outlook, I aim to blind it, to deafen it, so I can hear the world again. Maybe someone will tell a joke...and I'll crack a smile.

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Please don't take this the wrong way...but I don't think waiting is the issue here. Unless you have girls rejecting you FOR waiting which I don't think is the case but correct me if Im wrong. I really wish you the best with whatever you decide to do but remember...just because you decide in your head that you're no longer waiting that isnt going to magically change anything from a dating standpoint...in my humble opinion.

Take this for what it's worth but I think you need to stop thinking so big picture and about marriage for a second...just focus on finding a girl, asking her out, and going on a date. It all starts there. Try online, try friends of friends, try whatever. Maybe some will disagree with me here but so what if you go out with a girl who doesn't seemingly meet any expectations you may have...going out for a drink doesn't mean you have to marry her. Just put yourself out there and see what happens. Again sorry if any of that sounds harsh just trying to help you. I really do wish you the best!

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Hi ohmercyme,

your posts really spoke to me because I can relate to some of the feelings you described so so much.
My situation, which evoked those feelings in me, was a different one but the feelings were still the same. That’s why I couldn’t keep your story out of my head.
So in the following I will try to share some of my thoughts. But first of all I want to say:

I obviously don’t know you, don’t know how you live your life and I know nothing about your life except of that what you have written in your posts.
I just could relate so much to your posts and I felt the need to response to it in hopes that maybe I can give you some stuff to think about or maybe even help you in some way.

It is not that long ago when I had also feelings like you. Nothing worked out for me. But it seemed for everybody else things were great. I was tired of just watching everyone else getting all these things that I wanted or having all these accomplishments that I wanted as well. I worked so much harder than them, put so much effort in this and all those people who didnt have worked nearly as hard as I have, just get what I also want. They also have boyfriends/girlfriends and treated them not good. And I had nothing. Just an empty hole in my heart, sadness, jealousy, bitterness, disappointment, sleepless nights with tears. That’s not fair. Why cant I have it as well? What have I done wrong? My intentions are so much better than theirs. My efforts are so much harder than theirs.I often thought I just was not worth it, I was not good enough, I was a complete loser. A failure. Life would be a complete catastrophe for me. I just didn´t seem to make anything right.

I also really wanted to have a loving relationship but something didn´t feel right about that. That is to say the "problem" was that I was not happy. I was not happy with myself. And then it came to my mind: I can never make someone happy if I´m not happy with myself at first. That was the time when I really understood how important it is to love yourself. I was like you: I never understood why it should be so important to love yourself. I didn´t get that. Why was it such a big deal? When I find a person who loves me, then I will be happy, right? And if I can make them happy then I am happy as well, right? No, its not completely true.
You can only make a person happy if you are happy with yourself and if you love yourself. If you don’t love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you? At least in the long run.
Don´t underestimate the power of loving yourself and being content with who you are.

Another thing I think is true is this:
You will never find your happiness solely in another person! This just will not happen or it will definitely not be healthy.
I see it like this: You should have something like a “foundation-happinessâ€. Which means being happy with your life, being happy with yourself, have good friends, family, maybe having a great job that you like, spend time on things that you love…whatever…I guess it is different for everybody. But you should definitely be happy with yourself.
I see relationships as a kind of “bonus-happinessâ€. Of course your girlfriend/boyfriend should make you happy aswell. But its more like a wonderful and great “bonus†to your happiness that you already have with your life and yourself. You can´t search your solely happiness in another person. What if it does not work out in a couple of months? What happens then? Are you going back to sadness, anger and jealousy until you find a new love?

