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Everything posted by invicta_silver

  1. Guys, how do you break the stereotypes?

    You guys are so cute!! Nah, I don't mean that in a degrading way; it just melts my heart when I see that guys are capable of breaking the usual masculine stereotypes, which I don't find entirely attractive anyway. =D *sigh* There should be more guys like you where I live. Alternatively, I should probably just get out more. XD Just a question... how do you guys feel about the stereotypes?
  2. Hello

    Hey Chris!! Aww, don't feel too bad if you have to move to Toronto. I live in Toronto, and I've been here for half my life. I LOVE it! It's so diverse here, at least enough diversity that you will almost always find a niche that will disprove any kind of bad stereotypes you hear about Torontonians! (as in... I know that Torontonians are rumoured to be rude and arrogant, but there are plenty of people here who are the exact opposite!) Plus, there seems to be a lot of waiters here. At least, maybe a bit more than other places, especially if you know which group to hang out with. Anyway, I haven't been to these forums for a while, and am so glad that we've attracted more newcomers! Every time I come here, it's like ten dozes of happy pills. It just makes me feel so happy!
  3. OHG, I just want to let you know how happy I am to know there's someone out there who feels the same way as I do. For the longest time, and it's been tormenting me for soooo long, I was feeling EXACTLY like this. And I felt horrible, because these thoughts made me feel cheap. My sister asked me how I could just judge my future husband based on that simple thing, but the truth is... to me, it's not simple. It's funny, because what triggered it was something so non-important. I was reading an article, and it says that guys will sleep with the whores but marry the good girls. And I always considered myself more in the "goody-two-shoes" category, but instead of feeling better, I just felt horrible! I don't want to be the virgin some guy marries because he's exhausted all the whores. It's just... it would crush me, really. And I understand about that jealousy. Even though it hasn't happened yet, I know FOR SURE that there's a part of me who will be jealous, and I'm scared of that part too. But I don't know what it's like to fall in love, so I cannot imagine just how much it will matter if my future husband waited for me or not. People say it won't, if I truly love him. I don't know how much "truly" means. So it never really stopped bothering me. I'm sooo glad you asked this, so now I can go read what everyone else has said and make myself feel better.
  4. Spending the Night

    Haha, same here. My dad!
  5. Yeah, I'm quite relieved that the majority of my friends are still virgins. =D And I'm pretty sure they're all waiters too. ...There are only 2 I know of that are not virgins, but they're not very close friends. More like acquaintances. One of them is married though. I have an aunt who just turned 30 and she's never had a boyfriend before. She's very popular and happy with everyone she knows. Every time I think about her, I just get so encouraged and not depressed about my choice. =D
  6. Ladies, What is the oldest and youngest you would date?

    Hmm... I'd like a guy around my age because I'd be able to relate to him better, since we're in the same stage of life. Maybe a couple of years older or younger wouldn't bother me, but starting from a 5-year discrepancy... er, not so sure.
  7. Really? I haven't thought about that! Actually, I think I'm a little opposite to many people here. I wouldn't care how much a man makes as long as he is NOT richer than me. At least not all that much. I don't know... I think I have issues with this, because all my life I've been associating money = control, and just to think of how much hard work I'll have do just to get to the point in life that I want to be in, and then marry a man who'll overshadow me in that aspect... I think I'll just feel so insecure about it. I mean, I personally wouldn't lord my money over him, but I don't know why the thought of marrying a man who's richer than me makes me cringe.
  8. This! This describes my decision so accurately! Yeah, at first it really bothered me that I was going to die a virgin, if I never get married (which I might not.) But like ThatGuy said, I probably have other things to worry about. And if worse comes to worst, and I mean if somehow I knew I was going to die really soon and I knew that I won't have the chance to get married, if and only if this is the case, then the most desperate I'll probably get is to use a vibrator. XD I won't even settle for at least a player. That's how much I'm willing to save myself for marriage.
  9. What Would you do?

    Pretty much same here. Except for the accepting him back. And seeflo, I believe your friend is right. But true love works both ways. Why should my husband feel the need to cheat if he truly loves me and things are somehow going wrong? He should tell me up front if I'm being a bad wife, and I'll man up and improve. Like you said, love should be understanding and caring. Is it understanding and caring to cheat? No. If he feels he'd just rather take the easy way out and get some loving from someone else, rather than put his back into the relationship and tell me where I'm going wrong so I can fix it, then it's not worth it. In that case *he* doesn't have true love. If he doesn't have true love for me, there's no point in sticking around. Sorry if I sound like mean biatch here, but it hits almost too close to home, and I have very low, if not, zero tolerance for something like this. I mean, I understand that neither wife nor husband is always going to be perfect, like you said, but there's a difference between flawed, and outright deviant. Love to me, may not be just about showing affection and being all lovey-dovey, but it's about patience and working together. Why should patience and working together have to come after the disaster? Doesn't it make more sense that we display these things before things even go awry? At least to that point that one should feel the need to cheat?
  10. Wow, this is really encouraging. =)
  11. WTM to Kiss?

