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Abc123 posted a topic in Topics About Waiting and/or RelationshipsHey guys, I'm back after close to a year away. I guess the point of this thread is to just update you guys and look for some support. I'm having a really tough time again right now emotionally. For those who don't know, I struggle with depression and anxiety and it seems to be almost entirely linked to "relationships". Up until I first discovered what love kind of was for myself, I never had any issues at all with depression or anxiety. I was a motivated, successful, happy go lucky guy and had very little interest in relationships or anything. That all changed about the time I turned 18 though. Rambling story for context: I'm 25 years old now and I've never had any kind of successful romantic relationship with anyone. I had a couple naive ones when I was 18 and 19 and just figuring out kind of what love is, but they honestly weren't anything to speak of. Technically, they were my "girlfriends" but it was pretty dumb. I saw the first girl in person like once during the 2 weeks we went out and I never kissed her or anything. The second girl lasted a little longer and I saw her a little more (in secret because her parents did not allow her to date). She was my first kiss and that was an amazing feeling at the time, but I honestly never should have went out with her. That only came about because she helped me recover from the first girl. During the time between the first girl and second girl, I went through a really dark period. The pain was really strong and it lasted for probably about 6 months. Functioning day-to-day was a really difficult thing for me. Anyway, ever since then, any time I begin to crush on a girl or have feelings towards them (reciprocated or not), I begin to get really anxious. And if things don't go well and she doesn't reciprocate, I become very depressed. It's become a pattern that just keeps repeating itself. Most of the time, if feelings are removed from the situation (i.e. after I recover from the heartbreak), I question myself as to how I could be so dumb and to let myself fall into the same trap. More often than not, I crush on someone that I have an extremely small likelihood of ever having any sort of chance of being involved with in the first place. Too often I fall for girls that live way too far away. When I was 22, I even crushed on a girl that wasn't quite 18 yet. Heck, I've even crushed on a lesbian before, though I began liking her before I knew about this. Not all of these crushes have led me to becoming severely depressed, but more often than not I fall into bad anxiety and depression that lasts for at least a couple weeks and as long as a few months. It's so frustrating that I can never learn. I just want to have a chance with the girls I crush on so badly because at the time they feel so right for me and so perfect in my mind. In between these crushes, I almost "swear off" feelings or relationships or anything because I don't want to feel the horrible pain inside ever again. But sure enough, my heart lets it happen again despite my mind knowing that it's probably a bad idea. I end up praying very hard that this is the girl for me, but it never works out no matter what I do. I just don't understand how it can be so easy for some people. Maybe my standards are too high or I'm too shy. Maybe I'm just really unlucky. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. Well anyway, as you've guessed, here we are again. I've got a huge crush on a girl I met online, who lives across the entire country. After only a few weeks of really talking, I'm already really into her. We've talked for many hours on video chat and I care about her a lot. She has her flaws and own mental health issues, I can see that. But I am willing to do anything to help her because she is a very good and very special person who had some tough breaks in life. I told myself not to get emotionally invested, but I just can't help it. I know she cares about me, but I don't know how much honestly or if it’s in the same kind of way I care about her (probably not yet, but I feel like there is strong potential). I don't really feel like this would be the best time for her to get involved, but I am willing to wait until that time, if I ever were to get the opportunity. As I said, she lives far away, however she does have family close enough to where I live, to where a meetup could be possible. She's talked about it possibly before, but as for when, we have no idea about that. I really wish I could have taken a "wait and see" approach here. Just being friends and enjoying talking to each other with no real hope or desire for anything more until the potential meetup would be a much better approach. However, my heart has threw that out the window at this point lol. I honestly might just be completely irrational right now and she might not feel anything at all close to what I feel. However, she obviously cares about me to an extent and we have a lot of fun talking to each other for many hours. I should also mention, given what site this is, that she is also a virgin like me. Waiting until marriage is really important to me, and I believe it is to her as well. While she isn't a Christian like me, her religion also stresses the importance of waiting until marriage. While we haven't ever spoken about it, she's made quite a few comments indicating that she is very serious about doing just that also. Anyway, I'm very sorry for the extremely long, rambly post, but I'm hurting pretty badly right now. I don't know how likely this could end up being. Based on recent history, I don't think very much. But I desire a real chance so very badly. I am really starting to think that it may never happen for me and that just kills me. I know the conventional solution is to just go after girls living near me, but I really don't enjoy the random dating game, nor am I very skilled or interested in it. I feel like the type of girls around where I live just aren't as desirable, aren't on the market, or things just never progress to a natural point where I go out with them. I don't even know what I need or what I should do. I've tried therapy before and it was helpful to an extent, but it never helped solve whatever deep, underlying issues I have. Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. If you have any comments, questions or recommendations, please feel free to reply. I need help and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts! I value them very much! EDIT: Also, I’m not sure if/when/how I should tell her about my beliefs and virginity. I feel like she would really like that and respond well to it but I don’t usually mention that to girls I like and I don’t want it to be weird or hurt my chances. Depending on how I do it, I feel like it could be weird and out of place lol. What do you guys think?
I hope this doesn't come off as hateful. It's misery more than anything. My whole life I've felt entirely alone because peoples morals when it comes to sexuality are disgusting to me. I don't want to be near anyone. They make me despondant and intensely uncomfortable. Classmates, strangers, family members, religious groups, they're all the same in that they don't care for this virtue that is so important to me, crucial in fact, and I feel more and more crushed every single day to be so alone in my beliefs. Relationships have obviously been unfulfilling, mostly damaging, some even driving me to self destructive or even suicidal tendencies. Probably as a result of feeling isolated because of their different views, depressed by their sexual histories, and nervous by their desire to have sex with me. Most people tell me I must be asexual, but that confuses me, since asexual people do not consider me to be so. Also in general, I tend to disagree with asexuals on their morals too. Asexuals aren't necessarily WTM, and most celebrate liberal sexuality as much as any other. I just want to go on adventures and meet characters and exist without sex being in my face everywhere, and a thing everyone does, everyone talks about all the time, reminding me that I am alone, making me feel disturbed and heavy all the time. Last June I wanted to die. Suicide is never something I wanted to do, always seemed stupid and ridiculous considering I don't really have any problems, but something in me snapped one day and I ended up putting myself in a coma. I never even wanted this to be a big part of who I am or what I worry about, it seems so S T U P I D to talk about it and have it be such a big deal, (if you even CAN talk about it, because most people get insulted if you try or just end up making you feel even more alone, ridiculed, or perturbed.) The worst part is, there are SO MANY OTHER INTERESTS I HAVE but I can never open up about them or express them to people because this whole issue has to be so damn depressing, and instantly smothers any desire I have to connect with most people, even casually. I can't believe I am such a small minority. It's so disheartening. I'm entirely dissociated from society. Even in places for suicidal or depressed people, the general focus is ALMOST ALWAYS ENTIRELY about making people who are the opposite of sexually virtuous feel more accepted and comforted for their (usually really messed up) beliefs, and every time I've ever been to something like that I always left with a feeling of "wow, I have literally never felt worse." It's not that I even particularly desire companionship or a relationship or anything to do with people at all, just ONE environment I don't need to constantly escape from to stay sane. I don't even feel comfortable in church or youth groups. Christian people don't really seem to care about this virtue either. I really have no idea what possessed me to join this thing and write this. I don't know, have any of you who are virgins waiting til marriage experienced similar depression? I have never in my life encountered a single person who felt the way I do. The only wtm person I have ever known in my whole life was not a virgin and also didn't really have any depression or social anxiety around people who weren't. Ayudame.