Slayerofdragon

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Posts posted by Slayerofdragon


  1. I agree with previous posters. I don’t think you need a chaperone since you are not in high school. You are a grown 30 something year old woman and I am sure that you know your boundaries. Stick to them and let no man under mine then. You are a person of worth who is capable of directing her own life. 

     


  2. On 11/24/2017 at 1:10 AM, Invincible said:

    It makes me envious of those who found the right one and married at a young age. They have the advantage of having all the time in the world to exclusively enjoy time just the two of them and also enjoy a long and satisfying sex life.

     

    Hey Vince, 

    I also understand that feeling. I have been envious of my friends who marry young and supposedly found the One. On the one hand, I think it is easy to make a generalization like that since you and I haven’t  had much success in meeting our future spouse. We get envious..makes total sense why. On the other hand, we don’t know what could be their struggle as a couple. Maybe one of them has an anger problem that Facebook doesn’t show, maybe the other has the beginnings of post partum depression, or maybe due to their young marriage both of them are taking each other for granted.

    I guess what I am trying to say is the heartache that you feel is valid and I am sure when you meet the right woman for you, you will not take her granted. It sucks waiting for that moment (if that ever comes) but I feel these experiences have shaped you to appreciate and understand love on a much deeper level than most people (married or not). 

    I am sure when you find her and you communicate your sexual needs to her, she will reciprocate. You will have the time to make up for lost time and enjoy a satisfying sex life and each other. I think one of the keys to doing those things is to set time aside just for the two of you even if you need to schedule it in. As someone once told me, “if x is a priority, you will make time for it.” In my own life, I struggle to relax due to having the need to always be doing something and rightfully so but I realize that I am not a machine and need to set aside some Chris time. 

     


  3. I also think he was ghosting you too. A sign that he wanted to take the relationship a step further  was asking you to come to his hotel room. Usually, when a guy asks you to come to his hotel room, it usually is not just to hang out but to have sex too. His reaction after you told him  no to his asking you to come to the hotel room tells me he wanted more from the relationship (e.g.”he kinda murmured under his breathe what did I think would happen”. 

    In addition, the fact that the relationship between him and you appeared to go up to second base and then him asking you to come to the hotel room made me think he was hoping to go to home base. 

    When you didn’t give what he wanted (sex), he decided to ghost you. I feel like he should have told you straight up what he wants or his expectations for the relationship but he apparently doesn’t feel comfortable doing it. 

    I would forget about him and move on. You want a guy who will respect your boundaries and your decision to wait and communicate what he wants in the relationship directly to you and not play mind games. 

    2 people like this

  4. Well, I think your quote is deep and would have to agree with it. 

    Sometimes, the sweetest moment in life come from many moments of defeat. While my romantic and emotional self would want to believe in fairytale endings, my logical brain would say that is not always the case. Sometimes, you need to date or get to know a few frogs before you found your princess. 

    I read a story about a couple who meet, fell in love, married, and both are happy in their relationship. They married later in life and when the interviewer asked them why it took them a long time to meet their spouse, the husband said that both of them went through moments of pain and anguish during dating before meeting each other. He said that he wouldn’t change a thing. 

    I will be honest: I would be happy as a clam if I meet my future wife tommorow but I realize that may not be the case. I know what it is like to have pain come from a previous relationship so in the meantime, I plan on working on myself and make myself strong in areas that would potentially be important to my future relationship with my wife. 

    1 person likes this

  5. Yes, it is possible. You can choose to leave the situation and commit yourself to a different choice. 

     

    WTM is challenging. I think challenges stem from the influence of our sex saturated culture today and the idea of instant gratification. That being said: is WTM worth it? I think so but in those moments where weakness comes in it is good to have a support group that knows your struggles. 


  6. 1) I would probably say one year minimum for engagement.  This would give my fiancé and me time to plan the wedding and any logistics with it; in addition to give us breathing room in case something unexpected occurs. 

    2) One to two years dating before proposal. I think this would give my girlfriend and me time to determine if we are compatible with each other. Plus, there was a study conducted by Penn State called The Pair Project that followed 168 couples over 14 years and charted each couple’s relationship satisfaction through. The study concluded that couples who date an average of 25 months before marriage were most happily married after conclusion of study. 

     


  7. The site is going down starting March 1 so I thought that I would ask the question: what will you miss about WTM.org and what do you love about the site?

    I will start. I will miss the camaraderie that I gained from being a member. I created and established many friendships here and I will miss the opportunity to make friendships with future WTMers. This was to me the “watering hole” where people with similar like minds could come and gather. 