Don´t define yourself solely through another person. In the long run this will just not work out. Be your own person at first.
Follow the things you are passionate about and they will take you to the places where you are supposed to be. And maybe they will take you to your future wife…who knows…


All this leads me to another point:

Don´t compare yourself with other people. I know, it is easier said than done. But you can definitely try to not do it. I promise you, you will be much happier. Comparison hardly leads to good things. Either you will feel better or superior to other persons or you will feel like you are in an inferior position which leads to anger, jealousy, sadness etc…. In both cases it just isn´t the truth. Nobody is better or worse than somebody else. Although this world may sometimes makes us feel like this.
Obviously there will always be someone who is better than you in doing something but that doesn´t mean they are a better person.
You have to stop comparing yourself to others. Just concentrate on you. I know its easier said than done. I still struggle with it sometimes.

Sometimes we are ahead in life, sometimes we are behind some people. We just have to accept that.
Forget your old school friends, potential girlfriends and loving couples for a moment and ask yourself these questions: Am I happy with the life I live? Do I spend my time on the right things? Would a girl really want to be a part of my life? What am I doing with my life?

You got rejected many times which hurts very much. One sided love is never fun, I know…
But remember: Just because all these girls rejected you, doesn´t mean that you will never find a girlfriend! Don´t define yourself through your failures and disappointments. Don´t get sad and mad about it for too long. Try to move on from such disappointments and don´t let them influence you as much.

Once I was so occupied with just seeing that everybody else had what I also wanted (relationships for example) and I couldn´t understand why things turned out to be so bad for me because I also had made such an effort to accomplish some things. I was so occupied with just having this thought of “the world is just so unfair. I hate itâ€.
I just lost track of myself. I felt like I was in a competition. There will always be somebody who is better than you in something or will have more money, have earlier than you a love relationship, will have a nicer car, will get married earlier than you, will have a much more bigger house, will have more friends and earlier the first child. So what? That´s the world. All this doesn´t mean you can´t be happy. Even if this is also what YOU want for yourself. I know it´s hard… It just does not mean that they have a better and happier life than you can have.

Today I don´t really care about comparison anymore. I hardly find myself compare me to another person. Well, sometimes it creeps up…but it is really not often anymore. With not comparing myself to somebody else, I can say I am much happier. But you really have to make an effort. Comparison in your head doesn´t end automatically…it takes some time and effort. Sometimes to compare is probably also not entirely wrong, but don´t let it take over your world and feelings and how you see yourself.
Forget your cousin for a moment. Forget everybody. Maybe your cousin is happy with his current situation. But would that make YOU happy as well? I guess not because you said that it disgusts you.

So on a more general level: Just because some things make other people happy, does not necessarily mean that they will make you happy as well. You are not them and they are not you. Your cousin is your cousin. And you are you. Your cousin does what he does and you should do YOU.
Think about it: There is actually no reason to be jealous of him. There really is no reason.
Yes, I also know that anger that makes you tremble and panic! You just want to scream or hole up in your bed and just start crying. This world can be so confusing.

But I honestly don´t think that you are the pathetic one. You are definitely not pathetic! And don´t believe anyone who tells you that.
Is your cousin then the pathetic one? Well, I don’t know. All I know is that you probably wouldn´t want to live like he does. I don´t approve his actions obviously but if he can deal with his life and decisions than I think I am not really entitled to an opinion or judgement. I don´t know him anyway.

But YOU have nothing to do with his cheating businesses and several girlfriends at one time etc. So why should you care? Don´t compare yourself with him.

Because of “waiting till marriageâ€:
You want someone who loves you for who you are, right? Is WTM part of who you are? Would you regret it if you wouldn’t wait?

And I mean, not because you had sex then but more because you didn’t stick to who you are and your values?
Maybe like a vegetarian: would they eat meat just because their loved ones made a roast? Would they eat it to make them happy? Or would they say: No, if I would eat this, this would be completely against who I am and what I want?

I know, maybe that´s not the best example but maybe it illustrates what I mean with “sticking to who you areâ€.
If they can´t accept it, you have to decide how you react to it. Give in and maybe you even realize that this certain value or belief you have was actually never what you really wanted and who you are.
Or you stick to it because it is actually what you believe in and you will let nobody else change that.
Then I would say: You have to fight for everything you believe in or it will inevitably disappear.
Are you willing to fight for what you believe in?