    Me! I mean about not having a first kiss yet. I'm not exactly "waiting", but since I'm not terribly a touchy-feely person, it takes a bit of time for me to get warm to people, let alone allow them to kiss me.
  12. What's the Hardest Part about being a girl?

    THIS ^ For me too. A minority and a woman who wants a career. Yes, that is sad, because the more I think about it, I actually think I'll make a terrible "mother", but a pretty damn good "father". I think it has something to do with the way my dad raised me; I only have one sibling, a sister, and I think that my Dad sort of pushed his 'son' aspirations onto me instead. You know, he's always harping on me to get a great career (I'm in computer science, which is 4/5 made up of males... and *he's* also the reason why I'm in it), and be aggressive at work so I can get managerial positions, and that once I start earning money, I should put them in stocks and bonds, and invest like mad. And he's always telling me that if I want to be a CEO, I should be a CEO (*wink wink nudge nudge*). And this has been going on for such a long time, that I think these ideas have been integrated into my dreams, so it's not like I can say no; I want them now too. Quite strongly, too. And like you said, there might not be many men who want to marry women who are above them in the corporate world. But it's not like I'm going to give up my dreams for a man. I know I sound terribly shallow when I say that, but at this point in time, I can't imagine myself doing so. To answer the question though, apart from this, I think the other girls have already nailed them on the head. Many people don't really take women seriously at work, especially in male-dominated fields, and many people don't think a woman can be a family woman and a career woman at the same time. Also, you're always labelled. You're either the girly, sexy girl who loves to do girly stuff, or you're the kick-ass tomboy who has a sharp tongue and knows how to put a man in his place. I'm neither. I'm like... right in the middle of the spectrum. I don't do anything girly, and I don't do anything tomboy-ish.
  13. When you say I do, will you take his last name

    Yey! I'm glad somebody understands. Well, the sad thing for me is that I actually never knew my grandfather, but according to my Dad, he's such a wonderful, kind person, and I feel as if this last name is the only thing that I have of him.
  14. When you say I do, will you take his last name

    I might be a little different here in my response, so... here goes. I'll give a little background first. I come from a country that was colonized by the Spanish a long, long time ago, and many of the family names we now carry is Spanish. By some miracle, my Dad's family is one of the few who managed to retain a Tagalog last name. Unfortunately, I don't have any brothers, and my dad's only brother doesn't seem to want any children any time soon, and I'd just feel so sad if this uniqueness would be lost forever. I mean, either way, it's not like my kids are going to take my last name, but in my culture, it is traditional to still put your mother's maiden name in your full name (which makes for very long names =P). So, personally, I'm hoping that my husband will at least allow me to put a hyphen on my last name, and allow our kids to integrate my maiden name in their full name, like in my culture. If by chance, I get lucky, and he happens to have a Filipino last name too, then no probs, no fuss! Haha. Man, I think I'm so picky. I don't know... I think this trait of mine has more to do with preserving culture rather than anything else.
  15. Stay At Home Mom VS Working Mom

    1) I'd be a working Mom, but I'd be the kind to really make time for my kids. =D I won't ignore them or neglect them. I'm pretty happy that my chosen field will allow me to work from home if it suits me. =) So I don't think it'd be much of a problem as it would be if I were commuting. 2)I think it's only because you rely on your husband to bring in the money. I mean, personally, I don't see anything wrong with staying at home and taking care of kids; but personally, I don't want to rely on anybody, husband or otherwise, for my source of income. That'll give them so much power over me, and I've witnessed first hand how trapped some women feel when they're not financially independent. If there's a way to stay home and be a full time mom while still getting a fair share of income, then I don't see why it won't work. =D 3) Not that much more empowering. A lot of women who try to have the best of both worlds are actually reported to be more likely to feel depressed, only because they have so much expectations of themselves and constantly find themselves failing. I doubt anyone can feel so empowered when they're depressed. =( But again, just for me, I think I will die if my husband tells me I shouldn't work anymore. 4)I feel it's a spin-off of that feminism thing. Being a stay at home mom, like my mother, is not easy work. It takes a lot of stress, a lot of energy and responsibility; IMO nobody should consider them inferior. I think the pride of the "stay-at-home-mom" (as well as "virginity") are the two things that femiNazis have really de-valued. I view feminism as equality, and having the right to choose what you feel is best for you. If I feel that being a virgin before getting married is right for me, why should it be considered as anti-feministic? I'm using my rights just as much as anybody. Likewise, if someone feels they want to be a stay at home mom, they're not any less of a feminist because of it. (Just like you said =))
  16. How many languages can you speak?