    As a member, I loved the forums. I loved interacting and getting to know fellow members through reading and commenting on their posts. 

    What about you?

     

     

    6 people like this

  8. I joined in Dec 2011 (age 26)

    Relationship status: Single, never dated.

    Virgin Status: Virgin

    WTM status: Waiter

    Fast forward to January 2020 (age 34)

    Relationship status: I dated for a year and it ended in a breakup.

    Virgin Status: I am still one.

    WTM status: I am still a waiter and don’t see that changing for the future until I meet the mrs. 

     

    2 people like this

  9. On 5/3/2012 at 10:37 PM, Invincible said:

    Would you date/marry any of these? Being in a relationship with someone of a previous marriage or with kids can be tricky. More often than not, there usually will be a lot of baggage brought into the relationship, from trust issues to the constant reminder of a deceased spouse. When kids are involved, they can get in the way because you have to get their approval as well. There's a possibility that they may resent you for trying to replace their real. mom/dad.

    But despite all that, would you still date or marry any of these?

    Widowed: Yes, I would.

    Divorced: I am Catholic so I would have to say no here due to the fact that the spouse would still be alive.  However, there is one exception for me: if the marriage was annulled. I have come to the realization that divorce does happen in a marriage: a spouse may be divorced due the husband physically abusing her, for example. I remember meeting a couple in a church that I used to go to were the husband recently married and he was previously divorced. He received an annulment through the church and now him and his new wife are together and they appear happy. He said that there is a lot of negative stigma surrounding divorced people and those going through the annulment process. His story made me think of the value a divorced person would bring to a relationship just because he or she is a person who is worthy of love. 

    Single parent:

    I mulled over my thoughts about this situation for many years. Ideally, I want to marry someone who doesn’t have children and hopefully we would raise children of our own. If I met a woman, who had a child from a previous relationship, I would want to know her motive for dating me: is she dating me so that I can take care of her child (such as dump her child on me so she can go party or something) or is she dating me because she wants to get to know me and be in a relationship with me. The same sentiment would apply if I was dating a person without children: what is her motive. 

    If I met a wonderful woman who had children, I think that I would be open to dating her. I know a couple of single moms and they turned out to be good people. The circumstances of the previous relationship were not ideal: guy leaves her due to not having the balls to be there for his child. He wasn’t a parent. My concerns would be whether the child would like me and eventually accept me as a male figure in his or her life. When I think of dating and eventually marrying a single mom, it makes me think of St. Joseph the foster father of Jesus who married Mary and took Jesus into his home even though the  child wasn’t his biologically.

    1 person likes this

  10. I like this question. My top love language is “words of affirmation”. I also think that meeting someone who speaks your love language would make a potential relationship go easier since both you are able to connect on a feeling and verbal level (if that make sense). For example, suppose you meet someone and both of your top love languages are “quality time” and “word of affirmation”.  Well, I think it would easier to connect with her because you share a common way of connecting with someone. 

    1 person likes this

  11. On 2/9/2019 at 8:50 PM, markb4 said:

    Hello all,

    Doing a 2019 check-in :D ! For those of you new, call me Mark. I was a member of this site years ago and admin from like 2011-2015 until leaving. I do pop in from time to time to see how everyone is doing. I usually have nothing new to report, but this time I do: I've FINALLY graduated from university so that's one achievement I've unlocked, lol. Everything else is the same: I'm still single and still a virgin. How's everyone? Anything interesting and new happen in the past year? How is our site founder, Mike?

    Hey Mark, welcome back to the Forums. Congratulations on finishing university. I am happy for you. I have been doing well over here: I am still finishing uni but I hope to be finished with it soon. Nice to hear from you again, :).

    Chris

    1 person likes this

  12. Hey! I have also struggled with depression and anxiety over the years especially when it comes to relationships too. In my experience, I  have not had any successful romantic relationships either. Um... how long have you known this person? I think it can be easy to become attached to who a person is based on what you see online especially if you have not met the person yet.  On the other hand, I know I can fall for someone hard and I am the type of person who wants to give 100% of myself to a relationship. My past history with unsuccessful relationships sometimes may cloud my feelings, in other words I may see someone who I think is amazing and my need to be with her may not just be genuine but as a result of my past relationship history: I want so bad to be succesfull and I see a chance at doing it. I have also felt like I will never be in a successful relationship.  I think what helps me from time to time deal with my emotions is try to take a step back and see where my feelings are coming from. 

    I think I would wait to tell her about your beliefs. If she opens up and tells you her beliefs or feelings, I think that would give you an opportunity to ask yourself if you feel comfortable telling her.  

