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Found 51 results

  1. Having some struggles of my own, this video came up in my youtube feed and was exacly what I needed to hear.(Thank you God) It's from the perspective of a woman but I believe it can be available for males as well. It really encouraged and enforced my core belief that sex is best in the context of marriage. I hope it will bless you too like it has blessed me. Enjoy!
  2. Perhaps there are some stats regarding this? Or regarding those who waited a while but maybe didn't hold out till the wedding date.
  3. Eva and Zac have been married for 5 years and have two young children. Lately Zac has felt that he and Eva are drifting apart. It became more apparent to Zac after they had their second child about a year ago. He can’t figure out what to do to make it better. He’s scared that his wife has stopped loving him since they had kids and uses his traveling for work, among other things, as a way to justify them drifting apart. Zac feels his value as a person is based solely on how he is as a father. He feels like he and Eva are not even married anymore, just two people who live together and take care of the kids. Zac admits he’s not a very good father since he has to travel a lot for work. That's the big issue now. He admits he has to make some changes to stay home more so that he can be with the kids. As the sole breadwinner, working in a senior position in a field where his skills don't naturally translate to other professions, he’s having a hard time finding another job. Especially since they moved to Eva’s small hometown to be close to her family. At work, Zac feels people value his opinion and listen to what he has to say. Although at home he says his wife throws tantrums calling him "selfish idiot" and calls his explanations for being away so much "bad excuses". Zac says Eva seems to genuinely believe that he would prefer to be away from her and their two kids and it's made her resent him. They haven't had sex in at least 14 months and if he brings it up she shuts him down immediately, saying something like "The way things are, I'm not at all interested in sex." Zac loves his current job and doesn’t really want to start a new career in a new field, but he will do it if it means a secure income and a happier home life but he’s scared that it won't get better. Since they aren't romantic at all anymore (with the exception of a kiss goodnight or possibly a hug after a bad fight) he’s terrified that "the job issue" is just a placeholder for something much worse, that she doesn't love him anymore and that will become painfully obvious if he quit his job. He’s at a loss and every day that goes by they seem to drift more apart and fight more frequently. Let’s kick this off so we can operate on this mess. What are your thoughts on what’s happening here? Does Eva have reason to be behaving the way she is? Are Zac’s concerns valid?
  4. Mixed Marriages???

    I don't know if this topic has been done before yet, and if it has I apologize. I was really curious on people's thoughts regarding mixed marriages. Where the husband and wife share different faiths and raise their children with religious 'freedom'. Do you feel that mixed marriages are ok? Do you feel that a mixed marriage would survive all the difficulties of raising a family? Do you think it is possible for two people of differing faiths to understand and accept their spouse's faith? And do you think you could ever marry a person of a different faith (converting or not)? Now I can already hear all the spines cracking on people's bibles, and the rocks being gathered to cast the first stone. Bear in mind that this post is not designed for others to unleash their hatred for another religion by saying it is a blasphemous thought, or for people to preach to those who do think it is to have a mixed marriage. I personally come from a mixed marriage family, as do my parents. My father's parents were Catholic (Grandfather) and Lutheran (Grandmother) while my mother's parents were non-religious (Grandfather) and Jehova's Witness (Grandmother). My father was raised Catholic and my mother was raised Jehova's Witness, and when my parents married my mother converted to Catholicism. My siblings and I were all raised Catholic but were also taught that there were many roads to God. Through the years we have all learned to trust in our own faith. Myself converting to Christisnity, my brother converting is Islam, and both of our sisters remaining Catholic. When we go home for holidays or to see one another, we don't see religion we just see the people we have always loved. I have always believed that love transcends religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, and so much more. Love is what keeps my family and I together. I personally have no problem marrying a woman of a different religion because my faith is my own.if we had children I wouldn't force our children to share my faith and I wouldn't want to. I would want them to freely choose their own path to God, and to trust that He loves them far more than I ever could. Sure there would be difficulties, like going to church for example. Another would be teaching them that all roads lead to the same place, something i'm sure not everyone agrees with. Then there are the religious holidays and family members that wouldn't agree or approve of our marriage. In all honesty, my parents could care less who I marry as long as that person made me happy. I'm not here to advocate for one religion over another or to say you should agree with my beliefs on mixed marriages. Everyone had their own beliefs on this topic and reasons for why they feel that way.
  5. Just curious, but how many of your parents or family members know that you are a virgin or WTM? I'm not sure if this question has been asked before and I certainly don't feel like going through pages of topics just to find it. But I was curious how many of you have freely told your parents/family members about your decision to wait? Me personally, I have never told anyone outside maybe a handful of people that I'm a virgin. No one in my family knows either. I was kind of ashamed of it when I was younger due to peer pressure, but as I got older I realized that the only power people will ever have over me, is that which I give them. That being said, I still have a really hard time being around family when everyone is either married or has children. Sometimes I feel pressured by my family to have children and settle down. I feel like if I told them they would look at me funny, maybe even differently from now on. And I feel awkward enough as it is whenever they ask me if i'm dating anyone or when am I going to bring a girl home to meet them? I don't even want to imagine my parents trying to explain the 'birds and bees' to me at the age of 29. I guess in a way I would kind of feel like a disappointment to them, which I know isn't true. I was just wondering if anyone else felt this way or similarly. And to those of you who have told family members about your decision to wait, how did you do so? And what were their reactions when you told them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Jorge
  6. Are there mostly Christians in this site or are there other folks (Pagan,Wicca,etc.,) on here? Also, is this site limited to the United States,or the world over?
  7. Am I selfish for wanting to marry a virgin? I have been waiting 29 years, and I feel guilty for praying to God for a virgin husband. I'm worried I might miss the man God has for me, but then I feel like I will always have hesitations if I marry a non-virgin, maybe never fully feel invested in the relationship or like they have the same amount of investment. Then I keep hearing our pastor talk about praying boldly, and praying further than we expect or think for things so that we can show we believe God is more amazing than we can even imagine, and that anything we ask or think will be given to us if we just believe. I'm so torn. I don't want to miss something great, but I also don't want to mess up because I can't just take my virginity back if I marry the wrong guy.