You wrote about the reasons why the girls rejected you:

You…

…are not a Christian (that was what your highschool-love said, right? So why would everything been better when you would have had sex with her like you said? Why do you think that?) .

… have too crooked teeth for her taste.

…don´t have enough money for her taste.

…don´t have a cool enough car for her taste.

…are not popular, cool and attractive enough for them.

They didn´t care if you were more honest than the next guy. No one cared that you was saving yourself as a vow of true commited love. But wouldn´t you want someone who does care!?
The girls you wrote about, obviously didn´t rejected you because you were WTM, did they?

Why are you so sure that WTM is the REASON for all the rejections? Did the girls ever said that they don´t want to be involved with you because you are waiting till marriage to have sex?
That obviously happens also as WTM is obviously not the norm nowadays…but I guess that’s just the risk that comes with it.

Or do you just blame your decision to WTM for it all? Maybe WTM isn’t really the reason why you never had a girlfriend.
Why do you think that WTM is the reason for it all?

I don’t think it is (at least that is what I read out of your posts).

Also:
There are plenty of other men who are gentleman-like, nice, honest, loving, caring who do not WTM. Just having sex in commited love relationships.

There is not just the good WTM- guy out there and on the other side the evil hook upper (like your cousin maybe). There is so much in between.

So maybe you should re-evaluate WHY you WTM in the first place.
WTM doesn’t necessarily mean that you will find your true love and will be happily married forever. Even though we all wish that this will happen. But lets face it. Just because you WTM doesn´t mean necessarily your marriage has better chances than for someone who did not wait. At least not in all cases. And just because you not wait till your marriage also does not mean that you will have a family earlier etc.


You say if you stop WTM, your chances of finding a girl who will accept you will increase a thousand times along with the chance of having children.
I try to understand why you think so, but I really can´t. Why do you think that? I honestly do not think that stopping WTM will increase your chances of love and family and so on. You said, that one side you can choose is to WTM with the possibility of being alone for the rest of your life and the other side is to not wait but at least you have the chance to lead an average life (maybe with a wife and children).
But not to wait till marriage also holds the possibility of being alone for the rest of your life. Don´t forget that. I know plenty of people who did not wait and who are still alone. No wife/husband, no marriage, no kids. Alone, if you want to call it that way. And they are older than you.

This leads me to your other questions you had and already answered yourself:

You said:

“Do I want to save myself for marriage? Yes!
Is that belief worth never finding a mate? I´m afraid not, at least not for me.â€

I also definitely think about those questions very often.
But let me add this:
Do I want to save myself for marriage? Yes!
Is that belief worth never finding a mate? I´m afraid not, at least not for me.
But would I actually compromise or change my core values for somebody who I love?
I´m afraid not. I would want somebody who really loves me for who I am. Including my values.

I just don’t think I can be with somebody for whom I have to compromise and leave one of my profoundest decisions I made for myself. I don’t want somebody for whom I have to change so that they will not leave me. And maybe in the end they will still leave me.
I don’t think you have to be religious to think that. Actually the decision to WTM really does not have to be linked with religion.
If someone can´t accept this decision I made for myself, is this really the right person for me? After all I want someone who does accept me and my decision. Why should I change that? Will they then love me more?


Of course, in relationships you always have to make compromises…also in some of our behavior patterns sometimes. We want to be the best we can be for our significant other. Not everything we do or want will be approved by our partners. And that will probably lead to some changes in our behaviors or ways. But the thing with the WTM-decision (for me at least) is this:

it´s not like a compromise like for example leaving your hometown for your love and moving to another town, not being so messy, waking up earlier because your partner wants to go jogging with you, maybe not accepting a great job offer because it would be too far away from your love or maybe wearing a piece of clothes because your partner loves it on you (although you don´t like it)...or maybe make a trip to Barcelona, although you were in that town like a billion times. But because your partner never was there and wants to go so bad, you maybe forgo your wish to go to Rom because you want to make your partner happy….you know what I mean. These are also important compromises that are completely good and healthy for a relationship…compromise is important in relationships!
But not compromises that change who I am and what is really important to me, what is part of me as a person, as the person I want to be. It´s not like a little (or even big) favor…for me the decision to WTM distinguishes from those other compromises….

