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Posts posted by Slayerofdragon

  1. On 2/9/2019 at 8:50 PM, markb4 said:

    Hello all,

    Doing a 2019 check-in :D ! For those of you new, call me Mark. I was a member of this site years ago and admin from like 2011-2015 until leaving. I do pop in from time to time to see how everyone is doing. I usually have nothing new to report, but this time I do: I've FINALLY graduated from university so that's one achievement I've unlocked, lol. Everything else is the same: I'm still single and still a virgin. How's everyone? Anything interesting and new happen in the past year? How is our site founder, Mike?

    Hey Mark, welcome back to the Forums. Congratulations on finishing university. I am happy for you. I have been doing well over here: I am still finishing uni but I hope to be finished with it soon. Nice to hear from you again, :).


    1 person likes this

  2. Hey! I have also struggled with depression and anxiety over the years especially when it comes to relationships too. In my experience, I  have not had any successful romantic relationships either. Um... how long have you known this person? I think it can be easy to become attached to who a person is based on what you see online especially if you have not met the person yet.  On the other hand, I know I can fall for someone hard and I am the type of person who wants to give 100% of myself to a relationship. My past history with unsuccessful relationships sometimes may cloud my feelings, in other words I may see someone who I think is amazing and my need to be with her may not just be genuine but as a result of my past relationship history: I want so bad to be succesfull and I see a chance at doing it. I have also felt like I will never be in a successful relationship.  I think what helps me from time to time deal with my emotions is try to take a step back and see where my feelings are coming from. 

    I think I would wait to tell her about your beliefs. If she opens up and tells you her beliefs or feelings, I think that would give you an opportunity to ask yourself if you feel comfortable telling her.  


  3. Hey Kris,

      Welcome to the forums! I can relate with your perspective. I have had limited dating experience myself (never made it to the 2nd date), and most of the women I have asked out either have boyfriend or just want to stay friends. I hope you enjoy your stay while you are here. 


  4. Hey, 

       I am sorry that you are dealing with theses circumstances. I can relate with your feeling that you do not really have a community. I had the same feeling when I went to graduate school in another state that was pretty far away from my home. I wanted to go home. I think it is great that you are connecting here and I am glad to see you again on the forums. 



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  5. On 4/14/2018 at 5:28 PM, Invincible said:

    Welcome to the forums, Jojo.

    First off, it absolutely is worth it to wait and it is very possible to find the good kind of man you are looking for. You should never lose hope of that. Whatever negative experiences your friends and family had probably says more about themselves than anything else. They purposefully chose to settle in bad relationships and to hook up frivolously. Just because it's the popular thing to do doesn't mean everyone in the world is doing it. There are lots of people out there like us who value waiting and meaningful relationships. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Stay true to your values, don't give into peer pressure and you will attract the right guy.


       Welcome, :). I second what Vince posted here. It is possible to wait and find the type of man that you are looking for. I am also a firm believer in staying true to your values and beliefs. Even though those around you may have failed relationships, it does not mean that you will have one. I think it is normal to think about sex a lot (especially at your age) but that does not mean that you need to have sex and be like everyone else.  I know from experience that I also think a lot of about sex and meeting my future wife, however, I want to wait till marriage to honor her and our relationship.  

  6. I am sorry to hear that you were cheated on by your only friend. Betrayal is something that really hits deep and is difficult to let go and just be yourself. How do I know this? I was also betrayed by someone I trusted. Sometimes after the betrayal it is hard for us to see straight, to look through the fog of our emotions because it is clouded by feelings and not 100% objectivity. Killing yourself won't change anything. It will stop your feelings permanently because you are dead but you will not be able to be present for your the other feelings (like happiness) or moments (like seeing a beautiful sunset). There are people here who have felt what you have felt, so you are not alone. Hang in there, it will get better. 

    I am also available if you need to talk.

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  7. Hey Vince, 

       I don't think you are complaining about worst-case scenarios. I believe you are being realistic in your views and thank you for posting. These feelings of yours are some that I have definitely felt as I have become older as a waiter. I will be honest and say that I have many unmarried aunts and uncles and while I respect them for choosing to be single for whatever reason, it pains me that maybe I won't get married in the future.  I think that maybe your feelings stem from the thought, "hey what what will I miss out on ." As you get older, I know I have felt my dating pool shrink. It seems that many woman are already taken or they are just not into you. The older male waiter seems to be a rarity among the males in our society. However, I do think there is a silver lining here. As you get older, I think you become more sure and stable in life (for the most part) than you were at your younger ages. i also think women sense it and gravitate toward it. From knowing you in the forums for many years, you have matured as a person (I think) and it shows. I don't know what the future is in store for you but I believe it is a bright one.

    Here is a story that may cheer your spirits:

    I was watching a tv show about a man who came back to his Christian faith and he had the same worries as you: when will I meet my wife. Anyway, he wanted to get married and this feeling was genetically ingrained in him. I mean, throughout his daily life, he would think about it constantly and complain to God about it. High school comes and he thinks he will have a girlfriend, Nope. No girls are interested in him. College comes and he joins this prayer group thinking he will met his future wife in that group. He found that his interaction and membership in the group increased his prayer and spiritual life. Long story short, he did find his wife but he was 35...35 years old. He also worried about having babies because let's face it, he is getting older.  First time does not work, not even the second time, but through prayer him and his wife conceive and they have two twin daughters. 