  8. As the title says, I am a 28 year old Virgin and I am saving myself as well as waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse. Why? Because it is my choice and I want to wait until then because I think it is the right thing to do. But I honestly don't think my guy exists. I would love to find a guy that is a Virgin but he has to also have the following qualities, has to have a job, education, car, be able to drive, has his own place or lives at home with family or even roommates etc. BUT also he must NOT drink, smoke, or do drugs, nor must he have or want to have kids. AND he must be into metal, rock, and punk music, and love going to concerts, listening to the heavier sides of these music genres, black metal, death metal, deathcore, hardcore, metalcore, screamo, thrash, etc. Enjoy headbanging, mosh pits, crowd surfing, etc. Me finding a guy that meets ALL of these things isn't easy and it hurts me. I really am tempted to just give up because no man will want me.
  9. I am not religious at all, I believe in something bigger but I don't believe or follow any religion. I am waiting for marriage though, i think it is a beautiful thing and that it can lead to a stronger relationship. But it's so difficult, at least to me. I just want to hear why you think its good to wait for marriage, if there is any other non religious people and how long you think one should wait to get engaged and married?
  10. Okay so I have just seen a post in the ask married waiters and it was asking how long it took them to get married and how long they were engaged. The thing about it was that everyone I saw said somewhere between 1-3 years overall time not married but for me 1 year seems about the time where you would know you could actually get into a relationship and at least 5 years of dating until marriage. Now I would just want to make sure nothing goes wrong but my question is: Do you guys think it would be reasonable to ask someone to wait that long?
  11. Hi, I want to share these two videos by the Eh Bee Family, well at least by the spouses. They have two children. I don´t know much about this family (actually zero), except that they are pretty popular in the vlogging world and vine, but I have not really a clue about what they are doing. Anyway, I stumbled upon this video and found it so insightful and valuable, that I wanted to share it. I loved their advice! It also touches some of the topics that were discussed here lately in the forums (wants and needs, communication etc.). Maybe they are going to do more of those kind of videos. Here are the first two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfzbWFsrJpU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxX_l7buX9A Enjoy!
  12. Letters To My Wife...

    Hello Ladies, For the past few years I've been writing letters to my wife in this journal of mine in the hopes that one day I would give them to her on our wedding day, but currently I'm still struggling with whether or not God wants me to remain single. I began writing them with the understanding that I would someday find a spouse, but after about 5 years things continue to look pretty bleak. A few months back I began reading many of them and I thought they were quite good and considered publishing them. I currently have a few people interested in helping me find a publisher and I'm debating whether or not to publish them out of fear that if I do find someone, she will be upset with me revealing some of my most intimate and revealing moments with everyone instead of just her. A few months back I began publishing them on my blog. I have over 70 letters so far and still continue to write them out of habit and hope. I guess my questions are: How would you feel about your future spouse revealing he had written letters to only you and kept them all in a journal/notebook to give to you on your wedding day? How would you feel about him publishing them for the world to see? Would you still consider them as intimate and sacred to you?
  13. Hey, guys! Found these articles on respect in marriage, wanted to see what people think of them. Personally, I think the author makes a lot of good points. He wrote two versions, one for wives and one for husbands. http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/7-ways-a-husbands-needs-respect-from-his-wife/ http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/7-ways-a-wife-needs-respect-from-her-husband/ Thoughts? xxx
  14. I have found this article on the website marriagemissions.com. Very relevant indeed ! http://marriagemissions.com/exposing-the-myths-marriage-doesnt-heal-brokenness/
  15. 276 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU MARRY WORK 1. Are you working on your chosen field? 2. How many hours a week do you work? 3. What does your job entail? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks?) 4. What is your dream job? 5. Have you ever been called a workaholic? 6. What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working? 7. Have you ever been fired? 8. Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot? 9. Do you consider your work a career or just a job? 10. Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? HOME 11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? 12. Do you prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings? 13. Is it important to have your own private home, or do you prefer apartment or condo living, with a management company responsible for the maintenance? Are you a do-it yourselfer, or would you rather hire professionals? Do you prefer to clean your own home or hire a housekeeper? 14. Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? What do you need to feel energized and inspired in your home? 15. Is quiet important in your home, or do you prefer having music or some background noise most of the time? Is it important to have a TV in the bedroom? Living room? Kitchen? Do you like to sleep with the TV or radio on? 16. How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone? 17. Have differences about home style ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? 18. If you had unlimited resources, how would you live? 19. How important is it for you to make a lot of money? 20. What is your annual income? 21. Do you pay alimony or child support? 22 Do you believe in prenuptial agreements? Under what circumstances? 23. Do you believe in establishing a family budget? 24. Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts? Do you feel that bills should be divided based on a percentage of each person's salary? 25. Who should handle the finances in your family? 26. Do you have significant debts? 27. Do you gamble? 28. Did you have a paying job when you were in high school? Before high school? 29. Have you ever been called cheap or stingy? 30. Do you believe that a certain amount of money should be set aside for pleasure, even if you�re on a tight budget? 31. Have you ever used money as a way of controlling a relationship? Has anyone ever tried to control you with money? 32. Has money ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? RELATIONSHIP HISTORY 33. Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear? 34. When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person? What happened in that relationship, and how have you come to terms with it? 35. What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn? 36. Have you ever been married? If so, are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss? 37. If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviors that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you�re not proud of? 36. Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship? 39. Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships? 40. Have you ever sought marriage counseling? What did the experience teach you? 41. Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future? 42. Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn�t go through with the wedding? 43. Have you ever had a live-in partner? Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying? What did your experience teach you about the importance of marriage and about commitment? 44. Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you? SEX 45. What sexual activities do you enjoy the most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? Be specific! This is no time to hedge. 46. Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? If yes, why? If no, why? 47. What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex? 48. Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted? 48. What was the attitude toward sex in your family? Was it talked about? Who taught you about sex? 50. Do you use sex to self-medicate? If something upsets you, do you use sex to try and help you feel better? 51. Have you ever felt forced to have sex to �keep the peace�? Have you ever forced someone or been told that you forced someone to have sex with you to �keep the peace�? 52. Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage? 53. Do you enjoy viewing pornography? 54. How often do you need or expect sex? 55. Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex? 56. Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? HEALTH 57. How would you describe the current state of your health? 58. Have you ever had a serious illness? Have you ever had surgery? 58. Do you believe it is a sacred responsibility to take care of yourself? Do you believe that taking care of your physical and mental health is a part of honoring your marriage vows? 60. Are there genetic diseases in your family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness? 61. Do you have health insurance? Dental insurance? 62. Do you belong to a gym? If so, how much time do you spend at the gym every week? 63. Do you play sports or take exercise classes? 64. Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship? 65. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder? 66. Have you ever been in a serious accident? 67. Do you take medication? 68. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease? P.. Have you ever been treated for a mental disorder? 70. Do you see a therapist? 71. Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked? 72. Do you consider yourself an addictive personality, and have you ever suffered from an addiction? Have you ever been told you have an addiction problem, even though you might disagree? 73. How much alcohol do you drink every week? 74. Do you use recreational drugs? 75. Do you have a medical problem that impacts your ability to have a satisfying sex life (for example, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, drug/alcohol addiction, etc)? 76. Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? APPEARANCE 77. How important is it that you always look your best? 78. How important is your spouse�s appearance? Do you have strong preferences about being with a particular physical �type�? 70. Are there cosmetic procedures that you regularly undergo? 80. Is weight control important to you? Is your spouse�s weight important to you? What would your reaction be if your partner were to gain a significant amount of weight? 81. How much money do you spend on clothing every year? 82. Do you worry about getting old? Do you worry about losing your looks? 83. What do you like and dislike about your appearance? When you were a child, were you often complimented or shamed about your looks? 84. What would your reaction be if your spouse lost a limb? A breast? How would you handle this loss? 85. Do you feel that you can have good chemistry with someone who is moderately physically attractive to you, or is a strong physical attraction necessary? Has physical appearance or �chemistry� ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? PARENTHOOD 86. Do you want children? When? How many? Are you unable to have children? 87. Would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children? 88. Who is responsible for birth control? What would you do if there were an accidental pregnancy before you planned to have children? 88. What is your view of fertility treatments? Adoption? Would you adopt if you were unable to have a child naturally? 90. What is your view of abortion? Should a husband have an equal say in whether his wife has an abortion? Have you ever had an abortion? 91. Have you ever given birth to a child or fathered a child who was put up for adoption? 92. How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family? 93. Do you believe that a good mother will want to breast-feed her baby? Do you believe a mother or father should stay at home with a child during the first six months of life? The first year? Longer? 94. Do you believe in spanking a child? What type of discipline do you believe in (time-out, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc.)? 95. Do you believe that children have rights? Do you feel that a child�s opinion should be considered when making family and life decisions, such as moving or changing schools? 96. Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation? 97. Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct? Should you have the same expectations for their sexual behavior? 96. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active? 97. How would you handle it if you didn�t like your child�s friends? 98. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active? 99. How would you handle it if you didn't like your child's friends? 100. In a blended family; should birth parents be in charge of making decisions for their own children? 101. Would you ever consider getting a vasectomy or having your tubes tied? Do you believe it�s your choice, or does your partner have a say? 102. Have differences concerning conception or child-raising ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? EXTENDED FAMILIES 103. Are you close to your family? 104. Are you or have you ever been alienated from your family? 105. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family? 106. Have you identified the childhood wound that may have sabotaged your relationships in the past�the deeply imprinted fear that made you want to escape? How were you most hurt in your family; and who hurt you? 107. How important is it that you and your partner be on good terms with each other�s families? 106. How did your parents settle conflicts when you were a child? Do people in your family carry long-term grudges? 109. How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions? 110. Have unresolved or ongoing family issues ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? FRIENDS FRIENDS 111. Do you have a �best friend�? 112. Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week? Do you speak to any of your friends on the phone every day? 113. Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is? 114. If your friends need you, are you there for them? 115. Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends? 116. Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common? 117. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends? 118. Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship? Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? PETS 119. Are you an animal lover? 120. Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet? 121. Is your attitude �Love me, love my dog [cat; potbellied pig]?� 122. Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal? Have you deliberately hurt an animal? 123. Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship? 124. Do you consider pets members of your family? 125. Have you ever been jealous of a partner�s relationship with a pet? 126. Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? POLITICS 127. Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels? What was the attitude in your family about political involvement and social action? 128. Do you belong to a political party? Are you actively involved? 128. Did you vote in the last presidential election? Congressional election? Local election? 130. Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage? 131. Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of color, poor people, and the disenfranchised? 132. Which political issues do you care about? (For example, equality national security, privacy, the environment, the budget; women�s rights, gay rights, human rights, etc.). 133. Has politics ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? COMMUNITY 134. Is it important for you to be involved in your local community? 135. Do you like having a close relationship with your neighbors? For example, would you give a neighbor a spare key to your home? 136. Do you regularly participate in community projects? 137. Do you believe that good fences make good neighbors? 138. Have you ever had a serious dispute with a neighbor? 139. Do you take pains to be considerate of your neighbors (for example, keeping a lid on loud music, barking dogs, etc.)? CHARITY 140. How important is it to you to contribute time or money to charity? 141. Which kind of charities do you like to support? How much of your annual income do you donate to charity? 142. Do you feel that it is the responsibility of the �haves� of the world to help the �have-nots�? 143. Have attitudes about charitable contributions ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? MILITARY 144. Have you served in the military? 145. Have your parents or other relatives served in the military? 146. Would you want your children to serve in the military? 147. Do you personally identify more with a nonviolent approach, or with making change through military force and action? 148. Has military service or attitudes about military service ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? THE LAW 149. Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person? 150. Have you ever committed a crime? If yes, what was it? 151. Have you ever been arrested? If yes, for what? 152. Have you ever been in jail? If yes, why? 153. Have you ever been involved in a legal action or lawsuit? If yes, what were the circumstances? 154. Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime? If yes, describe what happened. 156. Do you believe it�s important to be rigorously honest when you pay taxes? 156. Have you ever failed to pay child support? If so, why? 157. Have legal or criminal issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? MEDIA 158. Where do you get your news (for example, TV news programs, radio, newspapers, newsmagazines, the Internet, friends)? 159. Do you believe what you read and see in the news, or do you question where information is coming from and what the true agenda is? 100. Do you seek out media with diverse perspectives on the news? 161. Have media differences ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? RELIGION 162. Do you believe in God? What does that mean to you? 163. Do you have a current religious affiliation? Is it a big part of your life? 164. When you were growing up, did your family belong to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque? 185. Do you currently practice a different religion from the one in which you were raised? 166. Do you believe in life after death? 167. Does your religion impose any behavioral restrictions (dietary, social, familial, sexual) that would affect your partner? 168. Do you consider yourself a religious person? A spiritual person? 169. Do you engage in spiritual practices outside of organized religion? 170. How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs? 171. How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion? 172. Is spirituality a part of your daily life and practice? 173. Has religion or spiritual practice ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? CULTURE 174. Does popular culture have an important impact on your life? 175. Do you spend time reading about, watching, or discussing actors, musicians, models, or other celebrities? 