I don’t know if I would change something so important to me for someone else just to satisfy them. But I really think that I would not change it. Just because it is a really significant and profound decision to WTM. At least I see it like this.
Would it really save our relationship if I would have sex with them? Would things really be that much better and easier? Would I really be happier? Would it really be more likelier that I have a family on my own? Is it really true that WTM makes it unlikelier to find my true love and to have a family?

Does “not waiting till marriage†actually increase my chances for finding love and having children? And if yes, why?
These are questions I still try to answer myself. Maybe you will find some answers for yourself.

Do you really want to have sex only with your wife? Or with a girlfriend who maybe will become your wife later or never …and then you eventually move on to another one…

If you really believe in WTM and if it is part of your value system and part of who you are than stick by it.
If not and if you are just doing it solely because of the hopes that you will someday have a fairytale relationship, then maybe you should reconsider your WTM-decision. Maybe then WTM is not the right choice for you.

Of course, that’s what we all want in the end: a really wonderful marriage, hopefully with times which seem like fairytales. But that’s not the only reason why people do it. There are other reasons as well, personal reasons (yes, and for some also religion reasons).

Are there other reasons beside your hopes for a dreamy fairytale-like relationship why you WTM? You said you just wanted to be with only one girl your whole life. So thats great. Maybe there are some other reasons?
Have you read Claires articles? If not, you should. She is also a non-religious waiter and writes articles about her WTM- journey. Maybe you will find yourself in some of it or maybe they will give you some stuff to think about and what you really want and why you are doing it.

WTM doesn’t always equal a romantic dreamy love.
I know some couples who have just that without waiting.

But also some who are waiting.

What does waiting actually mean to you?
Also I want to say:

As I read your posts, your world right now seems to revolve around all these bad and miserable feelings like jealousy and sadness and panic that you will never ever find someone who will accept you.
Let me use some metaphors: If I had to break your current feelings and situation in a sort of clinical picture, I would say:

You feel stress, anxiety, despair, sadness, jealousy, panic, rejected, loneliness, self-doubting, discouraged,fear that you will never find someone who will accept you for what you stand, at times maybe you feel not good enough. Those are all symptoms.
The actual “disease†or reason for all these symptoms (as I understand it from reading your posts) is: not loving yourself, comparing yourself to others (especially to your highschool friends, to your cousin…), maybe feeling inferior to them at some times, paying way too much attention on everyone else´s lives, what about your self-esteem in general? Are you insecure about yourself or very secure and confident? Do you even feel worthy of having a relationship and of being loved?

You have to treat the "disease", not the "symptoms"!
(Note: I don´t think you are ill or something ;) I just used "disease" and "symptoms" to illustrate it all a little bit more.)

Having a girlfriend is not the cure. WTM is also not the cure. Not-WTM is also not the cure.

WTM is not the solution for being happy. Remember that.
But it can definitely play a role in being a happier person.

Not-WTM is also not the solution for being happy.
But for some this is maybe the right choice. That’s ok. But Not-WTM solely will most definitely not make them a happy person.

Happiness is not necessarily a question of WTM or Not-WTM. But they sure can play an important role in someones happiness on the whole.
Your world should not really revolve around finding your true love as soon as possible. This will only make it much harder to really find it. Don’t search convulsive. I obviously don´t know you, but maybe you could try to focus on other things for a while. Something you enjoy doing maybe. Just to get your mind clearer. Maybe try something new or something you always wanted to do but never did.

