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Everything posted by Slayerofdragon

  1. Are there times in life...

    Thanks Geraldine for the shout-out and post. It gives me hope. Although, I think Vince has a good point. For me, a worry at the moment is finding a woman who will look beyond my meager financial situation at present and look to the heart, see values like loyalty, faithfulness, honesty that I possess. It appears to me in this day and age the first question people ask you is what can you provide(what job do you have, how much do you make etc..) instead of asking who are you as a person. I remember someone telling me that the job doesn't make you, you make the job. In other words, who you are as a person is worth more than your status symbol in society.
  2. Are there times in life...

    @Vince and Laurentinus, I do understand what you guys are going through. When I graduated from college, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do either. I wasn't 100% sure what my passions were or what job to pursue. I told an old college professor of my struggle and he told me to help others, do some sort of service and from that you will find a path. At the moment, like Vince, I am also changing careers (working towards grad school) and still living at home. It is definitely frustrating when you feel like the rest of the world is moving forward except you. I do want stability and I do think at times I have low self-esteem and think," What woman will give me chance given my situation." " I am loser." On the positive, hang in there guys! Laurentinus, the fact that you received your degree is an accomplishment. You should be proud. Yes, your motive for finishing your degree is because you wanted to prove something to yourself and I do think that's ok. You might have received important skills from your experience and studies that you are not aware at the present moment. Vince, I wish you the best of luck in your schooling and I know you will find your path. It may not appear obvious at first but you will get there. Hang in there, .
  3. Natural family planning : what do you think?

    I also want to use NFP in my marriage. As a Catholic, I do agree with the Catholic position on NFP and my reasons for using it are similar to Vince's post.
  4. Hey DHZ, Just want to say that I can understand where you are coming from. I am 30 years old guy, never been kissed by a girl or held her hand. When I was in college studying as a Philosophy undergraduate there were a lot more male philosophy undergraduates then female ones. For faculty, I think the percentage of Philosophy professors who are females is 16.6% of the total 13,000 philosophers (from Digest of Education Statistics, 2003). So, as you can see I was surrounded by a lot of males. Even when it came to my interactions with people in college, my interactions with women were as you described. One thing I observe from your post is this: You appear to lack confidence in yourself. I will admit I was like that too. I lacked confidence in myself for a long time. When I interacted with a woman, after my interaction, I would think to myself, "Is she really interested in conversing with me? (she just left the table). "I must be a loser or something." After doing this for a while, I realized that I was feeling sorry for myself. The truth I realized in that situation was that it was no one's fault (me or the woman). It is just how conversation goes. If she leaves the table and is not interested in conversing with you, that's really okay. Go and find another woman to talk to surely someone is bound to listen to you. One thing that helped me gain more confidence in myself is to get out of my comfort zone. For me, that involved doing martial arts, and as a quiet and shy guy I had put myself in a difficult situation. I found my instructor difficult to approach to ask for help, he didn't say much to me (he instructed but didn't offer a lot in in terms of accolades). When I would test in front of him, I would get bad performance anxiety. But, going through that experience, gave me certain tools to help with the difficult situation. These tools have helped me when I am faced with difficult situations. Having these tools doesn't mean that you won't possibly be cured of your quietness, shyness, but it gives you the experience to say to yourself "hey I have been here before" and even if you haven't you have resources to help. So how do you better yourself, one method to use is to talk to a counselor. At my college, a certain number of sessions with counselors are free because mental health services are part of the student's tuition. It may feel like you are gonna be alone forever. I know I have felt that feeling many times, but you will get through this point in your life. Hang in there.
  5. I Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman
  6. Coping Mechanisms?

    I think Steadfast wrote a good post here. Thank you Steadfast, . Here's one or two things that helped me when I suffered from bad depression. My symptoms of depression would be feeling really lethargic, difficulty concentrating, negative self-talk, focus on the bad rather than the good etc... I would make a gratitude list. I write a couple of items that I am grateful for (like I am grateful for having a little bit of toothpaste left in the tube). I would also write down a couple of things that went well for that day and why they went well.
  7. Inspiring web-comic (that will make you cry)

    I liked the web comic a lot. Powerful message. Thanks for sharing.
  8. Greetings from Asia

    Welcome to the site, .
  9. Finally, a safe haven...hopefully.

    Welcome to the site, .
  10. New VTM

    Welcome Kristine, .
  11. 50 Shades of Love?

    I know this is Ask the Girls, but just thought I'd chime in my .02 as a guy. I think I can understand your feelings somewhat. I am not an aggressive male either. I lean more towards the sensitive, quiet male persona. Plus, it does seem like woman want the loud, boisterous aggressive male. For those of us who may be introverted, it may seem hard to fit into a society that is more extroverted than we have become. I also felt similar to how you feel. Well, someone once told me that you are special just the way you are. If you are not aggressive, that's really ok. Yes, there are women who seem to want the aggressive type (dont know why). But, there are women who opt to go against the flow and want non-aggressive men. Dont be afraid to stay true to who you are. It may take some effort but I think it is worth, .
  12. And I Thought I Was Internet Savy???