176. Do you think most celebrities have a better, more exciting life than you do? (By the way, if they do, maybe it's because they are living their lives, while you are watching them live their lives. Are you wasting the opportunity and gift to live your own life?) 177. Do you regularly go to the movies, or do you prefer to rent movies and watch them at home? 178. What is your favorite style of music? 179. Do you attend concerts featuring your favorite musicians? 180. Do you enjoy going to museums or art shows? 181. Do you like to dance? 182. Do you like to watch TV for entertainment? 183. Have attitudes or behaviors around popular culture ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? LEISURE 184. What is your idea of a fun day? 185. Do you have a hobby that�s important to you? 186. Do you enjoy spectator sports? 187. Are certain seasons off-limits for other activities because of football, baseball, basketball, or other sports? 168. What activities do you enjoy that don�t involve your partner? How important is it to you that you and your partner enjoy the same leisure activities? 189. How much money do you regularly spend on leisure activities? 190. Do you enjoy activities that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling? 191. Have leisure time issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? 192. Do you enjoy entertaining, or do you worry that you�ll do something wrong or people won�t have a good time? 193. Is it important for you to attend social events regularly, or does the prospect rarely appeal to you? 194. Do you look forward to at least one night out every week, or do you prefer to enjoy yourself at home? 195. Does your work involve attending social functions? If so, are these occasions a burden or a pleasure? Do you expect your spouse to be present, or do you prefer that your spouse not be present? 196. Do you socialize primarily with people from work, or with people from the same ethnic/racial/religious/ socioeconomic background? Or do you socialize with a diverse mix of people? 197. Are you usually the �life of the party," or do you dislike being singled out for attention? 198. Have you or a partner ever had an argument caused by one or the other�s behavior at a social function? 199. Have differences about socializing ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? HOLIDAY AND BIRTHDAYS 286. Which (if any holidays do you believe are the most important to celebrate? 201. Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays? 202. How important are birthday celebrations to you? Anniversaries? 203. Have differences about holidays/birthdays ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? TRAVEL / VACATIONS 204. Do you enjoy traveling, or are you a homebody? 205. Are vacation getaways an important part of your yearly planning? 206. How much of your annual income do you designate for vacation and travel expenses? 207. Do you have favorite vacation destinations? Do you believe it's wasteful to spend money on vacations to distant places? 206. Do you think it's important to have a passport? To speak a foreign language? 209. Have disputes about travel and vacation ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? EDUCATION 210. What is your level of formal education? Is your education a source of pride or shame? 211. Do you regularly sign up for courses that interest you, or enroll in advanced-learning programs that will help you in your career or profession? 212. Do you think that college graduates are smarter than people who didn�t attend college? Have disparities in education ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or ended a relationship? 213. How do you feel about private school education for children? Do you have a limit on how much you would be willing to invest in private school education? 214. Have education levels or priorities ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? TRANSPORTATION 215. Do you own or lease a car? Would you ever consider not having a car? 216. Is the year, make, and model of the car you drive important to you? Is your car your �castle�? 217. Are fuel efficiency and environmental protection factors when you choose a car? 218. Given the availability of reliable public transportation, would you prefer not to drive a car at all? 219. How much time do you spend maintaining and caring for your vehicle? Are you reluctant to let others drive your car? 220. How long is your daily commute? Is it by bus, train, car, or carpool? 221. Do you consider yourself a good driver? Have you ever received a speeding ticket? 222. Have cars or driving ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? COMMUNICATION 223. How much time do you spend on the phone every day? 224. Do you have a cell phone? A BlackBerry? 225. Do you belong to any Internet chat groups? Do you spend significant time each day writing c-mails? 226. Do you have an unlisted telephone number? If yes, why? 227. Do you consider yourself a communicator or a private person? 228. What are the circumstances under which you would not answer the telephone, cell phone, or BlackBerry? 229. Has modem communication ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? MEALTIME 230. Do you like to eat most of your meals sitting at the table, or do you tend to eat on the run? 231. Do you love to cook? Do you love to eat? 232. When you were growing up, was it important that everybody be present for dinner? 233. Do you follow a specific diet regimen that limits your food choices? Do you expect others in your household to adhere to certain dietary restrictions? 234. In your family is food ever used as a bribe or a proof of love? 235. Has eating ever been a source of shame for you? 236. Have eating and food ever been a source of tension and stress in a relationship? Have they ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? GENDER ROLE 237. Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman? Why do you believe this? 238. Do you believe that marriages are stronger if a woman defers to her husband in most areas? Do you need to feel either in control or taken care of? 239. How important is equality in a marriage? Define what you mean by �equality.� 340. Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement? 341. How did your family view the roles of girls and boys, men and women? In your family; could anyone do any job as long as it got done well? 242. Have different ideas about gender roles ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or the cause of a breakup? RACE, ETHNICITY, AND DIFFERENCES 243. What did you learn about race and ethnic differences as a child? 244. Which of those beliefs from childhood do you still carry; and which have you shed? 245. Does your work environment look more like the United Nations, or like a mirror of yourself? How about your personal life? 246. How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity? The same gender? How would you feel if he or she married this person? 247. Are you aware of your own biases regarding race and ethnicity? What are they? Where did they come from? (We aren�t born biased, we learn it, and it�s important to trace where it was learned.) 248. Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship? 249. What were your family�s views of race, ethnicity, and difference? 250. Is it important to you that your partner shares your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference? 251. Have different ideas about race, ethnicity~ and difference ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? LIVING EVERY DAY 252. Would you consider yourself a morning person or a night person? 213. Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you? 254 Are you a physically affectionate person? 255. What is your favorite season of the year? 256. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw? 257. What is your idea of a fair division of labor in your household? 258. Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or are you most comfortable with a firm plan of action? 256. How much sleep do you need every night? 260. Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, even on weekends or vacations? 261. What is your idea of perfect relaxation? 262. What makes you really angry? What do you do when you�re really angry? 263. What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are joyful? 264. What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities? 265. What makes you most secure? 266. Do you fight fair? How do you know? 267. How do you celebrate when something great happens? How do you mourn when something tragic happens? 268. What is your greatest limitation? 269. What is your greatest strength? 270. What most stands in the way of your creating a passionate and caring marriage? 271. What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality? 272. What makes you most afraid? 273. What drains you of your joy and passion? 274. What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit? 275. What makes your heart smile in tough times? 276. What makes you feel the most alive? I found all these after seeing the sexual compatibility section in Mike's book and it really got me thinking. All this should save us all some time so we'll be all prepared when the time comes
  16. How i it usually when you date another person who's waiting until marriage? I recently started dating this guy from online who's also waiting until marriage. This is my first time dating a guy who's waiting until marriage too. He's also a virgin and we never talked about past relationships, so I'm not even sure if he had his first kiss.I'm a virgin waiter too, but I dated a lot of guys before. I'm not sure if he's just different or if he's not interested. We went on three dates so far. He smiles at me a lot, always pays, and is extra nice. However, he never compliments, flirts, or touches me.He accidentally touched my hand when we were walking, but that was it. I don't understand why he wouldn't even show that he's interested when we're together, but continues to ask me on dates. It's so confusing. Is the experience usually different when two waiters date?