But yourself already said that maybe you should try to reduce your daydreams or dreams of a future relationship. But it´s hard, I know ;) I do it myself.
It´s fun when I see someone I like, to imagine how life would maybe be with that person, what our wedding would be like or how great our summer vacation could be with our children we would have ;) haha
It can be fun sometimes but don´t get caught up on those daydreams. It´s not good.
Try to live without expectation. At least not as much. Because if they don’t get fulfilled, you will definitely more be disappointed than you actually have to be. It just leads to more disappointment, especially if you haven’t even started a relationship with the person you dream about.
Don’t have so much expectations. Don’t obsess over it. Maybe try to free yourself a little bit more from those lovedreams.
Try to not stress yourself out so much. Maybe you will still have some darker days ahead of you because of all these feelings you have. But I would say the most important thing you have to consider to do right now is loving yourself, not comparing yourself with others and just concentrate on yourself for now. Say to yourself: “They do what they do, I do MEâ€.
Forget the unfairness and cruelty of the world and just think about how YOU really want to live your life. It shouldn´t matter that much how others live theirs.
You said you don’t what competition. But when I read your posts I see the feelings of competition all over it. Maybe it just comes unconscious. I still have it also sometimes.
However, this song by "Belle Brigade" called "Losers" just came to my mind. I think it really is great. It is sort of calming. Especially when you think the world is so unfair and everybody has so much more than oneself (whatever it is)although you worked even harder than them (at least you think so). After all you should just see the essential and the song evokes some sort of hope in me.
It kind of has the message what I was trying to tell you with the “don’t compare yourself-thing and be content with who you areâ€
The lyrics are great. Maybe you want to give it a listen: "Losers" by Belle Brigade.

You also asked: Is there a time to stop WTM? Sure. Theoretical you can start with it right now. But is it really what you want?
Maybe re-evaluate your decision to WTM and think about if this is still what you want.
But don´t do anything out of despair or if you are not really sure if something is right for you. Take some time. So much time you need.
Maybe I was totally wrong with some things I said in my post and they don´t fit to your situation. Those were all just things I have read out of your posts and then try to write some thoughts of mine down.
I´m aware that my thoughts are definitely not the absolute truth. It is just my opinion and what I have learned in MY life that far.
Oh, and you don’t have to answer all these questions to me I asked. You can also just ask them to yourself (if you want).
You really seem to be a great guy so far. Very thoughtful and full of good intentions. I loved what you said about the time before the honeymoon and just being happy with a budding romance with a playful innocence. Of course you can still have this dream, but just not “over-dream†it, you know. I personally think, you have wonderful dreams. Just don´t get caught up in them.
Honestly, I really cannot believe that the decision to Not-WTM will make you happier or will increase your chances for anything or will make everything better and easier and will lead you to a happier life. But maybe it will…if “not waiting†is truly what you want. I guess nobody can really answer that right now.
Just choose wisely.
Your life is not over yet. The rest is still unwritten ;)
And sorry for this very long essay! There was just sooo much I wanted to say to you.

Much love







 

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Take this for what it's worth but I think you need to stop thinking so big picture and about marriage for a second...just focus on finding a girl, asking her out, and going on a date. It all starts there. Try online, try friends of friends, try whatever. Maybe some will disagree with me here but so what if you go out with a girl who doesn't seemingly meet any expectations you may have...going out for a drink doesn't mean you have to marry her. Just put yourself out there and see what happens. Again sorry if any of that sounds harsh just trying to help you. I really do wish you the best!

I agree with this 100% !! :) I also completely agree with Joolz post ! You cannot find complete happiness in another person. For me personally you have to put God in there, family, friends-a variety of people, a variety of things you like to do. Putting pressure on one person for another person's complete happiness is impossible. Also, a lot of times things happen when you are NOT looking for them. If you try to force things to go in a more than friends direction with someone it won't happen. You ave to let things naturally progress and try not to get too impatient and enjoy it. I'm not saying that specifically to you; a lot of people have trouble with that.

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Again, thank you all for the comments, especially you Joolz, you should make a self help seminar, I say that as a compliment.