    Hey Chantal, Welcome to the site! To join Girls Only, here are the steps: 1) Log into your WTM account. Press the sign-in tab and enter your username and password. 2) Press the open envelope icon( to the far left of your user name). When the icon is activated, you should see a small page that says inbox. 3) Press on the blue text that says "compose new". 4) In the "message subject" section give your PM a title if you want (like Girls Only access or something) 5) In the large box under "message subject", compose your message. 6) In the "recipient's name" section write NicoleNova. 7) Finally, click on "send message" Presto, you have just sent your message, .
  13. A very confused "Christian" teenager

    Hey Peace the Human, welcome to the site! I don't think it's terrible that you're not extremely religious. However, from my own experience I have felt that going to church has helped deepen my relationship with Jesus Christ. I have also run into similar roadblocks such as yourself and experienced The God is silent pattern treatment as well as bouts of confusion. During that time, i have often questioned my Christianity. But, i read somewhere that during those moments of isolation, loneliness, depression is a time when we can become closer to God. Why? Because he can understand what suffering is like (Jesus suffered). I think a medieval philosopher named Thomas Aquinas once wrote that we can determine that God exists from 5 proofs. One of the proofs is from design. In the world around us we see ample evidence of design - the bird's wing, designed for the purpose of flight, the human ear, designed for the purpose of hearing, the natural environment, designed to support life and so on. If there is a design, there must be a designer. The Designer is God. As a Christian, I think this good news because that would mean that God has a hand in existence, in our existence. If you feel confused in your Christian walk. I think that is really ok. You could talk to other Christians about your struggles and receive useful input. I am sure many other Christians have faced similar circumstances. You are not alone .
  14. That wouldn't be a turn off or too aggressive. On the contrary, I would be flattered. I had a woman tell me once I am a great guy but not the second part. I am waiting for the second part .
  15. Well, on the one hand, I am like Vince: I am inclined to pursue the woman that I like. It is something that I naturally want to do. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind if the woman pursued me. I think feeling desired by a woman is a good thing.
  16. Ask a Catholic! (i.e, me...)

    Actually, the Church allows birth control; the birth control the church allows is Natural Family Planning. Why? The church is against unnatural forms of birth control (e.g. condoms) because using a condom is against the nature God has given us. What is this nature? For men and women, there is a natural longing to love and to be loved. These expressions of love are naturally fulfilled in a marriage. A love that is without reservation, faithful, lifelong, and open to new life. When a human being becomes baptized, this inclination towards married love becomes something deeper, it becomes a vocation. Our ideal for marriage and married love then is raised higher because Christ has entered our life (we recognize his example of love in giving himself as our redeemer) and therefore the demands placed on marriage and married love is higher. Our expression of love then grows in depth and meaning. In the complete sex act found in marriage, man and woman gives themselves totally to each other and from this unity new life forms. What a unnatural form of birth control does is destroy the procreative potential of the sex act which is a unique sign of married love. Furthermore, when man and woman complete the sex act found in marriage, there is not only a physical unity but a symbolical one. Symbolically, in the bodily union, they are called to renew their original promises of married love, which is to take each other for better or for worse, to be as one until death. Unnatural birth control contradicts this symbolical unity by saying something to this effect, " I take you for better but not for the imagine worse of parenthood." As to why Natural Family Planning is an approved birth control method by the Church, here is Jeg's response found in this thread (she explains it better than i can): Well, there is one form of birth control that the Church has no problems with a couple using. It's called Natural Family Planning, and basically works by keeping track of a woman's fertility cycle so that if the couple have a serious reason why they can't have children at that time, they simply abstain from sex during the period of the month when the wife is fertile. This method, when used correctly, has been shown to be more effective at avoiding pregnancy than condoms or the contraceptive pill. NFP isn't considered a type of contraception because the couple aren't doing anything to deliberately sterilise the sexual act. God designed women to only be fertile a few days every month, and it's fine for a couple to make use of this fact if they have a good reason to not have a baby at that time. It could be because of health reasons, or financial reasons, or even just to space out their family. Basically, as long as they're not using it for selfish reasons, or because they believe babies are "burdens" and they just want to have sex without the "consequences" of a family, or whatever. And aside from the religious reason, there's a heck of a lot of great reasons to use NFP. Here's a link to one website I like... This is kind of long, but if you've got the time, it's a really great talk about contraception, NFP and other related issues: [EDIT: They've removed the video. This one is almost exactly the same, just an updated version. I say this because, if I just replaced the video, you'd think I was a time traveller, or something, posting in 2012 a video from 2014…] Video:
  17. Intimate disclosure...and tattle

    I agree with vince and feel the same way. I also wouldnt want to share my marital sex life with others and i know i woud try to honor my wife by not revealing her personal details either.
  18. Ask a Catholic! (i.e, me...)