  17. I know there aren't only Americans on this site. I'm American, but I want to meet the people who aren't. I actually want to have a relationship with a British guy. It's something about the accent that sounds like a lullaby to me. Even when their drunk and slurring XD. So... Any British guys out there? Or just people from other places in general? If you American, don't hold back from posting on this either. I don't mean to exclude anyone. ^^ I'm only sixteen now, but when I get older I hope to marry a handsome Christian gentleman with an English accent. ^^
  18. I just read this beautiful and very honest piece from Deeper Story on saving sex until marriage. I love how the writer explains the way her stance on waiting changed as she grew older, how her mother's circumstances influenced her, and her navigation of dating. http://deeperstory.com/like-a-virgin/
  19. I am 31 years old virgin female who is waiting until marriage for sex,i am looking for virgin guy who also believe waiting until marriage i dont like my a guy who do sleep every woman before marriage i want him pure like me but i m worry will i find a Virgin guy who would oldder than me???
  20. Okay, so I thought this might be fun! Gentlemen: Have you ever thought about ideas for "popping the question" someday? What are some of the unique and romantic ideas you've had? Ladies: Do you have any dream proposals you wish you could be surprised with? Any dreams in that regard? Now, I know some of ya'll might not want to spill the beans on your big plans, but do you have any old ideas? Surely I'm not the only one who thinks about how I might go about asking for her hand. Do any of you successful waiters want to share how you proposed? Ready? Set? Go!
  21. Just asking as I'm feeling very down at the moment and need some affirmation that I'm not just an out of touch person on this issue. I'm the only person I know barring a few people who abstain for purely cultural reasons, that holds true to the idea of abstinence. I'm 23,good looking handsome man (I was crowned most handsome at school prom) with good personality , therefore, I have a lot of chances and I mean it , with a lot of hot girls , I must confess that my faith is being tested here , my problem is I can't hold my self any more, I broke up with my last girlfriend because our relationship was developing very fast and she's welcoming having sex , the problem is I can't have sex before marriage , not because I like her a little mean I can have sex with her , I wanna wait for the right person for me , to develop my love correctly having sex after marriage ... I was bought up by religious parents. They were easy going, allowed me to make my own decisions etc, so the decision to actually abstain from sex has been a cross I've made for my own back. I believe wholeheartedly in the idea of love, with which comes of holding yourself for that one special person. I still do, and even though I am in a very promiscuous setting (university) and though temptation has very nearly gotten hold of me manys a time, I've been able to keep to it as I said before , but its getting harder and harder , I'm a man , and there is this need , you know .. However as mentioned before, I haven't met ANYONE who holds the same values as me, the suitable one .. the one I truly love from the bottom of my heart. And I began questioning my way of living , Is it right or NOT …. The only thing I'm thinking of right now is Having sex .. Its now 4 months .. I locked up myself in my room , wasting my time watching dramas over and over and other stuff , passing time .. I've become antisocial , I guess .. switched off my mobile , talking to my friends through Facebook chat ,, thats my life now .. I know it sounds very petty and selfish to be thinking about myself in such a way, but it's gnawing away at me insidiously. Making me doubt myself. The odd reactions and jokes I get from people I can take, but I want to know that I'm doing the right thing, not just some childlike notion of love. And alot of questions I need someone to answer me , comfort me !!! Does anyone of my generation still believe in the idea of no sex before marriage, or am I a relic with antiquated views? I also need to know about u guyz ur experiences , ur culture , ur country views each !! what if I'll never meet my soulmate , the one true love , wait till 30s , or 40s ... For me marrying a virgin girl who believes in what I believe is important for me , I don't know If I can accept a girl with previous sexual relations even once , even if she has regrets .. so its like impossible for me to meet someone .. I'm deeply dark depressed , I'm afraid of the future .. help .. I need to talk to someone .. I'm going insane .. Thanks
  22. Who here besides myself is still a virgin waiting for marriage and why? Just curious... Thanks lol Born agains are welcome too Feel free to friend me / add me / google chat with me / whatevs lol - I'm friendly!