Oh just an interesting point here, I find it funny that everybody I told that I stopped WTM outside of this site all seemed so relieved and happy for me (including my parents), who look like a curse has just been lifted off me. Interesting...

But again, I have already made my decision. You guys all send me messages trying to help me stay WTM and give me advice. And as much as I appreciate them, I've heard them all before for years. And there was a time when I took them all to heart, trying every avenue I could to love myself, to be more sociable, to try new dating techniques. Nothing worked ever. I have tried to understand why no one will love me for years, and could never come up with an answer. So instead I'm taking a new path.

It reminds me of a story and bear with me. I used to have this show truck, a '74 Ford pickup. Maybe not museum quality but still so nice I wouldn't dare haul anything in it in fear I'd scratch the original paint. I loved it dearly. But one day I was in a bad accident where the truck rolled over a few times into a ditch. (I was fairly fine by the way, but this is about the truck) My show truck was totaled. I couldn't bear to see it taken to the junk yard, so I had it towed to my back yard. For the next year, every time I would go outside I would feel a great loss when I looked at the heap of twisted metal and broken glass. But one day, I made a decision. I would fix it. I spent weeks beating the sheet metal, hammering the cab back out, and getting her started again. Today she's a farm truck. I drive her almost everyday, clearing logs, hauling hay, and even going on some off road trails for some weekend fun. I love it dearly. I love it as much as I did when it was a show truck. But there is a pain in me knowing that no matter what I do, it'll never be a show truck again.

The truck in this story reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. But I'm at the stage where I'm the hunk of metal in the backyard. I must understand that I have been damaged beyond repair, so I have to choose whether or not to stay the same or reinvent myself into something new. I'm trying to choose the latter, but to do so I must make certain changes for my own good. One of which is to stop WTM. Does it mean I'll find love, no. But I do believe it will allow me to venture into unknown territory. I may or may not find love there, but I will give it a try.

My only question to you guys is this. If you chose to stop waiting and decided to have sex with someone you loved and who loved you back, would you still feel guilty about it? And if so, do you think it could have a damaging effect on the relationship?

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Well, I'm late to convo but here is my response:

I don't know if you will find this helpful ohmercyme but I will say it anyway: try to find your own happiness. I remember years ago being in a pit like yours: unhappy, and depressed, thinking that if my life would just be a certain way (for instance, maybe if I won the lottery, or I met my spouse) I would find happiness. But, I realized later on that those things wouldn't give me happiness at the moment, why? because what I really wanted at moment was love (and those future thoughts couldn't satisfy me). Reading your post, what those women did to you was something you didn't deserve. You can still have your original dream of waitingtillmarriage, and learn from those bad experiences so that if you decide to take the plunge into a relationship you know what to look for (i.e. red flags).

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Oh just an interesting point here, I find it funny that everybody I told that I stopped WTM outside of this site all seemed so relieved and happy for me (including my parents), who look like a curse has just been lifted off me. Interesting...

My only question to you guys is this. If you chose to stop waiting and decided to have sex with someone you loved and who loved you back, would you still feel guilty about it? And if so, do you think it could have a damaging effect on the relationship?

about the first part how everyone responded when you told them you stopped WTM, it's just that WTM isn't the norm today and many people honestly don't see the point of it--I am sorry you don't have the support of others around you on the outside-can make it hard to stick to a decision sometimes.

Regarding the second question, I think I would feel guilty if I decided to stop WTM and just gave myself to someone outside of marriage-but that is because my decision is based on personal values and beliefs and is a part of who I am as a person. I don't exactly know how it would affect the relationship, because obviously I've never been down that road, but if I "did" give myself away outside of marriage I think I would be very disappointed in myself and always be wondering what would have happened if I had chosen to keep waiting instead. But then that is me.