    Hehe, I totally understand. Most Filipinos don't even want to say it just 'cuz it sounds so weird and funny. They say, "I speak Filipino", which is even stranger because Filipino is what you call the people who live there.
  17. I've heard theories that what the Mayans actually meant was the end of a "world age"... so maybe we're starting a new age or something. Anyway, I don't really believe in it. My Dad told me a funny story. When he was a kid, this happened to him too. Everyone was talking about it, it was all advertised and stuff, and it was like a really big deal. He was told that on the day that the world will end, the mountain ranges that he could see from his window would crumble first. So he spent countless days looking out the window to check if the mountains were crumbling. Lol, nope they're still standing strong till now.
  18. How many languages can you speak?

    I'm bilingual too. Obviously I'm fluent in English, and I can also read, write and speak Tagalog. I know just a bit of French from my grade school years. =D
  19. Thanks a lot Sally. That's a very interesting approach to marriage. ^^
  20. Definitely! Even though I grew up here in the West, I can't say I'm influenced at all by the more liberal culture. My parents still raised me in a conservative way. I never had THE talk with any of my parents either. Although I'm sure my Mom would be open to discussing it if I ask her. She gave me and my sister a few hints about it though, but in general, I think it's just my upbringing that planted the seeds of my desire to wait. ^^ I don't think they even think about the possibility of me and my sister dating. They sort of placed us in a neighbourhood and in schools that are extremely competitive, so growing up, it's always been about studying, studying, and more studying. Recently I've talked with my Mom about relationships and getting a boyfriend, because I started to feel insecure about it when I started Uni, and she assured me there's no shame in being single. I understand why you'd feel upset with your parents for avoiding to talk about it. But there will always be certain topics that parents in general aren't comfortable talking about.
  21. 3. LOL! I don't know if I'm really dense, or the latter portion of that comment just doesn't make sense at all. The way I read this is that 'homophobic' is a term used to attempt to intimidate or silence anyone with an opinion. Maybe coming from a more logical background, I might take be taking it out of context, but if I think being homosexual is okay (which is obviously an opinion) then I am homophobic? Or are you saying that only people WITHOUT opinions support homosexuality? But supporting homosexuality is an opinion, so either way it's a contradiction. I believe that anything with a -phobic at the end is used to label a certain group with a certain opinion, not a certain group with a lack of opinion. I believe the word you're searching for in that case would be "allodoxaphobia". =) 4. Sexism, I think, is not about hating women. At least as far as I know, sexist men never usually feel they hate women; rather they feel women are inferior. There are men out there who want to have wives just so she can clean up after him, cook his dinner, and be his baby machine. 6. Yes. Well, let me rephrase that. It all depends on what you study, really. There are some... useless majors out there.
  22. Appearance

    I don't wear make-up. I hope I don't come off as narcissistic or arrogant, but I honestly don't think I need to. Okay, maybe a bit, but I know that the satisfaction I'll get from wearing it won't exceed the costs I'll obtain using it. For me, in my opinion, make-up is purely psychological, like a placebo. Kind of like that sexy underwear thing. I mean, honestly, how does one know that there aren't as many people who think they look worse with the make-up they put on, as there are who think they look better? I mean sure, take the most fashionable do from the latest magazine, and you'll *still* have people harping on you! So, I think that make-up is a way for girls to think that they look good, and hence pull off the confidence they need to be attractive. There are plenty of girls I know, including me, who get their confidence off of somewhere else. So if you can feel confident without make up, more kudos to you! The hair, now, is a different story. Girl, I know what you mean, being criticized by your family members. In a way, it's kind of worse, at least to me. See, I'm Asian, but for some unknown reason, I have very frizzy and very curly hair, sort of like African American people. (And my parents swear I'm NOT adopted). I have relatives who tease me so much about it and say things like, "Haha, we can use your hair as a dish scrubber!" I mean.... My parents are also very specific about hair styles. They like the "clean" look, so no hair in front of your eyes, up in a bun/ pony-tail kind of style. My sister though likes the "shabby" look, like layered and long, complete with long bangs. So sometimes they get into really bad fights just because of the hair. I think my sister's just too stubborn to let them have their way, so she doesn't really listen to them. Uhm, I don't have any advice about deflecting their comments, because I'm in need of them too. But maybe, like my sister, we just need to be a bit stubborn about our decision.
  23. Parenting Styles

    Well, in the POV of many people, it's pretty strict, but I agree with you; yours are a lot more strict than mine. But personally, it doesn't hinder me that much. And I do know a friend who is a lot like you, and she's the one who's been witnessing all the fairy-tale romances with her family and friends. So maybe, we have do have an advantage?
  24. Wow, yeah, that's EXACTLY the way it happened with me too. Screw those Yahoo! pages. Hehe, and I love the little script. ^__~
  25. Mr. Google! I think I was searching "Why I should wait". Either that, or "Why I should NOT wait".