  23. TOP 3 REASONS WHY I STOPPED DATING by Christi Luv (originally published 2/22/14) 1 - The Exhausting Lies 2 - The Annoying Games 3 - The Insulting Objectification Greetings. You may be an avid dater, or you may not. You may have sought a date with me, or you may not. You may be single, or you may not. But either way, recent events with multiple individuals have compelled me to write this little opinion / experience blog, and share with anyone whom it might interest just why I stopped dating a while ago, and why I'm not convinced that I should resume any time soon. You're welcomed and encouraged to give me your honest feedback! I - The exhausting lies are too tiring and time wasting to sort out and filter through. II - The annoying games are too frustrating and stressful to play defense against. III - The insulting objectification is too disrespectful and demoralizing to tolerate. I - The lies and language that I have to decode when trying to get to know guys is so exhausting and time consuming that I lose interest (and patience) for the whole dating process. Here are just a few examples of such tiring translation toil discoveries: "I own my own business" = "I'm unemployed" "I'm GREAT with kids" = "I have 10 kids and you look like their next sexy baby mama" "I'm 6 feet" = "I'm 5'9 and 1/2" "I'm a photographer" = "I shoot my own collection of porn with any dumb dingbat who'll take her clothes off for me" "I'm a rapper" = "I'm a delusional wannabe who never had a strong positive male role model in my life, growing up as a child" "I'm mature" = "I'm a dirty child molesty pervert, old enough to be your daddy, with 3 ex-wives who all hate me with a passionate venom that would scare Hitler" "She cheated on me because I work hard" = "She cheated on me because I ignored the crap out of her and I would like the opportunity to ignore the crap out of you too" "Oh awesome! I'm saving myself for marriage too!" = "I started saving myself for marriage 5 seconds ago, when you told me you were saving yourself for marriage, but really I'm gonna try my damndest to get you to go as far as possible in the opposite direction of chastity" "I don't like girls who need attention" = "I don't like being in a relationship" "I don't have facebook" = "I don't want you to know who I really am or see that I may still be in a relationship with someone else, while I'm hitting on you..." "How bout you come over to my place?" = "How bout I rape you?" or "I'm a serial killer" "I work from home" = "My mom still does my laundry" "I'm a business traveler" = "I'm a settled married man with 3 clueless kids and a clinically depressed wife and I was hoping you'd be one of my young pretty dumb whores in this city" "Meet me where I live" = "I don't have a ride and I plan to charm you into becoming one of my various female chauffeurs..." "I like younger women" = "I like clueless objects that I can control" and "I'm a very small man inside, yes, younger men are braver than I am" "Drama follows me wherever I go" = "I keep pursuing the wrong people" "I, I, I, I, I" = "I'm a chronic narcissist, so there's no room in my world for anyone but meeeeeeeeee" "I saw this girl do this thing that wasn't nice or got her in trouble..." = "Please don't do that-- Oh and I kinda suck at direct communication, cause I coulda just said that, and that woulda been an enlightening conversation that would have deepened and developed our relationship, but instead I had to passively aggressively give you this 3rd person story for you to pick up the subtle hints on, which is a lot more work than anyone should feel they have to do in a friendship or romance... See how many minutes of our lives this type of communication just wasted?" "Everyone's a pervert, so stop looking for good people..." = "I'm the biggest pervert in the world, but I'm insecure about it, because I know it's f*d up, so I have to rationalize and justify it, by convincing you, me and everyone else that everyone's a sick perverted f* like me, which is absolutely NOT true, but it makes me feel better about my crusty self, to force my pervert ideology onto you" "Damn you're gorgeous!" = "Damn I wanna f* you!!!" "I LOVE your innocence" = "I would LOVE to destroy your innocence" "Girls are too complicated" = "Relationships are too hard" "I own 3 vacation houses" = "I will pay you for sex" "I'd love to be your sugar daddy" = "I will pay you for sex" "I want to spoil you" = "I will pay you for sex" "The ladies love me" = "I'm a whore" or "I want you to think I'm a whore" "Casual sex is healthy" = "I'm still definitely a whore" "I use to be a player" = "I use to be a whore, but now I'm getting old and I need a wife, so I won't die alone. So can I please pour all my gross old ugly baggage onto a pretty, sweet, young thang like you now?" "I want a girl who can take care of herself" = "I want a girl who can take care of me" "I want a woman who stays busy" = "I don't really want a relationship, I just want a shallow, superficial business arrangement that involves a lot of physical connection and very little emotional connection, but I don't want her to notice that that's all it is, to avoid the risk of her cutting me loose at any given moment, when she actually finds something real with another guy" "I like it when a woman chases me instead" = "I'm gay" "I do a lot of computer work" = "I'm a gaming fanatic" "I don't know why nobody likes me" = "I don't know how to fix my painfully annoying (or scary) personality" "I look like Blair Underwood" = "I look like Flava Flav" "I look like Michael Ealy" = "I look like Rihanna" "I look like Zac Efron" = "I look like Jonah Hill" "I look like Taylor Lautner" = "I look like Megan Fox" "I look like Mario Lopez" = "I look like George Lopez" "I look like Bruce Lee" = "I look like that naked Asian guy from The Hangover movies and Community" "I'll NEVER leave you hangin" = "I'll ALWAYS leave you hangin" And the list goes on and on till the break of dawn... It starts off entertaining, but then it just becomes draining. And as a famous viral video star once said, "Aint nobody got time for that!" II - Now lets talk about the annoying games: A ) The Chasing Game B ) The Dating Game C ) The Claiming Game The Chasing Game {(A) Game #1} is when the guy tries to manipulate a girl into dating him (or dating him again), instead of actually listening to her wants, needs or comfort preferences. So instead of molding his game to fit her, he tries to mold her to fit his game. BIG mistake. Many guys do this. There are 3 levels of it. Level 1 - The Fake Connection Level 2 - The Sales Pitch Level 3 - The New Girl 1st - The guy pretends to connect with the girl on things that interest or matter to her, but he doesn't really care about these things or have serious interest in them. It's all just a blind, calculated tactic to trick her into thinking they share a connection. 2nd - The guy blindly pitches himself to the girl without really hearing or understanding her objection, and without truly understanding the objection, you can't effectively overcome it. So instead of hearing her problem and looking for a way to solve it (or wait it out), he just tries to blindly bash her over the head with his thoughts, feelings and desires, and then, just like all the other guys, who failed to realize they weren't the first to try this angle and fall flat, he gets surprised when it doesn't work. 3rd - Finally, the guy brings another female (or a fake non-existent female) into the equation, thinking the grass is always greener, and since women are known for their jealousy, and people are known for their superficiality (meaning the shallowness of not seeing, liking or fully appreciating someone until you see that someone else wants them), he tries to manipulate the girl that he REALLY wants into thinking that he's dating somebody else, who is usually either made up, OR an easy girl who's always been available to him, who he doesn't really want that badly, but might settle for if he can't get the girl he really wants. NOTE: But this tactic only works on smart girls AFTER they've gotten to know you, spent time with you, been romanced by you, and have decided, for sure, that they actually want and like you like that. A smart girl is NOT going to like you more just for being wanted by another woman, when she hasn't even decided that she trusts you enough to take you seriously like that for herself, or she simply hasn't let you all the way inside her heart yet. A smart girl has to know who you are, connect with you, and take you seriously, before she can be truly possessive