    I think the hardest part is to trust in God with your life (I find it difficult too), but I think if you let go and let God in control, you will have weight off of your shoulders. I will keep you in my prayers about your feelings in this post



    2 people like this

  8. Hi DHZ, 

      I agree with seabutterfly. Therapy can help or talk with someone you trust about your problems. From own experience, being by yourself  with your problems sometimes is not a good solution because we might amplify our feelings about issues and not see clearly. If we talk with somebody we trust and knows us he or she can helps find a solution to a problem or help us mirror our feelings and calm us down. In addition, doing something active or something we enjoy can sometimes help with our depressed and negative feelings because it provides an outlet for those emotions. Finally, our environment can have an influence on our feelings and emotions such as a group of friends. 

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  9. I agree with you redgrapes. I think finding a girlfriend is also based on timing. For some people, finding a gf may not happen immediately and you may need to find yourself in a different situation/environment for it to happen. On the other hand, not stressing yourself about it also important too. It will help you calm down by focusing on other things and who knows you may find a gf when you least expect it :).

    1 person likes this

  10. I am a graduate student at the moment and while I am not married yet, I also feel pursuing a relationship while in graduate school depends on the person. I also feel similar to you Bob about not wanting to pursue a relationship while in graduate school. The main reason why I feel this way is because I do not have time to really devote my energy to that relationship. However, I do feel that having relationships are important. For example, I think it is important to have a support group including circle of friends. I think what helped me wait while in graduate school is finding a group of friends who share similar values. As Gema, articulated well graduate school is a sacrifice but I also think it is well worth it if you enter your program for the right reasons. You change and grow as a person when you enter this period in your life and feel it will be a benefit to your future relationship with your wife.

  11. I also get where you are coming from. I do not think waiting till marriage is considered normal by society standards. I know I have felt similar as I become older and I still choose to wait till marriage because for me I feel sort of alone in my decision to wait and at my age it feels like people are getting married or already married. Like Vince, I have not been in romantic relationship with a woman yet and I sometimes feel the pressure of hooking up with a woman. However, I know that would go against my principles on sex and relationships. Hang in there Will. There are people like myself who understand a little bit of what you are going through and support you.

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  12. I don't think you are screwed. Some women just don't feel comfortable giving a hug after first meeting someone. It takes time to get to know someone, be comfortable with her, before a hug happens. If you do meet this woman again, maybe talk with her and get to know her first before you decide to pursue things further. Being friends first is not always a bad thing. Just my two cents.

  13. On 6/5/2017 at 3:37 AM, Yin-Yang said:

    I had no idea willing virgin wtm males existed 12 hours ago. What's your story?

    Short story: I thought about waiting till marriage in late college years. Found this site about  six years ago and since then haven't wavered from my decision. This site has helped solidify my choice to wait till marriage plus I found some good close friends on here who are waiters too. I feel blessed, :).

    6 people like this

  14. Hmm... I am not sure since every woman is different. In other words, there is no magical formula to attract a woman. Some like small talk and others not so much. I think it is important to just be you . If you don't like small talk that's fine. Myself, I don't like small talk so much. Why? It is because I want to get to the heart the conversation. 

    Some woman may not find that attractive and it is up to you to be comfortable with that reaction and sometimes that takes time or some self-help. 

    2 people like this

  15. I am open to LDR too for some of the reasons that Vince posted. As a waiter, I find it challenging to find a woman who is waiting and possesses similar beliefs as myself in my local area thus I am open to the possibility of a LDR. Granted, there will be challenges for both persons but I feel that there will be challenges even for a couple who are not LD. I think what matters is how the couple work on the issues present in their own situation.

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  16. 17 hours ago, Dave1985 said:

    Back in my college days, I would have preferred a natural blonde, or some darker hair colors...

    But I have seriously opened up my mind to the possibility of looking for a Latina or a woman from the Philippines... Truthfully, it would be my preference to marry a woman of German heritage like myself. But what I am really looking for is a Catholic waiter with a low divorce rate... South America and the Philippines have high concentrations of Catholics with very low divorce rates... I just don't know if it is worth the risk getting involved with a woman from a post-feminist country...

    I have a lot of family members from the Philipinnes and I can say the women make good spouses. My mom is a good example of it. 


    2 people like this

  17. 21 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    @Invincible@Slayerofdragon If you are making your online relationship exclusive despite a very lucrative (for lack of a better word) local option (for lack of a better word), do you think it would be fair to inform the online person first? I think I'd want to know if someone was treating our relationship as exclusive when I haven't given any indication that it is...

    I think I would feel the same with Vince on this one too. I would also make my intentions and feelings known to the other person and do my best to meet her in person.  On the one hand, the seed is planted for both our feelings and on the other hand, I think I would act on wanting to be

    exclusive depending upon how she would feel at the moment we meet or even before we met. For example, if both of us notice the feelings are still there after we meet then I would continue to pursue and even take her on a date. If she had feelings for me and vice versa but realized, for example, that there is an ocean between us and she does not want to keep both of our hopes up too much or whatever, then I would take it slowly. I think my actions on exclusivity would depend on the woman. If she is a woman who wants to take things slowly then I think I would react to it accordingly. Although, I would make my feelings and intentions clear.


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