    Chris


  13. Hey Kris,

      Welcome to the forums! I can relate with your perspective. I have had limited dating experience myself (never made it to the 2nd date), and most of the women I have asked out either have boyfriend or just want to stay friends. I hope you enjoy your stay while you are here. 

    Chris


  14. Hey, 

       I am sorry that you are dealing with theses circumstances. I can relate with your feeling that you do not really have a community. I had the same feeling when I went to graduate school in another state that was pretty far away from my home. I wanted to go home. I think it is great that you are connecting here and I am glad to see you again on the forums. 

    Chris

     

    2 people like this

  15. On 4/14/2018 at 5:28 PM, Invincible said:

    Welcome to the forums, Jojo.

    First off, it absolutely is worth it to wait and it is very possible to find the good kind of man you are looking for. You should never lose hope of that. Whatever negative experiences your friends and family had probably says more about themselves than anything else. They purposefully chose to settle in bad relationships and to hook up frivolously. Just because it's the popular thing to do doesn't mean everyone in the world is doing it. There are lots of people out there like us who value waiting and meaningful relationships. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Stay true to your values, don't give into peer pressure and you will attract the right guy.

    Jojo,

       Welcome, :). I second what Vince posted here. It is possible to wait and find the type of man that you are looking for. I am also a firm believer in staying true to your values and beliefs. Even though those around you may have failed relationships, it does not mean that you will have one. I think it is normal to think about sex a lot (especially at your age) but that does not mean that you need to have sex and be like everyone else.  I know from experience that I also think a lot of about sex and meeting my future wife, however, I want to wait till marriage to honor her and our relationship.  


  16. I am sorry to hear that you were cheated on by your only friend. Betrayal is something that really hits deep and is difficult to let go and just be yourself. How do I know this? I was also betrayed by someone I trusted. Sometimes after the betrayal it is hard for us to see straight, to look through the fog of our emotions because it is clouded by feelings and not 100% objectivity. Killing yourself won't change anything. It will stop your feelings permanently because you are dead but you will not be able to be present for your the other feelings (like happiness) or moments (like seeing a beautiful sunset). There are people here who have felt what you have felt, so you are not alone. Hang in there, it will get better. 

    I am also available if you need to talk.

    1 person likes this

  17. Hey Vince, 

       I don't think you are complaining about worst-case scenarios. I believe you are being realistic in your views and thank you for posting. These feelings of yours are some that I have definitely felt as I have become older as a waiter. I will be honest and say that I have many unmarried aunts and uncles and while I respect them for choosing to be single for whatever reason, it pains me that maybe I won't get married in the future.  I think that maybe your feelings stem from the thought, "hey what what will I miss out on ." As you get older, I know I have felt my dating pool shrink. It seems that many woman are already taken or they are just not into you. The older male waiter seems to be a rarity among the males in our society. However, I do think there is a silver lining here. As you get older, I think you become more sure and stable in life (for the most part) than you were at your younger ages. i also think women sense it and gravitate toward it. From knowing you in the forums for many years, you have matured as a person (I think) and it shows. I don't know what the future is in store for you but I believe it is a bright one.

    Here is a story that may cheer your spirits:

    I was watching a tv show about a man who came back to his Christian faith and he had the same worries as you: when will I meet my wife. Anyway, he wanted to get married and this feeling was genetically ingrained in him. I mean, throughout his daily life, he would think about it constantly and complain to God about it. High school comes and he thinks he will have a girlfriend, Nope. No girls are interested in him. College comes and he joins this prayer group thinking he will met his future wife in that group. He found that his interaction and membership in the group increased his prayer and spiritual life. Long story short, he did find his wife but he was 35...35 years old. He also worried about having babies because let's face it, he is getting older.  First time does not work, not even the second time, but through prayer him and his wife conceive and they have two twin daughters. 

    I think the hardest part is to trust in God with your life (I find it difficult too), but I think if you let go and let God in control, you will have weight off of your shoulders. I will keep you in my prayers about your feelings in this post

    Chris

     

    2 people like this

  18. Hi DHZ, 

      I agree with seabutterfly. Therapy can help or talk with someone you trust about your problems. From own experience, being by yourself  with your problems sometimes is not a good solution because we might amplify our feelings about issues and not see clearly. If we talk with somebody we trust and knows us he or she can helps find a solution to a problem or help us mirror our feelings and calm us down. In addition, doing something active or something we enjoy can sometimes help with our depressed and negative feelings because it provides an outlet for those emotions. Finally, our environment can have an influence on our feelings and emotions such as a group of friends. 

    3 people like this