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Dear ohmercyme,

I totally understand your situation and have often felt the same way myself but I believe each one of us are unique an have something amazing to offer so do stay strong and don't let others opinions and actions and views affect you. You are the Master of your happiness, you deserve to be happy and you are a lovely person. Treat your self well and just be open everything will deinitely fall in place, my best wishes for your future :)

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Ohmercyme - There's a difference between lust and love. Lust may get you through the night. But true love will get you to eternity. Yes, there will be consequences if you do not wait. Your married life will never reach the full potential it could have. And your children will not have the model they could have. Imagine telling your son: "Okay, it was back in the summer of 2012 and there was this girl . . . . . Anyway son, don't do like I did." How much impact is that going to have on him. As far as odds, numbers, statistics, chances -- they do not matter to me. I don't base my life on world standards. It wouldn't matter if I was one in 50 million, I'm not changing my mind. If there's a girl out there waiting for you right now, she would walk a tight rope across Niagra Falls to get you to remain as you are. What are you going to tell her when she asks about your personal background? I recommend waiting.

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hi ohmercyme... WTM or deciding NOT to WTM any longer... well I think they're both really challenging decisions and choices no matter where you are in life or in stage of relationship. I guess the only thing that I can add to this for you is that the magic of being human is every moment is filled with free will and choice. The thing my parents asked me to do always was to make willful choices - not fall into things almost by default or be desperation. While they weren't addressing sex in that sentence ( the truth is I think they were addressing drugs in that conversation )... the sentiment applies to literally everything. They were telling me - and I would say the same to you - to be conscious and deliberate in any action that doesn't have a reset or do-over button. Alcohol, drugs, sex, job choices, friendships and relationships, running a marathon, skydiving, yoga. It literally doesn't matter what we're talking about... just be purposeful in your choice.

Sure I admit... I would hope that you might pause again and maybe think again about what or why you were WTM in the first place and if those same feelings were still there about waiting for your future spouse, and giving them the ultimate gift, and only being with one person and all that... but i'm not you, and you get to make the choice. So do it with heart, do it with intention, do it because it is right relationship step and person for you - and only you can know that it was right or if you feel any guilt about it.

i know it's scary either way - honest - but when i'm in those moments (and I still am by the way - even at 4X years old!) - I still go back to the point my parents made about willful and on purpose choices. Choose to be something... vs choosing to not be something... one is active... one is reactive... hope that provides a little extra stuff for you to think about - and I hope i wasn't rude or pushy about it for you -

ian

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Hi,

cool and thanks that some of you liked or agreed with my previous post. I was slightly worried that it may comes across as pushy or "know-it-all"-like. I didn´t want to force my opinion on anybody, so if I made someone uncomfortable I´m really sorry!

That was not my intention. I guess, I just got a little bit passionate in my writing because, like I said, I can relate to your feelings, ohmercyme, so much.

To your last question:

That´s hard to answer. I think I would feel like I let myself down and did not stick to who I am. I guess this feeling would be much worse than the fact alone that I had sex (if that makes sense...). I can´t say that I woud feel "guilty" about it. Maybe more like disappointed in myself.

I heard of a couple (don´t know them, just read on the internet) who wanted to wait till marriage but then they started to have sex again and again. Sometimes they wanted to stop but that did not work for a long time. So they ended up having sex just like a couple who does not wait. They had some sort of regrets but then they ended up getting married and then the waiting/not-waiting-issue was not relevant anymore for them. So I guess they were fine with everything and how all worked out in the end.

Then I read about another couple who also wanted to wait till marriage to have sex but also ended up having sex together before they were married. But unlike the other couple, they really felt terrible and the woman even felt like their relationship was damaged.

But I don´t know if they got married in the end or not or if they are still together.

So it is different for everybody, I think. I guess the reasons why you are even waiting and how serious it is to you play a huge role in how you will feel if you have sex before you are married or if you stop to wtm.

If I will actually have sex with somebody (who I love and who loves me back) without being married to the person, then I would feel much more terrible if we would break up after a while instead of getting married in the end and making a lifelong commitment to eachother.

But since i never was at this kind of point in my life, I can´t give you a clear answer. It is just how I THINK I would feel.