over you. You have to build a relationship of some kind for that to happen. There must be an emotional bond first. A history with each other. Otherwise, she'll just cast you off into the friend zone for an eternity, assuming you were never seriously interested in getting to know her, as a long term romantic prospect. She certainly won't like you for acting like a prick to her, under ANY circumstances. If anything she'll hold your rude behavior and deceptive acts against you. And it's never good to lose the respect or trust of a smart girl... Cause then it's hard to win her back. So The Chasing Game = FAIL. Then there's The Dating Game {(B ) Game #2}. This is when the guy actually gets the girl on a date with him, be it an exclusive date, or (usually) unexclusive date, just to get to know each other. This is when the guy tries to manipulate the girl into either being exclusive with him, or sleeping with him, or both, by acting like someone he's not, or by molding himself to fit her likes, or both, instead of just experiencing the dating process naturally, and getting to know each other honestly. So instead of seeing if they click mutually, he tries to force the click and fool her into thinking they're a perfect match-- which is both dishonest, dangerous, and a big waste of everybody's time-- if you're not really a good match for each other. Level 1 - The Fake Wealth Level 2 - The Clone Likes Level 3 - The Hidden Emotions 1st - The guy goes broke spending all his cash to impress the girl, which is truly sweet, but he's not honest about it. He pretends this is a normal, common date for him, fooling her into thinking he's always going to romance her like this, then he holds it against her later when she expects something he set her up to expect. Meanwhile she resents his dishonesty and bait-n-switch routine, plus he acts miserable, cause he's broke now lol. 2nd - Then the guy acts like he's deeply connected to all the things the girl likes or cares about, pinpointing specific hot button issues that he knows or suspects that she holds dear-- and he copies and pastes her real personality profile data into his false personality profile template, acting like her twin, to fake compatibility with her. It's admirably ambitious, yes, but disturbingly fraudulent as well. 3rd - Finally, and this is the most common level of the dating game, because unlike the 2 more ambitious positives to reach for, this is a very easy negative to simply fall into. In an effort to seem cool, or to manipulate her into thinking he's a big, emotionless tough guy (which doesn't really exist unless you're a hitman or a sociopath), the guy will hide his emotions and true feelings on matters, from the girl, instead of honestly, directly communicating to her, how he feels, what he thinks, or what he's been through. He deliberately hides his own personal truth from her, likely out of fear that she won't think he's a man, if he opens up to her honestly and directly, which is a real issue with dumb girls and mean girls, but smart girls and nice girls will NOT *EVER* hold your humanity against you, or think less of you for being honest about the depths of your true feelings. We will ALWAYS appreciate and respect you for opening up to us and being honest, sensitive and emotionally intimate with us. ALWAYS. Because we crave emotional intimacy, we thrive on it. Plus that's one big way to get a special place in our overly emotional hearts lol. We'll even understand you better and be more consciously gentle with your heart-- once you reveal to us that you have one Too many guys are too insecure to expose their hearts, even to nice girls, thus the girl never lets him into her heart. Because trust is a 2-way street. I know, it's a vicious cycle, right? I guess timing really is everything... So The Dating Game = FAIL. Now we have The Claiming Game {© Game #3} - Yes, the Claim Game begins. This is when the guy tries to manipulate the girl into being exclusive with him, usually before he's truly bothered to get to know her. He just sees her (maybe even dates her briefly), but he decides that he wants her aaaaaaaaaall to himself (often when he sees that other guys want her or like her), yet he hasn't bothered to get to know her properly, and in too many cases, he hasn't even taken her out on a date yet, and sometimes they haven't even met face2face yet. But yet he just wants to stuff her in his pocket, before spending any real quality time and/or romance with her, and then he often holds it against her when she refuses to go along with this oppressive, often 1-sided pathology. Level 1 - The Scary Guilt Story Level 2 - The Secret Spy Ops Level 3 - The Insulting Style Offense 1st - The guy tries to scare and guilt the girl into not socializing with any other members of the male species, by telling her a scary or sad (or both) story, about the bad behavior of another girl, and how she either hurt or embarrassed her boyfriend. This is to do a couple things. This is to 1 - Manipulate the girl into thinking of the guy who is telling the story as her boyfriend, before he's actually reached that level of the video game, 2 - Shame the girl into feeling bad about hanging out with her current male friends, so she'll stop it, and 3 - Frighten her away from making any new male friends, even if romance never develops, and the guy and girl have not even solidified an exclusive relationship with each other yet. 2nd - The guy goes into recon mode on the girl, using soft interrogation, like asking deliberate questions in the frame of casual conversation, stalking her online, monitoring her actions, spying on her secretly, and looking for any evidence of her reaching out to others in any social capacity, especially if she looks attractive to guys. It's considered manipulation because he pretends he's not doing it or that he's too busy to call her back or text her, yet he's following her around online, watching her every move, leaving fingerprints of his presence without realizing it. This is undoubtedly the creepiest level of The Claim Game. But there's more... 3rd - The guy styles on the girl. He basically acts like a douche to her, usually without saying why, if he can even put it into words, but also, if he admits to her that he's reacting to her innocent behavior that he saw whilst he was spying on her (or playing her) like a creep, then he would have to then finally come clean and admit to her that he's been spying on her (or playing her), which is actually much worse than what he's acting mad about, and it makes him the bad guy, thus taking away his staggeringly hypocritical right to feign self-righteous angst, and instead, giving HER the right to be pissed at HIM, on at least 2 counts (1 - spying on her and 2 - styling on her + maybe 3 - playing her). NOTE: This can mean purposely ignoring her, purposely breaking your word to her, purposely embarrassing her, or purposely lashing out at her via conversation, like a hip-hop reality TV star or athlete, trying to save face in a rap battle / cast reunion show or the big game, instead of being real with her, like a sane, honest, mature individual. It's hard to get a girl to ever consider claiming you or letting you claim her once you break this trust barrier or make her feel unjustifiably disrespected. It's easy to get her to despise you or simply lose interest in you though. So guys, never get to this point. Nice girls will find it hard to forgive, tolerate or like you again after this level of emotional retardation has been reached. Plus, come on, nobody likes to feel insulted or be disrespected, and nice girls, just like nice guys, do NOT deserve that kind of treatment-- EVER. So The Claiming Game = FAIL. All these various games stress me out, absorb massive amounts of my emotional energy and deter me from wanting to be bothered with relationships at all. Because the audition process is so draining, complicated and frustrating. Even just for friendship, which is what it usually ends up as. This is only one of the many reasons why I have a love/hate relationship with humanity lol. III - So now finally we come to: The Insulting Objectification issue. First, we had The Exhausting Lies to sort through. Then we had The Annoying Games to battle against. Now we have The Insulting Objectification to escape. I put this one last because even when the lies are filtered through, and the games are paused or squashed, usually the shallow superficiality of trophy wife objectification remains -- and this is where most of my marriage proposals from guys come from. Many guys have told me