    I think this is a case where the media takes Pope Francis' words out of context. Here is the speech he gave to the meeting of the young people in Turin that the articles reference: In that talk, a central theme in his speech was he was telling the young people of Turin to go against the grain, swim against the tide. How do they do that? Pope Francis mentioned three things: love, life, and friends and a common denominator they all share is the desire to live. Pope Francis said that love sacrifices itself for others. Love is service. He gives an example of Jesus washing his disciples feet as an example of love. However, Pope Francis brought up the point about their being distrust in life and whether it is worth living in love. Here is the paragraph that the media quotes: Very often we breathe an air of distrust in life. There are situations that make us think, 'But is it worth living like this?'. I think of the wars in this world. At times I have said that we are living a third world war, but in pieces. There is war in Europe, there is war in Africa, there is war in the Middle East, there is war in other countries ... But can I trust in a life like this? Can I trust world leaders? When I go to vote for a candidate, can I trust that he or she will not take my country to war? If you trust only in men, you have lost! Think of the people, leaders, entrepreneurs, who say they are Christians and then produce weapons! They say one thing and do another. Hypocrisy … But we see what happened during the last century: in 1914, or rather in 1915 precisely. There was the great tragedy in Armenia. Many people died. I do not know how many, but certainly more than a million. Where were the great powers of the time? They looked away. Why? Because they were interested in war: their war! And those who died, they were second class people, human beings. Then, in the 1930s and 1940s, the tragedy of the Shoah. The great powers had photographed the railway lines that carried the trains to the concentration camps, such as Auschwitz, to kill Jews, and also Christians, Roma, homosexuals, to kill them there. But tell me, why did they not bomb them? Interests! And soon after, almost at the same time, there were the lagers in Russia: Stalin … how many Christians suffered and were killed. The great powers divided Europe like a cake. Many years had to pass before reaching a certain 'freedom'. There is the hypocrisy of speaking about peace and producing arms, and even selling weapons to this one, who is at war with that one, and to that one who is at war with this!” In this paragraph, he was talking about arms dealers and genocide and he wasn't referencing law abiding gun owners or privately owned legal firearms. The "great tragedy in Armenia" was a genocide. "The Shoah" was the Holocaust. Pope Francis isn't talking about you or me owning a legal firearm for sport, hunting, or self-defense. He's talking about war and genocide. Did he say that clearly? No, but in his speeches he has said things that are off the cuff and impromptu and the media sometimes grabs onto his remarks. So, what was his speech telling the young people? Pope Francis was saying to go against the grain you need three things: to understand the meaning of love, trust in life, and the importance of sharing ideals. In the first paragraph, he explained the meaning of love. In the second paragraph, he created a shift "very often we breathe an air of distrust in life" and gave an example of the wars in the world (the genocide and arm dealers). In the third paragraph, he talked about that even though there is distrust in life, there is waste. He then gives the example of the student who is unemployed, who cannot study who lives with the shame of feeling unworthy because he doesn't have a job and doesn't earn life. In the fourth paragraph, he talked about easing the sense of distrust in life by connecting with others through shared ideals. I know many people reading my post aren't Catholic but I thought I would give a detailed outline of what Pope Francis was saying in his speech to disprove the nit picking the media is doing here. Last point to make here: Pope Francis was making an impromptu speech and not an Ex-Cathedra statement.
  19. Would you want your SO to get work done

    I agree with Vince. I can understand the need to "get work done" if it was for health reasons. I also want a woman who is natural in how she looks (which would include eating right and exercising). The other stuff I feel would be unnecessary.
  20. I suggest being friends first. It might help ease your feelings of nervousness or whatever feelings about you that may inhibit you from having a normal relationship with this person (since you aren't forced to act a certain way but just be yourself ). i also read somewhere that as friends easing yourselves into a relationship may be easier than starting from the relationship itself. On the plus side, i heard that a good friend makes a good lover. Best of luck
  21. What's one thing you want to do in your lifetime?

    You guys aren't alone. I want it too. Aside from wanting to have sex, i probably would say a trip on the Orient Express.
  22. - play my guitar -write in my journal - read a book
  23. I agree with what people have posted. I think a university (religious or otherwise) is supposed to challenge you intellectually. That could mean introducing you to ideas or concepts that you may or may not agree with. A TA once told my class that a university education "teaches you how to learn." From my own university experience, I was challenged intellectually. For example, I remember reading Friedrich Nietzsche's Genealogy of Morality. As a Christian, his work was difficult to read. However, reading his work, helped me develop my personal philosophy of religion.
  24. Articles: Respect in marriage

    I also agree with both lists. Thanks for sharing these articles.