If you don´t mind me to ask the same question to you, ohmercyme: How would you feel or at least how do you think you would feel?

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@Ohmercyme

I haven't read the entire thread. But, I did read all of your original post. You sound a bit intense, which is cool cause I know I can be intense as well. So, takes one to know one.

For people who are WUM (waiters) sex is not the promised land. All we're going to experience if we have sex for fun is an orgasm, which is cool. But, I believe WUMers are waiting for the spiritual or emotional aspect that comes with waiting for the person we want to marry. So, it is a sacrifice, but we WUMer's believe that it's worth it.

But, I would say that even among my friends (who aren't WUM) dating/romance/relationships are universally hard. Dating's going to be tough whether your WUM or not WUM. Also, I'm a great human being, who's attractive but who's still learning a lot about dating skills. I'm talking practical dating skills. Trust me, it takes social skills to know how to date other people (whether your WUM or not). I've made a lot of mistakes. I've faced a great deal of rejection in my dating life. I'd say because I'm doing a lot of asking because I'm putting myself out there and being vulnerable and asking women (p.s. I date women) out and just trying to live my life and learn as much as I can about social skills in romance as I can until I meet "the one".

I guess my point is that you should mellow out a little bit in general. Try to take the rejection in your romantic life with a grain of salt. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. I just think rejection is a part of the game in dating and romance. And, p.s. rejection sucks so bad. You know that. I know that. It really sucks to feel rejected.

Honestly, all that's going to happen if you have sex is you'll have an orgasm (hopefully). But, I don't know if it'll be this cosmic thing you want to be. (maybe it will, but I don't know.) I don't think you should change your standards to get more women to date you. If you were to stop being WUM, you should make that decision for you.

You seem to also be asking deeper questions (it seems to me). So, my question to you would be what do you want out of life in general?

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Now you are all going to get to see me put my foot directly into my mouth. My decision not to wait has apparently come to an abrupt halt. After submitting my last message on this topic, I began talking very seriously to a nice girl. As the attraction blossomed and I began to have feelings for her, my debate on whether to wait or not was over. It's like when something like that happens, those feelings, it's like a secondary program gets booted up deep in the recesses of my brain. Naughty thoughts become blocked from entering, only pure and loving thoughts get though. Waiting until marriage becomes an absolute certainty, no exceptions.

Now the girl turned out to be a nutty wacko which I should have figured so that was the end of that.

I realized that my idea to not wait was only driven by fear, anger and loneliness. But as soon as a desired girl enters my life, or even one who brings temptation to my door, that little program will always kick on, as it always has. It's like tomatoes. I hate tomatoes with a passion. And I can sit there all day and tell myself that I actually love them, but as soon as I take a bite my original statement becomes confirmed by me spitting it into the trash with a less than stellar look on my face.

I actually now have a hard time seeing why some of you have doubts or are worried about being tempted into losing your virginity. Turns out that my drive to wait is rock solid, and a Mack truck couldn't break it (although the rest of me might break). So for those of you who ever have doubts, consider this. Would you still have those doubts standing next to a bed, preparing to disrobe and about to those the thing you've held so sacred for so long? I guess everyone has doubts sometimes, but reality checks tend to pop up last minute, and then you'll know.

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So for those of you who ever have doubts, consider this. Would you still have those doubts standing next to a bed, preparing to disrobe and about to those the thing you've held so sacred for so long? I guess everyone has doubts sometimes, but reality checks tend to pop up last minute, and then you'll know.

Great way to put it. I heard a preacher say this once and I agree wholeheartedly....its that you have to love your girlfriend enough *not* to have sex with her. I think that applies to your situtation; it's like when you care about someone like that you want to do everything you can to keep them from "harm" which in this case is not waiting.

As you put it...

Naughty thoughts become blocked from entering, only pure and loving thoughts get though. Waiting until marriage becomes an absolute certainty, no exceptions.

Agreed!

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