they wanted to marry me. Many guys have told me they loved me. Many guys have told me they never wanted anyone more than me. Many guys have told me what every girl wants and needs to hear at least once her life. Repeatedly. So why don't I appreciate it? Because I don't believe them. I believe THEY believe them, when they say these things to me. But guys lie to themselves more than women do. So if you don't ever bother to get to know me, then you don't ever deserve to own me. I will resent you for trying to keep me all to yourself, like a pet rock, if you don't do the real work of getting to know me and deeply connect with me. Either we're in this together, or you're in this alone, buddy! But either way-- you are not gonna take me off the throne in my life, just so I can be a footstool in yours. Either we're a team, or you're a bachelor and I'm a free agent. Either we will conquer the world together, or I will conquer it without you, and eventually with someone else. But either way, I'm not gonna stop being a shooting rock star in my world, to be nothing more than a pet rock in yours. I would rather actually be alone, then to feel alone in a relationship. Because at least when you're single, you can mingle with your admirers and other single friends. But when you're alone, by yourself, in a relationship-- that's the loneliest, most painful, hard-to-explain, diminishing, and self-esteem-shattering feeling in the world. And I know this from the personal experience of being there. That is quicksand swamp that I will NOT go back to. So I'm flattered by your desire for me, but I will hate you if try to make me your trophy wife. Because I'm not a thing. I'm not a doll. I'm not a rock, plant or pet. I'm not a friggin stray cat. I'm also not your child. I'm a human being. I'm a person. But I'm also your mutual equal-- Your softer, gentler, prettier team-mate lol. And if you don't treat me like that, all the flattery and money in the world won't get me to love you, like you or keep you in my life. It's exciting when guys compete for my hand. But it's insulting when guys try to bag me like a lifeless prize, like I'm just an expensive sports car, without knowing or caring about my heart, soul or mind. Because chasing me when you know me, is the highest most flattering honor. But just trying to collect me, with no aggressive interest in learning who I am, just because I'm pretty or talented or wanted or I sparkle more than the other girls do, is the most egocentric, shallow, superficial, annoying, exhausting, insulting and pointless excuse for a loving relationship that I have ever encountered. I was tricked into that by my 1st bf-- I will NOT be duped into it again. I LEARN from MY mistakes. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm so happy and grateful to be wanted. But I'm so tired of almost nobody who claims to want me ever really truly trying to know who the BEEP I am! They want the gift without opening the box! Just because it's wrapped so pretty or cool and fun-looking. But I will not be your gift if you refuse to open me. I will never be ANYONE'S gift-- until they bother to unwrap the paper. That is my protest. That is my lament. That is my LITERAL "boy"-cott. That is my emotional cause. I am passionate about never again being "owned" by anyone who refuses to look under the hood and see what or who is actually inside. Take it or leave it. But that's my stance. IN SUMMARY: 1 - You don't get to own me until you get to know me. 2 - If you use manipulative games to catch me, your manipulative games will lose me-- And that is too much work to constantly be doing in a romance when relationships are already work as it is. Why you wanna add more work with silly games? And I assure you, if you gotta play games to catch a fish-- you gotta keep playing games to keep that fish-- and that is way too draining and exhausting, as time carries on, especially if either of you actually has a LIFE. 3 - I don't date liars, and I don't even prefer them as friends either. I prefer to keep my distance from liars because I don't want their disease of deception to infect any part of my life. Also, remember this: You cannot hide who you are from somebody and then expect them to like you for who you are, when all you've done your entire time with them is pretend to be someone you're not. Now look-- I don't know who's a serious gentlemen or just a really convincing fool, but I do know that I'm not actively seeking any romance in my life with anyone right now. I was really just looking for a Valentines Date lol. Or a Valentine Friend. Not a boyfriend or a part time lover. But now I have all these seemingly decent guys knocking down my door, and I don't know what to say to any of you. Cause I don't have anything to give you. I'm drained and busy and not interested in the exhaustive audition process that is dating, which is the basic way that you get to know if someone may match you well in a romantic context. Yes, I'm usually curious about meeting new people with the laidback awareness that it could (though most likely won't) later lead to a long term romance, or (more likely) a close friendship. But right now, I have a lot of creative projects, family matters, and a social club to deal with, so I don't have the emotional energy to give to the exhausting lies, annoying games, and insulting objectification, that is the dating and romance world (AKA the people world-- cause honestly, even "friends" stress me out.) And I'm not even a hi-strung person at all. I have a Taurus Moon for pete's sake! My emotions can tolerate a lot lol. But its been my experience that whenever I rely on people, they let me down. Bad. But whenever I rely on ideas, God and myself, I succeed. See, the 1st phase of my life I spent trying to be understood and make best friends. The 2nd phase of my life I spent trying to save my generation and lead my fellow youth to the promised land. The 3rd phase of my life I spent trying to be liked and connect with new people, as the closer, familiar people in my life either moved away, got sick, or died. Then most of the new people I connected with either let me down, or vexed me. I have nothing to show for any of it. Now the wise old soul in me calls that, "Valuable Lessons Learned". But the ambitious young mind in me calls that, "Valuable Time Lost". Time I can't recoup. A wasted investment. But when I create, share and market recorded independent self-contained projects that don't require social loyalty to move forward, I always have something to show for my time spent on this planet. I always have proof of my natural contributions to this universe, that God put me in, for some reason. So now, in this phase of my life-- I'm building my kingdom. And it will be MAGNIFICENT. A kingdom that will last and won't get knocked down or washed away by the ocean shore, in a split second, like all the other types of kingdoms do. This is why I've consciously decided to put most or all of my energy into building my kingdom of the creative soul, the moral intelligence, the life education, and the altruistic humanitarian help that I believe I was put on this earth to give. I hate to sound jaded or mathematical about it, but relationships are untrustworthy, fickle, unpredictable and can fall apart like a house of cards, at a moment's notice, if you haven't thoroughly vetted your partner, yourself or your circumstances. And I'm not the master of vetting people, trust me. "People" are not my strength. "Ideas" are my strength. "People" are just my interest and need. But not my strength. Because People = Politics-- and I suck at politics lol. So in this phase of my life, I'm going to play to my strengths, which is IDEAS, and if I happen to fall in love along the way, fine. But until then, or until vetting is properly executed, the only lover I belong to is me, and no one is allowed inside my bed besides my future husband. PERIOD. That is all why I stopped dating. And I'm not convinced I should bother with it again, until I'm independently rich and famous lol Or secretly rich and unknown... Thank you. Come again. Have a lovely day! ♥
  24. Dating sites?

    Hi there! I'm curious about dating sites and the relationships one might find using them. Are there dating sites specially-dedicated for waiters? Is it hard to find someone to date who is alright with waiting till marriage but is not extremely sociopolitically or religiously conservative? Which dating sites are the best for people like us? I really do want to find my soul mate one day but feel like the search is extremely difficult. :/